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Thread: Page 5 of my first self published comic "Synfoma"

  1. #1

    Page 5 of my first self published comic "Synfoma"

    Page 5 of my first self published comic "Synfoma"



    I would enjoy some feedback

    thx

  2. #2
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    I love all the detail you put in, but I think some if you had some line variation for light sources and for distance it would read better.
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  3. #3
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    I'm with Chris...right now it seems very busy and it's a bit hard to see depth...But Dang that's a lot of Hard Work...I Like
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  4. #4
    Thanks for the compliments - will follow the advice!

  5. #5
    Adam Masterman's Avatar
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    I strongly agree regarding the inking; the forms need better separation, which means thicker outlines on edges, outlines and important contours. But that's thicker relative to the rest of the lines, not necessarily thicker than they currently are. Making your rendering lines much thinner will help them recede and add a lot of clarity just by keeping them from competing. You might also plan out your spot blacks; the cityscape could be clarified a lot by framing important contours in deep shadow (which pushes the light area forward relative to the darK).

  6. #6
    Imagine a guitar player who, when discovering a lick, employed it every other note of every song on every album without regard to the song's content or meaning. It would become torture before the first verse began.

    You've employed the same 9-line-lick (here 8, there 11 but, the same lick) over everything regardless of the item you employ it on: steel, hair, rubber, cloth, concrete, glass, distance... Inking should provide clarity and separation. By employing the same incessant lick, over everything, without meaning, it flattens the work with clutter.

    Negative space is just as, if not more important than, positive space. White space is not the enemy to be destroyed or obliterated. Line count and quality are not synonymous.. It's common for young artists to employ incessant rendering to hide the fact they can't draw well. It was certainly true for me and I've found that the more I learn about good drawing, the less actual drawing I do. This is not to say that a minimalist, less-is-more approach is required by all but, a reminder that, as storytellers, our job is to make people stop looking and turn the page. One glance should provide the reader all they need, and not force a confused reader to wonder what the heck they're looking at.

    Allow me to recommend "Rendering in Pen and Ink" by Arthur L. Guptill, a volume that should be considered by the aspiring cartoonist as essential as anything by Andrew Loomis.

  7. #7
    Nice. I put you in the school of Giger, Mobius and Bilal for sure! (Keeping in mind what's been suggested about variation and separation above)

  8. #8
    ok, cool - thanks

  9. #9
    ok - thanks for the advice

  10. #10
    Amazing group of artist you placed me in. Countless thanks for the compliment, as Giger (RIP) and Bilal are my favorite artists and inspirations (also Geof Darrow).

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