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Thread: New Sample pages

  1. #1

    New Sample pages

    sorry didnt know about the photobucket thing.

    so please tell me what you guys don't like about them

    Mike J.C.

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    Pummel stats : wins: 13 Losses:10 K.O.:6

  2. #2
    1. So the graffiti is odd to me. It's huge and all over the scene. Look at the size of the stuff on the water tower compared the walkway around the side--how long has she been out there spray painting? Some of the writing in the second panel doesn't match the perspective of the buildings.

    2. At the end of the first page it looks like Vulture is high above her, but in the next panel he is much lower looking up at her.

    3. The action sequence that follows is confusing. Did she dodge him or did he just miss her? It doesn't really look like she did anything. On the way in his claws are open like he is going to grab or slash her, but then the next panel they are closed like a punch.

    Then their positions are dramatically changed. He's directly above her turned around 180 degrees. I don't know how they get to the next panel: he fell and then she kicked him through a wall? If that's the case, her foot needs to be positioned more towards him to indicate that.

    The room they end up in is huge and empty except for a bookcase and a table with a potted plant on it. I didn't realize it was an interior until the second or third time looking it over, I initially thought it was a rooftop or something.

    4. The remaining part reads clearly and the Vulture's expressions are good. It's a little jarring that they are now suddenly over water.

  3. #3
    Page 1, panel 2:
    The graffiti on a flat surface facing the reader seems okay. The graffiti on the roof seems okay. It's any bit of graffiti that is on a vertical surface going back towards the vanishing point that looks odd - "Vulture is lame", "Eat bird poo", "Call Vulture for a lame time" - the words don't follow the perspective you've set up. They look flat against the page, like you've written normally over the top.

    Page 1, panel 4:
    Is that big, oblong shape her hood? Because I had the hardest time trying to figure out what was in that panel. I assume it's her hood and shoulders above it, but to be honest, the way they are drawn make the overall shape look very... um... phallic. Complete with packaging because of the shoulders. If that makes sense. The top of the hood at the front edge of the opening (located at the bottom, because she's upside down) wouldn't round back like that, anyway, and it forms a, uh, tip-of-phallus shape.

    Page 3:
    I personally don't understand the transition between panels 1 and 2. It looks like she's falling into an alley with Vulture above, then he crashes through a wall and she's at his level. Which is weird because she's shooting upwards (vertical) in panel 1 and he seems to be going upwards due to the impact. But in panel 2, he's crashing horizontally through a wall.

    Now, I don't think that comics need to show perfect action-to-action sequences like one would show in a storyboard. Anything can happen in between panels in comics. But the information you provide in-panel should make sense so the reader can instinctively imagine what happens in between; if they question what they're filling in, there's something in the information you've provided that didn't make sense to them.

    I really like the Vulture's face in these pages, by the way.
    Phillip Ginn

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    West Coast Canada
    For the graffiti, can I suggest writing it on some cardboard, holding it at an angle, and practicing drawing writing in perspective.
    To get the hang of it, coz that's easy to get wrong imo.

    Page 1, panel 4. I agree this is unreadable. May I suggest a vulture shadow over her and the wall as she looks back holding a spray paint can.

    Page 2- the first few panels kinda do the same job, maybe you can consolidate here to give you more space later?

    Page 3- try pulling back on some panels to show the character's relation to the building.

    Page 4- the script probably mentions that the vulture is going to fly her over the water and drop her, but showing us the shore line here would help prime our understanding.
    (Instead of slicing the web he's holding, wouldn't he just...let go?)

    I like the space you gave to the final panel and how you draw them web lines.
    Nice work.


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