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Thread: Writing Contest #114 - "911, What's your emergency?"

  1. #1
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    Writing Contest #114 - "911, What's your emergency?"

    Hey everyone - time for the next Writing Contest/Challenge/Competition!

    Thanks again to Shaun for handling the last one while I was packing/moving/unpacking and studying...


    Then the theme for this one is going to be "911, What's your emergency?" Can be anything related to a 911 call, or leading up to it, starting/ending with it - just as long as you have #911 in your story. Also, there are plenty of emotion-provoking #911 dispatcher stories on the internet that you can look to for inspiration?


    And as per usual PJ rules:

    *Nothing sexual in nature (romantic love scene is OK, but nothing graphic)

    *Nothing Political (or at least real world politics)

    *1-5 Pages in length

    * No published/franchise characters that you haven't created and own the rights to (public domain characters should be OK - just make sure they're public domain)

    * The winner of this contest gets to choose the topic of the next contest.


    DEADLINE: Tuesday, June the 6th 2017

  2. #2
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    How are you all doing with this challenge?

    Ten days later and I'm on story idea number 3 - the #911 chatbot story and then alien invasion ideas didn't pan out... At least I realized this before thumbnailing and scripting the plots - now to hopefully finish this in 11 days!

    I was hoping to get an editor to also look at this month's winning script, but no luck so far in getting anybody... Also was looking to see if I can get something lined up as incentive for people to read & vote who's not frequently on the writing forums, but no luck there either...

  3. #3
    Hey Chris, I'm not sure I'll be able to make this one. I have my hands full on a project and I'm headed out of town this weekend on vacation.

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    I'm working on a horror story for this theme right now and having a great time doing it. I'll be posting it soon

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaun View Post
    Hey Chris, I'm not sure I'll be able to make this one. I have my hands full on a project and I'm headed out of town this weekend on vacation.
    Sorry to hear Shaun - all the best @ work & enjoy the vaykay!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaycy View Post
    I'm working on a horror story for this theme right now and having a great time doing it. I'll be posting it soon

    Good to hear, looking forward to it!

  6. #6
    I'm liking this one because I don't have any grandiose ideas for it.

  7. #7
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    So I saw this contest and really wanted to participate. Haven't been on here in an extremely long time. Thought about creating a new account, but since my password still worked, I decided to keep it. Let me know what you think!

    PAGE 1

    Panel 1 - Exterior shot of an emergency dispatch center. It’s night time, maybe close to midnight.

    Caption - “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

    Caption - It better not be him.

    Panel 2 - Close up shot of a woman’s face, from the nose down. Black woman, mid 20’s. Her index finger and thumb are gently touching the microphone of her headset.

    Caption - Lord, don’t be him.

    WOMAN - 9-1-1…

    Panel 3 - Close up shot of a clock on the wall. It reads 11:17.

    Panel 4 - Close up of the woman’s eyes, looking up towards the clock. They’re enlarged as she looks worried.

    Wide panel, the width of the page. A man in a car, is in the driver’s seat, stretched out as his legs are on the passenger seat facing the passenger door. He’s got a southern accent.

    MAN - You did good, Susanne.

    MAN - And don’t worry…

    Panel 5 - Mid-range close up shot of a young girl asleep, tied up and laying on the back seat.

    MAN (tail off panel) - She’s still alive.

    PAGE 2

    Panel 1 - Medium close up of the woman, looking down in disgust.

    WOMAN - I--I did like you asked last time. Turned off the recording, didn’t tell the police.

    Panel 2 - Close up of the man lighting a cigarette. The only light in the dark car, showing his features. He’s white, thin, mid 30’s, medium length hair and scruffy facial hair.

    MAN - Obviously, since they didn’t find the body yet.

    Panel 3 - Close up of the woman’s face in horror, as she clasps her mouth.
    WOMAN - Thank you, Jesus!

    Panel 4 - Medium close up of the exterior of the car. Smoke can be seen coming out of the driver’s side window.

    MAN - Those other two girls would probably be keeping this one some company, had you did what was told.

    MAN - I wouldn’t be on the run…

    Panel 5 - The woman is now kissing the cross hanging around her neck.

    MAN (tail leading to the woman’s headset) - And you wouldn’t be talking to me every night since the first gal’s two feet was found.

    Panel 6 - Extreme close up of the rear-view mirror, showing the man’s eyes staring towards the back seat. They’re red, possibly from not sleeping for several days. A silhouette of the girl laying on the back seat is visible.

    MAN - You got the law after me. So now I get to haunt your dreams.

    PAGE 3

    Panel 1 - Wide shot of the woman now fixing herself a cup of coffee. She’s at the center of the panel. The facility’s employee lunch room is quiet, as the woman is the only person in there.

    WOMAN - You don’t scare me. I ain’t worried about myself, long as that child is alive and well…

    MAN (tail leading to woman’s headset) - She’s alive.

    WOMAN - Is she fed?

    Panel 2 - Close up of the man’s mouth, speaking into the cell phone.

    MAN - She’s alive.

    Panel 3 - The woman’s now back to her chair, holding her coffee.

    WOMAN - God is going to see that child back home to her parents.

    Panel 4 - Exterior shot. The man is now outside of the car. It’s pitch black outside, except for the full moon above. He’s relieving himself a good ten feet away.

    MAN - With all this praying and Jesus this and Jesus that, your heart must be heavier than an anchor on a coyote.

    PAGE 4

    Panel 1 - Medium shot of the woman, not looking amused.

    WOMAN - I will repent. And I will continue to pray for you, that child, her family, and the other families you destroyed.

    Panel 2 - Close up of the man lighting another cigarette.

    MAN - Heh. God must have an interesting agenda then.

    Panel 3 - Wide shot of the man, expressively extending both arms.

    MAN - Why, he created little ole me! America’s most wanted!

    MAN - And Manson and Dahmer and Bin Laden. We’re all monsters. But we’re God’s monsters.

    Panel 4 - Close up. The woman is now visibly upset.

    WOMAN - God makes no mistakes! None!

    Panel 5 - Side of the man’s face as he glances up at the full moon.

    WOMAN (tail towards the cell phone) - You choosing what you’ve done, is nonsense and the devil’s work!

    MAN - Ma’am, lower your tone before they find this gal’s ears in a cereal box.

    PAGE 5

    Panel 1 - The woman is calm again, staring down into her cup of coffee.

    MAN (tail leading to the woman’s headset) - Thank you very kindly.

    Panel 2 - The man is back inside the car, looking at his phone.

    MAN - Thought I would give you an update is all, let you know she’s alive, as long as you play by my rules.

    Panel 3 - Close up of the man’s eyes, staring into the rear-view mirror. This time, the girl is awake and sitting up.

    MAN - Must be hungry.

    SFX - CLICK

    Panel 4 - Medium shot of the man in shock, turning to face the girl, from her POV, as her arm is seen extended, pointing his gun at him.

    Panel 5 - Red panel, with the lettering of BAM! Filling the panel.

    Panel 6 - The woman’s face is in sheer horror.

    SFX - Click (phone hangs up).

    Panel 7 - The girl is now holding the phone up to her ear, as the light of the moon casts on her.

    WOMAN (tail to the cell phone) - 9-1-1, what’s your emergency?

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by MetaMan View Post
    So I saw this contest and really wanted to participate. Haven't been on here in an extremely long time. Thought about creating a new account, but since my password still worked, I decided to keep it. Let me know what you think!

    PAGE 1

    Panel 1 - Exterior shot of an emergency dispatch center. It’s night time, maybe close to midnight.

    Caption - “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

    Caption - It better not be him.

    Panel 2 - Close up shot of a woman’s face, from the nose down. Black woman, mid 20’s. Her index finger and thumb are gently touching the microphone of her headset.

    Caption - Lord, don’t be him.

    WOMAN - 9-1-1…

    Panel 3 - Close up shot of a clock on the wall. It reads 11:17.

    Panel 4 - Close up of the woman’s eyes, looking up towards the clock. They’re enlarged as she looks worried.

    Wide panel, the width of the page. A man in a car, is in the driver’s seat, stretched out as his legs are on the passenger seat facing the passenger door. He’s got a southern accent.

    MAN - You did good, Susanne.

    MAN - And don’t worry…

    Panel 5 - Mid-range close up shot of a young girl asleep, tied up and laying on the back seat.

    MAN (tail off panel) - She’s still alive.

    PAGE 2

    Panel 1 - Medium close up of the woman, looking down in disgust.

    WOMAN - I--I did like you asked last time. Turned off the recording, didn’t tell the police.

    Panel 2 - Close up of the man lighting a cigarette. The only light in the dark car, showing his features. He’s white, thin, mid 30’s, medium length hair and scruffy facial hair.

    MAN - Obviously, since they didn’t find the body yet.

    Panel 3 - Close up of the woman’s face in horror, as she clasps her mouth.
    WOMAN - Thank you, Jesus!

    Panel 4 - Medium close up of the exterior of the car. Smoke can be seen coming out of the driver’s side window.

    MAN - Those other two girls would probably be keeping this one some company, had you did what was told.

    MAN - I wouldn’t be on the run…

    Panel 5 - The woman is now kissing the cross hanging around her neck.

    MAN (tail leading to the woman’s headset) - And you wouldn’t be talking to me every night since the first gal’s two feet was found.

    Panel 6 - Extreme close up of the rear-view mirror, showing the man’s eyes staring towards the back seat. They’re red, possibly from not sleeping for several days. A silhouette of the girl laying on the back seat is visible.

    MAN - You got the law after me. So now I get to haunt your dreams.

    PAGE 3

    Panel 1 - Wide shot of the woman now fixing herself a cup of coffee. She’s at the center of the panel. The facility’s employee lunch room is quiet, as the woman is the only person in there.

    WOMAN - You don’t scare me. I ain’t worried about myself, long as that child is alive and well…

    MAN (tail leading to woman’s headset) - She’s alive.

    WOMAN - Is she fed?

    Panel 2 - Close up of the man’s mouth, speaking into the cell phone.

    MAN - She’s alive.

    Panel 3 - The woman’s now back to her chair, holding her coffee.

    WOMAN - God is going to see that child back home to her parents.

    Panel 4 - Exterior shot. The man is now outside of the car. It’s pitch black outside, except for the full moon above. He’s relieving himself a good ten feet away.

    MAN - With all this praying and Jesus this and Jesus that, your heart must be heavier than an anchor on a coyote.

    PAGE 4

    Panel 1 - Medium shot of the woman, not looking amused.

    WOMAN - I will repent. And I will continue to pray for you, that child, her family, and the other families you destroyed.

    Panel 2 - Close up of the man lighting another cigarette.

    MAN - Heh. God must have an interesting agenda then.

    Panel 3 - Wide shot of the man, expressively extending both arms.

    MAN - Why, he created little ole me! America’s most wanted!

    MAN - And Manson and Dahmer and Bin Laden. We’re all monsters. But we’re God’s monsters.

    Panel 4 - Close up. The woman is now visibly upset.

    WOMAN - God makes no mistakes! None!

    Panel 5 - Side of the man’s face as he glances up at the full moon.

    WOMAN (tail towards the cell phone) - You choosing what you’ve done, is nonsense and the devil’s work!

    MAN - Ma’am, lower your tone before they find this gal’s ears in a cereal box.

    PAGE 5

    Panel 1 - The woman is calm again, staring down into her cup of coffee.

    MAN (tail leading to the woman’s headset) - Thank you very kindly.

    Panel 2 - The man is back inside the car, looking at his phone.

    MAN - Thought I would give you an update is all, let you know she’s alive, as long as you play by my rules.

    Panel 3 - Close up of the man’s eyes, staring into the rear-view mirror. This time, the girl is awake and sitting up.

    MAN - Must be hungry.

    SFX - CLICK

    Panel 4 - Medium shot of the man in shock, turning to face the girl, from her POV, as her arm is seen extended, pointing his gun at him.

    Panel 5 - Red panel, with the lettering of BAM! Filling the panel.

    Panel 6 - The woman’s face is in sheer horror.

    SFX - Click (phone hangs up).

    Panel 7 - The girl is now holding the phone up to her ear, as the light of the moon casts on her.

    WOMAN (tail to the cell phone) - 9-1-1, what’s your emergency?
    I really like this! I've got only a few thoughts:

    1. You lost me a bit when the guy said he was haunting her every day. My logical mind objected to the idea that he would be able to get her on the phone every day. He'd get someone random and he couldn't just hang up and call back until he got her because 911 makes a big deal about hang-ups: that frequently means someone is dying.

    2. When she says, "God doesn't make mistakes!" I kind of wanted her to more fully commit to her faith, because it seemed like it was important to why she's complicit in the story. Something like, "God doesn't make mistakes! You had an innocent heart once. It's not too late to bring that child back." But that's just imo.

    3. Do 911 operators just wander to the break room on calls? That also jarred me out of the story a bit.

    I really like it, though. Very solid, very well-described visually, very pressing.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joseph Dredd View Post
    I really like this! I've got only a few thoughts:

    1. You lost me a bit when the guy said he was haunting her every day. My logical mind objected to the idea that he would be able to get her on the phone every day. He'd get someone random and he couldn't just hang up and call back until he got her because 911 makes a big deal about hang-ups: that frequently means someone is dying.

    2. When she says, "God doesn't make mistakes!" I kind of wanted her to more fully commit to her faith, because it seemed like it was important to why she's complicit in the story. Something like, "God doesn't make mistakes! You had an innocent heart once. It's not too late to bring that child back." But that's just imo.

    3. Do 911 operators just wander to the break room on calls? That also jarred me out of the story a bit.

    I really like it, though. Very solid, very well-described visually, very pressing.
    Joseph, I really appreciate the feedback. And you're very accurate. After reading it over, it seemed a bit too coincidental that the man would contact the same 911 operator. Lol. And I really wanted to focus on the woman and her faith more, but by that time, I kinda was nearing the five page mark, and had the final page planned before any of the others. But I will certainly make some adjustments on my version. Once again, thanks for the feedback!

  10. #10
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    Cutting it close again - just need to do the final pages and then the editing...

    And of course after deciding on a story, and one day before the closing date, am I getting loads of ideas for other 911-themed stories!
    Last edited by Chris2.0; 06-06-2017 at 03:36 PM.

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