View Poll Results: Which story was your favorite ? Remember, don't vote for yourself

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  • "How Newji woke the Sun King." by Zepster

    1 16.67%
  • "Impact winter" by Shaun

    0 0%
  • "The Wolf, The Witch, and the Samurai" by Red Fox

    2 33.33%
  • "Friends" by JamesAbels

    1 16.67%
  • "(Nothing good ever came) From the South" by Chris 2.0

    0 0%
  • "Wait" by Tudore

    2 33.33%
  • #24: Jeremy Tableau and the Intervention" by Greg Anderson

    0 0%
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Thread: Writing Contest 83: Snow

  1. #1
    Lincoln faked his death...there, I said it. [SUPPORTER]
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    Writing Contest 83: Snow

    This month's theme requires your story take place in the snow. It doesn't have to be relevant to the plot and it doesn't even need to take place on this planet, but your story MUST take place in the frozen water vapors that is SNOW.

    As usual, the rules are:

    *Nothing sexual in nature (romantic love scene is ok, but nothing graphic)

    *Nothing Political

    *5 Page Script

    *No published/franchise characters that you haven't created and own the rights to

    * The winner of this contest gets to choose the topic of the next contest


    DEADLINE:Thursday, Jan 3rd, 2013

  2. #2
    Member Zepster's Avatar
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    How Newji woke the Sun King.


    Page 1

    Panel 1

    A desolate alien ice filled tundra. We’ve twin suns dimly shining over ice covered peaks and snow laden winds sweeping across the landscape.

    In the distance we can see an approaching sled. We can’t see all of the detail now but will shortly.
    The sled belongs to Newji – A fugitive prince of the Snow Kings. It is drawn by a weary N’bral ( think of a cross between a shaggy ox and a unicorn ) with a few broken arrows sticking out from its shaggy hide with blood staining its fur.

    The sled is more like a chariot in appearance and is a hunting sled ( so minimal armour, lots of spears, light and fast ). Newji is of the royal family, so the sled is ornately decorated. Newji is dressed in heavy furs and armed with a large two handed sword strapped to his back and a bow in a holder in his chariot/sled. There are a few broken arrows jutting out from the sled and maybe one or two broken arrows sticking out from Newji’s furs with some blood stains to go with. Newji is badly injured and half slumped in his sled.

    Caption: Gather now and listen well. Of ages past I speak and tell of the Ice Queen and her loneliness.

    Panel 2

    Newji is closer now and it is very apparent that he is injured, his N’bral is collapsing to the ground in exhaustion and blood loss.

    Caption: How the Sun King came to court her and offered us the people as his bridal gift.

    Panel 3

    Newji is cradling the N’bral’s head in one hand, while the other is bringing a dagger to its throat. He has pulled back his furry hood, so we can see he is dark haired with facial tattoos and has a beard. He is genuinely grieving for his steed.

    Caption: But dark the light within his heart he sought in secret to melt her soul and wreath her in a cloak of green.

    Newji: Rest now old friend. Your tale is woven in ice and snow and frozen now for the ages.

    Panel 4

    Newji is draining the N’Bral’s blood into a wineskin like container.

    Caption: Wrought was she and struck him down, his eyes grew dim and the people wailed in the icy tendrils of her wrath.

    Panel 5

    Newji has his head thrown back as he drinks from the container – but one eye is opened in surprise looking into the distance.

    Caption: Niluki, Brave Niluki, High priest of the Sun King led the people from the tower, cast off the raiment of the Sun King and offered eternal service if she would spare the people.

    Caption: Then the Ice Queen reigned supreme though no longer alone for she had the people to ease the ache in her heart.

    Newji: Damn!

    Page 2

    Panel 1

    The dead N’bral and abandoned sled. Two snow wolves ( big and hairy - This isn't Earth, so when I say wolves I mean wolflike ) are lapping up spilled blood. We can see footprints in the snow leading off.

    Hunter1(oos): Hai! Ghost! Aguta! Away!

    Panel 2

    We’ve two hunters and a few more hounds. They ride similar sleds to Newji, but not quite so ornate.

    One of them is in our immediate foreground and is studying the footprints beside the dead N’bral, the other has stayed on his sled and has a bow out watching carefully. The nearest hunter has his hood thrown back and is much older than Newji and more worn looking. He too has facial tattoos but nothing as elaborate as Newji – We’ll call him Kesuk. The other is Qopuk.

    Kesuk: The blood is warm. The traitor will be ours before second sun set.

    Qopuk: I fear not brother.

    Panel 3

    Kesuk has turned in astonishment to Qopuk, Qopuk is pointing into the distance in the direction we imagine that Newji has fled. Qopuk looks stricken/worried.

    Kesuk: Are you mad Qopuk? This trail still steams.

    Qopuk: Kesuk raise your muzzle from the snow and look.

    Panel 4

    Kesuk looking upwards in the direction that Qopuk is pointing – He looks scared/ surprised.
    Qopuk is behind him, already turning his sled, terrified.

    Kesuk: By Tekkeit Sertok’s frozen beard I never dreamt we’d hunted so far!

    Qopuk: Better for Newji had our arrows found him first.

    Kesuk: Aye. You have the right of that brother.

    Panel 5

    Both hunters making an unseemly retreat, their dogs bounding before them, Kesuk glancing behind.

    Behind them we have a black tower jutting out from the snow at a slight angle. It is partially obscured by the snow laden winds and is ice laden/frozen. It is metallic and looks pretty evil.

    Kesuk: Ride! I’ll not hunt in the shadow of the Sun King’s tower.

    Qopuk: Ride! Lest our tales melt like Newji. Ride!!

    Page 3

    Panel 1

    We’re with a clearly wounded Newji as he approaches the tower. We can see a doorway, partially buried in the snow.

    Newji: Oh Keelut see now where your scheming has brought me. To the very halls of despair.

    Panel 2

    Newji stands in the gateway alcove, desperate, pushing weakly against the metallic door.

    Newji: Even the tower of the accursed Sun King bears no warmth for me. Truly I was a fool to plot against my father.

    SFX: Phfsst

    Newji: Eh?

    Panel 3

    The door has opened unexpectedly spilling Newji into a cold, dark corridor.

    Newji: Ooph!

    Panel 4

    Standing in front of the prone and astonished Newji is a ghost like woman. She is dressed in a simple jump suit, almost uniform like, one piece. Her hair is tied up in a tidy bun.

    Newji: The ice take me! Am I delirious or is this a sending of the Sun King?

    Woman: Follow.

    Panel 5

    Newji standing, astonished/scared as the door slams shut behind him. He is reaching for his sword.

    Newji: You’ll not take me without a fight sun sprite!

    SFX: Slam

    Page 4

    Panel 1

    Newji standing confused, sword out as the woman simply walks away down a long corridor.

    Newji: Sprite?

    Woman: Follow.

    Panel 2

    Newji is wandering/staggering down the corridor looking about with wonder. Lights are coming on as he makes his way down the corridor.

    Newji: The air it grows warm.

    Panel 3

    The woman has led Newji into an arboretum ( room filled with lots and lots of plants, trees, bushes etc.. ). Newji stunned!

    Woman: Welcome scion of Niluki.

    Newji: What..What..What is this?

    Panel 2

    Closer in on the woman, she is smiling. Maybe we can see some high tech equipment through the foliage.

    Woman: This is what you would call the court of the Sun King.

    Panel 3

    A chair/throne has risen from the floor. It looks regal, a fine throne if you’re an ice savage. From our perspective it is a control chair equipped with advanced medical equipment. The woman stands beside it, gesturing for Newji to sit.

    Newji looking at the chair, tempted.

    Newji: and is that…is that his throne?

    Woman: Here your wounds will be healed. You must sit before you fall as I cannot lift you.

    Panel 4

    Newji staggering back, half attempting to raise his sword, however behind him we can see a control helmet being lowered from the roof by robotic arms behind him. Let’s give it a bit of a crown like appearance.

    Newji(burst): No! Traitor I may be but my soul is my own. I’ll not trade it away to you.

    Woman: As you wish.

    Panel 5

    The Helmet getting shoved onto Newji’s head. Neural spikes implanting themselves into his skull, blood trailing from the wounds and lots of energy.

    Woman: Perhaps instead you will bear the Sun King’s crown.

    Newji(burst): ARRRGHGHGHGH!!!!!

    Page 5

    Panel 1

    Newji staggered on the ground, clutching the crown. He is greatly wounded and nearly dead.

    Newji(weak): Knowledge. It fills my head until bursting.

    SFX: Cerebral interface complete.

    SFX: Download in progress.

    Note: SFX are audio computer updates – They can be coming from the woman or simply thin air as the control centre re-activates itself. Whatever makes the best visual impact.

    Panel 2

    Newji crawling towards the chair. The woman watches impassively.

    Newji(weak): The medichair. Must reach it.

    SFX: Primary system malfunction.

    SFX: Initiate failover system activation.

    Panel 3

    Newji climbing into the chair, we should be in some doubt as to whether he’ll actually make it.

    Newji(weak): This world. Once it was filled with people.

    Newji(weak): Our ancient tales of the Ice Queen’s victory. A malfunction.

    SFX: Failover systems activation complete.

    Panel 4

    Newji sitting in the chair, automated medical devices are helping him. He looks more relaxed now / determined.

    Newji: The thermal field fell too quickly. The planet froze before anyone could reach the towers.

    SFX: Awaiting verbal confirmation of planetary thermal shield re-activation.

    Panel 5

    A madness in Newji’s eyes, a determination. In some senses he has just sold his soul to the devil and despite the knowledge he has gained he can’t shake the feeling that he has become his people’s version of Satan.

    Newji(burst): Let the Sun King Reign!!!!
    Last edited by Zepster; 12-18-2012 at 06:19 AM.

  3. #3
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    Good show Zepster!

    Will be leaving crits later!

    And should be posting mine soon - had 14 ideas altogether, but only one made the cut...

  4. #4

    Impact winter

    Here's mine. Another simple, sad little story... my forte. I know some on here are more science-minded than I (Emmet and Christo, I'm looking at you guys), but I hope I can catch a break on any scientific inaccuracies. But feel free to point them out, as well as any other mistakes. thanks.

    IMPACT WINTER

    PG 1

    PN 1
    We see a massive expanse of unbroken white snow, under a black sky. Complete black. There are no stars and no moon. It should almost look alien. Nestled under the steady fall of snow there are the straight lines and cold steel of a man-made fortress, the ARK-2.

    CAPTION
    ARK-2. Saharan Desert. Arlit, Niger.

    CAPTION 2
    11:45 AM. Day Eighteen thousand two-hundred fifty of Impact Winter

    PN 2
    Inside the ARK-2 fortress a lean young man, DONOVAN QUINN (23), walks through a massive gallery. He is dressed in simple olive-drab fatigues. The hall is crammed to suffocation with paintings and artifacts, preserved clothing and famous bits of history. Michelangelo’s David sculpture has two Rembrandts and a Jackson Pollock shoved between his legs.
    We get the feeling these pieces were not collected for display but for preservation. This is not an art gallery; it’s humanity’s private storage.

    DON
    How many people were denied admittance to the Ark so they’d have room for all this junk?

    PN 3
    A waifish girl with short blonde hair stares at the Mona Lisa, mirroring her half smirk. This is CASSANDRA CLARKE (21). Her rosy cheeks and big blue eyes make her look about ten years younger than she is. She wears the same vaguely military uniform as Don.

    DON (off panel)
    The house was on fire and they let the kids burn to save the photo album.

    PN 4
    Don has joined Cass beside the Mona Lisa and stares at it with a kind of quiet hatred. All he sees is the person who died out there so it could stay warm and safe in here. Cass leans into Don, her head on his shoulder.

    CASS
    It wasn’t a fire - it was winter.
    CASS (linked)
    And we didn’t start it, the asteroid did.

    PN 5
    Same framing. Don looks down at Cass.

    DON
    So what is she smiling about, a secret?

    PN 6
    Silhouette of the young lovers kissing amidst the greatest collection of human treasures ever assembled. Mona Lisa looks on, ever smiling.

    CASS
    Let’s give her a secret to keep.


    PG 2

    PN 1
    Two red SNO-CAT, snow vehicles, plow through the white wasteland headed away from us. They are rapidly approaching a large metal SILO. Snow has accumulated on the convex roof.

    DR. VENEER (Off panel)
    Fifty years of winter and we are the only creatures larger than a rat to have survived.
    (linked)
    But we are running out of time.

    PN 2
    DR. VENEER is a robust man with a thick white beard and thinning white hair. He speaks into frame; there is a REC symbol and red dot in the lower left corner of panel. Behind him there is a lot of computer equipment. This isn’t much more advanced than what is available in stores today. Technology pretty much hit a standstill after “impact”.

    DR. VENEER
    We won’t survive another fifty years like this.
    (linked)
    Our only chance is to remove the debris clouding our atmosphere.

    PN 3
    Don and Cass enter the large hanger/silo, escorted by a small cache of soldiers and scientists. In the background there is a massive ROCKET. In the foreground Veneer rises from his computer to greet the rocket’s intrepid pilots.

    DR. VENEER
    You’re late!

    DON
    Nasty weather.

    DR. VENEER (linked)
    Cute. Strap in.

    PN 4
    Inside the Avionics module or cockpit of the rocket – Don and Cass strap in. Both pilots wear simple flight suits and helmets with built in visors.

    DR. VENEER (elect.)
    You’ve been trained since birth for this. Don’t let us down.
    (linked)
    Launch in THREE!

    PN 5
    Head on shot of Don and Cass sitting next to each other. Cass looks over at Don, as always she looks at him wistfully.

    DR. VENEER (elect.)
    TWO!

    CASS
    Don, do you think sunrise will be pretty?

    DON
    I don’t know.

    PN 6
    Small insert panel of Don’s gloved-hand taking Cass’.

    DR. VENEER (elect.)
    ONE!


    PG 3

    PN 1
    Wide shot of the snow-blanketed Sahara desert and the open silo doors – the Rocket burst forth with a massive flame plume in its wake.

    DR. VENEER (elect.)
    Godspeed you.

    PN 2
    The Rocket tears through the lower atmosphere choked thick with heavy clouds.

    PN 3
    The Rocket has ascended the clouds and is now tearing through the dust and debris level that blankets the Earth and is suffocating the life from our world. The Rocket should barely be visible in this soup.

    PN 4
    Inside the Avionics module Don types information into his computer, readying the module to disengage from the rocket. It is still dark in the cockpit; the only illumination provided is by the onboard electronics. Cass looks on hopefully for the sun.

    DON
    Fifty miles up, we’re almost in the thermo-

    PN 5
    We’ve swapped angles so we are now behind Don and Cass, they are almost silhouette as light pours into the cockpit.

    DON
    -Sphere!
    (linked)
    Holy God!

    CASS
    Don, it’s…

    PN 6
    Tight on Cass’ face. Through the tint of the visor we can see her face has melted into shock and delight. She sheds a tear, feeling the warmth of the sun for the first time in her life.

    CASS
    Beautiful.

    PG 4

    PN 1
    Outside the Rocket has disengaged from the module and begun its free fall back to Earth. The module looks similar to the space vehicle in the film APOLLO 13. The Module clings to a strange orb, roughly ½ it’s own size - this is the PAYLOAD.

    PN 2
    Inside the Avionics module Don taps buttons in his command chair. Beside him Cass has undone her harness and begun to float in near zero gravity.

    DON
    We’re in position, Cass.

    CASS
    Copy. Readying the payload-

    PN 3
    Cass floats in the Avionics module; behind her is a small TUNNEL HATCH, which leads to the Payload device. In the foreground Don covers his face in panic. The computer panel sparks, short-circuiting.

    SFX (from control panel)
    Shhhrkkk-shrrrrkkk

    DON
    Crap! We’ve lost control systems!

    PN 4
    Cass begins to manually crank open the Tunnel hatch.

    CASS
    I’ll have to trigger the payload manually!

    PN 5
    Don has unharnessed from the chair and is attempting to pull Cass back from the Hatch, which is now open. Because of the weightlessness Don’s strength does him little good.

    DON
    There has to be another way, Cass!

    CASS
    You know there isn’t! We’re falling and pretty soon it will be too late!

    PN 6
    Cass and Don’s helmeted heads fill the panel. She kisses the glass of her visor, the closest she can come to kissing her love goodbye. Don looks down, crestfallen.


    PG 5

    PN 1
    The command module has disengaged from the payload sphere and is falling back into the dust and debris muck. The payload sphere floats above the soup, illuminated by the sun, it begins to crackle with blue energy spikes.

    PN 2
    We are on a wide shot of the snowy dune of Earth as a small streak enters the lower atmosphere, this is the command module reentering Earth. Parachutes slow it’s course.

    PN 3
    Don pulls himself from the crashed wreckage of the module looking worse for wear. His visor is cracked and his face smudged and dirty.

    VENEER (elect.)
    Don… Can you… hear… status… mission… over?

    PN 4
    Don, standing, has pulled the helmet from his face. A light dusting of snow already covers him. He looks up to the heavens, tears well up in his eyes.

    DON
    Cass…

    PN 5
    We are positioned behind Don, as he drops to his knees, gazing up at the heavens. He is silhouette by the resurgent sun bursting through the fifty-year-old stagnant storm clouds.

    DON
    It’s so beautiful…

    PN 6
    In the artifact storage hall inside ARK-2 we can see the clutter of paintings and sculptures. Center frame is the Mona Lisa.

    PN 7
    We’ve pushed in on Mona Lisa, close up on her mysterious half-smirk, mother to a million secrets.

    CAPTION
    2:30 PM. Day one of Spring.

  5. #5
    Member Zepster's Avatar
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    Shaun - never let the truth get in the way of a good story. So, wouldn't be too hung up on the science once the story flows. And a good story it was too, nicely rounded off with the Mona Lisa. If I had an issue it was that I never felt the danger/tension when the mission went wrong. You could probably made more of that to add a little bite to proceedings but maybe that wasn't the tone you wanted. Nice job.
    Last edited by Zepster; 12-28-2012 at 04:47 PM. Reason: I hate auto correct

  6. #6
    @Zespter, Cool story! I was envisioning it in the art style Joe Mad used on Battle Chasers. I took the ghost woman for the AI computer's hologram construct? Really liked the descriptions and the prose caption and dialogue. I actually thought it would be a cool touch if the caption narration was from the computer's perspective. But maybe that would've given away the twist too soon? The only thing I think you could do to upgrade it a little would be to start with Kesuk's treason, a kind of action opening to hook the reader. But all in all I really enjoyed this one and great play on the theme of snow.

  7. #7
    Thanks for the read and the comments, Zep. I agree, there should have been more danger with the mission gone wrong. I kind of winged it and went without an outline, that never goes well.

  8. #8

    The Wolf, The Witch, and the Samurai

    THE WOLF, THE WITCH, AND THE SAMURAI

    PAGE 1: 4 PANELS

    Panel 1: Wide angle shot at dusk of a samurai trudging through a driving snowstorm in a wooded region of a mountainside. In one hand is a Katana that he drags loosely in the snow. In the other, a severed head held by its long, black hair.

    CAPTION
    “One who is samurai must, before all things, keep constantly in mind, by day and by night, that he has to die”. -Daidoji Yuzan, 16th Century Samurai

    Panel 2: Angle behind the samurai as he approaches a bloodied, nude man lying in the fresh snow. Streaks of blood coat the pure white surface. A wound is apparent across the man’s midsection. He lies in a fetal position in a large imprint in the snow.

    NO COPY

    Panel 3: Close on the Samurai as he stares intently at the body off panel. His face is scratched with claw marks and spattered with blood.

    NO COPY
    Panel 4: Close on the nude man. He lies in a fetal position, clearly dead.

    NO COPY

    PAGE 2: 5 PANELS

    Panel 1: Wide angle shot behind a small group of samurai riding from their village toward a snow covered mountain in the distance.

    CAPTION
    To have failed your master is humiliation in its purest form. The demon from the mountain had taken our lord from under our guard and we now deserved a dog's death for our defeat .

    CAPTION
    Committing seppuku was the only honorable recourse. Before we could end our own lives we vowed to take our revenge in the mountains.

    Panel 2: Wide angle shot as a hulking wolf creature bursts through the trees, attacking the samurai on horseback. It’s a violent scene, claws out, fangs shown. The attack occurs in the mountains, which is noted by the change of landscape into a snow-covered terrain with dense trees. A steady snowfall marks all panels from here on.

    CAPTION
    But the demon would not relinquish our honor that easily.

    Panel 3: Angle as the Wolf decimates the samurai.

    NO COPY

    Panel 4: Angle on our Samurai from page one, his mask now removed. He hides behind a tree, his back pressed against its trunk. In the background we can see the Wolf feeding on the bodies.

    NO COPY

    Panel 5: Angle on our Samurai, who has emerged from behind the tree, katana ready. He challenges the beast.

    SAMURAI
    Demon, If you wish to feed, you will find my flesh a bitter poison on which to choke.


    PAGE 3: 4 PANELS

    Panel 1: Angle on the Wolf and our Samurai as they charge each other.

    WOLF
    GRAH

    Panel 2: Angle on our Samurai as he slides and delivers a horizontal slash to the wolf’s belly with his katana.

    SFX
    SLASH

    Panel 3: Angle on the blood-spattered Samurai, catching his breath. Over his shoulder we can see the fallen beast. But, it looks different, smaller.

    NO COPY

    Panel 4: Low angle shot of our Samurai. He looks horrified by the corpse off panel.

    NO COPY

    PAGE 4: 4 PANELS


    Panel 1: High angle looking at the body, which sits in an impact crater in the snow the same shape as the wolf creature. It’s the nude man from page 1.

    SAMURAI
    My lord...

    Panel 2: Angle on our Samurai as he kneels beside the wounded man. A cackle off panel.

    WITCH (OFF PANEL)
    What a pitiful realization you have come upon, samurai.

    Panel 3: Low angle shot of the witch, mocking him. She’s partly obscured by the snow, merely a silhouette hidden in the driving snow.

    WITCH
    That you alone have taken the life of your master. You are, indeed, a traitorous dog...

    Panel 4: Close on the Lord, struggling to speak.

    LORD
    Put an end to her....or I will forever walk this earth...as her wraith...

    Panel 5: Angle behind Our Samurai as he walks toward the silhouette in the snow. His katana is out to the side.

    SAMURAI
    There is but one realization, demon. That my sword is an extension of my will. And with it I shall take your head...


    PAGE 5: 5 PANELS

    Panel 1: Close on the witch’s twisted, severed head, the hair tugged as it dangles from our Samurai’s hand. Her eyes are rolled back.

    NO COPY

    Panel 2: Angle behind Our Samurai. Still holding her head. The body of his lord lies at his feet

    SAMURAI
    For you, my lord...

    Panel 3: Angle on the Samurai as he tosses the head aside.

    NO COPY

    Panel 4: Close on the samurai’s hand as it draws his short sword.

    SFX
    SHINK

    Panel 5: Wide angle shot behind the Samurai who has fallen to his knees. He hunches forward, clearly having driven the short sword into his gut. The snowfall is at its heaviest now, almost blinding.

    SFX
    SHAK

    -END-
    MYTH: All proceeds form issue 1 go to Childhelp.org
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  9. #9

    "Friends"

    ( Hopefully in by my chinny chin chin.)

    PAGE 1 FIVE PANELS

    INT- DIM BAR - NIGHT

    PANEL 1

    We are looking down on a bar, we see the pudgy hands of the
    BARTENDER wearing a white shirt and suspenders. A robust man in
    his late 40's. We see him pushing two mixed drinks in front of
    two patrons. A man named JACK and a woman named ANNABELLE

    ANNABELLE (O.P)
    Thanks, mister.

    PANEL 2

    We see jack wearing a devilish grin. He is sporting a clean hair
    cut, a nice pressed button up shirt, and a red tie. A true
    business man.

    JACK
    No problem miss, I didn't catch your name.

    PANEL 3

    Looking back at Annabelle, sporting a similar smile and a tight
    red dress. A typical blond bombshell.

    ANNABELLE
    I didn't throw it.

    JACK (O.P)
    I'd appreciate it if you would.

    PANEL 4

    Annabelle is now holding her drink up, about to take a drink,
    still shyly grinning at Jack

    ANNABELLE
    Annabelle.

    JACK (O.P)
    Well hello Annabell. I'm Jack.
    Lovely name, by the way.

    PANEL 5

    Annabelle has placed her drink back on the table, now looking
    into Jack's eyes.

    ANNABELLE
    Why thank you, Jack.

    PAGE 2 SIX PANELS

    PANEL 1

    Looking back at our bartender, he is cleaning a glass while he
    watching the two trade words.

    PANEL 2

    Finally he interjects.

    BARTENDER
    Can I get ya anything else Jack?

    JACK
    Not at the moment, you'll be the first
    to know if that changes.

    PANEL 3

    We see a PATRON come in the door, covered in snow, brushing it
    off of their coat.

    BARTENDER
    Cold out there?

    PATRON
    It's been colder, but not here, for a
    long time.

    PANEL 4

    We look back at Annabelle, now wearing Jacks coat around her
    arms.

    ANNABELLE
    It's a good thing Jack is here to keep me
    warm.

    PANEL 5

    Jack is sitting back, relaxing as he responds.

    JACK
    You are in good hands my lady.

    ANNABELLE (O.P)
    Clearly.

    PANEL 6

    We see another shot of the bartender, cleaning a second glass,
    and looking nervously toward the restroom area.

    PAGE 3 SIX PANELS

    PANEL 1

    We see the bartender with the glass still in hand, yet again
    interrupting Jack and Annabelle.

    BARTENDER
    Nights like this remind me of when I
    used to tend bar up north.

    PANEL 2

    We hold on the bartender this time slinging his rag over his
    shoulder.

    BARTENDER
    Jack here is no stranger to the elements
    either.

    PANEL 3

    Looking back at Annabelle, the bartender has caught her
    attention.

    ANNABELLE
    Oh yea?

    PANEL 4

    We are looking back at Jack, waiting for him to respond.

    JACK
    I spent some time up Canada. Hard work,
    I'm much more comfortable these days.

    PANEL 5

    Looking back at Annabelle, she is intrigued by this.

    ANNABELLE
    Hard work huh? You must be big and
    strong.

    BARTENDER (O.P)
    I don't know about that. Jacks a
    business man.

    PANEL 6

    We see the bartender again, having a laugh while ringing out a
    regular patron.

    BARTENDER
    The heaviest thing he's lifting is a
    stack of invoices.

    PAGE 4 FIVE PANELS


    PANEL 1

    We have a shot of a few other patrons around the bar, sitting at
    tables, we see a few in the foreground leading pointing at Jack
    and Annabelle and whispering.

    JACK (O.P)
    Don't make me hop this counter.

    BARTENDER (0.P)
    Don't hurt yourself.

    PANEL 2

    We have a wide shot, looking directly at Jack and Annabelle.

    JACK
    So what brings you out on a cold night
    like tonight?

    ANNABELLE
    A friend and I went to see a play.

    JACK
    Oh yea, What did ya' see?

    ANNABELLE
    Phantom of the Opera.

    PANEL 3

    We look back at Jack, clearly enthused.

    JACK
    One of my favorites, good looks and
    great taste.

    PANEL 4

    We look back at Annabelle

    ANNABELLE
    Indeed.

    PANEL 5

    We see a man in a black trench coat, and a flat cap. He is
    standing just outside the restroom area, putting his last glove
    on.

    PAGE 5 SIX PANELS

    PANEL 1

    Once again, we are looking at Jack, this time with an unlit
    cigar hanging from his mouth, holding a lighter up to the end,
    but it is not yet producing a flame.

    JACK
    So where is she?

    PANEL 2

    We cut back to Annabelle.

    ANNABELLE
    She?

    PANEL 3

    Back to jack, with a now smoking cigar.

    JACK
    Your friend.

    PANEL 4

    We are looking back at Annabelle but a bit more zoomed out. The
    man from the back is now standing behind her.

    MAN
    You ready to go babe?

    ANNABELLE
    Yes, one second.

    PANEL 5

    Annabelle is now standing up, now with one arm through the arm
    of Jack's coat.

    ANNABELLE
    Thanks for everything.

    PANEL 6

    We see Annabelle and her friend now at the door of the bar. Jack
    in the foreground, dumbfounded. The pair are in silhouette,
    against the bright white abyss they are descending into.

    ANNABELLE
    You stay warm tonight Jack.

  10. #10
    [SUPPORTER]
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    South Africa
    Posts
    422
    Blog Entries
    1
    And here's mine...

    (Nothing good ever came) From the South

    Synopsis:
    An isolated First Nations tribe is about to come into contact with the zombie apocalypse… Will they fall, or will their ancient ways help to defeat this new curse from the southern lands?


    Characters:
    1. Hunter – traditional Native American elder. Dressed in traditional garb, but not over-the-top, less is more.
    2. Prodigal Son (P.S.) – just as his namesake, he left home and only returned after the zombie apokalips…
    3. Zombies
    a) Sherrif
    b) Woman
    c) Kid
    4. Medicine woman – old sage or P.S.’s sister who stayed behind?


    Page 1 (6 panels)
    Panel 1
    Establishing shot – showing a deer standing in a clearing, in front of a forested area. Behind the forested area we see mountains and whitish/grey overcast skies, no visible sun as such. But still enough light. Snow is also falling softly, and the ground is covered with it as well. The deer is on the left, more to the back of the panel, being stalked by a Native American hunter, who is on the right extreme foreground.

    Caption: There is something--


    Panel 2
    Zooming in, we see the deer closer – its head bent down towards the snow, finding something to eat… We don’t see the hunter in this panel. (There is a biggish snowdrift near the deer – need to show it here, as we’re going to crash a snowmobile through it in a few panels!)

    Caption: -- wrong…


    Panel 3
    Close-up on the deer, its head back up, the hunter is pulling back on his bow in the extreme foreground – the arrow pointed at the deer. You can make the Hunter a silhouette on the right side of the panel to keep things less crowded.

    Caption: The animals sense it too…


    Panel 4
    Extreme close-up on just the deer as its ears twitch – it’s hearing something!


    Panel 5
    It bolts (to the right of the panel) as the sound becomes louder!

    SFX (growing bigger from left to right): rrrrrrrRRRRRRRRR


    Panel 6
    Biggish panel showing a snowmobile crashing through the snowdrift nearby! And we can see blood stains on the front of the snowmobile and the driver’s helmet… So the snowmobile/helmet should be a light-ish colour, but of course not white… The driver is wearing the usual winter gear – jacket, gloves, boots. And a helmet, so we can’t see his face & has an hunting rifle slung over his back! (Some Ref: http://snowmobileservicevancouver.ca/snowmobile.jpg )

    SFX (big): RRRAAR


    Page 2 (5 panels)
    Panel 1
    The hunter is on the left of the panel, and the snowmobile (with driver still on it) on the right. The brake light of the snowmobile is shining bright red, showing us he’s braking. The brake light is also lighting up the snow on the ground behind it with a red glow, the hunter slightly as well. The hunter still has his bow and arrow ready, but pointing more towards the ground than towards the driver.
    (Ref for the brake light: https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/i...cVjNeVQW52WzJk

    SFX (a bit smaller): RRRAAr


    Panel 2
    Change of POV as the driver is now on the left and the hunter on the right. The driver is getting off the snowmobile & switched it off… He still has the hunting rifle slung over his back. The hunter has raised his bow and arrow slightly.

    SFX (cuts off in mid-“effect”): Rrr--


    Panel 3
    Closer in on the driver, still on the left. The driver takes his helmet off – his long braided hair is now showing – he’s also Native American and he’s visibly agitated! Seeing who it is, the hunter points his bow and arrow to the ground again & lets the bow’s string return to normal position. As they talk, their breath frost in the chilly air…

    Caption (between the two characters): So the prodigal has returned…

    Hunter (on right side of Hunter): Welcome back son…
    Hunter (linked): What brings you back from the South?

    Panel 4
    Close up on both men as Prodigal Son turns to the hunter, starts talking… Prodigal still on the left, Hunter right. The hunter is now holding the bow (with arrow) in one hand, with his other hand, fist closed, with one finger pointing up and near his face – as if making a “Shush” gesture – which hand is up to artist. If possible also throw in that the hunter is smelling the air…

    Prodigal Son: Everyone is dead…!

    Hunter: Wait!
    Hunter (linked): What’s that smell?


    Panel 5
    Then the Prodigal Son’s eyes widen as he hears a low moan!

    SFX (to left of panel): brrrr

    Prodigal Son: They must’ve followed me!


    Page 3 (6 panels)
    Panel 1
    Biggish panel so we see the zombies standing in the snow! Near the same drift the snowmobile ploughed through. 3 of them – man, woman and kid! All of them looking in pretty bad state & hungry! The kid has a sheriff’s hat on, and the man has a sheriff’s uniform and star. (Yeah, it’s pretty much a “homage” to Sherriff Rick and his family from The Walking Dead)

    SFX: ainNNSSSS…

    Hunter: Who?

    Prodigal Son: Zombies!


    Panel 2
    Focus back on Prodigal Son & the Hunter, instinctively moving back to back! P.S. got his rifle from his back, and his gloves have been taken off as well (it’s pretty important to show this), ready to fire! And the Hunter has his 2 arrows notched and drawn back & ready to let go!

    SFX: BRRRAinnssss…

    Prodigal Son: Don’t let them near you – they eat human flesh!
    Prodigal Son (linked): And aim for the head!


    Panel 3
    They do, and shots/arrows are fired – towards the reader, the silhouettes of the 3 zombies visible in the extreme foreground.

    SFX: Ka-Blam!
    SFX: Swish! Swish!

    Panel 4
    POV from behind the 3 zombies as they hit the ground… Keep them more or less in the shadows - don’t need to be too gruesome… There are 2 arrows sticking out of the zombiess. Then in the background you have P.S. and the Hunter visible in the snow.

    Prodigal Son: The cold slowed them down at least…


    Panel 5
    Close up on Prodigal Son as he falls over, vomiting blood! It is contrasted to the white snow on the ground. His ungloved right hand is visible as well – with a blood on it! He’s still holding onto his rifle, but with his left hand.

    Panel 6
    The Hunter reaches down to help him up, so we see the Prodigal Son’s ungloved right hand pretty well, with a human jaw-sized bite mark on it!

    Prodigal Son: You have to kill me, or I’ll turn into one as well!
    Hunter: No!


    Page 4 (7 panels) Panels 3 – 5 are 3 flashback panels next to each other – colour artist to use different colouring and/or border to signify as such.

    Panel 1
    Change of scenery – we’re now in the Native American village – various log houses/buildings standing around a central tepee-style tent, snow on the ground all around them. They’re looking for the Medicine Woman… In front of the tent we have the Hunter holding up P.S.

    Hunter: Where is the medicine woman!?

    Panel 2
    Panel showing P.S. in a bed inside the tent, the medicine woman in suitable attire in background – the Hunter is talking to her, but PS can’t hear them that well… The smoke from the cleansing ceremony is already rising…

    Hunter (indistinct): …the old ways of our forefathers…

    Panel 3
    Start of the 3 linked panels: And he hallucinates/flashbacks to what happened - showing a news broadcast of patient zero. So female newscaster on a TV, with the words Zombie Apocalypse next to her.

    Caption: A curse made the dead rise from their graves

    Panel 4
    Then show an army attacking a zombal wave (as per World War Z footage) – tanks and machine guns in the background, shooting into an avalanche or zombie tsunami! But clearly not winning…

    Caption: All the weapons of the southerners were of no use…

    Panel 5
    Last of the 3 linked panels – shows Prodigal Son escape the carnage as he rides a motorbike out of Calgary (Sign Ref: http://danherron.files.wordpress.com...sign.jpg?w=500 )

    Caption: And the dead followed the survivors to sate their hunger

    Panel 6
    Back to reality and the Hunter and Med Woman are outside & in front of the tent. Then a scream is heard! And then goes silent…

    SFX: Aaaargghhhh…*

    Panel 7
    Zooming in a bit, they’re in front of the tent & want to reach to open the darkened tent door/flap… Med Woman is doing the reaching & Hunter has his bow & arrow at the ready…

    Hunter: Be careful…


    Page5 (6 panels)
    Panel 1
    PS is in the doorway of the tent - but he’s OK – he’s not been zombified! And he’s looking at his hand, mostly healed!

    Prodigal Son: How is this possible?

    Panel 2
    He falls forward, out of the tent!

    Prodigal Son: Ooof!


    Panel 3
    But they catch him as he falls!

    Hunter: We’ve got you…

    Panel 4
    Still in front of the tent, they hold onto him as he speaks, he’s looking very puzzled…

    Prodigal Son: The Southerners searched for a cure for months, but nothing worked…

    Hunter: Our old ways did…


    Panel 5
    Change of POV as the Hunter surveys the village… A handful of people are visible, standing outside their houses. We also see the forest outside their village.

    Hunter: We have to get ready, fortify the buildings!
    Hunter (linked): Get your weapons - there could be more of them…


    Panel 6
    Pull back even more, the village is surrounded by trees, and we see a full moon in the sky… On the top right of the panel there are red lycan eyes in the forest, looking down at the village. And on the bottom right hand corner, we see a small horde of vamps… (If it’ll be better to use an inset panel for the vamps and/or lycans, feel free to do so!)

    Caption (right side of panel): …and who knows what else…


    THE END

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