Fantasy story 6 pages - crit me

[BrianGilman]

hey all,

Here is a 6 page story I just finished. A lot of firsts for me on this script, so I'm interested in hearing critiques on any and every aspect of this story. Rendering, composition, body language, etc. I feel like it's easy enough to read, but I'm only interested in doing better. There's a lot of good here, but probably a lot more bad, so give me all of your brain power!!!

[ssss6eight1]

Is the middle panel on the 3rd page supposed to be a man-sized rathole or a rat-sized rathole? It looks kinda like a rat-sized one, but I can't tell if that's what it's supposed to be (mainly just cuz' you haven't lettered it yet).

[BrianGilman]

Good catch, the hole should be human size at least. Obviously they are chasing big rats, but then the inn keeper comes down and is a were rat himself, so obviously there would be room for him to walk around. Ah well...

[Juggertha]

I like the rendering on these. I think though, at lest to me, they lose their punch a bit as the pages go on. I really like the depth to the characters, and even the angle used on that first page, but when I compare them to the rendering on the last few pages, I'm feeling a bit let down.

[stoat]

Hey Brian nice work,
,P2.3 is a little hard to read to me,I'm guessing they are bits of dead rat,but because of how that tail and leg in the centre are lined up,it kind of reads as a live rat in shadow.
p5.4 the Blond chap with his back to us,the pose looks a little awkward.may be the tunic shape.
Other than that looks good to me, nice sense of adventure and fun!

[BrianGilman]

Thanks Juggertha and stoat

all good points

[davechisholm]

i think you could probably go further with the rat-man character. right now he looks almost friendly, like splinter from TMNT. you could make him bigger and freakier!

[BrianGilman]

yeah he was tough to do because I had never really drawn rats before, so it was challenging to try and make him clearly a rat, but also clearly the innkeeper. Next time around I'll make it crazier, this ones on the way to be printed I think.