Reply With QuoteNothing? ok how about this.
I need some help with these pages, I'm trying to develop a professional approach to my work. However because I pretty much work at home in a vacuum after a while you stop seeing your faults. Any critique would be welcome.
Nothing? ok how about this.
Alright here's what I've got for you right now: I need to see the script on this, because i have no idea whats going on or who any of the characters are. I can tell you right now I see a few problems with the perspective you've got. If you want to post the script, I'd be happy to go through and give you a detailed critique.
Thanks for the help!
I omitted a page because this is a Adult comic, There's no sexual activity but there is nudity and I would prefer that no children see it.
Because the script was done in short hand I will explain what I wanted the viewer to see.
Page one
panel 1: Arealea is talking to Zoe who is off panel
Panel 2: Arealea turns her body to speak on the radio implanted in her brain, to Ian. And unintentionally hits Zoe with part of her robe.
Panel 3: Ian is in Case's office talking to Arealea.
Panel 4:Wide shot of Ian walking toward Case.
Page 2 splash page
Only panel: We see that Case is locked into a data transfer harness staring blankly in to space.
Page 3
panel 1: Ian picks up a statue.
Panel 2: We see a close up of the statue.
Panel 3: Ian holds it between both his hands.
Panel 4: his hands change the statues molecular structure ( atoms to be painted in after).
Panel 5: we see Ian unfurling the cover.
Panel 6: Ian covers Case.
Typos with one of the dialogues, First panel: but never (their) Elders.
Seems pretty good so far, the colours are very punchy I like it. The anatomy however does leave a lot to be desired but that aside I like what I'm seeing
Anatomy has been a constant struggle for me, I have all these anatomy books but nothing seems to work. Could you tell me any problems you see. Thank you.
Alright this is tough, because i can see very quickly there is a lot going on before these pages that I dont know about. So I'm going into this completely blind. Your perspective needs work, a lot of areas seem to be coming from different points on a horizon line, things are slanted and i dont know if they are on purpose or not. I couldnt figure out what was happening when the girls robe hit the other girl in the head, so that image either needs to get changed to be more clear or changed story wise. I dont understand the equations and stuff floating around, but its distracting when I'm looking at a scene change. I dont know, I dont want to get too deep with this critique on the story because it seems like theres a lot of information already established, but I can tell you that the storytelling choices you've made in your first page are difficult to follow. The splash page is effective, the 3rd page is confusing with the introduction of the statue and weird fingers. There aren't any black areas, and not a lot of depth. The depth that you do have is interrupted by the floating equations and stuff.
Please don't think I'm being harsh, that isn't the case. I'm just trying to critique this well without knowing anything about it beforehand, so I say either post more stuff before these pages or just post more work in genera so I can hopefully give you some useful informtion.
Ok that was a bit long winded, sorry! keep posting work!
Thanks allot man! See any anatomy problems?Originally Posted by BrianGilman
the hands you draw look a little "noodle-y" , the one guy is totally huge and ripped so make the hands prominent, a little more angular, and strong. in the splash page, the girls head is extremely oversized compared to the rest of her body. Your clothing looks off, make sure to use reference for folds in clothing if you aren't sure about how something looks. Like in panel 1 on the first page, the woman is holding her arm up and the sleeve is like glued to her arm, it should be draped around her elbow because of gravity. Her scarf(?) looks flat, make sure to give it some form because it is wrapping around her body. Simplify the folds a little bit to accent the form underneath the clothing. Take a towel and wrap it into a circle, put it on the floor and draw it, how do the folds move? look at how the towel is folded and imagine the parts of the towel you can't see, hopefully this can help you understand why a fold looks the way it does. Hope this helps, good luck!
I agree with the points made by brian.in addition i would suggest toning down and rounding off his shoulder in panel 3 and maybe rotating the head so we get a back view over the shoulder.im not sure what is happening in the forth panel with the wires.a worms eye from her perspective on the table might work better in panel 5 to convey sense he is standing over her.some interesting stuff tho.keep at it.
Also, it might be me, but i cant ignore what looks like a purple phallus in the 3rd panel of the 1st page?
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