Reimagining Exercise: Need Dialogue Help
Wrote this for a class assignment. This is draft one. The assignment was to reimagine a classic story, show, or film. Dialogue needs serious work. Please help!
The Reissue #1
Jerrica Benton: Short white blonde hair. Basic style.
Kimber Benton: Reddish brown hair. Sleek, professional clothing.
Shana Benton: Stylish black hair with purple streaks. Homemade couture clothing.
Aja Benton: Choppy blue hair.
Raya Alonso: Tan hair in a ponytail with hot pink glitter throughout. Aztec tattoos. Tight outfits.
Rio Pacheco: Brown hair. Hipster yet manly style.
Eric Raymond: Steely color clothing. Large, cut arms.
Video: Yellow blonde braids. Green Eyes.
Tech Rat: Long dyed black hair. Very surfer yet very goth.
Splash – Forest Lawn Memorial Park. Sunny Day. The funeral of Emmett Benton, Founder of Starlight Music. His flower draped coffin is black with gold details. There is a photograph of him displayed on an easel. As the priest speaks fondly of the late Mr. Benton, we see the dead mogul’s family seated in the front row. Kimber, his second born, is seated in the middle of the front row, a star-shaped flower in her lap. She stares point blank at her father’s coffin. She is afraid of a life without her famous father. Holding Kimber is her boyfriend Rio Pacheco. He too stares at the coffin of his mentor, tears streaming down his pretty boy features. The couple is flanked on both sides by Kimber’s adoptive sisters Aja and Shana. Aja is seated beside Rio. She leans forward, resting her head on her barely folded hands with her elbows on her knees. She is wearing a black skirt suit. Skirts are her thing. Beside Kimber is Shana. She also holds Kimber and cries inconsolably. Clearly, she is the most emotional of the Benton women.
Behind them are mourning music biz legends and performers Benton discovered or knew personally. Note to Artist: You can base these biz legends on either the characters that appeared on the show or contemporary pop stars. The Misfits and the Stingers are not to be seen here, by the way.
In the background, two silhouettes are looking down on the funeral from among some large shadow casting trees atop a little hill. The two eavesdroppers are Jerrica Benton, Emmett’s prodigal first born, and her best friend Raya Alonso.
Priest: Emmett Benton was a truly outrageous visionary. Born in Danville, Illinois, Emmett graduated from M.I.T. in search of a vision. Fatedly, the gift of a then new musical technology would inspire him toward a career in the music biz. That gift was a Compact Disc.
Priest: Emmett founded Starlight Music Media and invented the Synergy Online Studio Network for…
Title: The Reissue: Chapter One – The Bitch Is Back!
Panel One – Zoom in from previous panel. Jerrica and Raya watch the concluding moments of the funeral. Jerrica struggles to hold back a flood of tears and five years of shame. A thin stream of tears seeps out nevertheless. Raya puts her hand on her friend’s shoulder to anchor her in the material world. Raya is wearing a black, tight fitting pantsuit and a pink blouse with Aztec themed jewelry. Jerrica wears a white blouse with her skirt suit.
Raya: Spying on your father’s own funeral? You should’ve just called and asked to come. You’re courting more drama than you expect, girl.
Jerrica: It’s been five years Raya. Five years avoiding paparazzi and the behaviors that shamed me and embarrassed my family. Five years I’ll never live down.
Panel Two – Jerrica drops her head away from the funeral scene. Her eyes are closed, pondering what to do after so many days imagining what she would do and say at that moment. Her fingers are wiping away a tear. Raya has removed her hand.
Raya: Tell me, girl. If you spent so long avoiding those behaviors, then why are you embracing them, again? ‘Cause you’re making this all about you.
Raya: This is about them. !@#$ the past! You should be down there for them!
Jerrica: And I will be. But, Raya, do you see…over there?
Panel Three – Nearby. High in the trees is a paparazzo aiming his smart phone at the private funeral.
Jerrica Caption: One faux pas and I make my father’s funeral and my family’s grief a media circus.
Jerrica Caption: I’ll never do that again, Raya.
Panel Four – The smart phone screen. We see the image of the mourners filing away from their seats as the funeral concludes. Kimber, Rio, Aja, and Shana stand before the coffin one last time. Kimber places a star shaped flower on the coffin. A B.I.Z. logo is in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen. The logo is meant to resemble to the TMZ logo. This is a live streaming webcast of the funeral.
Raya Caption: Okay. I’m here for you whatever you choose. I just hope you choose to be strong.
Panel Five – A few feet away from the coffin. Kimber, Aja, and Shana are shaking hands from sympathetic mourners as they file past. Rio stands behind the women, swiveling to look back at the intrusive silhouettes among the trees.
Panel One – Jerrica is so lost in her shame and grief that she does not see an angry Rio approaching. A panicked Raya, who does notice Rio approaching up the hill, attempts in vain to interrupt and warn her.
Jerrica: Any minute now. Any minute and I’ll say good-bye. Oh, god, I feel so numb.
Raya (whisper): Uh, Jerrica! If you want to avoid that media circus, we gots to go!
Panel Two – POV. Rio is storming up the hill to shoo away the intrusive silhouettes.
Rio: Hey, you up there! This is a private gathering. You can’t be here! I’ll notify security!
Panel Three – Raya covers Jerrica’s mouth while ushering her to get out of there. Rio has stopped halfway up the little hill, just short of entering the shade.
Rio: I promise, just come down here and give me any video you shot. I’ll see to it, you’re not harmed. I’ll even grant you an interview, if you just respect our privacy!
Panel Four – Rio demands the interlopers come down into the sunlight. Raya and Jerrica clasp hands for luck. Jerrica has decided to face her family after five years of self imposed exile.
Rio: Alright! Security and a broken camera it is!
Raya: Time’s run out.
Jerrica: !@#$ the past, right?
Raya: You’re not alone. I’m here.
Panel Five – CU. Rio looks up in disbelief. He cannot believe who he is seeing OP.
Rio: Thank you, I appreciate you coming down…
Rio: …oh. My. God. No. No. NO. Way.
Panel One – POV Rio. Jerrica sheepishly and nervously begins walking down the hill toward Rio.
Jerrica: Um. Hello, Rio.
Panel Two – Rio and Jerrica stands uncomfortably face-to-face for the first time in five years. The sun is beginning to set on them. There is almost a lifetime of history between these two, most of which BAD but INTOXICATING. Jerrica feels like vomiting from nerves. Rio is frozen with only vulnerability and a loss for action visible on his pretty boy features.
Jerrica: Rio, I…I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you and everyone who loved me. I’m sorry for disrespecting you and not valuing all you did for me. And although you may hate me…may never forgive me…
Jerrica: …oh, Rio, I will do anything to earn back your respect..your trust…your faith in me.
Panel Three – Zoom In. Kimber rockets in between them to punch the living hell out of Jerrica. Rio is instantly snapped out of his haze. He is startled, nearly jumping away.
Kimber: Oh, hell you don’t, bitch!
Panel Four - Low Angle Shot. Jerrica is face down on the ground with a bad bruise on her face. Kid-sister-no-more Kimber stands over, pointing accusingly at her. Rio searches for the fairest mode of action to take. Raya is running up to scene gesturing for this to go no further.
Kimber: Oh, I knew-I knew you’d show up to make this all about you! How dare you-RUHH-You got some balls, I’ll tell you that!
Kimber: Get up! What’s wrong! Can’t bully your little sister without a camera around! Look around, the paparazzi are practically growing on the trees!
Raya: Whoa! WHOA!
Panel One – Jerrica is yanked to her feet by Kimber pulling on her hair. Jerrica begs.
Jerrica: OWW! Kimber, quit it! I’m not here for me. I came here for dad. I came here for you. All of you!
Kimber: The hell you did! You came here in search of a stage!
Panel Two – Kimber throws Jerrica into the mostly vacant funeral seats. Onlookers are stunned silent.
Kimber: Well, exit your ass stage right!
Panel Three – Aja holds Raya back. Shana rushes past Rio, pulling on his sleeve to accompany her to end the fight.
Aja: Oh, no, you won’t, tight pants! Jerrica’s going to get what’s coming to her!
Raya: Hands off, Harajuku! She was only going to say good-bye once you all left!
Shana: C’mon Rio, snap out of it! We can’t let them do this here!
Panel Four – Tight on Jerrica struggling to her hands and knees among the cushioned folding chairs. She is done taking her sister’s abuse. She even calls Kimber out on it.
Jerrica: You always did have more mouth than sense! Well, you know what? !@#$ my shame! And !@#$ you, too! I don’t care if you ever forgive me!
Panel Five – Jerrica looks up a Kimber stomping toward her. Jerrica’s fist is clenched tightly.
Kimber: Forgive you?! FORGIVE YOU?! You treated everyone like dirt, Jerrica!
Kimber: You treated Rio like dirt! You treated your own sisters like dirt! You treated mom like dirt!
Panel Six – CU. Kimber stunned into reality.
Jerrica (OP): But you’re the one who’s treating dad like dirt, right now!
Panel One – Aja, Rio, Shana, and Raya stare stunned at the OP scene. Aja has loosened her grip a bit on Raya. Shana looks back at Raya with a question on her mind. Rio just doesn’t know what to do. This wasn’t at all what he expected from either Kimber or Jerrica.
Aja: Oh no, know she didn’t
Shana: Hey, girl! What’s your name?
Raya: Uh, Raya!
Panel Two – Jerrica spins away from a sloppy punch thrown by Kimber.
Kimber: Why you…you...you DISGRACE!
Jerrica: Judging by you right now, it's genetic!
Panel Three – Jerrica kicks Kimber in the middle of her back.
Jerrica: You think I haven’t been watching your interviews? Reading your book? Well, I’m sorry! Sorry for everything! Most of all, I’m sorry for what I said to mom! But I’m not the reason she died, okay?
Panel Four – Kimber has landed on their father’s coffin. Jerrica stands behind her. However, Jerrica fails to notice Kimber’s trickster expression.
Kimber (whisper): You’re reason enough.
Panel One – Kimber swivels to grab Jerrica.
Panel Two – Kimber slams her sister onto the coffin.
Kimber: Say you’re sorry! Go on! Say you’re sorry! If you’re so sorry, SAY IT!
Panel Three: CU. The wench that lowers the coffin is sliding to one side. Depicted with motion lines.
Panel Four: CU. Jerrica, her held pressed against the coffin lid, sobs.
Jerrica: I…’sob’…I’m sorry. Oh, god Kimber!
Jerrica: Dad is watching us right now!
Panel Three – Jerrica’s impact has forced the coffin to lower quickly-almost falling-into the grave taking her and Kimber with it.
Panel Four – The coffin comes to a sudden stop. The impact causes Jerrica to get crushed between the lid and Kimber.
Panel Five – The shock of this moment causes Aja’s grip to go limp enabling Raya to run to her best friend’s aid. Rio is right alongside her. Shana stays back with her hand over her mouth in shock and embarrassment.
Rio: Oh, no! NO!
Shana: It’s official, Aja.
Panel One – A television set in a fast food restaurant. Customers are looking up at the train wreck that is Emmett Benton’s funeral. The program depicting the live footage is B.I.Z.TV with its logo in the bottom right hand corner. One customer is a 30ish woman whose shirt has Jacqui Benton’s image on the back of it.
Shana Caption: We’re the richest trash this side of the Kardashians!
Panel Two – Low Angle Shot. Raya and Rio look down into the grave on Jerrica who is screaming at the realization she is on top her father’s coffin. Kimber barely stands on the lid holding her head glaring at Jerrica.
Kimber: Well, it’s still all your fault. Why couldn’t you just get lost and stay lost, huh?
Panel Three – POV. Rio and Raya pull a traumatized Kimber and Jerrica respectively out of the grave. Shana studies the scene but her shocked expression remains in her eyes. Aja is turned away from the scene with her hands on her hips and looking down with resignation.
Aja: It’s everytime she’s around, Shana.
Shana: I don’t think so, Aja. Not this time.
Panel Four – Kimber wraps her arms around Rio who directs his attention to Jerrica who, likewise, stares back at him. Neither speak a word. Raya pulls Jerrica away.
Raya: C’mon, girl! We gots ta go!
Panel Five – Rio holds back a screaming Kimber.
Kimber: You god damn skippy you gotta go! I’m banning you from here! That way dad will finally gets some peace away from you! And another thing-
Panel One – Jerrica turns back to deliver one final message.
Jerrica: Don’t worry, Kimber. I’ll stay lost this time. I promise.
Panel Two – CU. Shana yells for Jerrica to stop.
Shana: Wait! Hold on! Stop!
Panel Four – Shana shakes Raya’s hand. Raya is taken aback by the invitation. Jerrica continues to stagger on with her head held low.
Shana: Raya, right?
Shana: You’re Jerrica’s friend?
Raya: Best friend.
Shana: Would you bring her by the mansion tomorrow night? Please?
Raya: Yeah, yeah I will. She needs it.
Panel Five – CU. Raya.
Raya: I know we’ve just met, Shana. But Jerrica has told me all about you. She’s different now. She’s not the…girl…you remember, okay?
Panel One – The opening title card of B.I.Z.TV. Note to letterer: The VO can be depicted as a hearing impaired box at the bottom of the panel.
Narrator: Today on BIZ!
Panel Two – Archival footage. A drunken teenage Jerrica projectile vomits on several bald children who afflicted with cancer. She is holding a tall beer can. The kids are being greeted by a shocked and embarrassed Jacqui Benton.
Narrator: She was good with kids!
Panel Three – Archival footage. Teen Jerrica has her arms around her adoptive sisters while being interviewed by some entertainment reporter. Jerrica has a sarcastic look on her face. Aja looks at her with anger. Shana looks at her with hurt feelings.
Narrator: She sure loved her family!
Jerrica: And these are the pet adopted babies my mom brought home from Depressistan!
Panel Four – Funeral Footage. Jerrica going down with her father’s coffin.
Narrator: She can sure bury the past!
Panel Five – Eric Raymond (a cross between Simon Cowell and Harvey from TMZ) sits on the edge his large, shiny black wraparound desk holding his can of energy drink.
Eric: OHHH! MYYY! GOD! Jerrica Benton is back in town! What do we got, people?!
Eric (whisper): Besides a spike in club owners seeking therapy.
Panel One – POV. We see that Eric’s desk is not inside an office. Rather, it is in the middle of what looks like a communications nerve center. This space is very modern chic with view screens scanning the web for salacious content. A lot of online paparazzi man these stations. In the middle sit Raymond’s elite paparazzi: Video, Tech Rat, and others. They report the latest rumors about the reappearance of Eric’s favorite whipping girl, Jerrica Benton.
Video: Uh, that she still got it? I mean, how can anyone outdo themselves in low-lifery, I’ll never know!
Panel Two – Tech Rat laughingly jokes about Jerrica’s train wreck at the funeral.
Tech Rat: She’d be good for a cameo in a Wedding Crashers sequel. They can call it Funeral Crashers!
Panel Three – Eric and the other paparazzi try in vain to not laugh at the off color joke.
Eric: HAHAHAHAHA! Just when the first one didn’t have enough bad taste!
Panel Four – Jump Cut. Eric now seeks into nostalgia.
Eric: You know B.I.Z. wouldn’t exist if not for Jerrica Benton. I had to build a website to post the really skeezy footage everyone else passed on. And ya know, she was a nice girl once upon a time. And smart, too. It’s a real shame she keeps going down in flames, huh?
Panel Five – Techrat then riffs a joke.
Techrat: Hey, like mother, like daughter!
Panel Six – Eric and his team laugh.
Eric: OOOOH! Bad one!
Everybody Else: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Panel One – High Angle Shot. Est. Shot. Starlight Mansion Exterior. Evening. Jerrica and Raya stand on the circular driveway in front of the beautiful manse. It is a modern, yet homey California home. A taxi drives off. Raya presses the doorbell.
SFX: BING. BING
Panel Two – Tight on Jerrica. She is looking up happy to be home for the first time in five years.
Raya: Wow. I saw this place on Cribs once, long ago. Never thought I’d actually be standing in front of it.
Raya: Legally, that is.
Jerrica: Dad had it built for mom. Almost everyone room is wired for sound. That way, if mom had a song idea, she could sing it into any one of dozens of wall mounted mics.
Raya: Yeah, girl?
Jerrica: I think I’m going to need some hand holding.
Raya: You got it.
Panel Three – Pull Back. POV. Shana stands at the open door. She makes no gesture for them to enter. She just welcomes them in.
Shana: Hey. Glad you came. Please. It’s your home, too.
Panel Four – High Angle Shot. House Foyer. A lot of warm colors here. Jerrica has turned toward Shana, who is closing the door. Raya has never being anywhere this nice. She struggles to take in the opulence of the place.
Shana: Uh, Kimber and Aja aren’t here.
Jerrica: I figured as much.
Raya (low voice): Whoa. Way better than watching Cribs.
Panel Five – Raya looks upon Jerrica walking up to Shana. Shana braces herself not knowing what to expect. Jerrica nervously thanks Shana for inviting them.
Jerrica: Thank you, Shana.
Shana: uh, sure, anytime,…sis.
Panel One – Jerrica hugs a surprised Shana.
Jerrica: I know I’ve hurt you. I love you, Shana. I was…jealous. Stupidheartlessjealous.
Panel Two – Shana hugs Jerrica right back.
Shana: I know. I know. And I’ve prayed for you, everyday, hon. Prayed you’d come home.
Shana: I never blamed you.
Panel Three – Shana escorts Jerrica and Raya down the hallway adorned on both sides by platinum and gold album and single awards for Jacqui Benton as well as family pictures. Jerrica notices one picture in particular as she passes. Raya is in awe of the album and singles awards.
Shana: I kept Kimber from boarding up your room.
Jerrica: She wanted to board it up, huh?
Shana: uh-huh. Aja wanted to torch it.
Jerrica: That’s Aja.
Raya: You sure it’s cool for us to be?
Panel Four – We see Jerrica’s nostalgic reflection in the glass of a framed photo of herself as a little girl receiving a guitar lesson from her mom. In the photo, it appears to be Christmas morning.
Shana (OP): Sure. I found out day before yesterday that dad left the mansion to me. Aja got the KJEM radio stations. And Kimber, well...
Panel Five – With a look of shame and regret, Jerrica’s head is bowed.
Shana (OP): …she has sole control of Starlight Media.
Panel One – Low Angle Shot. Est. Shot. A Darkened Mansion. Sunset. A few stained glass windows are visible. We see only the second storey of the house as it looms over the old fashioned, antiquated neighborhood.
Panel Two – A man’s hand knocks on the front door.
Panel Three – An elderly housekeeper opens the door with a smile on her face. Her name is Maxine.
Maxine: Oh, it’s you! It’s you! She’s been asking for you!
Panel Four – POV. The housekeeper looks upon a smiling Eric Raymond who has arrived with warm color flowers.
Eric: I know, Maxine. I always know when she needs me. May I?
Maxine: Oh, you never need to ask. It’s you home, too.
Panel Five – Interior. High Angle Shot. Eric stands in the middle of the foyer looking up the stairs that lead into darkness at the edge of the panel. Maxine closes the door. A lot of dark colors here.
Eric: How…is she doing, Maxine?
Maxine: No change, Eric. But she seems more lucid whenever I play her the music.
Eric: Yes, the music. Continuity.
Panel One – The housekeeper leads Eric up the darkened stairs.
Maxine: I thought I should tell that…the other day…I caught her clicking through the channels. She dropped the remote and screamed all bloody murder when she saw Jerrica.
Maxine: Eric, when is that awful girl going to leave again?
Eric: Hopefully not before I fulfill my promise, Maxine.
Panel Two – A Darkened Bedroom. Light pours in from the opening door. In the background, we see the housekeeper opens the door. Eric stands behind her. In the foreground, we see the silhouette of an elderly woman’s head propped on a pillow.
Maxine: Mona? Mona, Eric’s here. He’s here.
Mona: Er-ic? Oh, Eric. Come here.
Panel Three – High Angle Shot. We are looking at Eric’s back as he stands over the bed. The light from the door is at his back. We cannot see the face of the old woman.
Eric: I brought you those same flowers from the hills. Remember those?
Mona: Oh, my. They’re pretty, honey. Are you hungry? Have some Slice from the fridge, okay?
Eric: Oh, Mona, they don’t make Slice anymore.
Mona: hhmpph. Philistines!
Panel Four – Eric leans down to be face-to-face with the silhouette of the old woman’s face. Eric’s head is framed by the light from the doorway.
Eric: I have some news, Mona. Jerrica’s come home. She’s come home, Mona.
Mona: Oh, Jerrica! That…awful…girl. Jacqui would be ashamed! Where’s Jacqui?
Eric: She’s coming real soon, Mona. Real soon.
Panel Five – Eric’s hand holds the old woman’s hand. The woman’s nails are painted a very 80’s shade of hot pink. The polish is cracked and flaked off in spots.
Eric: Oh, I see you need a new coat of nail polish.
Mona: I do?
Eric. Yes. May I put on a new coat?
Mona: Yes, please. And we can talk about all the things…we’ll do…when Jacqui comes over.
Eric: I’d love to, Mona.
Panel One – High Angle Shot. Shana and Jerrica’s hands dance along the keys of a grand piano.
Jerrica: Hey, remember when we used to have to sneak in here and play?
Shana: I remember the first time. When mom first brought me home.
Shana: You had a bologna sandwich all made for me.
Panel Two – Night. Pan Up. Jerrica and Shana look at one another having a good time playing a song they learned as children. Raya is standing by a moonlit window. She smiles at the two sisters.
Jerrica: We got crumbs all between the keys. Mom just laughed.
Shana: Dad about had a coronary. You know, we’ve haven’t had bologna sandwiches since?
Panel Three – Zoom In. Raya looks back out the window as the Rockin’ Roadster zooms along the driveway past the window. Aja is, of, course, driving.
Jerrica (OP): Is Canter’s Deli still around?
Raya: Hey, Harajuku Sister just drove up.
Panel Four – Shana excuses herself from the piano. Jerrica looks up listening to her. Raya seems uncomfortable at the idea of meeting Aja again.
Shana: You stay here. Let me talk to her.
Jerrica: Alright, Shana.
Panel Five – Shana has left the room. Raya leans on the edge of the piano. A grinning Jerrica toys with the piano keys.
Raya: How ya feeling, girl?
Jerrica: Like this could last, Raya.
Raya: Just remember, will you?
Panel Six – POV. Raya looks down on an uncertain Jerrica.
Raya: Don’t make this all about you and everything will turn out fine.
Panel One – Est. Shot. Starlight Music HQ. Starry Night.
Panel Two – Wide Shot. Kimber’s office. Brightly colored office décor. There is a computer whose monitor flashes some light onto Kimber seated at her desk. There is a wall size window overlooking the starry sky. She is reclining with her feet up on her desk. It has been a long day. She has a bottle of wine on the desk. She sips some wine from a red tinted glass. We see framed photographs of performers discovered by Starlight over the decades on the walls. Jacqui Benton, of course, and the Misfits are represented. Note to Artist: The Misfits are slutty good girls here. (Think Miley Cyrus or Katy Perry)
Panel Three – Zoom In. Kimber’s blue tooth is lit up. She taps the button on it.
Kimber: This is Kimber Benton, go @#$% yourself at the sound of the beep.
Panel Four – Kimber leans forward onto her desk. She rubs her brow in fatigue and drunkenness.
Kimber; Oh, hi Aja. No, I’m not out in public or out driving. Has the blonde sheep left yet?
Panel Five – Kimber lethargically argues with Aja over the Bluetooth.
Kimber: Jerrica’s basking in the spotlight once again. When she hears the crickets chirping, she’ll get it through at @#$% warmer she calls a head there’s no audience and she’ll skip out again. Come crash here with me.
Kimber: UGH. Alright, bitch. Never thought I’d have to attend an intervention for Shana. Yes, I’ll catch a cab. Bye.
Panel Six – Pull Back. Same shot as Panel Two except the room is darker, the light from the computer dimmer, the office colors muted, and the stars beyond the window duller. Kimber has dropped her head into her palms, leaning on her elbows onto the desk. Due to it being darker, we notice a tiny red light planted her desk.
Kimber (low voice): Mom. Dad. I promise you. I won’t let her ruin all you’ve built. I promise. I’ll as soon as kill her before I let that happen.
Panel One – Starlight Mansion Driveway. POV. Shana pleads for Aja to come inside and forgive Jerrica. Aja is leaning against the Rockin’ Roadster with her arms and ankles crossed. She is holding her cell phone. Aja looks really cool here. Of course, she is wearing a skirt. Maybe an awesome jacket, too. Note: The driver side of the Rockin’ Roadster is facing us.
Aja: Kimber’s on her way. And since she’s anything but sober, Jerrica’s really going to get bit this time!
Shana: What is with the women in our family? Me. Me. Me. Either come inside and talk to her or…or…shoo!
Panel Two – Aja is opening the driver side door, preparing to get in and zoom off. Shana is over her shoulder gesturing for her to halt.
Aja: Well, I think I will shoo! Shoo, pick up Kimber, come right back, and @#$% Jerrica up!
Shana: Why am I always the one telling people not to leave? Aja, come back!
Panel Three – Aja is startled to hear Jerrica stop her dead in her tracks.
Jerrica: Aja, remember the mean girls?
Panel Four – Flashback. Jerrica and Aja are 12-13 years old walking close together down a junior high hallway. Aja is shorter than Jerrica and very shy, staying close to her new big sister. Jerrica is smiling, telling Aja how awesome the school is and happy she is will be there. A group of mean preppy girls taunt Aja.
Teen Jerrica: Oh, you’ll love it down here. This is where all the electronics classes meet.
Aja: E…lec…tric. Electronics, yeah!
Alpha Bitch: Yo, Benton! Have you house broken Chewbacca yet?
Panel Five – Jerrica is eye-to-eye with the alpha bitch. Aja is over Jerrica’s shoulder smiling at her new big sis.
Jerrica: Why you ask? Looking for someone other than the football team to pea on you after practice?
Panel Six – Present. CU. Aja looks down and away wondering why their relationship had to change.
Aja: Why did it have to change? Why did you have to change? Why did you have to turn on us like you did?
Panel One – Pull Back. Aja looks over to see Jerrica standing next to her. Jerrica has her palms over her heart and is on the verge of tears. Aja is apprehensive to embrace her.
Jerrica: ‘Cause I was jealous. Before I was born, dad made a bet with mom. He had bet I would be a boy. I wasn’t.
Jerrica: After Kimber was born, dad resigned himself to never having a little gear head to share his love of computers. But then you came along.
Panel Two – CU. Shana and Raya watch the OP estranged sisters, hoping for something good to happen right now. Raya has her hands folding together in a hopeful gesture. Shana’s eyes are urging Aja to forgive Jerrica.
Shana (low voice): Go on, Aja. Forgive her.
Panel Three – POV. Jerrica listens as Aja pours forth all her pain in a most soft spoken delivery. Aja’s grip on the door handle has noticeably loosened.
Aja: Jealous of me?! I was jealous of you! Dad took you to work with him! And then when mom died, he stopped working on computers entirely!
Panel Four – CU. Jerrica feels every pain pouring from her sister’s mouth.
Aja (OP): He just spent his days down at the first KJEM station he opened to promote mom’s music. I would show him the algorithm I wrote, and he took no interest whatsoever!
Panel Five – Aja pauses. Jerrica waits for Aja’s next move.
Panel Six – Aja slaps Jerrica right across the face. Jerrica takes it because she thinks she deserves it.
Panel Seven – CU. Raya has raised her hands over her face in disappointment. Shana smirks a little. She knows something Raya does not.
Shana: Wait for it, Raya. Just wait.
Panel One – Wide Shot. Aja gingerly hugs a bruised-faced Jerrica. Jerrica returns the favor.
Aja: I want my big sister back. I want her back and I never want that bitch left in her place ever again. Promise me, Jerrica.
Jerrica: I promise. I love you, Aja. I’ve loved you the moment you came home.
Panel Two – Shana joins them for a group hug that is a long time coming. Shana is positioning herself in the middle.
Shana: She’s telling the truth, I can feel it.
Panel Three – The three Benton daughters hug. Raya stands off to the side and turned away watching wishing she had a family like this. Aja is closest to Raya here in positioning.
Panel Four – Zoom in. Aja’s hand has reached out to snatch Raya in order to pull her into the hug. Raya is surprised.
Aja: You, too, tight pants!
Panel Five – Zoom Out. High Angle Shot. We watch all four women hugging it out.
Page Twenty One
Panel One – The Darkened House. Exterior. Eric Raymond stands at the front door, kissing the housekeeper on her cheek.
Eric: I promise I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. Mona and I can watch that episode of Solid Gold she still has on VHS.
Maxine: Thank you, Eric.
Panel Two – Long Shot. Foreground – Eric is walking away from the house. Background – the housekeeper raises her hand and calls for him to stop.
Maxine: Oh, Eric!
Panel Three – Eric turns around to listen to her.
Panel Four – CU. The kindly housekeeper’s countenance has turned sinister.
Maxine: You will do something about the Bentons?
Panel Five – CU. Eric’s countenance has turned just as sinister.
Eric: I sign contracts for a living, Maxine. And I always honor them. Count on it.
Page Twenty Two
Panel One – Starlight Mansion Driveway. Another taxi round the circular driveway.
Driver (from inside): Told you I knew the way. Carted your sissy home from the Viper Room couple a times!
Panel Two – A tipsy Kimber emerges from the taxi.
Driver: Hey, tell your sister I kept the condom I used that one time!
Kimber: Oh !@#$ Not you, too!
Panel Three – Kimber staggers toward the front door. She notices FIVE little packages. Each is gift wrapped in a different color: Hot Pink, Purple, Blue, Red, and Pastel Pink.
Kimber: Now what? More used condoms left in tribute?
Panel Four – Kimber crouches down to inspect the Hot Pink wrapped one. There is an extra wide ribbon on this one.
Kimber: Toss these in the trash before the paparazzi get footage and start speculating.
Panel Five – CU. The package is held in Kimber’s hand. On the ribbon is a message. It reads: IT’S SHOWTIME!
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