Advice on writing issue breakdowns for proposals

[clode9mm]

After all the fantastic advice I received yesterday, I've used the concise, single paragraph format to try and summarise each issue. There's a lot of detail left out; various characters, the specifics of each one, flashbacks to Grey Hill and what really happened there, all of which make the story what it is but aren't essential in breaking it down for an editor. Please chime in with any thoughts

Issue 1 –

One hundred fifty years ago three settlers from an American frontier town kill a strange creature plaguing their people, despite dire predictions of the curse it would bring upon their kin. In the present day one of those descendants, Jake, muddles through life, working at a convenience store in Seattle, WA. After a female patron sends him into a fit of rage she dies in a car accident, one which Jake 'willed' to occur. Jake realizes the terrible potential of this power but cannot control it. As he ponders his place in the world inside a quiet diner, the shadowy figure of Marlowe enters to make Jake an offer.


Issue 2 –

Throughout the city, creatures like the ones that plagued Grey Hill operate within outfits that prey on the greed of ordinary people. Marlowe belongs to 'The Wounded Gentleman' and has been sent by his Boss, Mr. Little-Horn, to recruit Jake, promising him a place in the world that makes sense. Suspicious of this plot and fearful that a true child of Grey Hill has been discovered, 'The Organ Grinders' meet with the last remaining elder of Grey Hill and beg him to stop Little-Horn before he can use Jake to destroy everything.

Issue 3 –

Jake is taken to meet Mr. Little-Horn, who soon entices Jake to work for him. He hides the true evil of his kind, seducing Jake with notions of justice and morality. Marlowe begins to fear that despite his terrible power, Jake is not the monster he believes himself to be. The Grey Hill elder tries to warn Little-Horn, but he is defiant even in the face of an all out war.

Issue 4 -

One hundred fifty years ago, Marlowe fled to the town of Perditions Wake. Hunted as a murderer, he was lynched and hung by the vengeful townsfolk. His body was recovered by Mr. Little-Horn, who turned him into an agent of reprisal and a tool for his own ends. The townsfolk were all found dead, and Marlowe was forever changed. In the present day, Jake is sent to destroy 'The Last Exits', As their fates begin to echo each other, Marlowe questions the choices he has made and laments the creature he has become.

[clode9mm]

This is the final 3 issues.

Issue 5 -

Jake continues to wipe out rival outfits as Marlowe clashes with Mr. Little-Horn. The remaining outfits meet with The Face to discuss an alliance that might stop 'The Wounded Gentleman'. The Face arranges a last ditch meeting with Little-Horn to try and make peace. As Jake visits his parents grave to seek absolution, Little-Horn orders Marlowe killed.

Issue 6 -

Little-Horn refuses to make peace, intending to be the sole leader of his kind. Marlowe finds Jake and tries to convince him that he still has a choice. Jake rejects Marlowe's plea, believing himself capable of nothing but destruction. Jake is ordered to kill The Face while Marlowe is apparently murdered. The Face tells Jake the truth about Grey Hill, revealing that he is not alone and that Little-Horn was responsible for the curse that gave him his power.

Issue 7 -

Jake refuses to kill The Face, and finds himself in a stand off with the remaining outfits, who are holding Marlowe hostage. For the first time, Jake is able to focus his power and wipe out everyone but Marlowe. Choosing to go it alone, they attack the headquarters of 'The Wounded Gentleman' to put an end to Mr. Little-Horn. His forces reduced to ash, Little-Horn reveals his true power and is able to fend Jake off long enough to make his escape. Resolving to live with what he is, Jake and Marlowe set off to find the other children of Grey Hill.

[clode9mm]

And this is the more general synopsis, much like the one you'd read on the backs of trade paperbacks and so on -

JAKE has a problem. He'd like to live a normal life but he can't seem to stop himself from killing people. When JAKE loses control, all he has to do is think about it and people die. It's a power he doesn't want, at least he doesn't think so.

Outfits like THE WOUNDED GENTLEMEN operate everywhere, influencing our daily lives by trading off our greed and manipulating our hopes. Neither man or immortal, they are the monstrosities of organised crime. They want JAKE working for them and they won't take no for an answer. So when MARLOWE, the deal maker with some dangerous powers of his own, comes to call , JAKE is faced with a simple choice - deny his true nature or embrace it and become the killer he was born to be.

As he fights to accept who and what he is, JAKE will discover that his existence is tied to the tragic fate that befell the town of GREY HILL over a century ago.

Whatever befalls him, JAKE must accept life in THE PAIN TRADE.

[Chris2.0]

Pretty good issue breakdowns - sounds like the offspring of Twin Peaks and Wanted!

And something I'd like to read, keep up the work!

Only nitpick (for me) might be the names of the organizations involved - doesn't really roll off the tongue - but sure there's a reason for the choice?

[clode9mm]

Thanks Chris, I'm happier with these breakdowns than anything else I've attempted. The name's of the outfits don't necessarily have any reasoning behind them beyond the inference of what each organisation stands for.

[Jack Wong]

I think a problem with going for brevity is choosing what exactly you cut out. There are a few things here that I wasn't getting - what are these outfits specifically, and how do they prey on the greed of normal men? The greed part in my opinion was never fully explained and I might cut that if it's open-ended.

I like the general story, but didn't get enough of it at first pass to really understand what was going on. Which is fine for me, because when I read it I'll know more, but for an editor they might want to get more specifics. I'm not sure exactly what I mean, but I know that as a writer explaining a story to people they may not follow me as I am subconsciously assuming they know things that they really don't.

(edit - I did understand the plot, but not necessarily the major motives etc - like why Marlowe thinks he's a monster. This is kind of a convoluted post, but I tried to read it like someone skimming and am just letting you know what I got from it from doing that)

Sounds like a cool story. Secret societies, superpowers, creatures...good combo.

[clode9mm]

Thanks for the comments Jack. I could easily elaborate, albeit briefly, on the greed part and perhaps I should do just that. It difficult because you want to give an over view of the key plot points without bogging an editor down in detail they may not think necessary to convey your pitch. I guess what I'm saying is that this is a very difficult resolution, and working out the finer points is sometimes as difficult as writing the thing in the first place.

[Jack Wong]

I agree completely. Best of luck to you man.

[Favorite-N]

This is an ongoing series or a min-series?

By the way issue 7 ends I can only assume that this is an ongoing series.

From what I know about submitting, publishers want to know that you as the writer know how your story is ending. I'm sure this issue by issue breakdown will be happily accepted, along with a sheet on your characters, but they will probably want a page on what the entire story is, where it starts, where it goes and where it ends. Very brief ex (exaggeration) - Jake has the power to kill through thought and is used as a hit-man for a secret organization where he is used to decimate his employers competition. He is guided away from his employer and his evil ways with the help of Marlowe and together they go to blah blah blah and blah blah finally Jake saves the world, the end." They want to know the general beginning middle and end.

You can add along with the submission, issue break downs, character breakdowns, artwork (obviously) and your cover page. Put a lot of time into your cover page. So much so that you should be able to boil down your whole story into one or two sentences and just based off of those two sentences a lot of publishers will decide if they will turn the page and read the plot synopsis and look at the art. If they like the synopsis and the art then from that they'll see if they want to learn more and read an issue by issue break down and character breakdown and whatever else you can provide.

[clode9mm]

Thanks for your insight. It's devised as an ongoing, though anything past issue 7 is an idea at the moment. I've put together a submission package that includes a synopsis very similar to the one you've put up, along with a more open ended synopsis designed for the readers, as well as detailed character breakdowns and so forth. The issue breakdowns was something that a specific publisher was looking for, but I wanted to craft something I could give to other publishers with more open information requests.