The Hungry Heart
This a five page short I came up with. It's a first draft. Feel free to hit me with any and all crits. Especially in the realm of grammar and the like.
I will add that I am well aware my panel descriptions are quite short on this. I'll likely add some more details in the second draft.
1- Tight on the eyes of Miquel Martinez (33, Hispanic) as blood streams down his face. He looks focused.
They donít see it.
2- Miguel sits on a stool in his corner as his cornermen wipe away the blood and attempting to reduce the swelling around his eyes. His coach gives him instruction.
NARRATOR (CAPTION) (CONTíD)
But if you look hard. Past the blood, sweat and exhaustion.
3- Miguel stands as the round is about to begin. His cornermen exit the ring.
The twinkle in his eyes. That last ounce of hope that he can still win this.
4- Carl Lewis (28, African American), Miquelís opponent, delivers a strong body shot to Miguel. Carl is noticeably less beat up than Miguel.
The crowd is amazed heís lasted this long.
5- Two commentatorís sit ringside talking about the fight. They look disappointed in Miguel.
The commentatorís banter about how tired and broken he is.
1- Miguel throws a right hand at Lewis. Lewis slips out of the way.
Theyíre right. Heís been destroyed for ten rounds and this eleventh is no different.
2- Lewis hits Miguel with a hard left hook to the head. Blood flies from Miguelís mouth.
3- Lewis hits Miguel with a strong right uppercut.
He eats shots too hard to swallow.
4- Birds-eye view of the ring. A large amount of blood has been shed on it. Miguel throws a punch and misses badly.
Heís lost what seems like gallons of blood.
5- Miguel swings and barely misses.
Heís tired and broken. That much is true.
6- The referee separates the two fighters as the bell rings.
But he isnít beaten. Not yet. And thatís the only thing that matters.
1- Miguel sits in his corner as they wipe off the blood and work on the swelling. He looks tired but still focused.
2- Close shot of Miguel as he stands waiting for the final round to begin.
He rests as his corner tells him what he already knows.
Heís down 11 Rounds. He either gets a knockout or goes home the loser. Itís the only way.
Just before the final round begins, I see it again. The glimmer, twinkle or whatever you want to call it.
I see a look in his eyes that says although heís losing this fight, he still has hope. Faith.
3- Lewis throws a punch and hits Miguel in the ribs.
It starts the same.
For every shot he canít land heís returned two he canít block.
4- The crowd looks dissatisfied. They boo heavily and give the fighters a thumbs down.
The crowd thinks heís a joke. That he shouldnít be competing at this level.
They still donít see it.
5- Lewis hits Miguel with a hard shot.
They see his bloody face. His wobbly knees and his bruised ribs. They see all that.
1- Lewis throws a punch and Miguel slips it.
But they donít see his heart.
2- Miguel lands a strong uppercut on Lewis.
They donít see that itís strong...
3- Miguel lands another shot.
4- The crowd is on itís feet and shocked. Theyíre cheering and smiling.
And hungry for success.
5- Miguel lands another hard shot. Lewis goes down.
Hungry for victory.
1- The ref stands over Lewis and reaches the count of ten. Miguel is standing in a neutral corner (either of the two corners of the ring not used by the boxers between rounds).
Tomorrow, theyíll say they saw it.
2- Miguel is awarded the championship title as reporters and journalists flood the ring.
Tell and write stories about it.
3- Large shot of Miguel raising his new championship high in the air. His gloves are no longer own but are still taped. The reporters and the journalists are smiling and trying to get his attention by holding their microphones close to him.
And I guess thatís okay. Because it doesnít really matter what they, or I, saw. Wether we believed he had it in him to win.
Because in the moment that counted...
He knew it.