Quote Originally Posted by DavidC View Post
Okay, folks. I need some solid constructive criticism of the opening pages (pgs 1 -3) for issue one.

The title of this issue is "On My Tenth Birthday"

Does it draw you in, wanting more? Is there enough scene/panel description for the artist? Can you "see" the action in your imagination, as described?

[SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]PAGE 1

SPLASH PAGE

The sky is gray and gloomy. The earth is scorched black; there is no color in the landscape. It is a lifeless pasture.

There are fallen blacken gnarled trees; others stand tall, dead and blacken with soot; their branches reach outward like cruel demonic hands.
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I guess "cruel demonic hands" is unnecessary and the poetics is out of place. The trees are bare and dead. Since this is a description for the artist, this can be iffy. If it was a text in the comic as if in a caption, it may be too much as well.
Contrast this with something in prose:

"They had behind them, to my mind, the terrific suggestiveness of words heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in nightmares."
- Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

Here it works for Conrad because it is a suggestive image on one level and yet is pure prose commenting on prose. Conrad can control the pitch of a story and increase the dramatic voice. In comics, sometimes I find that writers and artists make everything dramatic and over the top and so there is no contrast or control. Although Conrad is all titanic prose, with a fever pitch in his narratives. But I hope you get the point.