Writing Contest #76 "The Bechdel Test"

[Favorite-N]

I'm so behind. Barely have a working computer. I'm gonna submit mine when its done regardless. haha. Need new computer stat!

[Favorite-N]

@Barrytown. It moves fast, the descriptions are quick and neat. The dialogue is fine if not sparse. I personally would like to see more conversation but I like that Sam is so impulsive and does instead of talks so it's a nice little piece. Obviously part of something bigger but there really are no flaws here.

[Favorite-N]

@jwall - This was a good story. A lot to cram into the last page maybe you can speed up the first page. But all in all there were great moments. The "flash back" stuff was handled very well. Kudos!

[cbikle]

Hey Favorite-N, welcome back !

[cbikle]

This is what I remember… by Chris2.0

I can't figure out if I like or dislike the preliminary formatting with the synopsis & breakdowns, but if I were sending an actual script to an artist, I'd probably include stuff like that just to help him/her better visualize the story and understand what it's about.

The dialogue was OK and I liked the twist at the end (for some reason in fiction, telepathic protagonists always seem to follow the "honor system" and don't exploit their abilities for personal gain)

[Zepster]

I'm so behind. Barely have a working computer. I'm gonna submit mine when its done regardless. haha. Need new computer stat!

Nice to see you back

[cbikle]

I get the impression that Heather is more than just effervescent, but also kind of indifferent/oblivious to other people's lives; though she might just be showing the typical level of empathy people have for mere acquaintances.

Yeah, there's a little bit of a disconnect there; Heather is attractive with no real money or family issues to speak of or really had any major disappointments or life challenges dealt to her as of yet, so as a result, she has a very positive outlook.

Thanks for reading and the C&C's.

[cbikle]

On The Set Of “MacQuarries’ Justice – I’d want to watch this! And can’t stop making up imaginary backstories for Moira, as it is not mentioned in here? Irish contract killer slash model? Gym instructor slash professional escort?

Thanks, MacQuarries' Justice is one of those critically-acclaimed, made-for-premium cable shows that everyone you know raves about, but you've never had a chance to watch, either because you don't have access to the channel and/or just haven't had the time.

Thanks for reading and the C&C's.

[cbikle]

I would've liked it if you expanded from talking about the show to actually had them acting in it. There's a lot of humor that could've been had and it would've made for less talking head action.

Maybe, but I really wanted them to be extras without any actual lines of scripted dialogue.

Originally, the idea was to have the two characters "chatting" to each other as the scene was being filmed; as far as I know, I don't think there's been a story about what the extras are really conversing about in the scene they're in, but probably not the strongest idea for a sequential story.

Thanks for reading and the C&C's.

[cbikle]

On the set of "MacQaurries' Justice" - This was possibly my favorite of the bunch. The characters were very well realized, and the situation was very believable. The only issue I can think of is Page 1 panel 4, I don't think the staffer would be want to tell the actor that the director wanted her angry, etc, but that just nit-picky on my part.

Normally I'd agree with you, but the writer-director-creator of MacQuarries' Justice is kind of an eccentric genius who does stuff like that as well as even taking the time and energy into fleshing out the personalities/backstories of even the characters played by the extras.

Thanks for reading and the C&C's.