Writing Contest #76 "The Bechdel Test"

[cbikle]

In this contest you'll write a story that has at least two women characters who talk to each other
about something other than a man.


As usual, the rules are:

*Nothing sexual in nature (romantic love scene is ok, but nothing graphic)

*Nothing Political

*5 Page Script

*No published/franchise characters that you haven't created and own the rights to

DEADLINE: Monday, May 7th

[Zepster]

So, for the sake of clarity

The story must contain that conversation... but that does not preclude male characters nor must the conversation be the only element of the story?

Just trying to get the right vibe here, as I could easily fit something like that in to almost any story but do want to keep with the overall theme.

Thx

[tudore]

You can do anything, so long as it in some way includes that conversation.

[Zepster]

You can do anything, so long as it in some way includes that conversation.

Groovy! Thx.

[Chris2.0]

Seems like for the last few writing comps (here and elsewhere) I usually go for my 7th or 8th idea that I get!

So starting to break up the story into pages and then script it...

[Night Robin]

I'm never gonna be able to write two women talking about men and not think I'm a sexist pig. You've ruined me!

Gonna try and get in on this one. Provided the creative juices flow.

[Zepster]

Running out of time on this and at a stag this weekend ( where the subject of women will no doubt come up ).

BTW In case you're wondering. The Avengers movie ( my other distraction this week ) totally rocks

[Chris2.0]

Hah-hah - good luck stag-writing!

Avengers haven't started where I am yet, so I'm hopping from working on the DC/M 70's writing challenge and this one... But the 70's one needs to be in on the 6th, so at least I have 24 hrs extra for my "women not talking about men" script! Even went as far to watch What Women Want for this again, just to get in the zone...! Only to find out it did not pass the test!

[barrytown83]

Am I the first to post a script? Kinda makes me feel self-conscious. came up with this idea the night before last and it practically wrote itself. Let me know what you think!



Evaluation
by Brendan Hykes

PAGE ONE (seven panels)

Panel 1 – Medium shot of Evelyn. She appears to be in her late 30s or early 40s, in excellent shape. She wears jeans and a loose blouse and carries a file folder and a notebook on a clipboard in one arm. She’s standing outside the back door of an expensive sedan, which is sitting in the gravel drive of a secluded beach estate.
EVELYN (narration):
Evaluation of Operative 726.

Panel 2 – From behind, we see Evelyn opening the iron gate that leads to a large courtyard.
EVELYN (narration):
Five months since last interaction in the field.

Panel 3 – Inside the courtyard, a woman, SAM, sits at a small table. She looks to be in her mid to late 20s, very athletic. She looks impatient. Across from her sits an empty chair, and there’s a teapot and two cups on the table.
EVELYN (narration):
Already waiting for me. Doesn’t bode well.

Panel 4 – Evelyn has a hand on the empty chair and is moving to sit in it. Her other hand is reaching out to shake Sam’s.
EVELYN:
Operative 726. My name is-
SAM (off-panel):
My name is Sam.

Panel 5 – Close up on Evelyn, she looks taken aback.
EVELYN:
We’re really not…

Panel 6 – Small panel, close shot of Sam, glaring at Evelyn.

Panel 7 – Back to Evelyn, now sitting in the chair.
EVELYN:
Very well, Sam. You can call me Evelyn.

PAGE TWO (nine panels, in a grid)

Panel 1 – Evelyn is looking at Sam, who is slouched and looks like an impatient teenager.
EVELYN:
Management has asked me to-
SAM:
When can I go back out?

Panel 2 – Close shot of Evelyn, a bit thrown-off by Sam’s interruption. An attendant can be seen pouring her some tea.
EVELYN:
Well, that’s why I’m here. We’d like to get you back out as soon as you’re ready.

Panel 3 – Sam is now sitting up and leaning forward.
SAM:
I’m ready now. I’m ready right now.

Panel 4 – Evelyn sort of glares at Sam over her teacup.
EVELYN:
Please, Sam. Let me do my job?

Panel 5 – Sam is slumped back in her chair again.
EVELYN (off-panel):
How have you been feeling?
SAM:
Bored. I hate this place.

Panel 6 – From behind Sam, Evelyn is looking around at the courtyard.
EVELYN:
It’s beautiful
SAM:
It’s boring. I need another mission.

Panel 7 – Evelyn is writing something down in the notebook.
EVELYN:
And how’s your knee feeling?
EVELYN (narration):
Completely shattered in her last mission.

Panel 8 – Sam refuses to look at Evelyn.
SAM:
It’s great. Better than ever.

Panel 9 – Evelyn looks skeptically at Sam.
EVELYN:
Your physical therapists suggest you need more time to recover.
EVELYN (narration):
She’s been ignoring instructions and sneaking extra workouts.

PAGE THREE (seven panels)

Panel 1 – Sam is leaning forward again.
SAM:
They underestimate me. I heal fast.

Panel 2 – Evelyn is writing something else in her notebook.
EVELYN:
Okay, Sam. So how have you been sleeping?
EVELYN (narration):
She wakes up in sweats at least twice a week.

Panel 3 – Sam has her fists clenched on the table, knocking over a full teacup. She looks angry.
SAM:
I sleep fine! I sleep like a baby! Come on!

Panel 4 – Evelyn has put down the notebook and is glaring at Sam.
EVELYN (narration):
Here it comes.
EVELYN:
Sam, please. You need to calm down.

Panel 5 – Sam is standing up now, very angry and shouting.
SAM:
I need to get out of here! I need a mission!

Panel 6 – Evelyn is out of her chair now, palms flat against the table and staring Sam down angrily.
EVELYN:
Sam, you need to calm down now!

Panel 7 – Large panel across the bottom of the page, Sam is throwing the table aside in anger.
SAM:
I’ll show you calm!

PAGE FOUR (five panels)

Panel 1 – Wide shot of Sam attacking Evelyn.

Panel 2 - Closer shot of Evelyn, arms up, ducking the blow.

Panel 3 – Evelyn punches Sam in the knee.
EVELYN (narration):
Go for the bad leg.

Panel 4 – Small panel inset, very close on Sam, grimacing in extreme pain.

Panel 5 – Evelyn performing a roundhouse to Sam’s face.

PAGE FIVE (six panels)

Panel 1 – Sam is on the ground, clutching her knee in pain, blood coming from her nose and mouth.
EVELYN (off-panel):
You think you’re ready to go out in the field?

Panel 2 – Evelyn, standing over Sam, looking down at her.
EVELYN:
You’re making rookie mistakes. You’re impulsive. You let your frustration make you stupid.

Panel 3 – Medium shot of both of them. Sam is still looking up in anger, Evelyn looking down with a more controlled look on her face.
SAM:
You don’t know what it’s like to be stuck here!

Panel 4 – Evelyn looking down at Sam, her expression softer, more sympathetic now.
EVELYN:
Of course I do. I failed my first evaluation too.

Panel 5 – Sam is in a more sitting position, still clutching her knee. Most of the anger has left her face and she looks more surprised, like she wasn’t expecting Evelyn’s response.
EVELYN (off-panel):
We all do.

Panel 6 – View from Sam’s POV of Evelyn walking toward the iron gate to leave the courtyard.
EVELYN:
I’ll see you in a few months.

END


This isn't based off of any other series I've been working on or anything, just a stand-alone story, though I may be interested in revisiting these characters and/or the organization they work for in the future. Anyway, thanks for reading! Let me know how you like it!

[Chris2.0]

Looks like it! I'll be posting mine tomorrow - pretty cool story in any case!