Opening Scene to an original graphic novel
Hey all, I would like some feedback on this opening scene I'm on. It's the first part of a dream the main character, Damien, is having that leads into the rest of the story. ENJOY!
PAGE 1: Panel one starts at the top left of the page and is small, with panel two being set diagonally on its bottom right and takes up the majority of the page. The page ends with another small panel set diagonally to panel twoís bottom right. The background which these panels will be set over will be an off white color, almost dirty white.
Panel 1: We open with a small panel with a close up side view of two sets of feet walking on a path very close to one another. The first set of feet we see are of a pair of nice brown dress shoes and pressed khaki pants, while the other set, are of tan high heels and slender feminine legs. On either side of the path we see the perfectly kept and cut grass with small flowers popping up throughout. On the bottom right edge of the panel we see a small caterpillar crawling on a leaf of a flower that is only in half view.
Panel 2: Pull Back. We now have a much larger panel as we see the full side shot of our main character Damien and his Mother as they walk side by side on this path that is in the middle of a large forest. Damien is wearing his catholic school uniform of tucked in grey polo shirt, khaki pants and dress shoes. His mother has her hair pulled back with large black bottle cap glasses, wearing a white blouse and blue skirt with tan heels. We can see that this forest is large and filled with vegetation, large trees, and small animals. There are small beams of light from the sun that barely penetrates through the top of this heavily dense forest that make random light streaks throughout their path.
Panel 3: We end with a small panel close up of our characters hands as their fingers just begin to interlock to hold hands.
PAGE 2: Panel one on this page will starts on the bottom left of the page and is small, with panel two being set diagonally on its top right and takes up the majority of the page and ends with another small panel set diagonally to panels twoís top right. The background again is an off white. This should make for a nice transition for the reader from panel to panel and page to page as panel three, page one, leads right into panel one, page two.
Panel 1: We open with a small panel and a close up of Damien and his mother turning to one another and smile. The smile isnít huge or over the top, but a small and subtle gesture of contentment.
Panel 2: Pull Back. We have a wide panel shot and now see where this path is leading them. There is a beautifully large tree in the middle of this forest (think Disneyís Animal Kingdomís Tree of Life) that their path is leading them directly to. We are in awe of this tree as it looks as if the entire forest started and was spawned from this tree. Our line of sight is exactly with our characters except we are much further back and their backs are to us as we can see them walking, hand in hand, to the end of their destination.
Panel 3: We end with a small close up of our characters feet as it reaches the end of the path just a few feet from the base of the large tree. There is a large shadow case over the base of the tree where its roots are sprouting from the ground, while in contrast the path itself is illuminated.
PAGE 3: The Panels on this page are all the same length with only a few spaces in between them. The background color starts with the off white that we had on the previous pages behind panel one and slowly begins to darken into a gray by panel three.
Panel 1: We open with a long, up and down panel on the left side of the page. We see Damien and his mother in full view. They turn and look at each other again, but instead of the smile we saw them give one another, we see the mother begin to tear up. She is not yet crying but the tears are forming in her eyes underneath her glasses. Damien is expressionless as he watches as his mother begins to cry. Behind them we see a few beams of light fighting through the leaves overhead.
Panel 2: This Panel is the same length as panel one and set in the middle of the page. We see a full view of his mother now holding Damien tight in her arms as he rests his head on her shoulder with his back to us. She is visibly crying with tears running down her face, eyes closed, clutching him tightly.
Panel 3: Same length as panel one and two set on the right side of the page. We see a full view of Damienís mother cradling him in her arms like a child. Damienís head is rested on her chest with his eyes closed. Damienís mother is looking straight ahead with a determined look but has tears running down her face.
PAGE 4: All panels on this page are the same length and spacing from page three. The background starting with the grey we left off with in page three on panel one and slowing turning to black by panel three.
Panel 1: Long up and down panel set on the left side of the page. Pull Back. We see a side view of Damienís mother with her arms extended outward as she just threw her child in the air. Damien is being set flying towards the top of the tree that they were standing in front of. The tree is mostly cut off by the panel and is barely visible only poking out from the right side of the panel.
Panel 2: Pull back. Damien, still airborne, is now even higher in the air and is close to hitting the branches and leaves of the top of the tree. He and his mother are very small in comparison to the now large and magnificent tree that is in full view in this panel.
Panel 3: Pull Back. Damienís mother can barely be seen in the small left corner of the panel. The entire tree is in full view. We see a half dozen leaves falling through the air with no image of Damien anywhere, allowing the reader to understand that he has hit the tree.
PAGE 5: Each Panel takes up the majority of the page with only a space in between each one. Each one should focus on the center of the treeís trunk. The background is black.
Panel 1: Wide Panel set at the top of the page. We see a side view of Damien clutching with both arms and legs onto the trunk of this enormous tree as he sits on a large tree branch. His eyes are closed and he is in terror. At this point the tree is large and strong and full of leaves. We see a colorful butterfly circling over his head.
Panel 2: Wide Panel set just below panel one in the center of the page. We see a side view of Damien, now with his eyes open, as he begins lowering himself off the panel and onto the branches below him. The butterfly now is rested on the trunk of the tree with its wings wide open displaying its beautiful colored wings.
Panel 3: Wide Panel set just below panel two on the bottom of the page. Damien is now almost out of the entire panel as he has begun climbing down the tree. All we see is his last hand clutching the branch he was once sitting on. The butterfly is now hovering over the hand that is clasped to the branch.
PAGE 6: Set up exactly like page five.
Panel 1: Wide Panel set to the top of the page. We see a side view of Damien making his way down the tree with each of his hands and feet on a different branch. Now that he has lowered himself closer to the ground the tree is slowly dying. The trunk is beginning to decay, the leaves are beginning to lose color and shrivel up, and the once thick branches are now thin and brittle. The once vibrant butterfly is now almost absent of color.
Panel 2: Wide Panel set below panel one in the center of the page. Close up. We see Damienís foot come within inches of a branch that is thin and barely there.
Panel 3: Wide Panel set below panel two at the bottom of the page. Close up. We see Damienís foot step on the branch that snaps underneath his weight.
ACTION: SNAP!! Placed right where the branch breaks under Damienís foot
PAGE 8: Splash page
We see a top down view of Damien as he falls from the tree. Damien is in complete terror as he screams. His right arm is extended out reaching for something to hold onto, making the readers want to grab him themselves. There are dead leaves and broken branches falling all around him. Right next to his face the butterfly is falling as well, with holes of decay in its colorless wings.