Marvel/DC Writing Contest #11: "That 70's Writing Contest"

[whyscream]

Well I think it came with glasses. Maybe not. But still a 70's character

[Chris2.0]

I'm still floundering for characters - 5 ideas so far for Wolvie/Swampy & Black Lightning & nothing...

How about Ms Marvel?

Ms. Marvel is the name of a fictional character appearing in comic books published by Marvel Comics. Created by writer Roy Thomas and designed by artist Gene Colan, the non-powered Carol Danvers debuted as a member of the United States Air Force in Marvel Super-Heroes #13 (March 1968) and as Ms. Marvel—a fusion of alien Kree and human genes—in Ms. Marvel #1 (January 1977).

Civilian ID created in '68, but super powered one only in '77? I remember I had #17 and #18 of her 1st series? From '79?



Although I'd rather not go up against Kelly Sue Deconnick!

So back to the drawing (or in my case - writing) board...

Added:

John Stewart is a fictional character, a comic book superhero published by DC Comics. He first appeared in Green Lantern vol. 2, #87 (December 1971/January 1972), and was created by Dennis O'Neil and Neal Adams.

And:

Power Girl (real name Kara Zor-L, also known as Karen Starr) is a DC Comics superheroine, making her first appearance in All Star Comics #58 (January/February 1976).

Lemme see if the idea fairy strikes before Sunday... Otherwise I'm out...

[Chris2.0]

OK, looks like idea number 15 is a go!

It's about a semi-retired Marvel character & ex-Avenger that hasn't been used too much these days...

[WildAces]

Misty Knight and Colleen Wing debuted in 1972 and 1974 respectively and seem to epitomize the culture of the time. (Blaxploitation, the popularity of martial arts due to Bruce Lee, and the female empowerment brought upon by the creation of 'the pill'). And while I cannot attest to their popularity levels between then and now (is there a place to look up sales records for comic book characters? would be interesting.) I can tell you I have read some of the current Daughters of the Dragon and Heroes for Hire (love Dr Pepper/Marvel Online Unlimited promos, thanks Avengers) and I think they were awesome. The right mix of action, sexuality, and humor. So now without further ado, I give you...

Daughters of the Dragon
In
Chinatown Hustle

PAGE ONE

PANEL ONE

Int. Nightwing Investigations Office- Night

Our favorite big afro-sporting private detective Misty Knight sits at her desk. A single desk lamp illuminates her features. Her left arm holds her cell to her ear.

Voice (off-panel): You told me to call.

Misty: And?

Voice (off-panel): He made parole.

PANEL TWO

Misty is unmoved at her desk, but she has put down the cell phone and now hangs her head as if a heavy emotional weight has landed on her shoulders.

CAPTION (MISTY’S VOICE OVER): Jimmy ‘Free Bird’ Byrd is a free man after nearly 40 years.

PANEL THREE

Int. A posh San Francisco Nightclub in the height of the disco era- Night

Soul Sister Misty Knight, looking stunning in an orange and red disco inferno bell-bottomed jumpsuit, is heating up the dance floor with her red-haired Asian-American partner Colleen Wing who is styling and profiling in a Go-Go Mod Mini dress complete with matching white thigh high boots and a big old floppy hat. Maybe Misty’s jumpsuit has too big of a diamond pattern cut out the center for her ample cleavage to show through or perhaps Colleen’s dress is a little too short to get up and get down, but it’s San Francisco at the height of the sexual revolution and the crowd; they dig it.

The crowd, specifically, include a barely twenty-something muscular white boy named FREE BIRD looking all sorts of Dennis Hopper circa Easy Rider, the black turtleneck under black leather jacket headband-around-his-large-afro BLACK DOG, and the waif-thin innocent blonde in jewelry-laden cornrows SISTER GOLDENHAIR. These three hover around our heroine’s like white on a polyester jacket but our ladies just keep shaking their groove thing.

CAPTION: THEN

CAPTION (MISTY’S VOICE OVER): I remember when we first met Jimmy back in the day.

PAGE TWO

PANEL ONE

Int. Free Bird’s yellow & black 1970 Dodge Challenger RT- Night

All five people are crammed into Jimmy’s Dodge with Black Dog and Sister Goldenhair making out in the backseat with Colleen laughing beside them and Misty in the front beside Free Bird. Misty is giving Free Bird her best ‘Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir’ look and Free Bird is holding her gaze with a cocky grin when he’s supposed to be driving.

CAPTION (MISTY’S VOICE OVER): Colleen and I had just started our private detective agency while Jimmy and his friends had just started some big time grifting.

CAPTION (MISTY’S VOICE OVER): I think we were all in it for the thrill.

PANEL TWO

INT. FREE BIRD’S Apartment- Night

Free Bird sits on the couch with a beer while Misty is shadow dancing in front of him. The lighting is dark but the mix of lava lamps around the room throw up some wild shadows on the walls. Colleen is sitting at the Formica and steel kitchen table set against the exterior window with Black Dog and Sister Goldenhair. All sort of drug paraphernalia litters the small surface. Outside the red neon of San Francisco’s Chinatown district beckons.

CAPTION (MISTY’S VOICE OVER): We went undercover when they decided to con a “connected” Chinese family. If we could find the money first, we could save Jimmy and his friends from a Triad hit squad.

PANEL THREE

Sister Goldenhair is bent over the table with a straw to her nose and the other end of the straw dipping off panel. The closed eyes and furrowed brow suggest she is enjoying whatever’s in the tube. Black Dog has a smug smile beside her as he waits for his turn.

CAPTION (MISTY’S VOICE OVER): They had begun to experiment with drugs. Most kids their age were.

PANEL FOUR

Sister Goldenhair and Colleen have embraced for a deep meaningful (i.e. sloppy open-mouthed) kiss. Black Dog has dipped his head down as he takes his turn with the straw. Sister Goldenhair has her arms wrapped lovingly around Colleen’s neck and Colleen has hugged the young blonde around the waist.

CAPTION (MISTY’S VOICE OVER): But it was the 70’s, there was a lot of experimentation going on back then.

PANEL FIVE

Misty has climbed onto the couch so that she is kneeling with a leg on each side of Free Bird, facing him. His hands instinctively have reached around to grab her backside. Sister Goldenhair is showing off some of her night moves as she is leading Colleen gingerly by the hand down the hallway while Black Dog follows as he is about to drop his leather jacket to the floor.

CAPTION (MISTY’S VOICE OVER): They were young and dumb; A great combination for someone to get hurt.

PAGE THREE

PANEL ONE

Misty has leaned in real close to Free Bird’s ear.

Misty: Do you know what I want?

Free Bird: What’s that?

PANEL TWO

Colleen is backing out of the bedroom into the hallway in only her bra and panties while pulling the door closed behind her.

Colleen: No, no. I’ll be right back. Keep going. I just wanna see if my girlfriend brought, y’know, protection.

PANEL THREE

Free Bird’s eyes are wide with fear as the implication of Misty’s request hits him.

Misty: The money.

PANEL FOUR

Colleen has opened another door down the same hallway and open garbage bags overflow with money in every corner of the room.

Colleen: FOUND IT!

PANEL FIVE

Free Bird has shoved Misty off of him with all of his might as he races like a bat out of hell to get to his feet.

Misty: Surrender Free Bi-AIIEEEEEE!
PAGE FOUR

PANEL ONE

Black Dog and Sister Goldenhair have emerged barely-dressed out into the hallway behind Colleen who had heard Misty’s cry.

Colleen: Misty!

Black Dog: What’s the haps, man?

PANEL TWO

Free Bird is born to run, having jumped out the window to escape. Misty is already up on her feet about to go after him.

Misty: I’m fine. Secure the money, honey.

PANEL THREE

Sister Goldenhair has been shoved back into the left wall by Colleen’s foot in her abs while Black Dog is being pushed into the right wall by Colleen’s knee in his chest. Only through brute strength, extreme flexibility, and the force the scantily-clad Colleen is exerting on both is she able to keep herself in mid-air bridged between the two. With her free arm, Colleen has punched Black Dog in the face.

Black Dog: ARE YOU JIVIN’ ME?

Colleen: Hardly.

PANEL FOUR

Free Bird lays hurt on the pavement amongst the broken glass of the window. The looming foreign red neon of San Francisco’s Chinatown district seems to surround him on all sides. Misty has landed with the grace of a dancing queen behind him.

Misty: Save your strength, Free Bird. Look, it’s better this way. The Triad are after you, you made some powerful enemies.

Free Bird: We were just have fun.

PANEL FIVE

A brusied, bloodied and broken Bird has been hoisted to his feet as Misty has cuffed his hands behind him.
Free Bird: Are they really coming after us?

Misty: Don’t worry. Misty has you now. I won’t let anything happen to you.

CAPTION (MISTY'S VOICE OVER): I thought we had saved them.

PAGE FIVE

PANEL ONE

INT. KITSUNE’S Chinese Restaurant- Night

Jimmy Byrd, some 40-years older than the last we saw him, is holding a bottle of sake to his lips. He is obviously drunk

CAPTION: NOW

JIMMY: You said you wouldn’t let anything happen to us. You gave us your word, Misty. Where’s my crew? Where’s Roxanne?

PANEL TWO

Misty Knight, oddly not much older than last we left her, is seated at the bar beside him with a shot of scotch held up to drinking height but just can’t seem to bring the drink to her lips. Her clothing and her bionic right arm are the most telling signs of how time has passed by.

Misty: Oh Gawd, Jimmy. I’m sorry. I did the best I could. But Sister Goldenhair…er, Roxanne; she had an addiction. She died of a cocaine overdose shortly after they let her out.

PANEL THREE

Jimmy hangs his head in sorrow. Colleen stands on the other side of him.

Jimmy: I told them, Billy, Roxanne. I told them when I got out I’d make it all right. We are family, I said. How’s Billy taking her death?

Colleen: Black Dog? I’m so sorry, Jimmy. Didn’t anyone tell you? He contracted AIDS, died of pneumonia in ‘82.

PANEL FOUR

Jimmy has stumbled off the barstool and half walks half falls into a table in the gaudy Chinese restaurant. Both Colleen and Misty attempt to help him.

Jimmy: Are you telling me I lived because I had the most warrants out for my arrest? I’m still here because I stayed in prison the longest???

Misty: That’s not how you need to look at things. You’re alive. You made real progress in prison and you now have a choice. You can be the new law-abiding citizen Jimmy Byrd or the old street hustler ‘Free Bird’.

Colleen: Please Jimmy. Come with us. What are you going to do?

PANEL FIVE

Close on the drunk, disheveled Jimmy who even with mussed-up receding hair, wrinkled skin, and a wardrobe out of goodwill still maintains his trademark cocky grin.

Jimmy: Only thing I know how. Gotta keep on Hustlin’.

CAPTION (MISTY'S VOICE OVER): But some people don't wanna be saved.

[Fimarach]

Here is a story about two characters who premiered in the 70's and written as an homage to writing in the 70's. Please forgive any editing errors, I came into this contest late and did this hastily:

Justice

Ghost Rider and Devil-Slayer property of Marvel

Story by David Crane 2012


PAGE ONE, Five Panels

Panel One: CU of eyes stark with fear.

Panel Two: CU of Ghost Rider’s skull the empty eye sockets intense and evil.

CAPTION: Hellfire. It burns the soul but not the flesh, more than a fair fate for a human trafficker.

Panel Three: CU of same eyes from Panel 1 now obviously in pain. Plentiful tears stream down the face. Ghost Rider’s flames are reflected in the iris of the eyes.

CAPTION: I hear that it returns on you all the pain and suffering you’ve dished out to innocents in your life; no small amount for scum like this.

CROOK: No…no…please…

Panel Four: Left of panel Ghost Rider (Danny Blaze),dressed in his blue-black leather jump suit, stands strident and cackling in victory over the crook, whom he is gripping by the neck in his left hand. Coruscating hellfire flows over Ghost rider and the crook. They are in a desert at night.

CAPTION: Ghost Rider’s hellfire is an extension of what lives inside the soul of John Blaze; a devil known as Zarathos.

GHOST RIDER: Suffer worm! Vengeance is upon you.

Panel Five: High angle shot over the head of Devil-Slayer standing (prominent in the left foreground) on a rocky outcropping over-looking Ghost Rider as he burns the soul of the crook in the background (small in the right background). Devil-Slayer’s huge orange “shadow cloak” bends unnaturally in a way that no wind could blow it. In his right hand is an executioner’s axe.

DEVIL-SLAYER: And I cannot suffer a devil to live.


 
PAGE TWO, Five panels

Panel One: Low angle shot from the front of BLAZE’s Harley as he rides through a Colorado canyon at high noon. Although the sun is high and hot, dark rainclouds begin to gather at the edges of the sky.

BLAZE: (thinking) Great, my head’s still ringing from whatever I did last night as Ghost Rider and now unless this canyon ends soon I could be looking at a flash-flood.

Panel Two: LS of BLAZE as he rides through the canyon. We see that the clouds are gathering quickly and heat lightning threads itself ominously around them.

BLAZE: (thinking) What did I do anyway? Go binge drinking at a bar in hell?

Panel Three: FS of BLAZE as he turns his bike and brings it to a screeching halt.

SFX: Screeeoorch!!

BLAZE: What the…?! Are you crazy? You almost got killed!

Panel Four: FS of DEVIL-SLAYER from BLAZE’s perspective. His face is in shadow and his cloak billows around him. In his right hand is the executioner’s axe. The sky is full of dark clouds now and lightning is striking the ground. Behind DEVIL-SLAYER is the long straight road stretching into the distance. The canyon looms ominously around him.

DEVIL-SLAYER: I wish I could return you the favor John Blaze, but to end Ghost Rider you must die.

Panel Five: BLAZE charges the bike at DEVIL-SLAYER, gunning the throttle so hard that the Harley pops a wheelie.

BLAZE: Look buddy I don’t know who you think you are but I’m not sticking around to find out! I’ve had more than my share of psycho-paths!


 

PAGE THREE, Five panels

Panel One: Multi-shot of DEVIL-SLAYER as he dodges out of the way of the motorcycle and teleports into the cloak, emerges from the cloak with a sasumata, and then teleports again about to push BLAZE off the bike from the right.

DEVIL-SLAYER: The Japanese call this weapon the sasumata…

Panel Two: DEVIL-SLAYER charges in a flying leap from the shadow cloak with the sasumata and pins BLAZE to the ground by the throat. The Harley goes skidding out of control. In the background the dark clouds continue to gather.

DEVIL-SLAYER: I learned how to use it in Vietnam. They use it there for crowd control.

Panel Three: A black and white panel of ERIC SIMON PAYNE in Vietnam as a soldier. He is pinning a Viet Cong to the ground with a sasumata as a nearby squad mate aims an M-16 at the VC’s head.

Panel Four: CU low shot of BLAZE’s bruised and dirty face, as DEVIL-SLAYER stands over him with the sasumata at his neck. BLAZE spits dirt out of his mouth.

BLAZE: Whoever you are, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. Leave now while you still can.

Panel Five: DEVIL-SLAYER holds the sasumata with one hand and pulls a Taurus Raging Bull .454 Casull revolver out of the cloak with the other. The rain begins to fall heavily and a huge lightning bolt strikes close by.

DEVIL-SLAYER: My name is Eric Payne. Some call me the Devil-Slayer. You’re about to find out why.

SFX: Krakaboom!!


 
Page Four, Four Panels

Panel One: CU of BLAZE’s face as it is pinned to the ground. His red hair begins to transform into flame, and the image of the Ghost Rider’s cackling skull is reflected in his eyes.

BLAZE: >choke< I think you’re about to be disappointed…

Panel Two (small narrow panel): CU of DEVIL-SLAYER’s face as his eyes reflect BLAZE transforming into the GHOST RIDER.

GHOST RIDER: (off panel) …once you look vengeance in the face.

Panel Three: Black and white image of ERIC SIMON PAYNE in Vietnam. Nearby him a Vietnamese mother and daughter weep with sorrow as he executes a husband/father with a Taurus Raging Bull .454 Casull revolver

Panel Four: Fullshot as GHOST RIDER (still on the ground), now fully transformed grabs the sasumata and causes hellfire to flow up its length at DEVIL-SLAYER. DEVIL-SLAYER’s pistol goes off with tremendous force but goes through GHOST RIDER to now effect. DEVIL-SLAYER is clearly surprised by the move. Small wisps of steam are visible as the rain begins to fall on Ghost Rider’s flaming form.

SFX: (from the gun) KA-BLAM!!

GHOST RIDER: And now Eric Simon Payne, you will hear the lamentations of all those innocents you have harmed in your life.
 
Page Five, Three Panels

Panel One: DEVIL-SLAYER recoils in horror and pain as the hellfire engulfs his body. Astral images of weeping mothers, children pleading for mercy, and fearful victims circle around his head. His hands grip his head and the “shadow cloak” recoils as if to cover him over. Steam rises up from the hellfire as the rain begins to pour heavily.

DEVIL-SLAYER: RHAAARRGHH!! The madness burns my very soul!!

Panel Two: FS of GHOST RIDER, his hellfire coruscating powerfully about his fists, as he stalks toward the reader. His intense anger is visible and he melts the revolver in his left hand. The rain is pouring so heavily we can hardly see anything, except that in the shadow of the canyon in the background, a deluge of water is coming.

GHOST RIDER: And now foolish “devil slayer” you shall see what becomes of those who…

Panel Three: The flash flood fills the canyon and comes pouring out in a tremendous wave, the natural force overwhelming GHOST RIDER and DEVIL-SLAYER. Although tossed by the force of the flood, the shadow-cloak clearly begins to teleport DEVIL-SLAYER to safety. GHOST-RIDER does not appear so lucky.

SFX: FOOOMSHH!!

Panel Five: The bright sun bakes the dessert with a canyon far in the distance. In the foreground, BLAZE wakes up, his clothes disheveled and he is clearly soaked. He holds his head in pain and looks very confused.

BLAZE: Ow my head…why can’t I be cursed with the demon of sober living?

END

[Chris2.0]

And here's mine...

I took the liberty of using Wonder Man... Even tho he was created in the 60's, he only become part of the 'Vengers in the 70's... As per Wikipedia:

Wonder Man debuted in the superhero-team title The Avengers #9 (cover-dated Oct. 1964), and after ostensibly dying in that issue was not seen again until The Avengers #102 (Aug. 1972), where he made a cameo appearance in a comatose state. Wonder Man's body was revived by the villain Kang in The Avengers #131-132 (Jan.–Feb. 1975), and then again by the Black Talon in The Avengers #152 (Oct. 1976), and finally by the Living Laser in The Avengers Annual #6 (1976). After this last encounter, Wonder Man finally recovered his faculties and joined the Avengers in a full-time capacity in Avengers #160 (June 1977).

In any case...

I want to try something - which will hopefully entice more people to actually read scripts! So I'm going to start with a synopsis:

Synopsis:
After the death of her mother, a young woman wants answers from Simon Williams. When he appears to ignore her, her resentment grows, now she wants to kill him! She undergoes the same procedure as him, but it seems like a(nother) failure – she seemingly goes into the same catatonic state as Wonder Man did! Years later she awakens & is found by a lab tech, and her power manifests! Now she has all she needs to kill Simon! But her powers are unstable, and an explosion takes out the whole building! She finally tracks down Simon! And attacks him! But the same procedure that gave her the power is slowly transforming her whole body into ionic energy as well! She soon loses the ability to talk! But it doesn’t matter – she has him on the ropes! But then the unstable ionic energy inside her starts leaking out! If it explodes, she could kill hundreds of thousands! Simon convinces her to take him away from LA, and she flies them out over the Pacific Ocean before dropping him and exploding in a huge burst of ionic energy. But just who was she, and why did she go to these great lengths to kill him?

And then page breakdowns:

Page 1 – A young woman goes to a funeral… Her mother left her a scrapbook with pics of Simon Williams from CEO to fraud, villain to Avenger! Then the same young woman wants to talk to Simon!

Page 2 – But he seems to brush her off, but was on the way to Avengers emergency business! She undergoes the same procedure as he did in a lab. Which turns out to be ZemTech. She is just the latest in a long string of failures – project closed.

Page 3 - But it did not fail! A lab tech finds her – she is alive! He remarks this place has been locked for years, if not decades? But her powers are unstable, and an explosion takes out the whole building!

Page 4 – 5 - She attacks him! He was on a movie set & he tries to reason with her, but she doesn’t listen! She beats him! But she is unstable and just before she explodes, he convinces her to get away from all the millions of people in LA! She explodes over the Pacific Ocean, but not before seeing the proverbial light… And that Simon Williams will be the last person alive on planet Earth – he can’t die… Alone for eternity… A fitting punishment for someone who was not around to see his daughter grow up or her mother die…

And finally the script:

Action(s)!

Characters:
- Rose – a young Halle Berry, about 19 years old.
- Saffron - Mother – Vanessa Williams
- Simon – in his civilian, 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th incarnations - George Eads? http://i727.photobucket.com/albums/w...WKEYE-CA-1.gif
- Lab Tech / Scientist – make them blonde and balding, so as to play on this panel - http://www.leaderslair.com/ionicpeop...an-origin1.jpg

Page One

1. We start at a funeral – close-up of a casket with framed picture of a pretty woman (Saffron as a young woman in the 60’s/70’s) on top of it. Next to the casket is our aspiring antagonist (Rose) – wearing black of course. Also visible are a few rows of seats, and most of them are empty… If possible there should be a man and wife with their kid standing near to Rose, so as to imply “where’s your daddy?”

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “My mother worked for Williams Innovations. That’s where she met him…

Caption (Right side of panel) – Saffron: (All of Saffron’s words are in handwritten font, as they are excerpts from a letter written to Rose) “My dearest Rose”


2. Close-up of Simon Williams –a pic of him smiling as CEO of Williams Innovations… With him in the pic are his brother and the same woman from the framed pic on Panel 1 – Saffron. They are standing in a huge office (probably his) with the logo of Williams Innovations behind them on the wall. His brother turns into Grim Reaper later of course… So a pretty normal/boring pic for a pretty dysfunctional family!

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “After her death, I found an old scrap book full of pictures of him.”

Caption (Right side of panel) – Saffron: “If you are reading this, then I have passed on…”


3. Then pic of his fall from grace… This is an old, yellowed newspaper clipping with a pic of Simon on the way to jail – interpret as you wish or occasion for homage allows!

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “She almost seemed obsessed about him...”

Caption (Right side of panel) – Saffron: “But I had to – have to – tell you the truth…”


4. Then show him fighting the Avengers! Homage the original Avengers #9 cover if you want to!

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “He had it all, and then threw it all away.”

Caption (Right side of panel) – Saffron: “This is the secret I have been keeping from you all these years…”


5. Then of his 2nd costume… The crappy one Scarlet Witch said she liked… Perhaps show him surrounded by other victims of the 70’s fashion era – Power Man in the background?

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “And his sense of fashion was pretty bad, even given the era!”

Caption (Right side of panel) – Saffron: “That your father is actually…


6. Now she’s in front of safari jacket Wonder Man, with the scrapbook… She holds it out to him… She’s wearing different clothes, and it’s at night, so as to show the passage of time since she discovered the truth.

Speech Bubble (Left side of panel) – Rose: “Simon Williams?”

Caption (Right side of panel) – Saffron: (All of Saffron’s words are in handwritten font, as they are excerpts from a letter written to Rose) “Simon…”



Page Two

1. But he brushes her off with a sweep of his hand/arm, half pointed/aimed at the scrapbook… If possible, show that he is headed to the right of the panel – and in the distance the Avengers QuinJet is landing?

Speech Bubble (Left side of panel) – Rose: “You are…”

Speech Bubble (Right side of panel) – Wondy: “Sorry kid – no time for autographs”


2. Good old caption/vowing revenge panel – “I’ll show him… I’ll make him pay, blah, blah, blah…” She’s standing in front of her mom’s grave, in the rain… Detail on the headstone (if you think it is important enough to show…) – Saffron Simmonds – beloved daughter and mother. 7 March 19_ _ - 15 Sept 19_ _.

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “… my father!”

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “I’ll show him… I’ll make him pay”

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “for what he did to us…”


3. She steps into a door in an alley – sign somewhere inside the panel – “ZemTech Corporation”

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “You’d be surprized how far you can get with enough money…”


4. Show her lying eyes open on a slab - in same kind of setup as the one that gave WM his powers. Ref: http://www.leaderslair.com/ionicpeop...an-origin1.jpg
She’s wearing the same skimpy red briefs (and bra top in her case) as Simon decades earlier.

Caption (Left side of panel) – Rose: “and saying you want to kill Wonder Man…”


5. But sort of attached or a continuation of Panel 4 - watching from behind a 2 way mirror on the right of the panel is a scientist & lab tech. Show if possible her eyes are now closed.

Speech Bubble (Right side of panel) – Scientist: “Same result as all the others since Simon Williams…”

Speech Bubble (Right side of panel) – Lab Tech: “I’ll put her with the others…”
Linked Speech Bubble (Right side of panel) – Lab Tech: “Must be something to do with his unique DNA? But he only had a brother, no other family…”



Page Three

1. But it did not fail! The same lab tech (just aged!) as before finds her – she is alive! She has been put into storage inside a hi-tech sealed coffin. Sort of the same one Jean Grey showed up in the pages of Avengers… The storage pod/unit is in the same position as the table she was lying on – Page Two, Panel 4. Lab Tech also sort of in the same position relative to the pod as in Page Two, Panel 4.It’s in a storage room, filled with other pods, paperwork and other assorted evil scientist doo-dads… Want to show Wonder Man somewhere on this page, but can’t really find a way – so how about including a pic of him over a dartboard with darts stuck into him?

Caption – Years later


2. The coffin is in the same position as previous panel, but now just with the top half open & Rose sitting up straight… She is still wearing the same red skimpy underwear as last page… He remarks this place has been locked for years, if not decades? Only going through it himself because the company closed down.

Speech Bubble – Lab Tech: “… and that was 9 years ago…”


3. She starts glowing and floating off the ground! He says he has to inform his bosses! She asks where can she find Simon Williams? The actor? He’s in Hollywood these days… (Show pic of him?) Pointing to the pic/dart board on the wall?

Speech Bubble – Rose: “Where can find Simon Williams?”

Speech Bubble – Lab Tech: “The actor? He’s in Hollywood these days…”
Linked Speech Bubble – Lab Tech: “But you can’t leave!”
Linked Speech Bubble – Lab Tech: “We have to do full tests! “


4. She’s holding her throat with her hand… Her voice starts to go!

Speech Bubble – Rose: “ I don’t thinkkkk soooo…”
Linked Speech Bubble – Rose: “What’s wronggg withhh my voicccce?”

Speech Bubble – Lab Tech: “It might be because of the transformation? But be careful – don’t over-exert yourself!”


5. He reaches out to her… She says, eyes glowing red

Speech Bubble – Rose: “Dn’tttt touchhhhh meeee!”

Speech Bubble – Lab Tech: “OK! Just try to keep a hold on your powers…”


6. Explosion! If you want to / can – re-use most of Page 2 Panel 3, so to show she was kept at the same place? And This also solves the “re-use the (now) working tech” question, as well as showing she is both powerful, but also unstable?

Caption – Time for Simon Williams to face the consequences of his…




Page 4-5 (2 page spread)

1. Cut to Wondy of the 90’s – he’s in his skin-tight black W-shirt costume on a movie set. So the usual lights, camera, film crew, actors, etc… If possible, show that Rose is headed towards us from a distance?

Speech Bubble (Off Panel, from left) - Director: “Action!”


2. She attacks him! Screaming his name, sounding all ‘lectrical! She blasts him with an ionic energy beam!

Speech Bubble – Rose: “SsssimonnnnnWilllliamsssss”

SFX – Frrzzzhh-ATT!


3. Wondy is down! She still tries to talk, but it’s all SFX, and no words as such…

Speech Bubble – Rose: “Shhhs deaddd… Yrrr faulllt…”

Speech Bubble – Wondy: “What the!”
Linked Speech Bubble – Wondy: “This was supposed to be the final take!”


4. He tries to reason with her, but she doesn’t listen! He tries to block her blasts with his arms as she keeps on blasting!

Thought Bubble – Wondy: “Have to get her away from here!”

Speech Bubble – Wondy: “Is that all you’ve got? C’mon!”

SFX – Frrzzzhh-ATT!


5. And she is getting stronger! She blasts him out of the movie set!

Speech Bubble – Rose: “Sinssss offfff thh Fttther”

SFX – Frrzzzhh-ATT!


6. He lands on a semi-empty stretch of Venice beach! But the people still run away from where he crash landed!

SFX – Thudd!!


7. But she’s right behind him, and knocks him back into the crater in the ground from his fall!

SFX – Whuff!


8. But he sees the energy starts leaking out of her! She can’t control it anymore!

Speech Bubble – Wondy: “Your body can’t contain the energy anymore!
Linked Speech Bubble – Wondy: “I can see you’ve got a hate-on for me, but what about your actions? Hundreds of thousands could die!”


9. Simon has to get her away! He has to convince her to fly away! But when he mentioned “her” actions, she flipped out! Panel shows Rose flying into Wondy, lifting him off the ground…

Speech Bubble (Right) – Rose: “Dieeeeeeee!!!”


10. She drops him & in a last spurt, flies into the middle of the Pacific – show her flying in an arc away from us, and Wondy dropping in another arc towards the ocean below…


11. She dies, but seconds before her death, she sees the future – he will never die, and live alone forever. [Only way I can think to show this is having a small inset panel, showing Wondy in his energy form on an empty, desolate, moonlit scene? Reaching towards a fading image of Wanda?]

Caption (Right side of panel) – Rose: “I see a light… And the future…”

Caption (Right side of panel) – Rose: “He will never die, and live alone forever.”

Caption (Right side of panel) – Rose: “Even the Scarlet Witch energy duplicates he builds will fade away…”


THE END


Then I had to cut the following because of space / pacing issues... And changed the story that he does not know it might be his daughter...

Page 6:
Simon looks on from where he is floating in the water… IM comes to get him? Asks what was that all about? Simon – Something from my past… He goes to put some flowers on her grave? But as in today - in his ionic form? On their graves? He had one made for Rose?

And I really have to work on my dialogue...

Added - just finished reviewing another non-PJ writing challenge - and I was left wondering what story the writer wanted to tell with their script? Then I thought the same thing here... This went from idea to script pretty fast, but I wrote an unsatisfying ending to a story about a hero I used to digg! So what happened? I'm pretty sure technically there's not too much wrong with it, but I dunno... Hope my Bechdel test script turns out better than this!

Another addition - in case someone wants to see the genesis for this story - here it is:

Original:
- Wonder man vs daughter? She was conceived before he was transformed, but her mother hid the truth until her death. Fortune teller said her father could not die? This of course happens on TV, so his enemies find out about her. She is transformed and he has to fight her… In the end the transformation proves to be too much and she blows apart… But not before seeing the future and seeing him all alone? And so she can die happy, knowing that he won’t be?

She meets him once as jacket Wondy, then again after transformation as skintight shirt Wondy… She finds out what happened to W-man, and looks for the same treatment. She is referred to a power broker, and he takes her to ZeTech – using Zemo tech… But the treatment seems to fail, and leaves her in a coma, until decades later. They don’t tell her what happened, and she breaks out, coming after Simon. She actually displays his energy powers from his later resurrection, but not the control… Her name? Named after her mother? Some cheesy Stan Lee alliterative name? Saffron?
Added – She loses the ability to parse words as she turns into energy? So one can have Wondy in the dark regarding her true motives? And where to mention her mother telling her a fortune teller foretold her father could not die?

[Red Fox]

I went with Brother Voodoo and The Living Mummy. Not familiar with these guys but hey! What the hell...

Sweet Brother Doomsie

PAGE 1: 5 PANELS

Panel 1: Wide, high angle shot inside The Egyptian wing of The Museum of Natural History. Standing before a large, intricately designed sarcophagus is a father and his son. The father stands recounting what he has learned of ancient Egypt. The boy listens on, mystified.

FATHER
And so after you died, they’d turn you into a mummy. They’d dry out your organs, use a long hook, shoving it up, up, up your nose and pull out your brains...

SON
Ewwww.

Panel 2: Angle on the father and son as the father continues his lesson. Behind them we see a tall figure silhouetted in shadow.

FATHER
Then they’d wrap you up and shove your dried-out body in one of these babies. Pretty cool, right?

SON
Wow.

SFX
Cluck Cluck Bagok!

3: Close on a pair of chickens as they cluck and peck around the father and son’s feet.

SON
Dad, why are there chickens?

4: Angle on Brother Voodoo as he pushes his way past the father and son, clutching a chicken in one and slicing its throat with a knife in the other. The father pulls his son back in terror.

FATHER
Jesus!

SFX
Shink!

Panel 5: Low angle shot as Brother Voodoo drips the chicken blood onto the floor in a line. His head is back, eyes white, as he begins a voodoo chant.

BROTHER VOODOO
Endelieu pour de boisette damballa!

Panel 6: Angle on the sarcophagus as it begins to shake.

BROTHER VOODOO (OFF PANEL)

ENDELIEU POUR DE BOISETTE DAMBALLA!


PAGE 2: 6 PANELS

Panel 1: Dynamic panel. Angle on The Living Mummy as he punches through the sarcophagus.

MUMMY
GRAH!

SFX
BASH

Panel 2: Angle on Brther Voodoo and Mummy as they greet each other. Father and son run off in a panic behind them.

BROTHER VOODOO
Careful, my brother. The doctor’s paralyzing dust will take some time to wear off. How do you feel?

MUMMY
Being locked in a tomb is not kind to someone of my condition.

BROTHER VOODOO
I told you people these days are not to be trusted.

MUMMY
Forgive me. When you are as old as I, let us see how intelligent you remain.

Panel 3: Angle on Brother Voodoo and Mummy walking toward us through the museum hallway. The two chickens follow close behind.

BROTHER VOODOO
My brother, you have been taken advantage of once again. If you recall, you delivered the Eye of Horus to him. Now he is preparing to unleash its power as we speak.

MUMMY
Oh, that is not good.

GUARD
FREEZE!

Panel 4: Angle on a chubby, sweating guard as he aims his revolver toward us. We can see his name tag with the last name Eaton.

GUARD
Alright, weirdo. You and the mummy, against the wall!

Panel 5: Close on B V with a chubby, straw-made voodoo doll of the guard. He gently pricks the back of the neck with a pin.

BROTHER VOODOO
Mr. Ronald Eaton, I have many dolls I like to play with. Would you like to see what happens when I play with yours?

Panel 6: Angle on the guard as he drops his gun and grabs the back of his neck. He hops around like a little kid in pain.

GUARD
Yowwwwkay! Go ahead!


PAGE 3: 6 PANELS

Panel 1: Angle on a city cab sitting at the museum steps as people flee. Brother Voodoo and Mummy can be seen walking down the museum steps toward it.

MUMMY
Do you really possess a doll for every man, woman, and child on Earth?

BROTHER VOODOO
Maybe.

Panel 2: Angle inside the cab. The cabbie, a classic gruff 70’s cabbie, sits in the foreground as Voodoo and Mummy climb in the back seat. The Cabbie looks up in rear view mirror. He sees Voodoo clutching the two clucking chickens.

BROTHER VOODOO
My brother, please take us to that ominous green light forming above the Baxter Building.

CABBIE
Foreigners..

Panel 3: Low angle shot of the cab pulling away down a crowded city street at day. In the distance we can see the Baxter Building with the ominous green light above it.

CABBIE (FROM CAB)
Hey, those things ain’t gonna take a crap in here, are they?

Panel 4: Wide, high angle shot inside Reed Richards’ lab within the Baxter Building. The lab is a massive structure bathed in clean, stainless steel. On an elevated catwalk stands Dr. Doom as he makes final preparations to a large electronic canon that is illuminated in green energy. Strewn on the lower floor below the catwalk are the paralyzed bodies of the Fantastic Four.

DR.DOOM
It’s very gracious of you to allow me use of your facilities, Reed. Especially your Electromagnetic amplifying canon.

DR.DOOM
It should enhance the mystic powers of this ancient relic quite nicely.

Panel 5: Angle on Dr. Doom as inspects the Eye of Horus one last time as it sits in a chamber of he canon. The Eye itself is like an ancient orb, delicately crafted and clearly capable of something dangerous.

DR.DOOM
I must admit, paralyzing all of you has removed a certain element of enjoyment from our usual encounters.

DR.DOOM
I never realized just how lonely destroying a city could be.


PAGE 4: 5 PANELS

Panel 1: Angle on Brother Voodoo and Mummy as they burst into the room.

MUMMY
Hand me the Eye you treacherous serpent!

Panel 2: Angle on Doom looking down from the catwalk.

DR.DOOM
Ah, The Living Mummy returns. I must apologize. I’m not familiar with your skunk-headed friend here.

Panel 3: Angle on a pissed off Brother Voodoo holding up a doll version of Dr. Doom.

BROTHER VOODOO
Brother Voodoo, man. Brother Voodoo. Tell me how this feels in the base of your skull.

Panel 4: Doom laughing, explaining the uselessness of the doll, summoning his Doombots

DR.DOOM
Oh, you can’t be serious? I’m sorry Mr. Voodoo but my armor prevents your occult paraphernalia from affecting me in any way.

DR.DOOM
Now, I must return to my work. Doombots, commence killing.

Panel 5: Dynamic panel. Angle on Brother Voodoo and Mummy as they are swarmed by a bunch of Doombots. It’s a brutal battle. Some of the bots are tearing at Mummy’s fragile wrappings.

MUMMY
Careful, you metallic demons. Careful!

PAGE 5: 6 PANELS

Panel 1: Low angle shot of Brother Voodoo as his eyes roll white and he stretches his arms skyward. We can see Mummy kicking robot ass in the background.

BROTHER VOODOO
Viktor, mans dols, kipic Tu neizdevs mani Man ir kauns aicint jus savu.

CAPTION
*Perfect Latvarian dialect*

Panel 2: Angle behind Brother Voodoo as he continues to speak.

BROTHER VOODOO
Muzigi neveiksme. Jsu shimas ir aplama. Jums vienmir bus zemaka nek? Richards.

Panel 3: Close on Doom as he turns toward us.

DR.DOOM
Mother?

Panel 4: High angle shot looking down Over shoulder of Doom. Where Voodoo should be standing is a meager gypsy woman. Doom has brought his hands to his head, as if her voice is rattling in it.

VICTOR’S MOTHER
Jums nav izdevies mani.

DR.DOOM
Is this real?! Mother?! This is sorcery!

DR.DOOM
MOTHER!

Panel 5: Angle on Doom crumbling to the floor in a fetal position. Walking over him is Brother Voodoo.

DR.DOOM
Have I failed you?

Panel 6: Angle behind Voodoo. He holds up the Eye of Horus. Mummy stands in the distance, robot body parts in his hand.

BROTHER VOODOO
Think you can keep this in a safer place, brother?

MUMMY
I will. Now, where are your chickens? Richards and his team are in need of reanimation.

[cbikle]

A SUMMER NIGHT HIT by Who_Me ?

Good story and dialogue, but for me, as a choice, Bullseye didn't really fit the "spirit" of the contest - although introduced in the 70's, he didn't really gain prominence until the 80's.

[cbikle]

Untitled story by Jimboe887

This story didn't really work for me; besides the Hulk not being the best choice for the contest (he was created in the 60's and has pretty much been fairly popular in every decade since), it was a Hulk story without the Hulk.

I think this would work better as a short story and not so much as a comic story as I don't know of too many artists who'd even want to draw this, which is basically 5 pages of Bruce Banner moping around before killing himself and that's another thing:

The basic idea of this particular contest is to write stuff that an artist would want to draw and include in his/her portfolio to show to an editor and no artist is going to present work to an editor where one of there trademark characters kills themselves.

[Chris2.0]

And some crits from me...

Unnamed Hulk story – Interesting moral dilemma – the death of one, vs the death of thousands? Glad to have some new writers! Fine 1st effort – use this as a basis to work from – have a look at your dialogue – try to get shorten the dialogue where you can and think what the character would say & how they would talk, instead of how you as the writer would write it… Hope to see more stories from you in future!

Sweet Brother Doomsie – Good intro and re-animation… That dastardly doctor – if he’s not trying to take over the world, he is stealing priceless artefacts of unimaginable power from l’ill ole mummies… Liked the characterisation of the guard, but not so much his dialogue… This truly is Marvel NY, where a voodoo priest and a mummy can hail a cab to the baxter building without batting an eye… Interesting twist in the end defeating Doomsie – will never look the same way at him again!

Justice – good intro as well, and interesting Marvel character I haven’t really heard of before… One of the best stories of the bunch. Very good panel descriptions and dialogue… The only thing is, writing bikers (to me at least) is like writing speedsters – they are moving fast, so how to fit more than a single word in a few seconds as Blaze / Rider is knocked off his bike? Ahhh - suspension of disbelief – only works on super-powers, science & magical artifacts & not on physical objects & situations like riding a motorbike! Cool ending on how to separate the 2 without one or the other beating the other… And “demon of sober living” indeed!