EXTREMELY rough draft for a Comic Short

[Travis]

So, I've been posting here for almost 10 years now... and I'm not entirely sure where this should go... but Sketches seems best. Anyway... I've been working on a method for myself to create a comic entirely digital and this, you could say, is my script. I hope its not impossible to understand.

I would be willing to accept criticism on pretty much anything, including the writing, the composition, etc.

Preferably, though, I would just like to know if you think it is even mildly interesting, and if not, what it is lacking. Thanks for the help!

Oh, yeah! This, I'm hoping, will be a submission to Top Shelf's 2.0 webcomic gallery. Here you go:


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[Travis]

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[Travis]

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[Travis]

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[hydekomiksink]

These read pretty well for roughs. The story is pretty fun, and has some good action. The first few pages are paced a little slow for my tastes. I think like the first 3 pages could get condensed to like 2. Just my opinion though. A few of the page transitions are a bit hard to follow, but I think that's just because I had trouble reading everything in your roughs. As for as the process and what you've got here - I'd say it's pretty good. The only other thing I'd suggest is gutters. It's another preference thing for me. I like my comics with panel gutters. I don't like the single line panel separation. If you don't plan for gutters early sometimes it throws off your page later on.

[jasonwithwords]

I say you can do without the "Ten Minutes Later" panels and place a panel with an establishing shot to show the passing of time. I also think the beginning moves kinda slow for me. I think our lead shouldn't do too much talking in the beginning, let us learn who she is gradually.

[Travis]

Wow, I always forget how nice and ACTUALLY USEFUL the info on Penciljack is compared to other forums. Thank you guys, I will try to put those in action in the coming weeks as I work on it.

[Bryan E.Warner]

Just keep the 4 rules in mind 1 Keep it Simple...2 Keep it interesting ( even the illustrations ) 3 Don't get too artsy we fall out of the story...and 4 Make us want to turn that page!
I'd say your off to a good start..