So I finished my entry last weekend but decided to take a few days and read it over. Just as I'm ready to post I see Zepster posted a story with a similar concept! So I guess I won't be getting points for originality but I just don't want to be accused of any Rob Granito shenanigans! Anyway, here's my entry, as always your feedback makes me a better writer, thanks!
PN 1 / Medium on DR. TOM STEVENS (Caucasian, late 40s). The preeminent cardio-vascular surgeon in the country he’s in his natural environment, an operating room (OR). Stevens is decked out head to toe in passive blue smock, cap and face mask. His hands are in the chest cavity of a MALE PATIENT (40s) on the operating table.
Dr. Stevens, there’s a call for you.
SFX (EKG Machine);
BEP- BEP- BEP
PN 2 / Pull out to reveal the OR and the phalanx of doctors and nurses assisting Stevens. Closest by Stevens’ side is DR. LEE (mid 50s), an assisting surgeon. Everyone in the room has turned to face the speaker, NURSE SOFIA, who has just emerged from an adjourning office with a window into the OR.
I literally have my hands full right now—
I understand but you said if someone ever called about instructions--
Dr. Lee, would you finish up for me?
BEP- BEP- BEP
PN 3 / In the FG Sofia and another NURSE look over their shoulders to, BG, Stevens in the small office – holding the phone receiver to his ear. He’s removed his cap and facemask, revealing an expressionless face.
Planning his next golf outing?
When you’re the number one cardio-vas surgeon in the country you can do whatever you want.
BEP- BEP- BEP
PN 4 / Medium-Wide on OR. Stevens pushes his way through the medical team, bumping Dr. Lee aside as he is mid-splice. Stevens is still without cap and facemask and his once expressionless face now shows distress.
Dr. Stevens! You need to resterilize!
BEP- BEP- BEP
PN 5 / ECU on Stevens’ hand holding a scalpel. He slices into a thick blackish vein atop the patient’s heart. Blood splatters.
DR. LEE (off);
Holy God, you severed the aorta!
What’s wrong with you?!
PN 6 / Medium on Stevens stepping back with a look of resignation on his face. In the foreground Lee and others rush to save the patient.
Get me a tourniquet!
He’s flat lining!
I had no choice…
PN 1 / Establishing shot, jail interrogation room. Stevens is shackled to a metal desk and has traded in his passive blue medical smock for an orange jail-issue jumpsuit. Across the desk from him is his attorney, ARWA NASAR (Arab American, early 30s). She’s dressed smart and the organization of case files on the desk suggest her to be organized and an overachiever.
Three months later.
I lost my license, savings and house. Sara left me and took the kids. What do I care about a wrongful death suit--
Mister Stevens. That was a deputy DA you killed. The State is going to seek life. You may not care but this is a huge case for me.
PN 2 / Tight on Stevens’ face. Incarceration has not been kind, as Stevens seems to have aged years for each month in jail.
So, I need something to build a case on. Testimony made reference to a call you received--
The police already traced it and came up empty handed. It was just another string like me.
PN 3 / Establishing shot of a rundown motel room circa 1980. In the immediate FG there is a ringing phone on a nightstand (http://cherokeebillie.files.wordpres...tary-phone.jpg). In the BG a much younger Tom Stevens (19) argues with his then girlfriend SARA (18). Tom looks like a strung-out hooligan, a far cry from what he will become.
You see, that wasn’t my first call.
You can’t believe everything your father says Sara! You know I stole those drugs so we could start a new life together!
PN 4 / In the FG Stevens answers the phone, over his shoulder in the BG Sara storms out. Stevens looks to her in frustration.
Come’on babe! Where you going?!
Who is this?
Tom Stevens? I was told to call you. There is a man in the room next door --
PN 5 / Stevens follows Sara toward the open door, he still holds the phone receiver to his ear. In the other hand he holds the phone base (the phone has a long cord, allowing it to stretch from it’s home on the nightstand).
Sorry, who did you say this is?
Kill this man and you’ll have what you desire most in life. Fail and you die.
PN 6 / Over Stevens’ shoulder as he stands in the open doorframe of the motel room. He still holds the telephone receiver to his ear. This is a typical two story motel where the second story hall overlooks the parking lot. From our vantage point we can see Sara leaving as four to five rough looking THUGS get out of an era appropriate car.
Sorry weirdo, you got the wrong number.
Shit! How’d they find me?!
PN 1 / Medium-wide interior view of Stevens’ motel room. Our angle allows us to see the door and the open window on the opposite wall. The thugs from the parking lot have burst in, guns drawn. There is a suitcase lying on the bed and inside it, among the clothes, a kilo of cocaine.
Tommy! You here?!
Hey, look man! The blow is here, just like the dude on the phone said!
PN 2 / Wide exterior of the back of the motel. Thug 1 pops his out the window but fails to see Stevens, who is climbing in the next window over via a rain gutter.
THUG 2 (off);
We got the stuff, let’s just get out of here.
So weird, I wonder who ratted him out?
PN 3 / Med. interior of another motel room. In the FG a very stressed out man named REEVES (30’s) paces across the room with a phone receiver to his ear. In the BG an exhausted Stevens climbs through the window. Reeves’ room is a mess, there are files and photos strewn across the floor and bed. There is also an elaborate collage of photos and newspaper clippings on the wall, similar to what you might find in a cop program where they are showing the links between mobsters.
It’s not like the mob! Think about building a house, you don’t do it all yourself, you subcontract it out!
But these strings, even they don’t know who’s in charge.
PN 4 / We are over Reeves’ shoulder as he holds the phone receiver in one hand and the phone base in the other, in front of him is a TV screen. In the screen’s reflection we see Stevens creeping along the wall, hoping for the door – Reeves sees it too.
Anyone could be involved but there is only one hand pulling the strings and I finally have proof that it’s --
PN 5 / Reeves spins around and slams Stevens across the face with the sturdy 70’s era phone base. Along with blood some teeth fly out of Stevens’ mouth.
PN 1 / Over Reeves’s shoulder as he charges a stunned Tom Stevens and immediately has his hands around the kid’s throat. We should not be able to see Stevens’ hands as they are obscured by Reeves’ body. This panel can be slightly askew, to help suggest the chaos of the moment.
PN 2 / Reeves stumbles back clutching his chest, a bloody, gaping wound. Stevens looks on, astonished, a bloody knife in his hand.
They got you…
You poor bastard…
PN 3 / Stevens steps over Reeves, who has now collapsed onto the floor, and picks up the phone, replacing the receiver on the cradle.
I… I’ll call for help --
PN 4 / Stevens holds the phone up to his ear. His eyes are on Reeves, now dead, lying in a pool of blood and clues about this shadow network.
Well done, a call has been placed on your behalf. Enjoy your new life and await further instructions.
PN 5 / A high wide shot of Sara’s house. Sara, her FATHER and a cleaned up Tom Stevens stand outside on the porch. It’s a sunny spring day and life is beginning anew all around them. Sara’s father shakes Stevens’ hand.
Everything changed after that day. Sara’s father convinced her to take me back and even gave me money for school.
When I asked why he said, 'when you’re called upon, you do as you’re told. That’s the way it has always been'.
PN 6 / Back in the interrogation room. Arwa seems distracted by a small electronic device, presumably a tape recorder or phone. From the angle we in and the way Arwa is holding the device it shouldn’t be clear.
Am I boring you?
Frankly, yes, you are. I asked for evidence to exonerate you, not implicate you in another murder.
PN 1 / Tight on Stevens’ face, a sickly smile stretches his lips but his brow is stern and as serious as a heart attack.
Every major world decision is made because of a call! Callers are the strings that tie this world together and keep the powerful in power.
I want proof.
Get me out of here and you’ll have it.
PN 2 / Wide on a rickety old wooden pier at night in a seaside city. Once a tourist destination it is now condemned and the Ferris wheel looks ready to come unhinged by rust and roll into the sea. Arwa pulls her thick coat close, blocking out a cruel winter wind. Stevens, now dressed in simple button down shirt, coat and trousers, looks out over the sea.
This is where Sara and I went on our first date. Where I held her hand for the first time...
I knew I wanted to hold it the rest of my life.
Mr. Stevens, you do remember you’re on trial for murder?
PN 3 / Worm’s eye view underneath the pier. A metal case is firmly strapped to the decaying wooden beams. Through the slits in the pier we should be able to make out Stevens standing above us.
That reporter I killed had proof of the string theory so I hid it here for a rainy day. Now it’s starting to look stormy so--
PN 4 / In the FG, a medium shot of Stevens looking crestfallen. In the BG, over Stevens’ shoulder, Arwa pulls a cell phone from her pocket.
How’d they get you?
I’m an Arab woman working in the public defenders office, getting tossed the most hopeless cases. How else could I get ahead?
PN 5 / Wide shot from behind Arwa as she fires a revolver, shooting Stevens in the back. His body flails as it falls. Arwa’s other hand, still holding the cell phone, is limp by her side.
PN 6 / FG is ECU of Stevens’ face, a blank, dead stare. In the BG, beyond him, Arwa walks out into the cold night; her cell phone back to her ear.
We’re glad to once again have a Deputy DA we can trust. Enjoy your new life and await further instructions.