Fusion Jam - Rorshach vs. Wolverine

[Beastie]

I've PM'd initial thoughts on page 1.

I take it you and I do this via PM rather than making it a public debate?

[Ugga Bugga]

I would prefer public debate for a jam. It's a community project, so the more mad scientists, the better.

[Beastie]

My thoughts and changes are in red.......

PAGE 01 (6 panels)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Panel 1 (long shot)

Rorschach is standing on a floating rock looking down upon the city. He is writing in his journal (caption will the journal entry). Below him, the remains of New York's dead and buildings can be seen. The buildings are incomplete and in disrepair. There should be holes and broken windows. Only bits and pieces of each were kicked back into the pocket dimension. So the buildings should be unstable and delicate. Many should have fallen over, collapsed, or crumbled. We should not see the squid monster for the next few pages. However there may be a suspicious lump of debris.
CAPTION:
Rorschach's Journal November 10, 1985
CAPTION (Different font – handwriting style perhaps):
Decay surrounds me. The stench of the dead fills the air as they rot in the streets. Still, it is better than the world I left behind.

Panel 2

A flash of bright light fills the scene. This panel is a close up of the area that Rorschach was looking down upon. Wolverine should be seen in silhouette, he should be posed so that the transportation appears painful. Some lightning surrounding him or a Kirby crackle would be nice. (I think that Rorschach should be visible in the distance – or else this arrival will feel completely disconnected from the opening panel and completely out of context).
SFX:
Krak-A-Pow

Panel 3 (Medium shot or close-up)

Wolverine is holding his head as though in pain. His nose should be crinkled as if smelling the air.(I don’t think it works for him to be holding his head in pain at the same time he is sniffing the air. I think there should be one panel to show that he is disoriented and in pain – and another panel to show him sniffing the air – as he quickly gains control of his senses. I have therefore added an additional panel [but its only small]).
CAPTION: Grrrr…..
What happened, where am I? (Seems corny and out of place for him to say [or even think] this. Perhaps a ‘what the…?’ thought bubble would be more appropriate? - It definitely needs a more primal or, at least, less cohesive initial response to being thrown violently into a different dimension.)

Panel 4 (can be a small panel)

Close up of Wolverine’s nose
SFX:
Sniff Sniff

Panel 5: (Medium shot)

Wolverine snaps round quickly (rather than just turning round). He should be able to see Rorschach in silhouette in the distance, and scowls at him! (rather than just looking at him with distrust. He’s wolverine!! :-D )

WOLVERINE:
Did Nightcrawler pull some sort of prank on....
No, this is outta his league.
(This feels out of place as well. He's just been painfully teleported into an alien landscape, sensed Rorschach, he's spun round to see him -- and then he's had a 'relatively extended' thought about one of his team mates. I actually think that the panel would work better without this thought bubble -- and that, perhaps, a graarr! sound effect would make more sense [given the character and circumstances]).

Also note, the primal and fierce responses from Wolverine would present a great contrast to Rorscharch's considered speech.

Panel 6: (Medium to long shot)

Rorschach is basically in the same spot as before, but kneeling down to get a better look at the new arrival. Wolverine can be seen as a small shadow down below in the decaying urban leftovers.
CAPTION (same font as the journal)
Something unexpected, a new arrival. Is it awake again?

Thoughts?

[ajkarp]

Beastie, your additions and edits make alot of logical sense. I initially didn't see the need.

[Ugga Bugga]

Love the additions.

[Beastie]

Cool. Again, thoughts in red......

PAGE 02 (5 panels)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Panel 1 (Medium to long shot)
The scene should be almost exactly the same as Page 01, Panel 6. Rorschach is kneeling down on a floating rock looking at the decaying city below. A few moments ago Wolverine was standing below, but now he has vanished. (Rather than having this 'almost exactly the same' as the previous panel - I think this panel might benefit from being a view over Rorscharch's back [with his whole body in view]. Bearing in mind the content that's coming up in panel 2 - and the need for a smoother transition to that panel - I would also suggest that a 'Wolverine shaped shadow' be placed subtly behind Rorscharch - to hint at what's coming next. Without that shadow - I would find the next panel quite jarring......

CAPTION (Journal font)
It is gone again, has a lack of food...(I'm not sure I know who this sentence is referring to. Is it suggesting that Wolverine has gone off to find some food? Or is the thing that is noted as being 'awake' at the end of the last page that has the munchies? I think that might need to be tweaked for the sake of clarity.)

Panel 2 (Close-up or Medium shot)
Wolverine is behind Rorschach, one arm is around his neck ready to strangle him, the other has claws extended ready to cut him through the jugular vein. (So, yeah, the shadow in the previous panel makes this sudden appearance less abrupt, I think?)

WOLVERINE:
Did you bring me here? (Again, I think this might be a bit too polite for Wolvie. How about something like 'Start talkin', flannel face - you bring me here?' - This is only suggested speech - but you get my drift? Just rough up his language a little.)

SFX:
Snikt!

Panel 3:
Similar shot to the last one, but more focuses on Rorschach and his unflinching nonchalant response. Wolverine looks tense.

RORSCHACH:
. . . No.

Panel 4 (Medium shot):
Wolverine has released Rorschach, tossing him to the ground. He reels back in anger, his claws extended in rage

WOLVERINE:

AAAARRRGH!

Why? Why, do these things always happen to me! (This is a bit of a dramatic, girly reaction, IMO. I think it needs to be tougher - but perhaps retain the same sentiment? - I don't know about this one. Open to suggestions......maybe just a big 'THIS SUCKS!!' would work? )

Panel 5: (Close-up)
Close-up of Rorschach pulling a concealed knife from a band in his sock.

[ajkarp]

Here's my colored model sheet for "Flannel Face".

[Beastie]

PAGE 03 (4 panels)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Panel 1 (Medium shot):

Rorschach has thrown throws the knife and it drives into Wolverine's stomach. Wolverine is in shock and pain.

SFX:
Thunk!


Panel 2 (Medium shot):
Wolverine pulls out the knife, a thread of blood should show the knifes arc. Wolverine is in terrible pain and screams in agony. Rorschach is walking away calmly.

RORSCHACH:
I don't take threats well. I make sure I'm never threatened again. (I think that just 'I don't take threats well' is more snappy and amusing here. I'd drop the 2nd sentence completely.) - Also note that I have moved this text from panel 1. I felt that it interrupted the action in panel 1 -- but goes neatly with the calm way that Rorschach is walking away in panel 2.
WOLVERINE:
AAAARRRGH!

Panel 3 (Close-up):
Closeup of Wolverine's angry face. He is looking berserk.

WOLVERINE:
Bub, when you stab a guy, make sure he's dead.

Panel 4 (Long/Medium shot)
Wolverine has charged at Rorschach. He is in the middle of grabbing him by the collar throwing him backward and pinning him to the ground.

[Ugga Bugga]

Here's my colored model sheet for "Flannel Face".

I will give one day for feedback on this, then it will be greenlit, if there are no recommended changes.

[Beastie]

PAGE 04 (6 panels)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Panel 1 (Medium shot)
Wolverine has pinned Rorschach to the ground. The panel should be a worms-eye view with Rorschach on the ground looking up at Wolverine.

WOLVERINE:
Give me one good reason not to kill you right now. (or, as he's berserk, this should be a bit more hostile? ie. 'I should rip you open, you freak!')

Panel 2 (Close-up)
Close-up of Rorschach's face (remember to keep the face pattern changing). Wolverine's claws can be seen pointing at him from off-panel. Rorschach is still more calm than he should be.

RORSCHACH:
Do it. Kill me!

Panel 3 (Medium shot)
Rorschach is still on the ground. Wolverine has released him and is walking away. (?? This is a massively sudden turnaround in the space of a single panel, IMO. Perhaps panel 3 should, in fact, be a picture of Wolvie's eyes (horizontal strip panel?). His eyes could indicate a shocked reaction to Rorschach's demand for death. THEN the fact that Wolvie subsequently chooses to let him go and walk away [in what would be the new panel 4 ] would be more acceptable.)

WOLVERINE:
You ain't worth it 'bub.

Panel 5 (Close-up or medium shot)
Rorschach is getting up off the ground, perhaps dusting off his pants.

RORSCHACH:
Mercy.....that was an unexpected surprise. Perhaps you aren't the filth I assumed.

Panel 6 (Medium shot)
Rorschach is now up, Wolverine has turned around to look at him. Anger and range are now surprise.

RORSCHACH:
I think I know what brought you here. I can take you to it, but it won't get you back home.

WOLVERINE:
It?