Five Page practice
Story: A man uses the power of low-level powers to be a superhero.
Page 1: 5 panels
1-Wide panel. Skyline of nighttime New York City. The viewer will read a classic yellow caption at the bottom of the panel. This is Walt Allen's voiceover.
Cap: All my life. My friggin life. I thought I was special. I thought I was Somebody that can make a goddamn difference. I was half-right.
2-Box Panel. A shot of Walt Allen walking on a populated sidewalk. A wiry, Adrian Brody-type, he walks with a sad, dispirited and alone. He is the only man in techno-color in a black and white city. He is surrounded by balloon-less sentences and thoughts, like a swarm above his head, yet small.
Cap: Every time I walk the streets. Looking for trouble. Looking for bad men.
3-Box Panel, but wider. Above Walt's Shoulder. The viewer focuses on a single man, who is not in black and white, but in bright colors.
Cap: 'Cause that's what I see in this world of ours. Colorless, sometimes.
4-Box panel. Close on Walt's eyes. Squinting. malice and hatred.
5-Walt's apartment complex. He's a small-time inventor whose products appear in infomercials so we see mechanical crap everywhere. We see no bed, books, and food anywhere. He doesn't need to do anything except build gadgets. Walt is seen sewing his "superhero" suit on a table.
Cap: Every night I build my suit. Every Night. I make money out of selling gadgets to large companies. The payís good.
Page 2: 5 panels
1-Wide Panels throughout. Silhouette of Walt Allen leaping from a building rooftop to a shorter building rooftop. The outline of Walt implies that he is wearing the suit. Itís a stereotypical superhero suit. In front of him, a water tower that he intends to leap on to
2-Walt atop the water tower to scout for crime. The sentences above his head appear again and theyíre more intense. The viewer is in front of but far from him.
3-Same but closer. They are fewer sentences.
4-Closer to Waltís face. A single sentence stands out. ďIím going to kill herĒ is said in front of Waltís face.
5-Box panel. The Lonely Water tower, now vacant due to Walt leaving.
Page 3: 4 panels
1-Largest panel of the page. Walt is atop a tall building. His back is to us. He is looking at central park. Since the character is sometimes colorblind, he sees one spec of color in the grey surroundings. The spec of color is the potential murderer.
2-Ground level of central park. The whole background is black and white except for a man in an open red jacket and blue sweatpants. He wears a beard on his face and is a little fat. He grips something in the jacket pocket. It is a gun. We donít see it yet. Call him Jim.
Jim (thought): Bitch is gonna pay. She ruined my life, Five f---ing years of my life.
3-Close on Jimís chest. His hand in the inside jacket pocket holding the gun.
Jim (thought): Goddamn bitch is gonna die.
4-Small panel. Jim sitting on a park bench, alone. Heís crying. A lonely Lamppost shines next to the bench. Somber and sad.
Page 4: 6 panels
1-Over Jimís shoulder. His wife appears in front of him. She is a Brunette and beautiful. Nothing sexual, just heavenly appearance. Jim raises his head. She talks to him. Her nameís Melissa.
Melissa: Iím taking the kids. I just want to get things straight.
2-Waltís Pov. Above Jim and Melissa. The talk continues.
Jim: Aní then what?
Melissa: Weíre going to Maine. You get to see them once a week.
3-Jim's hand. Holding the gun. Shakily.
Jim (op): As you see, I made a promise. To kill you.
4-Walt, in costume, landing on Jim. The gun misfires. Melissa crouching in fear. The woman is screaming.
5-Walt, Like an arresting cop, mounts Jim. Walt wraps old rope on Jim's hand. Melissa looks in shock.
Melissa: what do you want?
6-Walt in close up. He talks to Melissa.
Walt: You calling the cops and walking away. Nothing to see.
Page 5: Splash
Walt walking the sidewalk. Everything is in color. He walks next to a newsstand. The newspapers have the same police deposit sketch picture on them. The face resembles walt wearing a cowl mask and T on the forehead of the mask. They All say "Superheroes among us!" or "Masked man rescues woman"
Cap: She asked me,"Who are you?" I told her and the others, " I'm change in human form"
I really like what you did with the imagery a lot.
It feels like this is a set up for a 'real life' superhero introduction which always interests me.
Nice start to your story. I really like the somewhat reluctant hero aspect. You seem to have a good grasp on your character and his backstory. There are a few issues that I found confusing.
1. You say Walt is color blind sometimes, but I guess he sees bad guys in color? Then why is Walt also in color? I know you want him to stand out, but I just think you need to establish the rules of what's in color.
2. The early captions are kind of rough. They seem to be disjointed, and not in a sort of crazy/stream of concious way. I would suggest writing the whole caption in one solid paragraph, streamlining what you want to say, then splitting that up into your panels. I reads now like you were trying to come up with something as you went along.
3. I think you need to explain the words over Walt's head better. I'm guessing they are the thoughts of people around him, but your artist needs to be certain of this. Now you don't really figure it out until we hear the bad guys thoughts. I would also write out what you want the words to say. You are the writer afterall.
4. Just a couple of nitpicks. It's "technicolor" not "techno-color" and police "composite" sketch, not "deposit".
All in all, I think it is a solid start to a promising story.