I only want harsh critiques and overlays
Page 7: 5 Panels
Panel 1: The civilians have dispersed and the heroes have gathered together between their vehicles. It is an informal pow-wow.
Brokenhill: Alright, who’s on cadaver detail?
Max: Dad, there are no cadavers.
Panel 2: Most of the heroes are shocked by Max’s announcement. They should be shown with incredulous looks on their faces. Only Jarhead and Drifter, who were there before the rest arrived, are not surprised.
Jarhead: They were abducting them, Brokenhill. They managed to get away with five before we arrived.
Panel 3: Still in the huddle, the heroes take turns hypothesizing.
Canuck: But why would they do that? They only attack to replenish their blood and brain tanks. Do you think they’re making more zombies?
Panel 4: The Guardian Angel speaks for the first time. Her voice, though feminine, is still computerized.
Guardian Angel: Gentlemen, although I am currently scrambling any possible signals that could intrude on our conversation, it is still not safe to gather here for so long. Perhaps a formal meeting is in order.
Brokenhill: Right, can you get word to everyone else and have them meet us at area 57 in one week?
Guardian Angel: Yes, sir.
Brokenhill: Alright, let’s get what we can and get the hell out of here. I’ll see you gentlemen in one week.
Page 8 will be the pencils that Morganza has already done as the following pages will be the Guardian Angels gathering the troops (see below).
Page 9: 4 Panels
Panel 1: As The Norseman turns, a Commie Zombie is coming out of the woods, reaching for him.
Panel 2: The Norseman punches the CZ’s helmet, forcing the CZ’s head to whiplash as the glass on its helmet shatters.
Panels 3 and 4: The Norseman then quickly picks up two pieces of the wood he has been “chopping” and smashes the CZ’s head between them, splattering brains and blood in the process.
Page 10: 4 Panels
Panel 1: Two black silhouettes that look like Commie Zombies are seen in the foreground as the CZ that The Norseman has just destroyed falls to the ground.
Panel 2: The Norseman quickly turns around again and they are indeed Commie Zombies but their helmets have been cracked and there are holes clean through their skulls.
Panel 3: The CZs fall to ground and a Guardian Angel stands behind them.
Panel 4: The Guardian Angel is still behind the fallen CZs.
Guardian Angel: Greetings, Norseman. You are summoned for an official meeting at Area 57 in 6 days.
Page 11: 3 Panels
Panel 1: Close-up shot of a Commie Zombie’s helmet and head.
Panel 2: The same CZ’s head is now whip lashing backwards, the glass in its helmet breaking into pieces as one of Bruce’s nunchaku hits it. There is a twin trail of electricity wrapped around the CZ’s head and leading into the prongs at the tip of the nunchaku.
Panel 3: Half splash of Bruce taking out three more CZs around him as the one that we saw in the previous panels falls backwards, smoke emitting from its charred head. His actions are so quick that Bruce should only be drawn in outlines for each hit. All the Commie Zombies should be shown with their heads whipping backwards, their helmets shattering and electricity surrounding their heads. Think of the scene where Spidey kicks the Kingpin’s butt in jail in the TPB The Road To Hell for inspiration.
Bruce: (a different word balloon for each hit) Whaaa! Oowah! Ayaah!
SFX: (at each of the CZ’s helmets as they break) Skrish! Skresh! Skrash!
Page 12: 4 Panels
Panel 1: Worm’s eye view of Bruce standing over the bodies of the Commie Zombies, their heads still smoking. Bruce is standing in New York’s Chinatown and a Guardian Angel’s silhouette can be seen behind him in the sky. A Guardian Angel is landing and Bruce is looking up to see her.
Mechangel: Hello, Bruce.
Bruce: (in “icy” word balloon) shitballs
Panel 2: The Guardian Angel has landed and is standing directly in front of Bruce. Bruce should have a look of disdain towards the Guardian Angel. He does not like the Guardian Angels and is paranoid that they can be reprogrammed against the heroes at any time.
Guardian Angel: You are summoned to an emergency meeting 6 days from now at the usual place.
Bruce: You know I don’t take messages directly from you, automaton. Show me the hologram or go jump in a lake.
Panel 3: Full shot of Bruce and the Guardian Angel standing in front of each other, Bruce’s back is to the viewer. The Angel is emitting a hologram from her eyes a la Star Wars. The hologram is of the Fatman and, like in Star Wars, should allow us to see Mechangel behind it.
Fatman: (in a square word balloon with “electric” pointer to show that it sounds scratchy) Bruce, you paranoid bastard. Meet us at the usual place in six days... They've started abducting people.
Panel 4: Bruce has a look of surprise on his face.
Bruce: Why would they take people?
Guardian Angel: Several hypothesis have been-
Bruce: That was rhetorical, tin can! Now get the hell out of here before you call attention to yourself!
Panel 1: A small compartment in Bruce's right arm pops open and he speaks into it.
Bruce: Crane, one to pick up.
Panel 2: Full shot of a small, one man jet plane decending onto where Bruce is standing. It is the Crane, Bruce's vehicle.
Panel 3: Still a full shot but this time the Crane is on the ground with the canopy open. Bruce is hopping inside.
Panel 4: Shot of the Crane leaving the scene. There should be a city scape behind it to still hint that he is in NY.
Bruce: (from inside the plane, unseen) ...shitballs.
Page 14: 6 Panels
Panel 1: Close up shot of a pair of booted feet running, speed lines in the background.
Panel 2: Full shot of Techno Demon running into an alley. Four CZs are behind him, their arms outstretched towards him.
Panel 3: Full profile shot of Techno Demon stopping abruptly as he comes to the back wall of the alley. It is a dead end.
Panel 4: Techno Demon, his back against the wall and arms outstretched on the bricks, looks left and right.
Techno Demon: Damn!
Panel 5: Techno Demon is now in a power stance, his chin tucked into his chest to show mischief.
Techno Demon: I was hoping to get more of you in here but you lot will have to do.
Panel 6: Techno Demon opens his trench coat and countless robotic spiders fly out of it, each with a small version of his helmet on their head.
Page 15: 5 Panels
Panel 1: Half shot of the CZs as they are overwhelmed by the robot spiders. They should appear cringing and confused by what is happening. They thought they had an easy target when Techno Demon ran into the alley.
Panel 2: Close up of the robot spiders on the CZs. They are biting the hulls of the CZs and sparks are coming out of their fangs as they do so. Techno Demon narrates.
Caption: That’s the worst type of venom...
Panel 3: Another close up of the robot spiders as they bite on the hull of another CZ.
Caption: The type that goes viral.
Panel 4: Full shot of the CZs standing almost at attention with Techno Demon standing in front of them. The CZs have stopped struggling and the robot spiders are crawling off of them and back into Techno Demon’s trench coat.
Techno Demon: There’s my good lads. Now…
Panel 5: Full shot of the CZs coming out of the alley, arms stretched out. Tehno Demon must be seen behind them in perspective, pointing forwards as he yells his command.
Techno Demon (in jagged word balloon to show he’s yelling): KILL ALL COMMIE ZOMBIES FROM OUTER SPACE!
Page 16: 3 Panels
Panel 1: Half splash view of a city street overrun by CZs. People are fleeing to and from every direction. Some CZs have abductees over each shoulder and those that do not are actively hunting them down. Techno Demon’s CZs can be seen hurrying into the melee with Techno Demon running behind them. The background should show that this was once Washington D.C. Perhaps the Washington monument can be shown in the background.
Panel 2: Techno Demon’s CZs disperse and two of them immediately use their brain spikes to kill one CZ each.
SFX (for each of the two CZs that are being killed): Krish! Kresh!
Panel 3: Techno Demon is running towards the mayhem himself, leaving behind his other two CZs as they each grab a CZ and kill them as the prior two did.
SFX (again for each CZ being killed by their infected comrades): Kresh! Krish!
Techno Demon: Get them, my pretties!
Page 17: 5 Panels
Panel 1: Techno Demon takes out two discs that hold four blades each out of his trench coat while still running towards the melee.
Panel 2: Dramatic angle and perspective of Techno Demon throwing the discs.
Panel 3: Close up of the discs in the air as they begin to spin like saws.
Panel 4: The saws cut through the glass helmets of two CZs like butter and decapitate them in the process. The saws should be shown behind the decapitated heads, still spinning and having lost no momentum.
SFX: SCHLACK! SCHLACK!
Panel 5: The saws continue decapitating CZs as they zip through the air. It is up to the artist how many zombies are shown being decapitated.
Page 18: 5 Panels
Panel 1: Half shot of three rows of CZs that are carrying abductees.
Panel 2: As they stand at attention, wings eject from unseen compartments on their backs.
Panel 3: Full shot of the same row of CZs. Smoke is being emitted from the bottom of their boots.
Panel 4: The CZs take off row after row.
Panel 5: Shot of Techno Demon as he looks on in disbelief.
Techno Demon: What the f-?! They can fly now?!
Page 19: 6 Panels.
Panel 1: Shot of Techno Demon slumping, looking defeated.
Techno Demon: All those people…
Panel 2: A small robot spider crawl out of Techno Demon’s trench coat.
Panel 3: The spider’s eyes emit a hologram of the Fatman in front of Techno Demon and TD looks up as it gets his attention.
Fatman: Techno Demon!
Panel 4: Techno Demon’s posture is now confrontational. He points a finger at the hologram.
Techno Demon: Goddamnit, Fatman! How many times do I have to tell you not to hack into my robots?!
Panel 5: The Fatman’s hologram answers. Techno Demon has put his hand down but is still in a confrontational posture.
Fatman: You don’t really leave me much choice. It’s not like I can send a Guardian Angel into the center of New Moscow.
Techno Demon: I think you mean a Tech Angel.
Panel 6: Front shot of the Fatman’s hologram. He can be shown rolling his eyes at TD.
Fatman: We don’t have time for that old squabble. The zombies have started abducting people. We’re rounding up the troops and meeting at the usual place. Be there in 6 days.
Last edited by fatmancomics; 09-06-2011 at 09:56 PM.
All I can say is your doing a fantastic job with this.I like the way your writing this.
Originally Posted by fatmancomics
I only want harsh critiques and overlays
I'll find a way to turn this into pages but I wanted to share it:
A Zomba explains the origin of the Commie Zombies:
“Our planet was once very much like yours. It was made up of many countries, each with its own government and culture. The governments were almost as varied as the religions that the peoples of these countries practiced. It was these religions, however, that would be our undoing. You see, governments come and go. People are not afraid to rise up against their leaders when their gods command it.
Of the many religions on our planet, two were the most dominant and wars over which one would prevail over the other had been fought for millennia. They weren’t even that different really. In fact, both religions worshiped the same gods. It was the argument on which of the prophets had been chosen to speak for the gods that drove the wedge between them. If one analyzed the argument without prejudice, one could realize that it wasn’t even about the prophets at all but about land. Both prophets had claimed the same piece of land so each tribe had decided to remove anyone not belonging to their culture from that land.
Even after the entire world had been populated and we began to explore what was beyond it, the two tribes quarreled over the same piece of land. Even after the rest of our world began to leave the antiquated beliefs that began with a doomsday cult behind, the tribes still quarreled over that small piece of land. So much so that they turned it into a desert covered in sand made from the ground up bones of the dead.
The rest of us ignored them. Even those of us who still believed in either religion had moved beyond war. Outside of that desert, we had become enlightened. Religion still existed but it was only used as a way to feel comfort when you couldn’t find any other way to comfort yourself.
That desert and its two tribes became a warning to the rest of us of what can happen when one lets their zeal overpower their common sense. Over time our entire world became a peaceful, harmonious society held together by the constant bad example of those two tribes. We understood that we could not allow ourselves to degrade to that level but we also hoped that someday they would wake up and join the rest of us in posterity. We felt sorry for them because they chose to continue in their ignorance while the rest of the world moved on. We never realized what kind of threat those two ignorant tribes squabbling over a worthless desert really posed.
Nobody knows which tribe struck first because by the time the rest of us realized what had happened, both tribes had eradicated each other but we do know the weapon of choice. I believe you humans call it germ warfare.
One of the tribes managed to get a hold of a biological weapon designed for pest control and modified it to have a negative effect on the male of our species. To be more specific, it caused our men to become sterile. What they didn’t count on was that the virus used to make this weapon would mutate beyond their designs and become both airborne and lethal. Any man that became infected died within ten of your years.
Within thirty of your years, our entire planet was in a race against time to find a cure against this virus. Within fifty of your years, our population was on its way to becoming extinct. Our leaders would not allow us to leave the home world despite our ability to travel to other planets because they were afraid that we would infect any indigenous population that might exist there. Instead, they focused all our resources on finding a cure. One was found but by then it was too late. All of the men were dead.
Using our advanced technology, we found a way to bring the men back to life but we soon found out that it was the virus, and not our machines, that kept them alive so the cure was useless. We also realized that their decomposed bodies no longer held fully functional brains. They were no more than animals led by the basest of instincts; hunger. More so than ever, our men had become predators and we had become their prey. A population that had been cut in half already was reduced in half yet again by these unrelenting beasts.
Through research, our scientists discovered that it wasn’t hunger for sustenance that compelled the beasts but a need for blood. Reanimating the corpses had also reanimated the virus and it had continued to mutate in order to survive. The central nervous system in our men had now evolved into something that operated completely separate of the other systems of the body and it had actually created passageways leading directly from the mouths of the corpses to their brains. The act of biting and chewing was simply to release the blood from their victims. The act of swallowing was retained information from their past lives.
All the research was done, of course, in order to attempt to find a way for our species to propagate once more. We never found it but we did find ways to tame the beasts. We put them in the suits that you are so used to seeing them in now in order to protect ourselves from their bites. At first we would feed them by removing the clear shells from around their heads but we lost too many good women that way so we began feeding the blood directly into their brains intravenously.
We controlled the suits remotely but some of them were strong enough to overpower them so we began cutting off appendages and replacing them with cybernetic implants. Keeping their brains in blood kept them satiated but there were instances where one of us had forgotten to feed one of them or when the equipment failed and we couldn’t have a hungry beast on the loose. Despite all our progress, we still couldn’t find a cure.
We tried cloning but there were no healthy specimens left to clone from. Every clone was born with the virus; if they were born at all and the virus was resistant to everything.
When the women started to die off, in desperation to save our race from extinction, we injected ourselves with the latest strain of the virus knowing that it would keep us alive beyond our natural deaths. We used our technology to keep our bodies from decomposing and we realized that our hunger was different than that of the beasts. Because we were alive when we injected the virus, our bodies were mutated in a different way and we hungered for brains.
After death, our bodies could no longer regenerate like a live one and, though our bodies were not decomposing our brains still needed regeneration in order for us to keep our intelligence. Because they could no longer process food in the same way, our bodies hungered for the materials needed to regenerate our brains. If we stopped eating brains, we would become like the beasts. We tried in vain to feed the beasts brains in order for them to regain their intelligence but whatever information their brains had held before dying proved to be irretrievable. Some of our scientists speculate that it was because of the decomposition while others theorize that the trauma of death itself erased all past memories. The latter theory seems unlikely as all of the women have also died but retained their intelligence.
No matter how much we got to know our condition, we were never able to find a cure. Our insatiable hunger began to take its toll on our planet’s resources as well. Although our population had become small and we only took up one third of our planet, we were devouring our wildlife faster that it could replenish itself.
Like you, we are mammalian and the cannibalistic nature of the disease meant that only mammalian blood and brains could keep us alive and intelligent. Over one hundred of your years had passed since the reanimation of our men and resources were scarce. Our women were beginning to feed on the brains of the beasts when our saviors arrived.
The cosmonauts brought with them hope that their genetic material was compatible enough to ours so that our species did not become extinct. More than that, they brought with them a way of life that reminded us of those glorious days when our planet was in harmony.
Communism holds no such ideals. Communism recognizes the importance of the many over the few or the one. It recognizes the dangers that individual freedoms place upon the populace. Communism realizes the dangers that come with religion and a belief in deities. It recognizes the promise of each member of its populace and places that person where they can do the most good; thereby forcing that member to reach their full potential. The belief in individuality and faith in the ability of each person to reach their full potential on their own was our undoing. We will not allow it to be yours.
Our experiments have continued and in the ten years that we have been on your planet we have not found a way to make your people genetically compatible with ours. The improvements we have made on your planet more than make up for the losses you suffered during the appropriation. Those few who resist will be driven back and their lands will be turned into deserts covered in sand made from their ground bones.”
Fatman thoses new pages are so cool,Damn man you got a great imagination .I really(yes damnit) wish I had some time to draw some of this.
But to me you are really bring this to life.Nice work!