The Chaser! (Short Script)

[Scott_S]

The Chaser!
(Two-Fisted Pulp-Era Adventure)

PAGE ONE (4 Panels)

Panel 1: Early Evening. Looking through the windshield at two men in a 1930s automobile (Buick Eight for ref.). The driver (Dibbs) is a huge man in a white collared button-up, rolled sleeves, large leather gloves and suspenders. He's bald, lightly freckled and almost ape-ish, hunched over the steering wheel with wide-eyed intensity on his face. The passenger (The Chaser) is average in build wearing a derby hat, lone ranger mask and a trench coat with a suit underneath. His hands are on the dash he leans forward looking grim, determined.

Chaser:
Step on it, Dibbs! We've got to catch Trundle before he leaves port!

Dibbs:
Tryin', Boss. This heap needs a tune-up.

Panel 2: View from above/behind the car as it speeds down the city street through on-coming traffic. Ahead is a closed chain-linked gate with guards.

SFX: Vrooom

SFX: Honk! Honk!

Panel 3: F/G – A View from the backseat, Dibbs and Chaser are silhouettes on the sides of the panel. B/G - two thugs at the gate are firing pistols at the car.

Dibbs:
Hang on, Boss.

SFX: Blam Blam

Panel 4: The car has burst through the gate, slightly airborne, with holes in the windshield, one headlight busted out, etc.

SFX: Crash!


PAGE TWO (5 Panels + 1 Insert)

Panel 1 (Large): F/G – a group of men on the boarding ramp of a cargo ship; a well-kept white-haired/bearded man (Trundle) in a fashionable suit with a briefcase; a tall hawk-ish man (Azhir) wearing a turban and suit with cummerbund; three smaller turban-wearing goons carrying luggage. B/G – Dibbs and Chaser's car has slid sideways, indicated by skid marks, into a stack of crates.

Trundle:
What the devil is that?

Azhir:
It appears to be The Chaser, sir.

Trundle:
Of course. It always is.

Trundle:
Well, the fool lives up to his name, I'll give him that.

SFX: Eeerrk

SFX: Crunch!

Panel 2: F/G – Waist up shot of Azhir snarling, fist in palm. B/G – Trundle is making his way up the ramp, but turning his head back to regard Azhir.

Azhir:
I will give him death.

Trundle:
Yes, well, do be hasty. We've a schedule to keep.

Trundle:
This way men. And be gentle with my luggage.

Panel 3: Dibbs & Chaser's car is smacked up against a stack of crates, Dibbs' side facing the reader. The car smokes, crates on and around it, the tires flat. Dibbs kicks his door off the hinges.

Dibbs:
Ya'll right, boss?

SFX: Clang!

Panel 3 Insert (Circle): Close-Up of a police scanner inside the car.

CAP:
Calling all cars, be on the lookout for The Chaser and his accomplice, last seen headed down Broadway for the docks, Pier #9. Suspects wanted for questioning concerning the Rovington murders.

Panel 4: Car interior. Chaser & Dibbs lock forearms as Dibbs helps Chaser out of the car.

Chaser:
Hear that, Dibbs? Trundle sure has us in a pinch. If he gets away, we'll have a time of it clearing our names.

Dibbs:
I saw 'em, Boss. Got on that cargo.

Panel 5: Chaser & Dibbs running down the pier towards the cargo ship.

Chaser:
He won't come easy. Be ready for a fight.

Dibbs:
Always, Boss.

PAGE THREE (5 Panels)

Panel 1: Chaser & Dibbs have come to halt on a stretch of the pier full of cargo crates and trucks. A group of 5 dock workers/sailors block their way. The main sailor (Rooney) is built like a stump with a scraggly beard, nasty sneer and a switch blade he's using to clean his fingernails. The others have clubs and chains.

Rooney:
Evenin', gents. Hate to be a bother, but I'm gonna need to see yer boardin' passes.

Panel 2: Waist-Up front view of Chaser with Dibbs behind with his hand on Chaser's left shoulder, gripping Chaser's coat.

Chaser:
No bother at all. I've got my pass right--

Panel 3: F/G – Chaser is a series of three ghost images, having been thrown over the group by Dibbs. His ghost images are: dive, tuck'n roll, and recover. The recover image is like a sprinter in the ready position. The last/4th form is Chaser solid, running. B/G – The group of thugs is looking up as Chaser flies over. Dibbs' arms are thrown out like he's just tossed a bail of hay.

Chaser:
--Here!

SFX: Whoosh

Panel 4: Chaser is bounding up the boarding ramp to the cargo ship using the rope rails on either side for support.

Panel 5: Chaser enters a darkened doorway on the ship with one hand still visible clutching the doorway and his eyes staring back out of the dark in afterthought.

Chaser (Thought):
Feel awful leaving Dibbs with those goons...

PAGE FOUR (6 Panels)

Panel 1: Dibbs left arm and gloved hand dominate the panel as he gives Rooney a mean left hook to the jaw. Spittle and teeth fly from Rooney's mouth. The other goons have weapons raised ready to attack the towering Dibbs.

CAP:
...hope he can handle them.

SFX: Thooom!

Panel 2: One of Dibbs' arms is raised with one goon's chain wrapping around it. Dibbs' is elbowing another guy in the face with the other arm. He stands with one foot on top of the floored Rooney's neck. Rooney is out cold.

SFX(Chain): Wff-Wff-Wff

SFX(Elbow): Crack!

Panel 3, 4, 5: This is one row of three same-sized panels, each with separate fighting actions. Panel 3 is Dibbs' chained hand conking one goon on top of the head. Panel 4 is Dibbs punching a goon in the stomach. Panel 5 is Dibbs uppercutting the last goon's jaw.

SFX(Panel 3): Bonk!

SFX(Panel 4): Whump!

SFX(Panel 5): Crunk!

Panel 6: Dibbs readies for more goons as a truck full has pulled up and they're piling out.

Dibbs (Thought):
Lots o' goons around here...

PAGE FIVE (6 Panels)

Panel 1: A side view of the doorway Chaser went into, but he's falling backwards out of it. A long leg (Azhir's) shoots out of the door having just kicked Chaser.

CAP:
...hope the Boss can handle himself.

Chaser:
Ooof!

Panel 2: Chaser has fallen backwards onto some cargo crates, preparing to get up and staring at Azhir. Azhir is pulling out a long dagger from his cummerbund. The area around is the ship's main deck full of various crates, tarps, rope/pulleys and supplies. There's also a large stack of chicken coop crates with chickens in them.

Chaser:
Thought I'd find you lurking in the shadows, Azhir.

Chaser:
It's the only place men of your character feel safe.

Panel 3: Side view of Azhir slashing out, but Chaser ducks under the blade.

Chaser:
Not much for conversation today, huh?

SFX: Whoosh

Panel 4: Chaser has grabbed a chicken coop crate from nearby and smashed it across Azhir's head. The released chicken is flapping around Azhir's head hysterically as feathers fly all around.

Chaser:
That's fine by me. You never were that interesting.

SFX: Crash

SFX: Bwaak!

Panel 5: Azhir is on one knee on top of a huge bundle of rope which he's gathering up while looking back at Chaser whose back is turned, running down the deck to get to Trundle.

Chaser:
Your Boss, on the other hand, he and I have lots of interesting things to talk about.

Panel 6: A large thick rope ending in a pulley or hook is tossed at Chaser who's running down the deck.

PAGE SIX (7 Panels + 2 Inserts)

Panel 1: The pulley has cast itself around Chaser's feet wrapping his legs together as he begins to fall.

Panel 2: Azhir is tugging the rope back to him. Chaser is nearly within Azhir's grasp.

Panel 3: Azhir is picking up Chaser by the scruff of his neck with one hand, his pant leg with the other. His position is such that Chaser's hands are at Azhir's feet.

Panel 3 Insert (Circle): Using the excess rope on the deck Chaser is wrapping it around Azhir's feet

Panel 4: Azhir holds Chaser over his head preparing to throw him overboard. Chaser holds the end of the rope he attached to Azhir.

Panel 5: Aerial shot of Azhir looking over the edge as Chaser is falling.

Panel 6: Azhir looks down at his leg in horror as the rope has tightened and began to drag him over the edge.

Panel 6 Insert (Circle): Azhir's head hits the rail with enough force to knock him out.

SFX: Thunk

Panel 7: Aerial shot of the splashes the pair made having just landed in the water.

SFX: Splooosh

PAGE SEVEN (6 Panels)

Panel 1: Underwater view of Chaser attempting to swim with Azhir, knocked out, still connected by rope, drifting deeper into the water.

Panel 2: Up-angle of Chaser reaching in vain for the surface with an outstretched hand. Air bubbles spew from his mouth.

Chaser:
Hhhrrrr!

Panel 3: A huge leather-gloved hand plunges through the water, grasping Chaser's.

SFX: Swoosh

Panel 4: F/G - on the pier Dibbs, covered in cuts and bruises, is hauling up the rope, the unconscious Azhir halfway out of the water. Chaser is standing next to him, wringing out his hat. B/G – the cargo ship is making its way out to sea, into the night.

Dibbs:
How ya' feelin', Boss?

Chaser:
Not good, Dibbs. Not good. Trundle escaped.

Panel 5: Chaser putting his hat back on looks towards the entrance of the docks to see several police cars, lights flashing, headed their way.

Chaser:
Lucky us, Azhir was kind enough to stick around. We should be able to get out of the red, but...

Panel 6: Chaser and Dibbs look towards the sea, into the night, the hull of the cargo barely visible or just a few light markers. Azhir lays at their feet, the police lights washing over them.

Chaser:
I wanted Trundle. Wherever he goes, I'll find him.

Chaser:
We'll find him.

Dibbs:
You got it, Boss.

[Minyobi]

Hey, this is pretty good. I especially like how everything flows, if that makes any sense.

I don't know if you plan to post any more stories of the Chaser, but I'd love to hear the "voices" of these characters a little bit more.

[Scott_S]

Hey, this is pretty good. I especially like how everything flows, if that makes any sense.

I don't know if you plan to post any more stories of the Chaser, but I'd love to hear the "voices" of these characters a little bit more.

Thanks for reading and commenting, Minyobi.

This is my first written adventure of The Chaser, but in my head it takes place somewhere in the middle of his mythos. He's already established as a vigilante crime-fighter, his feud with Trundle and all that.

But yeah, I liked writing Chaser and Dibbs (especially Dibbs) so I very well might do another story.

[CLASSIFIED1]

I Love the name
it instantly brings up images of The Green Hornet playing on an old Sepia TV, or old dick tracy cartoons.
The story seems very well grounded and i could see a very strong mythology coming out of it.
Of coarse since it is a period piece you run the risk of not being very original (i.e cliche villians, settings)
i like the banter between chaser and Dibbs, the mutual worry...
I love story's where old ideas are shown in a different light.
that being said...
i didnt really feel like the premise stood out enough for me
if someone came up to me and said
"hey you should read this comic... its about an old school type hero but its done in this way... or its old school with a new twist"
I would be much more inclined to read it opposed to
"Hey check out this story about this old school type crime fighter." You know what i mean?

hoped that helped out some.
just my thoughts

[Scott_S]

i didnt really feel like the premise stood out enough for me
if someone came up to me and said
"hey you should read this comic... its about an old school type hero but its done in this way... or its old school with a new twist"
I would be much more inclined to read it opposed to
"Hey check out this story about this old school type crime fighter." You know what i mean?

Right on. I totally see what you're saying. I guess right now the only thing its got going for it is the fact that it's a throwback, full of old cliches and set-ups. Hits too narrow of an audience prolly. I'll have to to do some brainstorming. Thanks for reading, good sir.

[zazenD15C]

I liked it and don't see much cliché about it other than dress (derby & mask). The genre is limiting and therefore similar to other period works. One way to diverge would be to bring in contemporary subjects to the period i.e. Cthulu, early rocketry, other things that readers then were aware of but was not in pulp. Look forward to more adventures of "The Chaser"

[Yossarian]

I really liked it.

I'm...not sure the dialog is right though. It's great, but I'm not sure it fits. Are they in England? It reads a bit like a Holmes exchange. If they're across the pond, it doesn't fit so well. I'd expect more of a Raymond Chandler vibe.

[Scott_S]

I liked it and don't see much cliché about it other than dress (derby & mask). The genre is limiting and therefore similar to other period works. One way to diverge would be to bring in contemporary subjects to the period i.e. Cthulu, early rocketry, other things that readers then were aware of but was not in pulp. Look forward to more adventures of "The Chaser"
Thanks for readin' Zazen. Yeah, that costume is a real head-scratcher. Still not sure where I'm gonna go with it. If it ever comes to an artist I'll prolly bank on him/her dealing with it, lol. And I dig the Cthulu/rocketry idea. See what I can weave in there.

I really liked it.

I'm...not sure the dialog is right though. It's great, but I'm not sure it fits. Are they in England? It reads a bit like a Holmes exchange. If they're across the pond, it doesn't fit so well. I'd expect more of a Raymond Chandler vibe.
Right on. Thanks for readin' Yoss. Are there any specific examples you can point out dialogue-wise that sound off so I can tweak 'em?

[eriksson]

I like the dialogue! Most of the talk on page two seems very English to me, but I thought that that was a nice touch.

The Cthulu/rocketry idea sounds cool - I'd definitely like to read something like that. For some reason the story also gives me visions of the Chaser jumping out of an airplane. Is there a woman that both the Chaser and Trundle have an interest in?

The thing I'm missing in the script is descriptions of facial expressions, emotions and such; for instance, is Trundle angry/annoyed, surprised or calm in panel 1 of page 2?

[Scott_S]

I like the dialogue! Most of the talk on page two seems very English to me, but I thought that that was a nice touch.
Thanks Erkisson. I think I was going for a more refined type of dialogue for Trundle on P2, the arrogant business man/evil villain thing, something to contrast him with the street level Chaser.


The Cthulu/rocketry idea sounds cool - I'd definitely like to read something like that. For some reason the story also gives me visions of the Chaser jumping out of an airplane. Is there a woman that both the Chaser and Trundle have an interest in?
Honestly, The Chaser just sort of came into being and I've been struggling to find a direction for him. What I've sort of been flirting with is that, this being a prequel/prologue, The Chaser, because of the murder charges, has to flee, so he and Dibbs follow Trundle to Cairo and the core of the book takes place amongst Egyptian mythology/intrigue. Maybe a cross between Pulp Hero and Indiana Jones. But, I'm still not %100 sure.


The thing I'm missing in the script is descriptions of facial expressions, emotions and such; for instance, is Trundle angry/annoyed, surprised or calm in panel 1 of page 2?
Ya' know, that never really occurred to me. I just kinda assumed the dialogue would tell the story, but we all know what happens with assuming. Thanks for the heads-up on that and thanks much for reading, good sir!

[CLASSIFIED1]

Just had to say i'd really dig the direction you're going in
kinda like an Allen Quartermain/ Indy character

You can have lots of fun with word play and whats better you can take all those cliche setting and such and make some clever jokes

Hope to read more.

[drudarque]

first of all thanks for all that you said, and it's true I haven't done much of my own c&c's for others, truthfully I'm not really sure what to say a lot of times concerning other's work and maybe even I'm afraid I'll come off sounding like a jerk. Anyway I really like your script, I've always loved stories like that, pulp fiction type stories I mean. The problem though, like I think others have already hit on, is it comes off sounding cliched and typical, kinda like how when you've read one Robert E. Howard story or one Burroughs story you've kind've read them all. They're all so formula driven. The question is how do overcome that kind of thing. I think broader characterization might do the trick. It always seems that in pulp stories the good guys are just good because they just are and the bad guys are just bad because they just are. I need to know why, how, when. What drives them. What makes them get up every morning and do what they do with such persistence and dedication. I don't know if this helps much, I don't even know if I know what I'm even talking about really.

[Scott_S]

I need to know why, how, when. What drives them. What makes them get up every morning and do what they do with such persistence and dedication. I don't know if this helps much, I don't even know if I know what I'm even talking about really.
No man, you're right on. That's a great way to establish my characters more and like you said, distinguish them from the typical pulp stuff. Thanks for reading, man. And keep posting your art. Don't worry about what you're saying for a critique either, just post your first impression, go with your gut.