How many 5 year-olds..... [Archive]

50%grey

07-31-2006, 01:12 AM

Blatantly stolen topic from a discussion over at 2+2

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

Discuss.

astrocity20

07-31-2006, 04:24 AM

A lot.

tencharacters

jeremy dale

07-31-2006, 04:30 AM

Geez, the things people talk about online.

50%grey

07-31-2006, 05:05 AM

Haha

Just to get it started ill quote one of the gems from the original thread

I actually have a little experience in this weird though it seems. From my login name (jaztheclown) you can guess a previous occupation. I used to do hospital visit and play with the children on wards on the weekends when the play rooms were closed.

On the day in question a young lad named Myles (Yes he was 5) organised the other kids (Mixed ages but none over 10) to grab my ankles and lower legs. Once they were latched on they pushed until I toppled over. They then sat on me (It takes surprisingly few to weigh you down) and Myles stood on my head cracking it off the floor. Then in his excitement he dropped a turd on my face and the smell almost knocked me out.

I wouldn't go for the toughest kids or the biggest kids but the smartest kids. They are the ones that'll get you.

Back to the question at hand though. Presuming I am not hindered by big shoes, floppy hat, fake wig, bag full of balloons and being limited in my retaliation of pretending to cry then I reckon 20 - 30 is reasonable if they don't get co-ordinated. Half of that sitting on your chest is enough to stop you breathing and blacking out so does that count as a win for them?

Much more than 30 and you should expect to get crapped on

50%grey

07-31-2006, 05:05 AM

ack double posted

Screamus

07-31-2006, 05:43 AM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/screamus/BABIESKICK.jpg

The Crimson King

07-31-2006, 06:02 AM

I reckon a lot more than thirty. Even with training they wouldnt have the strength to take me down alone and if they did odds are id get back up, even with 10 or so trying to hold me down. Plus it wouldnt take much more than a solid punch in the face to take down a 5 year old.

This actually sounds pretty fun...

xadrian

07-31-2006, 07:45 AM

I keep thinking of my five year old daughter and the times she and her two year old brother are climbing all over me. She's small for her age, he's big for his, and between the two of them, they have the energy to keep going for a long time.

However, five year olds are light (mine weighs 37lbs, some can weigh up to 50 I've heard.) They're resiliant but still fragile and probably have yet to experience real pain. At this point they're overexaggerated toddlers. As someone 4-7x their weight, twice their height, 4x as old and with martial arts experience myself, I'd have to say if they got past my elbows and knees, realistically it'd only take 6 or 7 to weigh me down. Plus, that's 12 or 14 hands grabbing for eyes and your mouth and trying to break your fingers once they hold you. But assuming I can KO a few before that? 30's realistic. Problem is, are they coming en mass or in a long stream? If they came 1, 2 or even 3 at a time, I could go for about 10 minutes until I got tired. En mass, it'd be over pretty quickly.

They aren't strong enough for a knock out punch, and eventually, after a few waves, you're going to get tired of knocking their heads together and kicking their rubbery little legs out from under them.

However, being a father of one, I probably couldn't bring myself to take any of them on. I know that it's a fine line between unconcious and dead and having to measure blows to assure that I wouldn't be killing them would eventually be my downfall. Just imagine yourself in the middle of a kindergarten class (roughly 20-25 kids) and they suddenly jumped you.

And if you hadn't included "cup," it'd only take one.

And I'm an evil bastard for even thinking of most of this.

50%grey

07-31-2006, 09:14 AM

I would probly just run them around for 2 miles ,tire them out,then pick them off one by one.So I say probly over 50,but it would take quite abit of time.:D

Thats a great picture btw screamus,heh

Ugga Bugga

07-31-2006, 09:21 AM

You actually think you could tire out 5 year olds?

xadrian

07-31-2006, 09:39 AM

You actually think you could tire out 5 year olds?

50 five year olds could power downtown Chicago for 3 days.

I kid you not.

xadrian

07-31-2006, 09:42 AM

A HA HA HA.

My wife says she could take four! Awesome.

IronSyndicate

07-31-2006, 01:26 PM

O.k., I feel so wrong for even reading what you guys said but just for the hell of it

You to take several things into consideration - the more kids you take on, the easier it is for you - because as they try to take you down they have two options - the first is to storm you all at once, at which point they will probably stumble across each other, and are more prone to mistakes. Plus you could probably one of the longer ones and use him/her as a baseball bat to knock the others away, matrix-style.
The other option is to come at you in synchronized waves, all ninja-like. Which is easier for you, as it is easier to take them down 1-5 at a time.
So my guess would be, probably 20-30... then I'll just get tired.

I'm going to burn in hell....

kid vorpal

07-31-2006, 01:55 PM

See, a fight wouldn't be necessary, since I identify with 5 year olds on so many levels.

And yeah, not sure I could bring myself to hurt a kid anymore - I was watching Bad Boys II last night on cable, and, near the end, when the drug dealer's house was getting blown to shit by Will and Martin, my biggest worry was "wait, did his daughter get out okay? How is she going to deal with the fact that her only living parent just got whacked?"

But hey, being a parent does that to ya. Or it's s'posed to, anyway. ;)

Dawnsknight

07-31-2006, 02:18 PM

I worked at a summer day camp in my old neighbourhood once, I was the "music director".
I walked into the preschool and kindergarten room one morning after the song session and once seen by one,(who yelled, "Hey it's Cowboy Bob!!") I was subsequently mobbed by 30 children ages 3 - 5.
Literally mobbed, they were holding my legs and some were jumping trying to grab my shirt... if I moved, I would have squashed a few.
all those kids at once man... they nearly knocked me over in seconds flat. But they loved it, they had so much fun.
Seriously, I love kids :D

InkDrop

07-31-2006, 09:16 PM

Being the one of the oldest and biggest of the family I have had much practice with this already. I have roughly 17 cousins all within 3 years of each other. Family reunions were always attack John day. And pre-sugar the kids tire and get sluggish and cranky quite quickly. Post-sugar, screw it your done.

I think I could take 30-40. I would be using a smaller one like a pillow in a pillow fight right off the bat. Trying to make sure the unconsious ones pile up slowing the advancement of the others.
Now I want to watch Village of the Damned and Fight Club.

haunted

07-31-2006, 09:31 PM

Well, we are talking about five-year-olds, so in all honesty I bet I could take out a hundred or more. Kids at that age are not that smart and won't be easy to train in hand to hand combat. Going by the rules that they won't be afraid and will do whatever it takes to bring me down, a hundred or so is reasonable before I'll probably succumb.

NickRocks

08-01-2006, 03:39 PM

Id just Kamehameha them in the face (http://comicartfans.com/GalleryPiece.asp?Page=1&Order=Date&Piece=39101&GSub=5079&GCat=0&UCat=0)

xadrian

08-01-2006, 03:46 PM

100? Seriously. I couldn't throw 100 punches without getting tired.

haunted

08-01-2006, 03:52 PM

100? Seriously. I couldn't throw 100 punches without getting tired.

I'm sure you could throw 100 punches if you were fearful for your well-being and had adrenaline pumping through you.

Without the aid of fear and adrenaline, yes, I can throw 100 or more solid punches without getting too tired.

xadrian

08-01-2006, 03:57 PM

I'm gonna lay money on the fact that the people guessing above 20 don't have kids.

NickRocks

08-01-2006, 04:00 PM

it doesnt matter how many kids there are as long as you can do this. (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/fd/Kamehameha.jpg)

The Crimson King

08-01-2006, 04:37 PM

You would get pretty tired but i think even a lame, tired puch would take out a five year old. Plus you can crack their heads together, use knees and elbows or just bite a chunk out of em if you get really tired.

Goldenarms

08-02-2006, 01:41 PM

I'm gonna lay money on the fact that the people guessing above 20 don't have kids.
Uh, ya think...? :D

Well, I can safely say that, depending on my magic number, I could go for about 30... providing, I can actually knock them out by grabbing the tallest one and whipping him/her/it like a baseball bat. They usually clear out of the way first before heads start colliding and bodies impacting against each other. Then I'd have to resort to monkey stomping the ones that keep trying to get up.

Either that, or go for my specialty -- brute wrestling. Then I can take out 40 before my bowl of Wheaties expire, but I'll need 8 days to recover afterwards.

After that, its over. ADHD I may be, but I will be steamrolled if I don't get initiative and a successful clinch. Kids are vicious! They don't need H2H training! Don't believe their cute smiles and inability to speak English. A two year old can destroy anything it touches. Hell, five kids will wipe out Jet Li in no time.

On the other hand, Bruce Lee could go for 50 easily, and that's a huge order. He's just that good.

SHAMWOW!

08-05-2006, 11:10 AM

probably 1. I would be amazed at myself as I see a 5 year old fly in the air when I give him/her a dragon punch. And be steamrolled by the on coming kids after while admiring my accomplishment.

ENTITY

08-05-2006, 01:43 PM

I would guess (of course) around 120 kids. I think this is a reserved number, as I am giving the benefit of the doubt to their unreserved viciousness.

I am above average, to say the least, when it comes to hand to hand fighting. Additionally, I still train fairly hard so I am pretty fit.

I am confident that I would obliterate the first fourty while laughing hysterically from the powertrip and uncertainy of the moral implications.

The next fourty would be done in while in my "i'm working" mentality.

The last fourty would be brutal, scary and a struggle; to say the least. During this time the gravity of my situation has set in and I would probably lose an eye and be bleeding profusely from the hundreds of nail scratches, bites and teeth stuck in my hands, knees and elbows. Their stench and rapid breathing would be the last sensations I have before things go black under a mass of tiny little hands.

:eek:

This sounded like a fun concept at first, but is a little scary considering you lose at the end.

lol

xadrian

08-07-2006, 08:31 AM

For those guessing "above 20" I did a little visual experiment. It's easy to conceptually think about how many kindergarteners you can brain before exhausting yourself, but let's take a look at the rules again.

Enclosed space, roughly the size of a basketball court. You can't touch the walls.

Logistics says you can't even fit 120 into a basketball court.

Here's 20.
http://www.polariscomics.com/5yrold_20.jpg

Here's 50.
http://www.polariscomics.com/5yrold_50.jpg

Here's Hellseeker's 120.
http://www.polariscomics.com/5yrold_120.jpg

Ok two points:

1) It's creepy.

2) No Fin way you could take 120.

Jamin

08-07-2006, 10:19 AM

Having worked in a day-care type situation with 60 4yr old kids, I can say this for the little farts: they are relentless!
Though they are easily distracted!
I'd turn them against each other.
"Hey boys, the girls said they could beat up your dads!
Girls, the boys say you have coodies!"
then I'd watch them fight each other and laugh while I raid their lunchboxes in search of lunchables and animal crackers!

haunted

08-07-2006, 01:00 PM

For those guessing "above 20" I did a little visual experiment. It's easy to conceptually think about how many kindergarteners you can brain before exhausting yourself, but let's take a look at the rules again.

Enclosed space, roughly the size of a basketball court. You can't touch the walls.

Logistics says you can't even fit 120 into a basketball court.

Here's Hellseeker's 120.
http://www.polariscomics.com/5yrold_120.jpg

Ok two points:

1) It's creepy.

2) No Fin way you could take 120.

Well, I'm still going by what I guessed originally - around 100 kids. They can't all be on top of you at once, I'm guessing maybe 10 at the most can be hitting you at a time. I believe I can take out ten and then another ten and so on until I've taken out a hundred kids or so. But who the hell knows? I've never been mobbed by a rabid group of 5 year olds.

Goldenarms

08-07-2006, 03:00 PM

But who the hell knows? I've never been mobbed by a rabid group of 5 year olds.
Try being a P.E. coach for a kindergarten class sometime. :)

theycallmemisterbob

08-07-2006, 03:10 PM

How bout you bullies leave the kids alone and take on 50 midgets instead?

Goldenarms

08-07-2006, 04:21 PM

How bout you bullies leave the kids alone and take on 50 midgets instead?
Man, midgets are intimidating. They look like mini Schwarzeneggers and they can only hit below the belt.

Jamin

08-07-2006, 06:55 PM

How bout you bullies leave the kids alone and take on 50 midgets instead?

I could take on 50 midgets, but they don't have raidable lunchboxes filled with lil debbie snacks. So what's the point in trying.

Spidey

08-07-2006, 11:20 PM

I'm with Xadrian, those that have lack of expierience with multiple kids; its easy to fool yourselves into thinking they're easy prey.
I myself have 4 nephews which I wrestle with often. Before when they were around kindergarten age I could play with them for no more than an hour before I was completely exhausted. They are a bit older than 5 now, but not by much. 7, 8, 9 and 11. I'll admit nowadays they can take me down and tire me fairly quickly, because they have a tendacy to surround me and strike from behind. And boy do they have energy. So realisticly for my height and build, and stamina I think 20-25 is a reasonable number of 5 year olds.

Midgets on the other hand I dont know much about, but I'm pretty certain they're a heck of a lot tougher than 5yr olds. So I'd say 5.

Teratophile

08-08-2006, 01:04 AM

http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f154/prock31/LittleHercules.jpg

http://www.mymultiplesclerosis.co.uk/images/sandrak.jpg

unless it was this kid, i think i could take atleast a hundred. it would be like the begining scene of lord of the rings where sauron is batting away fools with arching swings.

i mean ive kicked a guy in the face and shattered his orbital bone. he was 6 times the size of a 5 year old. so i imagine beating a little kid's ass would be effortless. so ill be kicking and stepping on four while im hammerfisting some on the tops of their underdevolped skulls.

i think im heading to the elementry school down the block for some practice.

smygba

08-08-2006, 10:06 AM

If they all rushed me at once, then they'd probably bite me to death or something. I'd easily say I could take down 20.
If they attack me one by one, alot more.
Can I use the first kid I knock out as a weapon? Cos then I wanna say like 30 then.

Goldenarms

08-08-2006, 05:44 PM

http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f154/prock31/LittleHercules.jpg

http://www.mymultiplesclerosis.co.uk/images/sandrak.jpg
:eek:

That's insanity... This kid is better built than like 99% of everyone on here.

God, do I feel like a beluga...

Crazy Pavarotti Man

08-08-2006, 06:14 PM

I'm a big guy. Assuming the kids would even consider a take down tactic, I would likely take down more than a few just as I went down.

The hardest part for me would be wrapping my noggin' around the notion of beating up little kids.

But when I say big, I don't mean tall or buff. However, my friends kids used to jump on me all the time, and I would just walk around with them hanging onto me, or even lift them above my head, and the lightest kid was easily the weight of at least 2 five year olds. So I figure, grab a 5 year old by the ankles and just start swinging at the other kids...

Hell, throw in a scrawny kid and I've got a pair of nunchucks :p

Crazy Pavarotti Man

08-08-2006, 06:16 PM

How bout you bullies leave the kids alone and take on 50 midgets instead?
Midgets are tough little b*st*rds! I think I could easily take on two or three times as many 5 year olds as I could midgets...

Ugga Bugga

08-08-2006, 06:48 PM

If you don't believe midgets are tough bastards, just check out this script

http://www.penciljack.com/forum/showthread.php?t=57781&highlight=shorties

NickRocks

08-09-2006, 09:47 AM

http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f154/prock31/LittleHercules.jpg

http://www.mymultiplesclerosis.co.uk/images/sandrak.jpg

Holy shit.

amadarwin

08-09-2006, 03:02 PM

Only 2.

Cuz after I ate them, I'd be too full to take on more.

ENTITY

08-09-2006, 07:01 PM

I talked to a friend about this question; he with fighting experience as well, has more experience with kids. He believes 60-80 is possible for me, but pushing it.

I would be willing to drop it to 60-80 with a solid sense of certainy; as I believed 80-120 would have been a tooth and nail situation until I actually lost conciousness.

Maybe you are assuming that I would allow them to pile on top of each others shoulders three high and swallow me whole in one tidal wave formation. With a limitless supply of them, I am sure they eventually would but I am doubtful they would manage this immediately. If you pour enough bunny rabbits on a contained man he will eventually be rendered unconcious, but if you make the rabbits take the action, it would be a more exciting proposition.

Still, we are talking 5 year olds. Even with a little training they are still ineffective at fighting. They weigh only between 40 to 80 pounds, it will take a lot of abuse or eventual smothering to knock me out. At best they can win by forcing me to a wall and win by default, but assuming I stay away from the default loss, they have a lot of work to do.

To me, I would take this as a serious situation. I would be hitting fast and hard to destroy the little monsters, since it is assumed they are doing the same. This isn't like all the anecdotal occasions everyone keeps bringing up about wrestling with their kids. It's a fight. Limited by their physiology alone, they won't handle being hit very well.

I am not saying it would be easy, or I would be unscathed nor that it would not be extensively exhausting, but I say you are wrong in assuming your limitation of 30 is a number that all would relent to.

This was by far one of the most entertaining questions I have seen on the net. Very funny and inspires great conversation. lol

scootmorningside

09-03-2006, 11:16 PM

Goldenarms

09-08-2006, 06:55 AM

Okay, it seems I'm about a month late. Anyway, the whole time I've been reading this, I've been picturing kicking five year olds in the chest and launching them across the floor. It's pretty funny. And so was the visual help with the guy, basketball court, and the blue kids.

I think it's funny that people are talking about wrestling with little kids and getting tired. Like, I'm assuming you're wrestling but not really trying to do them too much harm. I'm pretty sure you could punch them in the throat to take them down for a while with hardly any energy at all.
Yeah, but then again, you'd have to actually have to get down to their level for that. You could kick them in the throat, but that leaves you open to a rush while one leg's in the air. Bad things happen when your coconuts are exposed to people well-versed in hitting at that height.

Besides, kids are like rubber. You hit one, and they generally ignore most of the blow. You'd waste most of your energy trying to hit them and keep them down. Wrestling is just better here, as you don't waste as much time trying to protect the valuables and can still serve. Or if you're a really big guy, you can just roll over them and fart in their faces a few times, and they'll yield like slugs in salt. :D