View Full Version : First post, need feedback
05-19-2005, 01:03 PM
Hy, i'm new here, and i need some help.
This is the first page of a series of short stories. No text by now. I need some feedback, please.
Sorry for the mistake, i hope this is it.
05-19-2005, 02:18 PM
I would love to check your stuff,there's a problem with your link to DA,I'm getting the Forbidden sign.check your address there,it should be the one that's right above when your submission appeared.:)
I'll check back later.
05-21-2005, 09:49 PM
Hey there Marshall MC... I like the Frank Miller/ Tim Sale style to your stuff. It's very easy on the eyes. However, let me give you a little c & c...
Panel one: You convey the mood just right. The problems I see are mainly technical... Point of prospective, for one, I don't think you're paying enough attention to it; the bed, the bed side table, the floor beams, none of these seem to follow a consistent point of prospective. Plus, they kind of look like you might have just eye balled the line, the ruler is your friend.
Panel two: nice figure... again your good at communicating the mood you want (it's very easy to "over do it" and end up with melodramatic crap). The only thing I'd crit here is the hand holding the cig. With his hand hold the smoke in the way that it is, you lose the actually cigarette in the fingers. Try to think of a way to show that hand simpler.
Panel three: prospective again.
Panel four: My favorite. The mood is awesome... I can hear him cracking his neck. The color works very well for this panel also. However, the window needs work. prospective again for the most part, but also the tone of the outside color and the tone of the color on the edges of the window sill are the same... change up one or the other and it won't seem so flat.
Anyway, I don't mean to sound all full of my self or anything... just wanted to help. Hope it was helpfull.
take care, DDG
05-21-2005, 11:46 PM
DancingDoorGuy already mentioned the PERspective problems, so I won't go into those (although I will say I didn't notice them until he brought it up).
Your anatomy needs a little work. I think the shoulders are messed up in the first two panels--I could be wrong about panel 1, but it looks a little odd. Panel, two, that shoulder is way too high, even if he is propping himself up on that arm or whatever. I think.
The last panel--the head shape is kind of off on the left side. That hand is really good, though. Not sure about the sudden color change for this panel. It doesn't flow very well since everything above it is colored normally. I do like that style, though--just not both on the same page without good reason (i.e., day becoming night).
Still, it's a good page and captures a mood very well. Nice work.
05-22-2005, 06:36 AM
Hy, thanks for the critics, DancingDoorGuy and tekende.
This kind of feedback it's exactly what i wanted.
About the perspective, it may look wrong because the inks are made without rulers and my hand is not that steady.
It's something i have to work out.
The sudden color change also got me wonder, that's why i need the feedback so bad. I like it this way, but i realy need a second opinion.
Once again, thanks for the advices.
05-23-2005, 05:50 AM
Well Antonio,I'd say your off to a good start,as said above keep up on your perspective and anatomy.for a good place to check out,try http://www.saveloomis.org
Keep at there,Never say Die!
05-23-2005, 12:52 PM
Thanks for the tip, Bryan. i'll post the second page soon.
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