My First Post and my first page of Seq C&C pls

[SpellBoundComics]

This is the first page I did for this comic I am doing. We have made some changes to the story but please give me some C&C for this, all are welcome

http://jeffwalshcomics.com/SEQ.jpg

[EddieChingLives]

Not a bad start. Looks good. Great backgrounds. Nice storytelling.

But a couple of decisions you made puzzle me.

The biggest thing that stands out is that you shade the background so well, but don't tone any of the objects in the foreground, including the house in panel one, and the characters.

Another thing you might want to think about is having a panel that shows the whole room and all the character's spacial relationship to one another. That way, it will be easier to cut to the next panel and it will make the transitions between the panel much smoother.

I have no idea if that bird creature with the goo on him is on the left side or right side of the magician. You might want to establish that.

Other little nitpicks I've noticed is the lettering. Panel one, I'm not to clear which balloon to read after the first. It looks like it reads from left to right back to left again.

And the lettering balloon in the third panel is covering the character's head. That's a big no-no. You should have had the head be on top of the balloon.

Your consistancy isn't bad. But it's questionable between panel's three and four. The bird is smaller, yet the window in the background is the same size as the previous panel. Maybe the magician's spell made him smaller, but I'm not sure.

Not bad. Very good storytelling. The story flows nicely. Nice backgerounds. Nice toning on the backgrounds. And a very nice panel arrangement. Just work on toning the foreground characters, and throw in a nice spacial relationship shot so the readers can tell how far away all the characters are from each other.

And try to plan out the interior of the hut a little better. You could definately use a throw wig or a table with some chairs.

Good luck on the story. Remember, the hardest part about making comics is finishing them. Keep cranking out the pages.

[GRiM]

Heheh, that owl sounds like a hippy/stoner. :D

[SpellBoundComics]

Good that is exacly what we are going for with him. You dont get to see it in the first page but the broom is sarcastic as hell. But I am glad you picked up on the stoner vibe quick

[GRiM]

The half-asleep eyes help quite a bit usually. Kinda reminds me of Towely.

[blur]

There's something up with the speech bubbles and the font in them... I think it's the way that the words aren't filling the bubbles fully. There's too much white space in them.

--
Rob Irwin - rob@robirwin.com
Editor available FREE to artist/writers and comic teams. Click here (http://www.penciljack.com/forum/showthread.php?p=564929#post564929)

[cphoopz]

I think if you add a couple of extra panels to the first page it would help clear up so many text bubbles and would also help you get more illustrations in to maybe show how sarcastic the other character is. Just a thought.

[cphoopz]

Oh and nice job overall.