NickRocks
02-03-2004, 10:03 AM
and you thought it was over...
MOO GOO PAI AND THE LOST STORY
PART ONE
CHAPTER 1:PRIEST
HI FRIENDS. MY NAME IS LUIS. I AM GOD, EVER SINCE I KILLED THE LAST ONE. THIS IS MY STORY.
I WAS WALKING AROUND TOWN ONE DAY, WHEN I HEARD A NOISE. IT WAS JERRY FALWELL THAT PRIEST GUY ON TV!
“WHATS UP?” I SAID.
“THE TELLYTUBBIES ARE EVIL, AND SO IS HUSTLER!” HE YELLED, POINTING AT MY HOT PINK TELLYTUBBY T SHIRT AND THE HUSTLER MAGAZINE CLUTCHED IN MY HAND.
“UH-OH, THAT DOESN’T SOUND GOOD” I SAID. HE THEN KICKED ME IN THE FACE, BUT I ATE HIS FOOT.
“OH SNAP,” I SAID. “THAT LOOKED IMPORTANT.”
BUT THEN ONE OF HIS EVIL CULT FOLLOWERS KNOCKED ME OUT.
CHAPTER 2:CRUCIFIX
WHEN I WOKE UP, MY HANDS AND FEET WERE NAILED TO A WOODEN CROSS.
“WOW, IM GETTING A WEIRD SENSE OF DEJA-VU,” I SAID.
THERE WERE TWO GUYS NEXT TO ME ON EITHER SIDE, ALSO CRUCIFIXED. THEIR NAMES WERE FRED AND TED.
“WANNA PLAY POKER, GOD?” THEY ASKED.
“I WOULD PLAY POKER WITH YOU FELLOWS, IF MY HANDS WERENT NAILED TO THIS CROSS” I SAID.
“WHAT WOULD JESUS DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?” FRED ASKED.
“I DON’T KNOW, THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION,” I SAID.
THEN TED ASKED, “HEY IF YOUR GOD, CAN’T YOU JUST GET DOWN?”
I WAS LIKE “OH YEAH, NOW I REMEMBER!” LOL J. SO I WRENCHED MYSELF FREE FROM THE NAILS AND ATE JERRY FOR BREAKFAST.
CHAPTER 3:BACHOOKALABUNGA
AFTER EATING JERRY, I WAS KINDA BORED. SO I WENT TO A MCDONALDS AND WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR. A WAVE OF “DA DA DA DA DA, IM LOVING IT”, IMMEDIATELY EMBRACED ME! I WASN’T LOVING THE SONG, ILL TELLYA THAT MUCH RIGHT NOW. I YELLED IN ANGER, AND WALKED UP TO THE CASHIER.
“EXCUSE ME SIR, BUT CAN YOU PLEASE TURN OFF THE MUSIC? IT IS HIGHLY IRRITATING TO MY SENSITIVE EARS.”
“WELL EFF YOU!” THE CASHIER SAID, AND WENT BACK TO CLIPPING HIS TOENAILS, SOME OF THEM LANDING IN MY McSLURRY.
THAT REALLY GOT ME MAD. SO I GRABBED THE CASHIER BY THE HEAD, TWISTED HIS HEAD UNTIL HIS NECK CRACKED. THEN I SHOVED HIS BODY INTO THE MEAT GRINDER, AND OUT CAME MCCASHIERS, THE NEW BURGER FROM MCDONALDS! TRY IT TODAY FOR ONLY 5.99! J
AFTER DESTROYING THE CASHIER, I REALIZED I WAS PRETTY BORED. SO I WALKED ACROSS THE STREET TO THE GUN/KKK/NRA/PSYCHOTIC KILLER/NAZI/JEW-HATERS SHOP!
“WOW, ILL SURE FIT IN HERE!” I THOUGHGT, AND HAPPILY SKIPPED THROUGH THE DOOR.
CHAPTER 4:PLAYTIME
AS I WALKED INTO THE BAR, I COULD FEEL EVERYONE’S EYES UPON ME. IT WAS VERY DISTRACTING, YET KIND OF FUNNY. I WENT UP TO THE BARTENDER AND SAID, “I’LL HAVE A DR. PEPPER, PLEASE.”
THE BARTENDER LOOKED AT ME. I COULD SEE HE NOTICED MY TACO BELL UNIFORM.
“WE DON’T LIKE YOUR KIND HERE,” HE SAID. “GET OUT.”
“HRMMM-KAY,” I SAID. I GRABBED THE CAN OF DR PEPPER, SHOOK IT UP, AND THEN OPENED IT IN HIS FACE!
“OH SNAP!” I SAID AS THE FOAMY SODA SPRAYED ALL OVER HIS NAZI FACE. “I DON’T THINK YOULL GET THAT STAIN OUT OF YOUR SWASHTIKA!”
THE BARTENDER SNAPPED HIS FINGERS. ALL OF THE OTHER NAZIS IN THE BAR PUT ON THEIR WHITE HOODS, AND STARTED ADVANCING TOWARDS ME. BUT I WASN’T ABOUT TO BE TAKEN DOWN THAT EASILY, NO SIRREE BUB! SO I PICKED UP THE RUG AND PULLED IT, CAUSING ALL OF THE NAZIS TO FALL DOWN ON TOP OF EACH OTHER.
BEFORE I RAN OUT, I PUT ONE UNCONSCIOUS NAZI’S HAND ON THE OTHER UNCONSCIOUS NAZI’S PACKAGE. THEN I LEFT.
BUT ONE OF THE NAZIS TOWARDS THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE GROWLED “I WILL KILL THAT GUY.”
MOO GOO PAI AND THE LOST STORY
PART ONE
CHAPTER 1:PRIEST
HI FRIENDS. MY NAME IS LUIS. I AM GOD, EVER SINCE I KILLED THE LAST ONE. THIS IS MY STORY.
I WAS WALKING AROUND TOWN ONE DAY, WHEN I HEARD A NOISE. IT WAS JERRY FALWELL THAT PRIEST GUY ON TV!
“WHATS UP?” I SAID.
“THE TELLYTUBBIES ARE EVIL, AND SO IS HUSTLER!” HE YELLED, POINTING AT MY HOT PINK TELLYTUBBY T SHIRT AND THE HUSTLER MAGAZINE CLUTCHED IN MY HAND.
“UH-OH, THAT DOESN’T SOUND GOOD” I SAID. HE THEN KICKED ME IN THE FACE, BUT I ATE HIS FOOT.
“OH SNAP,” I SAID. “THAT LOOKED IMPORTANT.”
BUT THEN ONE OF HIS EVIL CULT FOLLOWERS KNOCKED ME OUT.
CHAPTER 2:CRUCIFIX
WHEN I WOKE UP, MY HANDS AND FEET WERE NAILED TO A WOODEN CROSS.
“WOW, IM GETTING A WEIRD SENSE OF DEJA-VU,” I SAID.
THERE WERE TWO GUYS NEXT TO ME ON EITHER SIDE, ALSO CRUCIFIXED. THEIR NAMES WERE FRED AND TED.
“WANNA PLAY POKER, GOD?” THEY ASKED.
“I WOULD PLAY POKER WITH YOU FELLOWS, IF MY HANDS WERENT NAILED TO THIS CROSS” I SAID.
“WHAT WOULD JESUS DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?” FRED ASKED.
“I DON’T KNOW, THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION,” I SAID.
THEN TED ASKED, “HEY IF YOUR GOD, CAN’T YOU JUST GET DOWN?”
I WAS LIKE “OH YEAH, NOW I REMEMBER!” LOL J. SO I WRENCHED MYSELF FREE FROM THE NAILS AND ATE JERRY FOR BREAKFAST.
CHAPTER 3:BACHOOKALABUNGA
AFTER EATING JERRY, I WAS KINDA BORED. SO I WENT TO A MCDONALDS AND WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR. A WAVE OF “DA DA DA DA DA, IM LOVING IT”, IMMEDIATELY EMBRACED ME! I WASN’T LOVING THE SONG, ILL TELLYA THAT MUCH RIGHT NOW. I YELLED IN ANGER, AND WALKED UP TO THE CASHIER.
“EXCUSE ME SIR, BUT CAN YOU PLEASE TURN OFF THE MUSIC? IT IS HIGHLY IRRITATING TO MY SENSITIVE EARS.”
“WELL EFF YOU!” THE CASHIER SAID, AND WENT BACK TO CLIPPING HIS TOENAILS, SOME OF THEM LANDING IN MY McSLURRY.
THAT REALLY GOT ME MAD. SO I GRABBED THE CASHIER BY THE HEAD, TWISTED HIS HEAD UNTIL HIS NECK CRACKED. THEN I SHOVED HIS BODY INTO THE MEAT GRINDER, AND OUT CAME MCCASHIERS, THE NEW BURGER FROM MCDONALDS! TRY IT TODAY FOR ONLY 5.99! J
AFTER DESTROYING THE CASHIER, I REALIZED I WAS PRETTY BORED. SO I WALKED ACROSS THE STREET TO THE GUN/KKK/NRA/PSYCHOTIC KILLER/NAZI/JEW-HATERS SHOP!
“WOW, ILL SURE FIT IN HERE!” I THOUGHGT, AND HAPPILY SKIPPED THROUGH THE DOOR.
CHAPTER 4:PLAYTIME
AS I WALKED INTO THE BAR, I COULD FEEL EVERYONE’S EYES UPON ME. IT WAS VERY DISTRACTING, YET KIND OF FUNNY. I WENT UP TO THE BARTENDER AND SAID, “I’LL HAVE A DR. PEPPER, PLEASE.”
THE BARTENDER LOOKED AT ME. I COULD SEE HE NOTICED MY TACO BELL UNIFORM.
“WE DON’T LIKE YOUR KIND HERE,” HE SAID. “GET OUT.”
“HRMMM-KAY,” I SAID. I GRABBED THE CAN OF DR PEPPER, SHOOK IT UP, AND THEN OPENED IT IN HIS FACE!
“OH SNAP!” I SAID AS THE FOAMY SODA SPRAYED ALL OVER HIS NAZI FACE. “I DON’T THINK YOULL GET THAT STAIN OUT OF YOUR SWASHTIKA!”
THE BARTENDER SNAPPED HIS FINGERS. ALL OF THE OTHER NAZIS IN THE BAR PUT ON THEIR WHITE HOODS, AND STARTED ADVANCING TOWARDS ME. BUT I WASN’T ABOUT TO BE TAKEN DOWN THAT EASILY, NO SIRREE BUB! SO I PICKED UP THE RUG AND PULLED IT, CAUSING ALL OF THE NAZIS TO FALL DOWN ON TOP OF EACH OTHER.
BEFORE I RAN OUT, I PUT ONE UNCONSCIOUS NAZI’S HAND ON THE OTHER UNCONSCIOUS NAZI’S PACKAGE. THEN I LEFT.
BUT ONE OF THE NAZIS TOWARDS THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE GROWLED “I WILL KILL THAT GUY.”