Treasures of the Realm

[DomeSFX]

Treasures of the Realm
Issue #1
Recollection Part 1 of 4

Script by Tony Mark
Date: May 21st, 2003






Prologue


Page 1; #1 of Panels

Panel 1. Splash & Regular Shot. The six gems are seen floating around Cain who is smiling evilly at the heavens. He is outside on the roof of his castle. The clouds in the background are dreaded orange with streaks of yellow lightning shooting through the sky and thunder cracking in it’s awake.

SFX: KABOOM!

CAP: A POWERFUL POWER-CRAZED MAGI NAME CAIN FORGED SIX RELICS, USING HIS INCREDIBLE KNOWLEDGE IN ALCHEMY, CREATED SIX JEWELS TO CONTAIN THE FORCES OF NATURE OF POWER, TIME, SPIRIT, NATURE, REALITY AND BINDING…


Page 2; #5 of Panels

Panel 2. High Angle Shot 1. The camera is now behind Cain as float above his balcony. A platoon of soldiers awaits Cain down below with their arrows and catapults ready.

CAP: …AND NO POWER ON EARTH COULD STOP HIM.

Panel 3. Regular Shot. An orc general points towards the Cain, ordering for them to fire.

ORC GENERAL: FIRE!!!

Panel 4. Low Angle Shot 1. A sea of arrows and fireballs fly toward the roof of the castle.

Panel 5-6. Regular Shot; Regular Shot. All of the projectiles stop a few feet in front of Cain in the first panel and disappear within the second panel.


Page 3; #5 of Panels

Panel 7. High Angle Shot 1. The legions of humans, elves, dwarves and orcs gasp in shock at Cain’s power.

Panel 8. Close up 1. Cain raises his right hand up with his fist clenched, smiling evilly with yellow glow eyes.

Panel 9. Regular Shot. The terrain underneath the soldiers is ripped apart.

Panel 10. Low Angle Shot 1. Streaks of lightning rip into the ground, opening the rift in the earth even wider. Many of the infantries fall into the opening in the ground.

Panel 11. Worm Shot. Suddenly, a small opening appears above in the cloud, the stars within the night sky can be seen within the hole.

CAP: THE SIXTH ENTITIES APPEAR AFTER BECOMING AWARE OF CAIN’S MISCHIEF. DISPLEASED AT HIS ACTIONS, THE SIX ENTITIES OF POWER, KNOWLEDGE, LIFE, NATURE, DIMENSION AND BINDING CHALLENGED THE MAGI FOR CONTROL OF THE REALM.


Page 4; #5 of Panels

Panel 12. Close up shot 2. Cain smirks.

CAP: CAIN ACCEPTED…

Panel 13. High Angle Shot 1. Cain thrusts his wand up into the air and the castle begins to shake.

Panel 14. Long Shot 1. The castle begins to lift into the air.

Panel 15. Regular Shot. The lion humanoid (Eisuru), a giant turtle (Rynell) and tall Raven haired man (Jerec) stand at the ledge of cliff with a crowd of people behind them. They are dwarfed in size by the three giants (Eisuru, Jerec and Rynell). The three of them stand with their backs turned to the panel, watching Cain’s castle submerge into the clouds. The lion humanoid (Eisuru) and tall Raven haired man have their arms folded.


Panel 16. High Angle Shot 1. The lion humanoid (Eisuru) ascends into the air towards the heaven. The gigantic turtle (Rynell) and the barbaric man (Jerec) watch in the background.


Page 5; #4 of Panels

Panel 17. Long Shot 1. The lion humanoid (Eisuru) ascends into the clouds.

Panel 18. Low Angle Shot 1. Above the lion humanoid could see an explosion of lights and electricity cracking in the atmosphere.

Panel 19. Middle Shot. Bolts of light shot pass by his head causing the lion humanoid (Eisuru) to stare in complete shock at the power bolts of light passing by his head. His head is slight turned away from the panel. The clouds underneath him are funneled by the kinetic build up created by the light bolts.

SFX: SHROOM!!! FWWWOOMM!!!

Panel 20. Long Shot 3. Several of the light bolts streak several parts of the world.


Page 6; #7 of Panels

Panel 21-25. Long Shot 3; Long Shot 3; Long Shot 3; Long Shot3. The first panel shows a few ships at sea being tossed into the air as a light bolt make a huge impact within the water. In the second and third panel a light bolt crashes into mountain is and it is vaporized on impacted. The fourth panel shows people running in fear as their cities explode in a ball of light. The fourth panel shows bubbles of light appearing all over the planet.

CAP (PANEL 25): THE VERY REALM WAS TORN TO PIECES BY THE BATTLE.

Panel 26-27. Low Angle Shot 1; Close up 1. The lion humanoid (Eisuru) remains stationary with his arm folded. The second panel is a close up shot of the lion humanoid (Eisuru) with a bead of sweat sliding the down the side of his head.

CAP (PANEL 27): THE GUARDIANS OF ENTITIES WATCH THEIR MASTERS FIGHT FOR OF THIS UNIVERSE.

[DomeSFX]

bump

[Vendetta]

heh... kind of dropped down the page with all those stickies I added. Give me a bit, I'll give it a read in a little while :D

[Vendetta]

First of all, numbering your panels in an ascending order like this can be a pain, if, say you want to add or delete a panel somewhere along the line. Then you have to go through and change the panel numbers through the rest of the script. There is no need to do that. Numbering them from #1 through the number of panels on a single page is fine. (and ultimately easier when you need to change something)

Panel 2
Minor note –
quote:
“The camera is now behind Cain as float above his balcony”
should be “…as he floats…”

Also, your caption reads “…AND NO POWER ON EARTH COULD STOP HIM.” And it would seem good except that all the descriptions that you give splits up the fact that the last caption ends with “AND” and the reader won’t see all of the descriptions in the finished product… so this will read, essentially as:
“A POWERFUL POWER-CRAZED MAGI NAME CAIN FORGED SIX RELICS, USING HIS INCREDIBLE KNOWLEDGE IN ALCHEMY, CREATED SIX JEWELS TO CONTAIN THE FORCES OF NATURE OF POWER, TIME, SPIRIT, NATURE, REALITY AND BINDING…AND NO POWER ON EARTH COULD STOP HIM.”
To my ear, the double “and” bumbles a bit. Also, do you think you need to say he forged six relics and then, in the same sentence, that he created six jewels? I don’t think you need to be so redundant. And, honestly, I think this is something of a run-on sentence. I’d try splitting it, probably after the word Alchemy. Maybe something like this;
Panel 1
“A POWERFUL, POWER-CRAZED MAGI NAMED CAIN FORGED SIX CRYSTAL RELICS USING HIS INCREDIBLE (VAST?) KNOWLEDGE OF ALCHEMY. HE CRAFTED THESE JEWELS TO CONTAIN THE FORCES OF THE UNIVERSE; POWER, TIME, SPIRIT, NATURE, REALITY AND BINDING.”
Panel 2.
“NOW, NO POWER ON EARTH CAN STOP HIM.”

I’ve made a couple of other changes as well, here’s why.

Changed “…contain the forces of Nature” to “the forces of the Universe” because one of your “forces” IS nature and it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to have six gems containing the forces of nature if one of them contains the force of nature :p

Changed “no power on earth could stop him” to “can” because I don’t think you meant that no power could stop him from making the jewels but that no power can stop him now that they are made. The “Now” that I added is more to emphasize this.

Panel 3
What’s a “regular shot”? Do you mean nothing fancy? Unless you are looking for something specific, don’t add it. Let the artist figure out how it should look. Sometimes you want a bird’s eye shot or worms eye view or some such thing and need to tell the artist that… but if you don’t really “need” something, let the artist figure it out… I like to let them have as much free reign as possible because their visual depictions often look better than I can envision it.

Also, there is an army of, I’m assuming, orcs here… but that’s not in the description. Is it a huge army? A small one? The whole forces of the world? (we learn more of this army, but not until panel 7)

Panel 11
I like how you show the power of the entities here. To the people of the world, Cain is an undefeatable power… to the entities, he is merely involved in a bit of “mischief”. Classic :D

Panel 20
quote
“Several of the light bolts streak several parts of the world.”
Streak from? Streak to? A small one, but need to clarify it.

Panel 21-25
Long shot 3? What is this? And you’ve written it four times? I’m assuming you mean it’s a “long shot 3” for each of the four panels… this is not a good way to do this, however. You ought to just split them up panel by panel or just tell the artist what you want to see happen over the course of the next few panels and let the artist figure it out. (The same goes for panels 26-27)

Panel 27
Now we learn about the “guardians of the entities” here… but you didn’t mention them above… when we see the three guardians (I’m assuming they are Jerec, Rynell, and Eisuru but you didn’t actually tell us) you have plenty of room for some captions about them watching, maybe even telling us what they see… you have plenty of room for a few captions for this so that we can get a bit more of the story, especially about the Guardians who you mention at the end but I have no knowledge of from the story.

Well, thems be sum o’ wot me thunked ‘bout dat.