Superman! (3pgs)

[Pikachu]

Superman: Deadline
By: Tristan Vick
Thursday, July 10, 2003
3X3X3: Exercise
Email: tv_pikachu@yahoo.com

Page 1

Panel one: Wide establishing shot of the Daily Planet globe on top of the building�fs roof. Other buildings can be seen in the distance.

CAPTION: COME ON FOLKS!

Panel two: Perry White comes storming out of his office. Cigar in one hand, yesterdays paper in his balled up fist, which is raised above his head.

PERRY: WE NEED A STORY HERE PEOPLE!
PERRY: THIS IS THE SUNDAY EDITION, NOT SOME WEEKDAY GARBAGE!
PERRY: FOLKS WANT TO WAKE UP AND READ SOMETHING SHOCKING, EXCITING!
PERRY: LOIS!

Panel three: Lois is leaning on a desk and looks up.

PERRY (OFF PANEL): WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME?
LOIS: I HAVE THE PLANNED COVER PAGE OF THE LEX CO. BUY OUT OF SYMMANTEX-LIGHT INDUSTRIES READY TO GO.
PERRY(OP): GOOD!

Panel four: Perry stands in front of his office and shouts; we are looking at him from the side. We see desks, and hustle and bustle behind him, the far wall with large windows looking out over the city as his backdrop. The Daily Planet Bullpen is busy with work, as the newspaper preps for print.

PERRY: WHERE IS KENT?!

Panel five: Jimmy Olson walks into the room and joins Lois who is now standing next to the desk.

PERRY (OFF PANEL): I DON�fT HAVE TIME FOR THESE ANTICS! WE GO TO PRESS IN 5 HOURS!!!
JIMMY: YOU KNOW KENT, BOSS�c
LOIS (INTERRUPTS): LIVING IN HIS OWN LITTLE WORLD.
VOICE(OP): WHAT WAS THAT LOIS?

Panel six: Clark Kent walks in from a side door, draping his jacket and hat across his arm. Lois looks over in shock.

LOIS: NOTHING SMALLVILLE.

Panel seven: Close up panel of Clark and Lois up close. Lois looks up at him. Clark just gives her a country boy grin as she stares coldly back at him. The competition between the two heated up by the silence.

PERRY: (OP): KENT! WHERE IN DAMNATION HAVE YOU BEEN?!

Page 2

Panel one: Long vertical panel of a close up on Clark.

CLARK: SORRY MR. WHITE, I JUST GOT BACK FROM�c

Panel two: Another long panel next to the first that is set slightly lower. Lois butts in with a sarcastic grin, stepping right in front of Clark.

LOIS: FROM DOING WHATEVER BORING COUNTRY-BUMPKIN STORY YOU THOUGHT WOULD ENLIGHTEN THE MINDS OF URBAN METROPOLIS.

Panel three: Vertical close up of Perry with the cigar in his mouth.

PERRY: GIVE THE MAN A CHANCE TO SPEAK LOIS.

Panel four: Close up of Clark adjusting his glasses on his face.

CLARK: I WAS JUST SAYING TO MR. WHITE THAT I RETURNED FROM THAT INTERVIEW SUPERMAN PROMISED ME.

Panel five: A rectangular panel under the vertical ones. Dramatic shot as Perry points at Clark, we are looking down Perry�fs arm at our hero. As he points, his cigar butt smokes between his fingers. Just past Perry�fs aim Lois stands next to Clark with an angry look on her face.

PERRY: GOOD WORK KENT!
PERRY: NEVER MIND ABOUT THE POLITICAL ARTICLE I ASSIGNED YOU.
PERRY: I WANT THIS PIECE FOR THE COVER!
CLARK: WOW! THANK YOU SIR.

Panel six: Lois eyeballs Clark again. This time she looks real mean. Clark innocently looks back at her, Perry stands between the two with a hand on each of their shoulders and his cigar between his teeth.

PERRY: A LITTLE COMPETITION NEVER HURT ANYBODY!
PERRY: ENOUGH DIDDLE DAWDLE, BACK TO WORK PEOPLE!!!

Page 3

Panel one: Clark turns to leave, Lois stares at his massive back. People in the surroundings should still be passing and walking around busy with errands and various newspaper tasks.

LOIS: WAIT A-MINUTE SMALLVILLE! HOW�fD YOU OUT SCOOP ME ON A SUPERMAN STORY?

Panel two: We see the front of Clark as he is calmly standing, grinning a big smile knowing that Lois is steaming just over his shoulder.

CLARK: GEE LOIS�c
CLARK: MAYBE SUPERMAN JUST LIKES MY DOWN TO EARTH COUNTRY-BOY APPROACH TO INTERVIEWS.

Panel three: A shot right over Clark�fs shoulder. Lois is in a temper tantrum raging, tearing her story up right above her head! Bits and pieces of small shredded paper swirl down around her.

LOIS: ARHHH!

Panel four: Jimmy looks shocked, and nervously steps away from Lois (leaning a little bit to avoid her). A little scribbly anger cloud floats above her head as she steams.

JIMMY: GOLLY MISS LANE�cTHAT CAN�fT BE HEALTHY.

Panel five: Lois storms off. As she speaks the words in her speech bubble (the text) shrink until they become too tiny and it�fs too difficult to read them anymore.

LOIS: DRY UP KID!...THREE YEARS HERE�cAND SMALLVILLE GRINNING HIS DUMB GRIN�cA GIRL CAN�fT GET A BREAK�cOUTSCOOP ME!...I�fLL TEACH THAT NO GOOD COUNTRY�c

Panel six: Large panel of Clark leaning back in his desk, his arms behind his head and his legs up on the desk. Next to his feet is a newspaper (The Sunday issue of The Daily Planet) with a large headline and an even bigger picture of Superman on the front cover. The headline reads: Superman Exclusive! Clark just grins.

CAPTION: FIVE HOURS LATER.

The End

[Vendetta]

This is good... my only complaint would be that you are doing 7/6/6 panels per page. Those are tight pages which normally would be fine in a regular issue where you can use some pages with more variety and action. But you've got three pages of little action... which is fine. But with all of the dialogue, it can't be used for a 3x3x3 project for someone (as 3x3x3 are for artistic submissions and generally it is more important for an artist to show his story telling abilities without the aid of dialogue) so you are not really restricted to the page count being 3. I'd make it four or figure out how to make one of the pages have only 4 panels just to break up the form lines that a 6 panel page generally demands.

Additionally, you may want to have Lois smirking on page one panel 3 to show her confidence and even her expectation to have been the one to be called on. Her drive to be the best would definately take that as an awknowledgement of her status at the Daily Planet and be a sharp contrast to page three when she gets "outscooped" by Clark.

[Pikachu]

Thanks for the tips! This is an older story I did earlier in the year and I cam across it realizing I never got any real heavy feed back on it. So I thought I would post it here and see what folks have to say! I will get a Christmas special of the Scarecrow and Mrs. Kingston out for the Holidays!

Pika!

[Ben Christensen]

Besides what Vendetta said, here are a couple of small things.

Page 1

Panel one: Wide establishing shot of the Daily Planet globe on top of the building?fs roof. Other buildings can be seen in the distance.

CAPTION: COME ON PEOPLE!

Panel two: Perry White comes storming out of his office. Cigar in one hand, yesterdays paper in his balled up fist, which is raised above his head.

PERRY: WE NEED A STORY HERE PEOPLE!

I have this thing about repeated words. Reading "PEOPLE" twice in back to back balloons bugs me.

Of the two, I like the second one better, so my suggestion would be to rewrite that first line.

The only other thing is the lack of commas. Such as this:

JIMMY: YOU KNOW KENT BOSS.

There should be a comma after KENT. Otherwise Superman's Pal is asking if White knows "Kent Boss". :)

And as cool as that would be for a character name, I'm assuming that's not what you meant.


Anyway, hope that helps.
-Ben;onei;

[banshee]

nice one, Pikachu! the others have critted in more detail so I wont repeat what they r saying but I enjoyed reading it and look fwd to seeing more! :)