NickRocks
12-01-2003, 05:34 AM
i ate so much pie over thanksgiving that i had to finish (get it? pie? AHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA i slay me)
MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 4: THE EASTER BUNNY ATTACKETH
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
BY LUIS VALDEZ
CHAPTER 1: EGGY
I LOOKED AT THE EASTER BUNNY. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, EAST? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SPOSETA BE HANDING OUT CANDY.”
THE EASTER BUNNY SAID, “MY NAME IS NO LONGER EAST. IT IS NOW….SUSIE!”
“BUT ISNT SUSIE A WOMAN’S NAME?” I WONDERED.
THAT PISSED THE EASTER…UH SUSIE OFF. HE STARTED THROWING EGGS AT ME. I ATE SOME OF THEM IN MIDAIR, BUT THOSE THINGS ARE DARN FILLING. I SAT DOWN WITH A FULL TUMMY, AND SAID “NO MORE, SUSIE, NO MORE.”
SUSIE DIDN’T STOP THOUGH. HE KEPT BEATING ME WITH EGGS, TILL I FINALLY KICKED HIM OUT OF HEAVEN.
“I NEED SOME ADVICE,” I SAID. “TIME TO GO TO MORACLE THE ORACLE.”
CHAPTER 2:MORACLE
I WENT TO SEE MORACLE THE ORACLE. IN HER PAST LIFE, SHE WAS KNOWN AS OPRAH WINFREY, TV HOST.
“MORACLE I NEED YOUR HELP. SUSIE WONT LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“WHO IS SUSIE” MORACLE ASKED.
I TOLD MORACLE THAT SUSIE WAS THE EASTER BUNNY, WHO JUST CHANGED HIS NAME.
“THAT DOESN’T SOUND NICE” SAID MORACLE.
“I KNOW” SAID ME. “IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN BEAT HIM?”
“THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY, BUT YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT” SAID MORACLE. “YOU HAVE TO BANG ME.”
“GROSS! ID NEVER BANG YOU” I SAID. “ID RATHER FIGHT SUSIE AND LOSE THAN BANG YOUR NASTY CHOOCH AND WIN.” I FLEW OFF TO FIND SUSIE.
CHAPTER 3: SUSIE IS A BABE
I FOUND SUSIE MOLESTING CHILDREN IN A MALL. HE HAD A SIGN UP SAYING “SIT ON MY LAP AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FOR EASTER, KIDS!”
I FLEW THROUGH THE AIR AND KARATE CHOPPED SUSIE IN THE HEAD. HE FLEW INTO A WALL, AND GOT UP.
“HOW DARE YOU!” HE SAID. HE PULLED OUT A CHOCOLATE NINJA SWORD, AND STARTED SLICING AT ME. I TRIED TO EAT THE SWORD, BUT I GOT CUT.
“DANG!” I SAID. “THAT PIECE IS SHARP!”
“I KNOW, I DON’T FRONT” SAID SUSIE, “SO DON’T ASK.”
I HAD NO CHOICE. I PULLED OUT MY NINJA SWORD TOO.
CHAPTER 4:FIGHTING THE EASTER BUNNY
ME AND SUSIE FOUGHT WITH OUR SWORDS FOREVER. HE WAS GETTING TIRED, BUT I WASN’T SWEATIN THAT. I KICKED HIM IN THE GROIN.
“OUCH” SUSIE SAID.
“THAT’S WHAT YOU GET, EAST.” I SAID.
“MY NAME IS SUSIE, YOU SON OF A COW, SUSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” SUSIE WENT NUTS, THROWING EGGS EVERYWHERE. I DEFLECTED BACK AT HIM, AND THEY SPLASHED ON HIS FACE.
“I AM MESSY, WHILE YOU ARE UNHURT, MAKING ME THE VICTOR!”
“ON THE PLANET WHERE YOU COME FROM, I BET YOUR STYLE OF MARTIAL ARTS IS IMPRESSIVE” I SAID. “YOUR WEAKNESS IS….THIS IS EARTH.”
TO BE CONTINUED IN MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 5:FIGHT
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER
MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 5:FIGHT
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
BY LUIS VALDEZ
CHAPTER 1:PRETTY SUSIE
THEN SUSIE FLEW UP TO HEAVEN OUT OF NOWHERE!
“WOAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOOCH FACE?!” I YELLED. BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. I HEARD A SCREAM.
I FLEW UP TO HEAVEN AS FAST AS I COULD. I SAW SUSIE STANDING OVER THE DEAD BODY OF THE NOT-VIRGIN-ANYMORE MARY!
“YOU KILLED HER, YOU BASTARD!” I YELLED IN MY FURIOSITY.
SUSIE JUST LAUGHED. “HA!”
I WAS SO ENGROSSED IN MY ANGER THAT I TURNED INTO THE HULK AGAIN. I RIPPED SUSIE INTO 20 DIFFERENT PIECES, THEN ATE THEM WITH CHICKEN.
AFTER I HAD A GOOD MEAL, I LOOKED AT MARY, WHO WAS BARELY ALIVE. “YOU OK, BABE?”
SHE SAID “IM FINE, THAT SUSIE PUNCHES LIKE A GIRL.”
WE LAUGHED, THEN WE HAD SEX.
CHAPTER 2: RETURN OF GOD
ME AND MARY WERE CHILLIN IN A HEAVENLY HOT TUB, WHEN GOD SHOWED UP!
“WHADAFUG?” I SAID.
GOD WAS UBER PISSED. “YOU KILLED ME, AND TOOK MY GIRL!” HE SAID.
I WAS ALL LIKE “MARY WAS A VIRGIN TILL I GOT HER! YOU WERE TOO LAZY TO DO ANYTHING WITH HER, YOU LAZY BASTARD! YOU MAY BE GOD, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOUR DONG IS BIG!”
GOD DIDN’T LIKE THAT COMMENT. HE STARTED TO GET MAD. HE TRIED TO FIGHT ME KARATE, BUT I DESTROYED HIM SO HARD.
I WAS LIKE “SURRENDER NOW, OR ELSE THE PAIN WILL GET HARDER.”
GOD RAN FROM HEAVEN, SAYING “ILL BE BACK”
I SAID “YAH WHATEVER.”
CHAPTER 3: GOD IS BACK
GOD CAME BACK
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I SAID.
GOD SAID “I FORGOT MY WALLET.”
I KICKED GOD IN THE GROIN, CUZ THAT WAS THE DUMBEST THING HES EVER SAID.
GOD DIDN’T LIKE GETTING NAILED IN THE NUTS, SO HE TACKLED ME INTO A CLOUD. THAT FELT NICE.
I GRABBED GOD BY HIS BEARD, AND SWUNG HIM AROUND AND AROUND. THEN I GHRABBED HIS HALO AND ATE IT.
“NO!” GOD YELLED. “WITHOUT MY HALO, I HAVE TO GO TO HELL!”
“YUP” I SAID I KICKED. GOD IN THE BUTT. HE WENT FLYING TO HELL.
CHAPTER 4: GODS REVENGE
A COUPLE DAYS LATER, I GOT A CALL FROM HELL.
“WHATS UP?” I SAY.
THE DEVILS GRANDSON, WHO WAS COOL, NOT LIKE THE DEVILS SON, WHO WAS A BITCH, SAYS, “YO, YOU SENT GOD DOWN HERE, RIGHT?”
“YAH” I SAID.
“WELL, HES CREATING A HUGE MESS DOWN HERE WE NEED YOU TO HELP CLEAN. IT UP.”
“KAY” I SAID. I FLEW DOWN TO HELL, WHERE GOD WAS WAITING
THE FINAL CONFRONTATION BETWEEN GOD AND LUIS IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO DETERMINE THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE……..
TO BE CONTINUED IN MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 6: THE END
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 6:THE END
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
CHAPTER 1:BATTLE IN THE INFERNO
I LANDED IN HELL, WHERE IT WAS REALLY HOT. FIRE SPEWED EVERYWHERE. I LOOKED AROUND FOR GOD.
“WHERE DID HE GO?” I WONDERED.
THEN FROM THE GROUND, GOD CAME OUT. HE TACKLED ME INTO A WALL. WE WENT FLYING INTO ANOTHER WALL. THAT BROKE, MAKING BOTH OF US TUMBLE INTO A POOL OF LAVA. IT WAS WARM. GOD COMPLAINED IT WAS HOT, SO I SMACKED HIM IN THE FACE LIKE A BAD BIDDY.
THEN GOD LOOKED AROUND HE FOUND THE DEVILS SPEAR, AND THREW IT. AT ME. I DODGED, ROLLED TO THE SIDE, PULLED OUT MY NINJA SWORD, AND JUMPED AT GOD. HE JUMPED BACK AT ME, MAKING A SWORD OUT OF AIR.
CHAPTER 2:CLASH!
WE LANDED ON 2 DIFFERENT SIDES.
I WINCED AS I HAD A CUT ON MY SIDE.
GOD FELL DOWN, MINUS HIS HEAD.
“FINALLY,” I SAID. “IT’S OVER.” BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT IT WAS NOT OVER. GOD GOT UP AND DESTROYED ME IN THE BACK. I WENT SKIDDING FORWARD.
“OUCH” I SAID. “THAT HURT.” I LOOKED DOWN AT MY HAND, WHERE MY SWORD HAD BROKE. “NO!” I YELLED.
GOD MADE A FIREBALL AND SHOT IT AT ME.
BIG EXPLOSION. EVERYTHING WENT DARK.
CHAPTER 3: RISE OF THE GOD
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” GOD LAUGHED WILDLY. “I HAVE DESTROYED HIM!” THEN. CLOSE-UP ON THE DEBRIS PILE. DIRT STARTS TO SHIFT. THEN….A HAND COMES SHOOTING UP, FIST CLENCHED IN VITORIOUS GLORY!
I RISE FROM THE DEBRIS SLOWLY, DIRT SHIFTING DOWN MY MUSCULAR BOD. I LOOK AT GOD AND SNEER. “READY TO DIE?” I SAID.
GOD TREMBLES, KNOWING HIS END IS NEAR. BUT HE DOES NOT LET ME SEE HIS FEAR, EVEN THOUGH IT IS OBVIOUSLY APPARENT TO ALL. HE FLEXES HIS ARMS AND SAYS “NOT WITHOUT YOU!”
I TOSS MY USELESS NINJA SWORD HANDLE TO THE SIDE AND STRIKE A COOL LOOKING FIGHTING POSE. GOD DOES THE SAME. THUNDER BOOMS, LAVA SHOOTS UP IN STREAMS AROUND US, CREATING A WALL OF FIRE THAT WILL NOT GO AWAY UNTIL ONE FIGHTER IS VICTORIOUS.
CHAPTER 4: VICTORY
GOD LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS “I WILL BEAT YOU AND TAKE BACK HEAVEN!”
I LAUGH “FOOL! I AM GOD NOW. YOU WERE GOD BEFORE, BUT NOW I AM. GIVE UP YOUR ROLE TO THE RIGHFUL OWNER!”
GOD GETS MAD AND CROUCHES, PREPARING TO LAUNCH HIMSELF AT ME.
I CROUCH, PREPARING TO LAUNCH MYSELF AT GOD.
MORE LAVA SHOOTS.
GOD FLINGS HIMSELF AT ME.
I FLING MYSELF AT GOD.
HIS FIST LASHES OUT, HEADING STRAIGHT FOR MY FACE.
MY FIST SHOOTS FORWARD, AIMING FOR GODS CHEEK.
THEN…..
THE END
MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 4: THE EASTER BUNNY ATTACKETH
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
BY LUIS VALDEZ
CHAPTER 1: EGGY
I LOOKED AT THE EASTER BUNNY. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, EAST? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SPOSETA BE HANDING OUT CANDY.”
THE EASTER BUNNY SAID, “MY NAME IS NO LONGER EAST. IT IS NOW….SUSIE!”
“BUT ISNT SUSIE A WOMAN’S NAME?” I WONDERED.
THAT PISSED THE EASTER…UH SUSIE OFF. HE STARTED THROWING EGGS AT ME. I ATE SOME OF THEM IN MIDAIR, BUT THOSE THINGS ARE DARN FILLING. I SAT DOWN WITH A FULL TUMMY, AND SAID “NO MORE, SUSIE, NO MORE.”
SUSIE DIDN’T STOP THOUGH. HE KEPT BEATING ME WITH EGGS, TILL I FINALLY KICKED HIM OUT OF HEAVEN.
“I NEED SOME ADVICE,” I SAID. “TIME TO GO TO MORACLE THE ORACLE.”
CHAPTER 2:MORACLE
I WENT TO SEE MORACLE THE ORACLE. IN HER PAST LIFE, SHE WAS KNOWN AS OPRAH WINFREY, TV HOST.
“MORACLE I NEED YOUR HELP. SUSIE WONT LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“WHO IS SUSIE” MORACLE ASKED.
I TOLD MORACLE THAT SUSIE WAS THE EASTER BUNNY, WHO JUST CHANGED HIS NAME.
“THAT DOESN’T SOUND NICE” SAID MORACLE.
“I KNOW” SAID ME. “IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN BEAT HIM?”
“THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY, BUT YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT” SAID MORACLE. “YOU HAVE TO BANG ME.”
“GROSS! ID NEVER BANG YOU” I SAID. “ID RATHER FIGHT SUSIE AND LOSE THAN BANG YOUR NASTY CHOOCH AND WIN.” I FLEW OFF TO FIND SUSIE.
CHAPTER 3: SUSIE IS A BABE
I FOUND SUSIE MOLESTING CHILDREN IN A MALL. HE HAD A SIGN UP SAYING “SIT ON MY LAP AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FOR EASTER, KIDS!”
I FLEW THROUGH THE AIR AND KARATE CHOPPED SUSIE IN THE HEAD. HE FLEW INTO A WALL, AND GOT UP.
“HOW DARE YOU!” HE SAID. HE PULLED OUT A CHOCOLATE NINJA SWORD, AND STARTED SLICING AT ME. I TRIED TO EAT THE SWORD, BUT I GOT CUT.
“DANG!” I SAID. “THAT PIECE IS SHARP!”
“I KNOW, I DON’T FRONT” SAID SUSIE, “SO DON’T ASK.”
I HAD NO CHOICE. I PULLED OUT MY NINJA SWORD TOO.
CHAPTER 4:FIGHTING THE EASTER BUNNY
ME AND SUSIE FOUGHT WITH OUR SWORDS FOREVER. HE WAS GETTING TIRED, BUT I WASN’T SWEATIN THAT. I KICKED HIM IN THE GROIN.
“OUCH” SUSIE SAID.
“THAT’S WHAT YOU GET, EAST.” I SAID.
“MY NAME IS SUSIE, YOU SON OF A COW, SUSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” SUSIE WENT NUTS, THROWING EGGS EVERYWHERE. I DEFLECTED BACK AT HIM, AND THEY SPLASHED ON HIS FACE.
“I AM MESSY, WHILE YOU ARE UNHURT, MAKING ME THE VICTOR!”
“ON THE PLANET WHERE YOU COME FROM, I BET YOUR STYLE OF MARTIAL ARTS IS IMPRESSIVE” I SAID. “YOUR WEAKNESS IS….THIS IS EARTH.”
TO BE CONTINUED IN MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 5:FIGHT
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER
MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 5:FIGHT
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
BY LUIS VALDEZ
CHAPTER 1:PRETTY SUSIE
THEN SUSIE FLEW UP TO HEAVEN OUT OF NOWHERE!
“WOAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOOCH FACE?!” I YELLED. BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. I HEARD A SCREAM.
I FLEW UP TO HEAVEN AS FAST AS I COULD. I SAW SUSIE STANDING OVER THE DEAD BODY OF THE NOT-VIRGIN-ANYMORE MARY!
“YOU KILLED HER, YOU BASTARD!” I YELLED IN MY FURIOSITY.
SUSIE JUST LAUGHED. “HA!”
I WAS SO ENGROSSED IN MY ANGER THAT I TURNED INTO THE HULK AGAIN. I RIPPED SUSIE INTO 20 DIFFERENT PIECES, THEN ATE THEM WITH CHICKEN.
AFTER I HAD A GOOD MEAL, I LOOKED AT MARY, WHO WAS BARELY ALIVE. “YOU OK, BABE?”
SHE SAID “IM FINE, THAT SUSIE PUNCHES LIKE A GIRL.”
WE LAUGHED, THEN WE HAD SEX.
CHAPTER 2: RETURN OF GOD
ME AND MARY WERE CHILLIN IN A HEAVENLY HOT TUB, WHEN GOD SHOWED UP!
“WHADAFUG?” I SAID.
GOD WAS UBER PISSED. “YOU KILLED ME, AND TOOK MY GIRL!” HE SAID.
I WAS ALL LIKE “MARY WAS A VIRGIN TILL I GOT HER! YOU WERE TOO LAZY TO DO ANYTHING WITH HER, YOU LAZY BASTARD! YOU MAY BE GOD, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOUR DONG IS BIG!”
GOD DIDN’T LIKE THAT COMMENT. HE STARTED TO GET MAD. HE TRIED TO FIGHT ME KARATE, BUT I DESTROYED HIM SO HARD.
I WAS LIKE “SURRENDER NOW, OR ELSE THE PAIN WILL GET HARDER.”
GOD RAN FROM HEAVEN, SAYING “ILL BE BACK”
I SAID “YAH WHATEVER.”
CHAPTER 3: GOD IS BACK
GOD CAME BACK
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I SAID.
GOD SAID “I FORGOT MY WALLET.”
I KICKED GOD IN THE GROIN, CUZ THAT WAS THE DUMBEST THING HES EVER SAID.
GOD DIDN’T LIKE GETTING NAILED IN THE NUTS, SO HE TACKLED ME INTO A CLOUD. THAT FELT NICE.
I GRABBED GOD BY HIS BEARD, AND SWUNG HIM AROUND AND AROUND. THEN I GHRABBED HIS HALO AND ATE IT.
“NO!” GOD YELLED. “WITHOUT MY HALO, I HAVE TO GO TO HELL!”
“YUP” I SAID I KICKED. GOD IN THE BUTT. HE WENT FLYING TO HELL.
CHAPTER 4: GODS REVENGE
A COUPLE DAYS LATER, I GOT A CALL FROM HELL.
“WHATS UP?” I SAY.
THE DEVILS GRANDSON, WHO WAS COOL, NOT LIKE THE DEVILS SON, WHO WAS A BITCH, SAYS, “YO, YOU SENT GOD DOWN HERE, RIGHT?”
“YAH” I SAID.
“WELL, HES CREATING A HUGE MESS DOWN HERE WE NEED YOU TO HELP CLEAN. IT UP.”
“KAY” I SAID. I FLEW DOWN TO HELL, WHERE GOD WAS WAITING
THE FINAL CONFRONTATION BETWEEN GOD AND LUIS IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO DETERMINE THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE……..
TO BE CONTINUED IN MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 6: THE END
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
MOO GOO PAI AND THE SCARY PEOPLE BOOK 6:THE END
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
CHAPTER 1:BATTLE IN THE INFERNO
I LANDED IN HELL, WHERE IT WAS REALLY HOT. FIRE SPEWED EVERYWHERE. I LOOKED AROUND FOR GOD.
“WHERE DID HE GO?” I WONDERED.
THEN FROM THE GROUND, GOD CAME OUT. HE TACKLED ME INTO A WALL. WE WENT FLYING INTO ANOTHER WALL. THAT BROKE, MAKING BOTH OF US TUMBLE INTO A POOL OF LAVA. IT WAS WARM. GOD COMPLAINED IT WAS HOT, SO I SMACKED HIM IN THE FACE LIKE A BAD BIDDY.
THEN GOD LOOKED AROUND HE FOUND THE DEVILS SPEAR, AND THREW IT. AT ME. I DODGED, ROLLED TO THE SIDE, PULLED OUT MY NINJA SWORD, AND JUMPED AT GOD. HE JUMPED BACK AT ME, MAKING A SWORD OUT OF AIR.
CHAPTER 2:CLASH!
WE LANDED ON 2 DIFFERENT SIDES.
I WINCED AS I HAD A CUT ON MY SIDE.
GOD FELL DOWN, MINUS HIS HEAD.
“FINALLY,” I SAID. “IT’S OVER.” BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT IT WAS NOT OVER. GOD GOT UP AND DESTROYED ME IN THE BACK. I WENT SKIDDING FORWARD.
“OUCH” I SAID. “THAT HURT.” I LOOKED DOWN AT MY HAND, WHERE MY SWORD HAD BROKE. “NO!” I YELLED.
GOD MADE A FIREBALL AND SHOT IT AT ME.
BIG EXPLOSION. EVERYTHING WENT DARK.
CHAPTER 3: RISE OF THE GOD
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” GOD LAUGHED WILDLY. “I HAVE DESTROYED HIM!” THEN. CLOSE-UP ON THE DEBRIS PILE. DIRT STARTS TO SHIFT. THEN….A HAND COMES SHOOTING UP, FIST CLENCHED IN VITORIOUS GLORY!
I RISE FROM THE DEBRIS SLOWLY, DIRT SHIFTING DOWN MY MUSCULAR BOD. I LOOK AT GOD AND SNEER. “READY TO DIE?” I SAID.
GOD TREMBLES, KNOWING HIS END IS NEAR. BUT HE DOES NOT LET ME SEE HIS FEAR, EVEN THOUGH IT IS OBVIOUSLY APPARENT TO ALL. HE FLEXES HIS ARMS AND SAYS “NOT WITHOUT YOU!”
I TOSS MY USELESS NINJA SWORD HANDLE TO THE SIDE AND STRIKE A COOL LOOKING FIGHTING POSE. GOD DOES THE SAME. THUNDER BOOMS, LAVA SHOOTS UP IN STREAMS AROUND US, CREATING A WALL OF FIRE THAT WILL NOT GO AWAY UNTIL ONE FIGHTER IS VICTORIOUS.
CHAPTER 4: VICTORY
GOD LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS “I WILL BEAT YOU AND TAKE BACK HEAVEN!”
I LAUGH “FOOL! I AM GOD NOW. YOU WERE GOD BEFORE, BUT NOW I AM. GIVE UP YOUR ROLE TO THE RIGHFUL OWNER!”
GOD GETS MAD AND CROUCHES, PREPARING TO LAUNCH HIMSELF AT ME.
I CROUCH, PREPARING TO LAUNCH MYSELF AT GOD.
MORE LAVA SHOOTS.
GOD FLINGS HIMSELF AT ME.
I FLING MYSELF AT GOD.
HIS FIST LASHES OUT, HEADING STRAIGHT FOR MY FACE.
MY FIST SHOOTS FORWARD, AIMING FOR GODS CHEEK.
THEN…..
THE END