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foxmerquise8
11-30-2003, 09:46 PM
Hello everybody. Here is my speed racer story. I much more darker tale then the others.

This is the model the new MACH 5 is based on.
http://www.ferrari-uk.com/current/enzo/index.asp

The new MACH 5 is black and has some stripes on it.

Page 1

Panel 1
Its nighttime. A young Chinese man with spiked hair and tinted glasses is standing in the middle of the street. He is wearing a black leather-racing jacket. The jacket has Chinese letters across the chest. This young man is in Hong Kong, so the area around him has high-rise buildings and street lights on.

Panel 2
A fat Chinese man (DAD) with a black cap on has an angry look on his face. He is in the act of yelling, so his mouth is open.

DAD - Speed, wait!

Panel 3
Dad is right next to the young Chinese man and he is still yelling at the young Chinese man (SPEED). SPEED is just standing there looking cool. They are still in the street.

DAD - Speed, make sure you win this race. Hong Kong is a tough city. To night is the Harbor City Run and tomorrow is the Hennessey Road Challenge.

SPEED - Don't worry yourself Dad, this is the only the start of the Asian Street Series.

Panel 4
Dad has an extremely angry look on his face. He is in the act of yelling.

DAD - What do you mean don't worry? Your sister is kidnapped, and the only way to get her back is to win the Street Series.


Page 2

Panel 1
A close up shot of SPEED's face and shoulders. SPEED is in the act of taking off his glasses. He has a calm look on his face.

SPEED - You don't have to worry, because I'm behind the wheel.

Panel 2
SPEED is now walking away from his dad.

Panel 3
A shot of DAD with a confused look on his face.

DAD - Speed...


Page 3

Panel 1
SPEED is walking down the middle of the street.

Panel 2
SPEED now has one of those key chain things; you know the one that opens the lock of your car when you push a button. He is holding the key chain in his hand and is pointing it to the right. A car (MACH 5) is behind him; the headlights and inside lights of the car are all off.

Panel 3
A shot of SPEED's hand pushing a button on his key chain.

Panel 4
SPEED is getting into the MACH 5, which has its headlights and interior lights on. He is halfway into the car.


Page 4

Panel 1
SPEED is in the MACH 5 now. He is putting on a racing helmet now. It has the little visor thing too.

Panel 2
SPEED now has his helmet on. He has a picture in his hand and he has his eyes directed at the picture. There is a Chinese teenager in the picture and she has two pigtails.

SPEED - Don't worry, Julie. I'll find you. Whatever it takes.

Panel 3
SPEED is pushing a button on his radio. The radio has 97.7 on it in digital font. Through the windshield you can see a line of other cars.

RADIO - Welcome to the first of many races in the Asian Street Series, we began in Hong Kong. But over the next few weeks we will visit spots like Yokohamma, Sydney, Singapore, and many, many more.


Page 5

Panel 1
There is a bird's eye view of the starting line. The MACH 5 is seen at the back, behind all the cars. There are 3 rows of cars, with 4 in each row. All the cars look like high-end cars. You can see the ocean opposite of the track

TEXT - This first race is the Harbor City Run; these racers will drive around the shoreline and into the city, and then end it at the Bank One Building.

Panel 2
A close up view of the MACH 5 in the starting line, SPEED is inside.

TEXT - The star of are race is Speed Racer, after a 5 year absents, he is back in racing. It’s not all sunshine, although. His sister has mysteriously disappeared and he is in the back of the pack, starting wise.

Panel 3
A pretty girl in a tight leather suit is standing on a high tower. She has a checker flag raised above her head.

TEXT - Lets see, if Speed Racer has maintained his skills over these past 5 years.

Panel 4
The girl in the last panel is now in the motion of swinging the checker flag downward.

TEXT - And they're off.


Page 6

Panel 1
A bird's eye view from the sky. A helicopter is seen hovering high above the racetrack, with a spotlight on the starting line. Soon cars have already past the starting line and others are just moving. There is a lot of dusk around the track, kicked up by the cars.


Panel 2
A close up shot of SPEED's hand on the shifting stick, the stick is on the first setting.

Panel 3
A profile view of the MACH 5. Speed lines and spinning wheels show it’s going fast. You can see a car on the other side of the MACH 5 inferring that they are close.

TEXT - Here he comes, Speed Racer. He's already moved up 5 positions.

Panel 4
Two cars are racing neck and neck with a car's length between them. The MACH 5 is in back of them.

Panel 5
The MACH 5 is between the two cars. It’s tilted on two wheels, squeezing between to the cars.

Panel 6
Same picture as Panel 3, but the MACH 5 is ahead of the two cars.

TEXT - Man, this kid is a demon on wheels


Page 7

Panel 1
A dynamic shot of the front of the MACH 5. You can see a car far behind it. There are speed lines around the MACH 5.

Panel 2
A bird's eye view of a sharp corner turn. A car is seen on one side of the turn, ahead of the MACH 5, which is sliding in the middle of the turn. There is smoke coming from the MACH 5's tires.

TEXT - He is chasing after Steve Dye for first place!

Panel 3
The MACH 5 is in the air flying off a slope in the role.

TEXT - Watch out Steve Dye, he is gaining on you! You better look alive.

Panel 4
A close up shot of SPEED's hand on the shifting stick, the stick is on the third setting.

Panel 5
A profile view of the MACH 5 going fast.

TEXT - SPEED is really revving up the MACH 5.


Page 8

Panel 1
Same picture as last, but the MACH 5 is on a wooden road (a pier); you can see waves crashing behind it.

TEXT - The odds are really behind speed, he is 6 seconds behind.

Panel 2
A close up shot of SPEED's hand on the shifting stick, the stick is on the seventh setting.

Panel 3
The MACH 5 is going off the pier and back onto the road

TEXT - WOW! Speed is off and flying, he is gunning the car around the track. Only 2 seconds behind.


Page 9

Panel 1
The MACH 5 is going up a hill.

TEXT - He is jamming down the petal, like he is never coming back!

Panel 2
A picture of a speed meter. It’s reading out at 135 mph.

Panel 3
The MACH 5 is in the profile view again. Another car is ahead of him.

TEXT - At this rate he'll never come back!

Page 10

Panel 1
A bird's eye view of the two cars coming down the last straight away. There are a lot of lights around and a crowd.

TEXT - GO! SPEED RACER GO!

Panel 2
A photo finish picture. The MACH 5 is ahead of the other car.

Panel 3
A man is sitting in a helicopter with a shirt and tie on. He has a headset on.

MAN - Speed Racer is back and with style!

banshee
11-30-2003, 11:46 PM
goodness I remember street racer! hehee

u r rather prolific, fox! that's real nice to see!

ok... you have a nice writing style there, Fox! I do like reading what you've written to date. Again, a lil idea to spellcheck etc your work bfr posting.

keep em coming!

foxmerquise8
12-01-2003, 04:35 PM
Do you have anymore comments, other then the spelling and grammer it can't be perfect. I mean there has to be more. I mean is this a comic you would buy off the stand?

Ian Miller
12-01-2003, 04:55 PM
I must say that this story was the most exciting story I've read from you. You showed a good sense of knowing ow to use suspense. I'd definitely buy it if I saw it on the stands. The only thing is that in the beginning, you refer to Speed as "The Chinese Man," and to his dad as "The Fat Chinese Man," but then in the next panel after introducing them, you refer to them as Speed and Dad. I'd say just call them by their real names from the beginning. No one else besides the artist and creative team will see the script, and it'll make it a lot easier for the artist to work from.

banshee
12-01-2003, 06:32 PM
ooops.. I thought I had posted abt that!.. I wrote it when I Was half asleep, bad Bansheee! sorry, fox! :o

Yes, As Universe says you have a good sense of "suspense" and you do seem to capture them all, albeit as you said a lil darker in tone.

I do enjoy reading your work and I shld imagine that Id get the comic too!!! :)

the only question is: was speed racer chinese? I thought he was either japanese or something... That just was a lil niggle thats all.

keep up the good work!

foxmerquise8
12-01-2003, 07:33 PM
I actually changed a few things.

In the original, Speed Racer was japaneese, I just changed it to chinese to freshen it up a bit. He didn't really look japaneese in the original anyway.

Another thing I changed was Speed Racer's sibling. In the original he had a brother (the one who hangs with his pet monkey). I changed it to his sister to change it up a bit again.

You can take it as an alternate relatily.

This is the last thing, when the annoucer is commenting on the race, he is actually saying the lyrics of the theme song (with some words missing or changed).

Did you noticed it?

banshee
12-01-2003, 07:41 PM
oops I hadnt noticed that :) coooool!!!

Ahhh alternate reality!! nice one!