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View Full Version : A preview of a new story I'm doing



foxmerquise8
11-28-2003, 07:45 PM
I got the idea for this story from a song by Talib Kweli, its called the Ghetto Afterlife, I think. Anyway I took the idea and ran with it. I can't think of a name yet. Here is the first 3 pages.

Page 1

Panel 1
A tall black man, with a reagular hair cut and jeans on is standing in front of a doorway. The doorway has white light coming from it. The man has a confused look on his face. The room he is in is wooden and somewhat dirty.

Panel 2
The black man is standing in front of a window booth with bars over it. There is an old man on the other side.

Oldman - Welcome to the afterlife, Mr. Thomas.
BlackMan (Mr. Thomas from now on) - So which place am I?
Oldman - Neither, your in purgatory.
Mr. Thomas - I'm confused
Oldman - I know, I'll give you one question, that I will answer.

Panel 3
Same picture, except Mr. Thomas is leaning down at the both.

Mr. Thomas - Ok, does everyone that come here?
Oldman - No, your not really dead, I guess you can this is the light at the end of the tunnel

Panel 4
Same picture again, except the Oldman is now pointing to the door

Mr. Thomas - So.., now what?
Oldman - You will understand soon, out that door.

Panel 5
Mr. Thomas is at a wooden door, he is grabing the knob and pulling the door open, although you still can't see whats on the other side.


Page 2

Panel 1

A view of an urban setting, boarded up buildings, dirty streets, there are also people walking the streets. Mr. Thomas is standing in front of the door which he just came from. The door is attached to a somewhat small building, ususal urban building.

Mr. Thomas - Purgatory has a ghetto?

Panel 2
A short spanish woman with glasses is walking up to Mr. Thomas with a gym bag.

Panel 3
Mr. Thomas has a confused look on his face still, he is looking at the spanish woman (Julie) who is looking at him.

Julie - Here are your things.
Mr. Thomas - My things?
Julie - Yes, its stuff needed for your job.
Mr. Thomas - Job?


Page 3

Panel 1
Julie is now handing Mr. Thomas a thin booklet.

Julie - You must be wondering, how can the after life be a bad neigberhood. Well everyone here is cleaning this place up to prove they are worthy to keep living.
Mr. Thomas - How can cleaning be enough to measure worthiness?
Julie - Good question, to bad I don't have the answer. Here is all you need to know.
Mr. Thomas - Thanks, I guess...

Panel 2
Mr. Thomas is now walking the sidewalk reading the book he was given, so his head is point down at the book. Julie is standing behind with an angry face.

Mr. Thomas (thought) - Apartment 702, Workway Building. I hope its a nice place.

Panel 3
Mr. Thomas is in front of stairs leading up to two glass doors. Over the doors, there is a sign that says Workway.

Panel 4
Mr. Thomas is now walking up the stairs seen in the last panel.

Mr. Thomas (thought) - How can I not be dead? I still have the thought and feeling of hot lead left in my mind.



I think I might call it Chapter of the Night (the song goes in the chapter of the night of the ghetto after life)

Ian Miller
11-29-2003, 07:04 PM
Very cool. Nicely written. My only suggeston is to make it a little slower-paced. It's a little quick as of now. Also, is there more? I'd like to see how Mr. Thomas "gets by" (Sorry, had to throw that in).

foxmerquise8
11-29-2003, 07:17 PM
I guess, if I decide to do more. Just had to get the idea out of my head. Everytime I think of a comic idea, if I don't write it, more ideas come in my head for it. You might think this is a good thing, but some times it makes it hard to sleep.

Ian Miller
11-29-2003, 07:20 PM
Yeah, I know what you mean. It's good to just let it all out. So what you did was good for just getting ideas in your head.

banshee
11-30-2003, 07:23 PM
nice stuff fox :)

Btw there's an opening or two left on the storyround if you are interested?

Keep on writing there, as you said jsut to "get it out" :)

just do a check on spelling etc, some minor mistakes here and there.

great job!

legend of 8
12-03-2003, 11:41 AM
Yeah, I got a little bit lost at first. Namely, the first couple pages when he's talking to the old man. I wasn't sure what was happening, and the dailogue lost me somewhat... I had no idea what they were talking about... all I know is that he's supposed to be dead.

Slow it down some, maybe by adding a little more dialogue. We can find out how he died later.