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MetaMan
11-25-2003, 09:34 PM
Finally got around to working on this. I started the "second issue" a few months back but didn't have time to work on it. But I added the last seven pages over the past week or so.

So, here are the first 12 of 22 pages. Enjoy!

Previously in The Girls... (http://www.penciljack.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30362)

PAGE 1 (six panels)

PANEL 1- It’s fairly dark outside. A “corner shot” of a sports bar/restaurant. There are several people walking past it as well as standing in front of the bar. The ones standing in front of the bar, look to be having a good time; laughing, talking, looking fairly expressive.

CAPTION: Boston, Massachusetts.

CAPTION: “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got you covered”

PANEL 2- Inside the sports bar. A slight bird’s eye view of the bar. It’s packed, with every available booth filled with four or even five people. There are also tables in the middle of the restaurant, some with up to six people per table. Then there’s the bar, towards the top of the panel. There are no available seats at the bar. There are about twice as many people standing along the bar as there are people sitting. Everyone appears to be having a good time and is dressed for the occasion. Except for one booth, where everyone (five guys) are dressed in suits.).

PANEL 3- Fairly close-up shot of a man with a glass of beer in his hand, looking across from where he’s sitting. He looks to be in his early forties. Another man (mid to late thirties) is sitting next to him, trying to talk on his cell phone.

MAN #1 (with the beer): There’s an ATM outside or we can wait until we get back to Chicago Sunday night. It doesn’t matter.

PANEL 4- Similar to panel 3, except the man with the beer is now turned to the man with the cell phone and is yelling at him.

MAN #1: Get off the #$!@ing phone! He’ll call ya tomorrow!

PANEL 5- Similar to panels 3 & 4. Both men are looking at each other. Man #1 has a devilish grin on his face while Man #2 has a blank look on his face, still holding his cell phone up to his ear.

PANEL 6- The man with the beer is looking forward, towards the viewer/across the table at the others in the group. He has a sarcastic, smug look on his face, somewhat holding up his glass of beer. The man on his cell phone is looking up towards the ceiling, adjusting his tie.

MAN #2: Honey, I’ll call you back, okay? Yup. Ass whooping time.

PAGE 2 (six panels)

PANEL 1- A distance away from the group, a man (late thirties) is at the bar on his cell phone. Off in the distance, the two men are mock fighting each other.

MAN: C’mon, c’mon. Pick up.

PANEL 2- Close-up shot of the man looking back towards the fight.

MAN: Man, I can’t take those clowns anywhere.

PANEL 3- The man is now looking the opposite way, towards a woman next to him, while he’s still on his cell phone. A woman (late 20’s/early 30’s) with wavy blonde hair, wearing a revealing dress, is standing next to him, having a drink. She’s staring right at him.

WOMAN: You aren’t from around here, are you, stranger?

MAN: What gives it away?

PANEL 3- A close-up of the woman’s mouth.

WOMAN: Say “No-mah”.

PANEL 4- A close-up of the man’s eyes, looking somewhat unsettled.

MAN: Nomar..?

PANEL 5- The woman now has her arm around the man, while the other is placing the drink on the bar, behind her. The man looks extremely uncomfortable, nearly dropping the cell phone.

WOMAN: Ah, a mid-westerner. I love the accent. Cleveland?

MAN: Ch—Chicago.

WOMAN: Even better. And these shoulders… They are big. What’ll it take for a girl like me to find out about all those other… big things.

MAN: I’m a married man. I—I was… That was my wife on the phone. I’m… married.

PANEL 6- A P.O.V. from the man, looking at the woman (the side of his face is visible and shadowed some). The woman now has both arms around his neck. She looks fairly loose and wasted.

WOMAN: So am I. But not tonight.

PAGE 3 (seven panels)

PANEL 1- Medium shot; the man appears to be stepping backwards away from the woman, holding his cell phone up nearly eye level. The woman’s arms aren’t completely around the man and she looks as if she’s losing her balance.

WOMAN: See—no ring. I’m off tonight. I’m—

MAN: Ma’am you’re drunk. Let me call you a cab or—or your husband.

WOMAN: I told you—

PANEL 2- Medium shot of the woman who is now furious. She looks as if she’s trying to pound on the man with both balled up fists. The man is closer in the panel, backing away.

WOMAN: I’M OFF TONIGHT!!!

PANEL 3- The woman is visible from her shoulders to her knees, and is much closer up in the panel, and is storming off. The people seated at tables around her are looking towards her with shocked looks on their faces. The man is in the far off distance, still holding his cell phone, looking stunned.

WOMAN: Damned loser. Some folks don’t know how to have fun no more.

PANEL 4- Medium shot; the man is now joining the rest of his co-workers in the booth.

MAN #2: What the hell was that all about?

MAN: She wanted to sleep with me.

MAN #3: And you said no?

MAN #1: She was completely wasted—and married—as I am.

PANEL 5- P.O.V. shot of the man looking at his co-workers/buddies. They all have their own “yeah, whatever” gestures. Some are rolling their eyes, others are laughing; you know, the “yeah, whatever” gesture.

MAN #2: Aw, please.

MAN #3: Gotta take ‘em up on the offer sometimes, no matter how rung out they are.

PANEL 6- Slight bird’s eye view of the group. The man (#1) looks somewhat upset while the others are back to talking and drinking. Man #4 has his head back and is taking a shot straight up.

MAN #4: Married, eh?

PANEL 7- Close up of man #1.

MAN #4 (no tail): Glad my wife ain’t like that.

PAGE 4

SPLASH PAGE: Nancy is close up in the panel, kneeling on a bed, towards the end of it. She has a sheet wrapped somewhat around her, but her shoulders are visible, as well as her legs (her thighs down to her knees). She has a worried look on her face and appears to be crying; her makeup is running down her face. Also laying on the bed is the man she met at the end of the last story who is asleep. The room is dim lit, too.

THE GIRLS: Part 2

CAPTION: 6:49am.

PAGE 5 (four panels)

PANEL 1- Fairly large panel. It’s a panoramic view of downtown Chicago, off of Lake Michigan.

CAPTION: 8:01am.

PANEL 2- An angled bird’s eye view of Jan’s kitchen (fairly large panel). Standing over a stove is Charlotte, fixing breakfast. The kitchen table (center of the panel) is filled with food (pancakes, eggs, sausage, toast, etc.). A radio is also on the kitchen table. The kitchen looks decent, not the best looking kitchen, but it’s fairly decent.

JAN (tail towards the kitchen doorway on the right of the panel): Mmm, smells g—

PANEL 3- Close up of Jan with a shocked look on her face.

JAN: Good Lord!

PANEL 4- Medium close up of Char, with her back to the viewer, but she’s turned some and is looking back towards the viewer (over her shoulder) with a slight smile on her face as well.

CHAR: Nearly had to scrub those pots and pans with a stick of dynamite. When’s the last time you had a home cooked meal anyway?

PAGE 6 (seven panels)

PANEL 1- A shot of Jan’s apartment building.

CAPTION (Jan): Oh, my God, Char…

PANEL 2- Close up of Jan. She almost looks like she’s in pain or worried, but she’s not. She has her eyes closed and she’s biting her lower lip.

JAN: Oh-my-God.

PANEL 3- Medium close up of Char, smiling, with her fingers interlaced. She has a plate of food that’s barely been touched in front of her.

CHAR: Haven’t lost my touch, have I?

PANEL 4- Worm’s eye view of Jan (from the table) with a surprised look on her face/wide-eye’d expression.

JAN: You’ve gotten better! Not that it was horrible before or anything.

PANEL 5- Similar to panel 3, except Char is looking towards her right (out of the window apparently) with a more serious look on her face.

CHAR: Well, I haven’t had much of a reason to cook as of late. For myself, sure, but since Jack…

PANEL 6- Close up of Char, looking downward, staring off into space.

CHAR: It’s been a struggle to do all basic essential things in life.

PANEL 7- Medium close up of Jan, prepared to shove her fork in her mouth, staring forward at Char.

PAGE 7 (five panels)

PANEL 1- Medium close up of Char, washing dishes in the kitchen. Jan is in the far off distance, still sitting at the table, watching Char.

PANEL 2- Close up of Char, looking down with a slight smile on her face.

CHAR: Either those pancakes are weighing you down like lead or you’ve got a list of questions to ask me.

CHAR: You’re just not sure in which order to ask them.

PANEL 3: Medium close up of Jan with her hands around her coffee mug, staring down at it.

JAN: No, I… Was just wondering…

CHAR (from panel 2): Okay, I’ll pick one. Question #3.

JAN (from panel 3): Fine.

PANEL 4- Close up of Jan, now looking forward [towards Char], running her right hand through her hair.

JAN: How do you do it?

PANEL 5- Medium close up of Char looking down, washing dishes; she has a slight smile on her face.

JAN (off panel/tail): After all these years, you haven’t changed a bit. You can still take me under your wing and look after me like a kid sister. I can feel like complete crap and you still come through without even really trying.

PAGE 8 (five panels)

PANEL 1- Char is closer in the panel. She’s still looking down but has a disturbed look on her face

JAN (off panel/tail): And as always, it’s a home cooked meal that makes me forget about all my problems.

PANEL 2- A close up of Char’s hands. Her left hand is in full extension while her right is resting on it; one finger is touching her diamond ring.

PANEL 3- Medium shot of Jan staring (apparently) at Char. She has a concerned look on her face.

PANEL 4- (fairly large panel) Profile shot of Jan hugging Char from behind. Char’s head is slightly tilted towards the ceiling, trying to keep tears from falling (though she has her eyes closed). Jan is resting her chin on Char’s shoulder.

CHAR: I’m sorry, sweetie. It’s been so long since I’ve been in the kitchen preparing anything for anyone other than myself. It’s just that… Every little thing reminds me of Jack these days. Either it’s the roar of a car engine similar to his ’76 Oldsmobile to a strange man with a decent comb over. Everything I see just send visions fluttering through my head. Even some of the silly habits I’ve acquired remind me of him.

JAN: You’re human for Christ sakes. We’re not emotionless androids. No matter how much we try not to let things bother us, they do in some fashion. We just have to deal with it. Listen, how about you let me reprise my role as the emotional wreck and you take five, okay?

PANEL 5- Char is closer in the panel, exiting the kitchen—probably from her waist to her knees is visible as Jan is farther off in the panel, staring at Char exiting.

JAN: You’re probably still jetlagged. Get some rest, we’ll talk more later. There’s an extra comforter in the hallway closet if you need it.

PAGE 9 (six panels)

PANEL 1- Nancy is seen exiting an alley. She’s holding a handkerchief in one hand while fixing her purse with the other. She’s wearing a loud-colored, long-flowered dress and looks upset. A man is visible in the far distance behind a large garbage dump. He looks kind of scummy and looks fairly upset.

CAPTION (Char): “Will you be late tonight? I’ve got the perfect depression-cleansing meal in mind to set the whole psyche ward straight.”

CAPTION (Jan): “Unless the city starts acting up and sends out all the weirdos at once, I shouldn’t be any later than eight o’clock. But this is Chicago. Better make it midnight.”

NANCY: Disgusting jerk…

MAN: Hey! Hey, b*@$%! That wasn’t worth forty bucks! You new at this or somethin’?!

PANEL 2- Close up of Nancy, looking back towards the man over her shoulder; the exit of the alley can be seen as several people are walking on the sidewalk.

NANCY: Well, if you had more to work with maybe we’d both be happy.

PANEL 3- P.O.V. shot; the side of the man’s face is visible (left hand side of the panel) as seen walking away.

MAN: Bout time for you to retire, golden girl.

NANCY: And it’s about time for you to grow up, stumpy.

PANEL 4- Worm’s eye view of an extremely tall building.

CAPTION (Nancy): “Good Morning, Mrs. Austin. Is there anything I can do for you today?”

PANEL 5- Medium close up of Nancy, apparently leaning over the secretary’s desk. She looks extremely upset.

NANCY: Don’t you see my name down there? I made the damned appointment now get on the phone and tell him I’m here.

PANEL 6- Medium close up of the secretary, with a perplexed look on her face. She even has one finger up to her mouth (in mock confusion) to egg Nancy on.

SECRETARY: Now, surely, Mrs. Austin, you don’t use such language around your children.

PAGE 10 (five panels)

PANEL 1- Fairly wide panel/panoramic view of the waiting room/lobby to Mr. Bolante’s office. The secretary has her arms crossed and has a devilish smile on her face, while Nancy is still bent over, leaning on the secretary’s desk, pointing a finger at her. Mr. Bolante (far right of the panel) is seen exiting his office.

SECRETARY: Especially little Alicia…

NANCY: Excuse me?! I’ll tell you once, lady: don’t ever mention my daughter’s name, or so help me God—!

MR. BOLANTE: Uhm, Mrs. Austin? Nancy?

PANEL 2- Close up of Nancy, looking over her shoulder towards Mr. Bolante. The secretary can be seen still smiling devilishly.

NANCY: Oh..! Bill… Mr. Bolante.

PANEL 3- Slight bird’s eye view, just over the entrance/exit of Mr. Bolante’s office. Nancy and Mr. Bolante are a lot closer up in the panel than the secretary, that is much farther back. Mr. Bolante is looking back towards the secretary as Nancy walks past him, still looking upset yet relieved.

NANCY: Thank you for meeting with me…

PANEL 4- Mr. Bolante’s lower body is closer in the panel, [apparently] walking back around his desk. Nancy is farther back, right in front of the door, with her arms crossed. She still looks upset.

NANCY: … Finally.

PANEL 5- A fairly large panel; a shot of Mr. Bolante’s office. It looks pretty nice, decked out with all the latest office designs. Mr. Bolante is about to sit down behind his desk.

MR. BOLANTE: So, two visits within twenty-four hours. Did I happen to miss a zero on the check? If that were the case, that little discussion between you and my secretary wouldn’t have been as civil as it already was.

PAGE 11

PANEL 1- Close up of Nancy’s hand, laying an envelope on Mr. Bolante’s desk.

NANCY: Check and mate.

PANEL 2- Medium close up of Mr. Bolante, opening the letter and putting on his glasses.

MR. BOLANTE: What is this..?

PANEL 3- (shot behind Nancy) Nancy has her compact disc open and she’s putting on lipstick. Her reflection is clearly shown through the mirror.

NANCY: I mean business, Bill. And if there’s anything a businessman like yourself should already know is to not stall a businesswoman.

PANEL 4- A close up of Mr. Bolante’s eyes; the top of the piece of paper is visible. The word “DIVORCE” is in bold and can be seen through the paper (but spelled backwards of course, since he’s reading the front of the paper).

NANCY (off panel/tail): I went ahead and filed divorce papers. I advise you to do the same and end that sham of a marriage as soon as possible. Things can only get uglier if she finds out about us…

MR. BOLANTE: … And Alicia.

PANEL 5- A profile shot of Mr. Bolante. He’s leaning back in his chair as his right hand covers his eyes.

MR. BOLANTE: My God, Nancy. She’s fighting cancer. In this state… If I divorce her now, it would kill her. I wouldn’t dare put my children through that. Not now. And the reputation I’d have would kill this company as well.

PANEL 6- Medium close up of Nancy, looking down at her purse (in her lap), putting away her compact disc.

NANCY: I see. I suppose I’m going about this the wrong way.

PAGE 12

SPLASH PAGE- Nancy is now standing before Mr. Bolante, and she’s unbuttoning her blouse, revealing her bra underneath. She has an extremely seductive look on her face.

NANCY: Perhaps a different method of convincing is needed..?

To be continued...

banshee
11-26-2003, 07:10 PM
YAY META!!! I always love reading your stuff..

but I've gotta hold off on the c&c till I finish this editing job and then I will DEFINITELY be c&C k?

great to see you here again!

banshee
11-30-2003, 08:17 PM
ok I hv a moment LOL

(takes a seat, grabs a coffee and gets stuck in!)

coooooooooooooooooooooool


me like me like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (jumps up and down wt excitement)

MetaMan
11-30-2003, 09:39 PM
Thanks, Banshee. I was working on the second part of #2 yesterday when my power went out. It was off for about five seconds, but long enough for me to lose anything new I added. Not a big deal, though. I had only added a page. I'll probably post the second half tomorrow.

Again, thanks for the c/c! :D

banshee
12-01-2003, 06:08 AM
anytime Meta me man! :)

MetaMan
12-16-2003, 10:21 PM
The Girls #2 continued...

PAGE 13 (six panels)

PANEL 1- An establishing shot of the Chicago Police Department.

CAPTION: 7th Precinct.

PANEL 2- Bird’s eye view of Jan at her desk, reading papers from a manila folder. She has her propped up on a chair. Kurt, her partner, is approaching her. There are several other officers inside the large office, also working at their desks. But there are more empty desks than there are officers.

KURT: Hey, now! Someone’s looking alive for once! Finally hooked up with that mortician that keeps calling, eh?

KURT : Told you he does nice work.

PANEL 3- Medium close up of Jan, similar to panel 2. She’s still reading the papers.

JAN: Mm, probably not as good as the doctor that’s responsible for those two floats on the chest of your date last night.

PANEL 4- Close up profile shot of Kurt, looking towards his left at another officer (man; late 20’s) that’s joining the conversation.

OFFICER: Whoa! Are we talking Pamela Anderson, pre Kid Rock or Britney Spears, post Justin?

PANEL 5- Both Jan and Kurt have disgusted looks on their faces staring forward at the officer (towards the viewer)..

PANEL 6- The officer is rolling his eyes shrugging.

OFFICER: I got two teenage girls and a sixteen year old boy, alright?

PAGE 14 (five panels)

PANEL 1- Fairly wide panel as Kurt is now preparing to sit where Jan had her feet. She’s still reading the file.

KURT: So, whatcha reading? Anything interesting?

JAN: Just my report I’m submitting. That Jackson-Pullman case a few weeks back, remember?

KURT: Ohh, yeah. So everything’s cool, right? Case closed?

PANEL 2- Close up of Jan, looking up from her report at Kurt.

JAN: Well, yeah. There isn’t much more to investigate. Mr. Jackson confessed to beating his girlfriend black and blue and hurling her down a flight of stairs.

PANEL 3- Close up of Jan’s arm, putting the manila folder (the report inside it) in a filing-folder tray.

JAN: He claimed gang members were responsible. Funny how he failed to mention he himself was a gang member and his “homies” weren’t as loyal seeing how they ratted him out. I suppose some gangsters have a soft spot for seeing young girls beaten and thrown down steps.

PANEL 4- Medium close up of Jan smiling, leaning back in her chair, with here hands interlaced behind her head.

JAN: That and Ms. Pullman’s loved ones admitting to witnessing past abuse incidences. All it takes is one person to speak up before all the voices start snowballing.

JAN: So, how’d it go last night with jiggly-pop?

PANEL 5- Close up of Kurt smiling from ear to ear.

KURT: Let’s just say I will forever hold the record for most speeding tickets issued in one night.

JAN (off panel/tail): Pig.

PAGE 15 (six panels)

PANEL 1- Bird’s eye view of Janice and Kurt exiting the police station. They’re walking down some stairs.

KURT: I’m honest, Jan. You really do look a lot better today, mortician joke aside. Is your friend still in town?

JAN: Yeah. For a day or two.

KURT: Thank her for me.

PANEL 2- Close up shot of Kurt in profile (smiling). Jan is next to him, staring at him with a confused look on her face.

JAN: Uh, don’t you mean jiggly-pop from last night?

KURT: No, I meant your friend. Her being here brought life back into you, literally.

PANEL 3- Kurt is standing on the passenger’s side of the squad car, with one arm propped up on it, while Jan is walking around to the driver’s side (she’s in front of the car, looking towards Kurt).

KURT: Even if it’s only been a day, I can see the difference. There’s an actual spring to your step now. It wasn’t there yesterday or the day before. Hell, since we’ve been partners!

PANEL 4- Close up of Jan smiling.

JAN: Really? Well, maybe I just needed an old friend of the past to remind me that depression isn’t something to strive for in life.

PANEL 5- Bird’s eye view of both Jan and Kurt entering the car (both car doors are still open).

PANEL 6- A shot behind the car driving away.

KURT: Hey, who said anything about you driving?

JAN: Oh, no one. Just something else I’m taking charge of in my life.

PAGE 16 (five panels)

PANEL 1- A panoramic view of Mr. Bolante’s office. The secretary is still working at her desk while Mr. Bolante’s door is opening.

PANEL 2- A worm’s eye view of Nancy exiting Mr. Bolante’s office. A fairly long panel; probably the length of the page. Nancy has a look of confidence on her face, and walk of professionalism.

PANEL 3- Medium close up of the secretary looking down but her eyes are following Nancy as she walks past (Nancy is closer in the panel—waist to upper thigh is visible—clutching her purse in her hand).

PANEL 4- Nancy is at the door preparing to exit but she’s looking back towards the secretary. Her right hand is on the doorknob.

NANCY: Oh, just so you know, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me around here. And if things fall into place, there’ll be some major changes, starting with the irritating annoyances that are in this very room. So if I were you, I’d start sending out resumes like army ants in search of caterpillars.

PANEL 5- Medium close up of the secretary with a smile on her face.

SECRETARY: Mrs. Austin, you’re so sure of yourself, aren’t you? Your confidence simply soars when you compete against a woman fighting cancer and also happens to be fifteen years older than you.

PAGE 17 (five panels)

PANEL 1- Medium shot of Nancy looking furious with both arms stiffly at her sides.

SECRETARY (off panel/tail): You may be… er, were once young and beautiful, but not so anymore. Mr. and Mrs. Bolante are in love and are a family.

PANEL 2- Slight worm’s eye view/angle shot of the secretary looking more serious.

SECRETARY: What he shares with you is an illegitimate daughter from an affair you won’t let go of. He’s a wealthy, important man fallen victim to a women that seeks wealth the best way she knows how. You threaten to throw his name into the streets and tarnish it unless he pays child support weekly. Last time I checked, Mrs. Austin, blackmail and extortion usually doesn’t lead to fairytale unions, they lead to jail.

PANEL 3- Medium close up of Nancy approaching the secretary with her finger pointed towards the secretary.

NANCY: Who do you think you are?! In my business, unlawfully! That’s worthy of jail time too, you little b*^%$!

PANEL 4- A slight bird’s eye view of the room, just over Nancy’s head and behind her. Nancy’s back is visible as she’s still pointing at the secretary (in front of Nancy) who now looks a little scared. Farther off in the panel is Mr. Bolante exiting his office.

NANCY: The contents inside those envelopes are of no concern of yours!

MR. BOLANTE: Nancy, Ms. Carson, that is more than enough. Mrs. Austin, I believe you were leaving? Ms. Carson, I’ve been waiting for your report for an hour now. Is it ready?

SECRETARY: Uhm, yes, sir. I’m in the process of printing it out now.

PANEL 4- A shot behind Nancy as she is exiting the office.

PANEL 5- Medium close up of the secretary (apparently) staring at the door Nancy just exited through. Mr. Bolante (farther back in the panel) is looking that way as well.

SFX: SLAM!

PAGE 18 (six panels)

PANEL 1- Bird’s eye view of Jan’s living room. It looks fairly small, but well furnished. Char is lying on the couch, curled up, staring at a photo. On the coffee table are several photos spread all over the table, along with a photo album. A cup of coffee and steam rising from it is also visible.

PANEL 2- Medium close up of Char’s hands, releasing one photo, while another picks up another.

PANEL 3- Close up of Char, holding a photo close to her face while sipping from her coffee mug with the other.

PANEL 4- A close up of the picture Char is holding. It’s a picture several years ago, of Char, Jan, Nancy, and Barbra, as young teenagers, smiling and posing in the photo.

SFX: RIIIIING.

PANEL 5- Char is digging into her purse, pulling out her cell phone.

PANEL 6- Medium close up/profile shot of Char sitting back on the couch, preparing to sip her coffee. She has a sarcastic look on her face.

CHAR: Hello, Roger. I could make out your intense rings anyw—. If I remember correctly, I am the author and you are the publicist. Which means my name is much bigger than yours.

PAGE 19 (four panels)

PANEL 1- A shot of Char (now off the couch) walking towards the middle of the room, gesturing. (NOTE TO ARTIST) This panel shows the reader the entire living room area.

CHAR: Is that so? You’re about as significant in my career as this morning’s sigh of relief. Not very lady like, no? You should see me after I’ve knocked back a few, which makes you extremely lucky right now: this is only coffee talk.

PANEL 2- Close up of Char looking down, with her eyes closed.

CHAR: Yes, that’s correct. At least another two days. I booked myself, if that isn’t a problem, for two more book signings and readings at Barnes & Noble. Yes, the one on State Street.

PANEL 3- A shot of a picture of two young girls (presumably Char and Jan) with their arms around each other, smiling and laughing.

CHAR: Well, I ran into an old friend of mine that needs more words of encouragement than the patented “thank you for reading my book. Please, feel free to select it for next month’s book club”.

PANEL 4- A shot outside of Jan’s apartment.

CHAR: Thank you, Roger. Of course not... I didn’t mean a word of it. It was the coffee talking.

PAGE 20 (six panels)

PANEL 1- A bird’s eye view of the Dan Ryan Expressway (Chicago).

PANEL 2- Medium straight on shot of Nancy driving. She looks pretty upset as she’s holding the wheel with both hands, fairly tight.

SFX: BEEP! BEEEEEEP!

PANEL 3- Close up profile shot of Nancy (starting from her nose down) driving. Through her driver’s side window, a car is right next to her. An African-American man (late 20’s, early 30’s) is facing Nancy, screaming at the top of his lungs, honking his horn.

MAN: What the freak, lady!

PANEL 4- Medium shot outside of Nancy’s driver side window. She’s looking towards the viewer (driver) with a fairly upset look on her face.

NANCY: Sorry, I’m on lunch.

PANEL 5- Similar to panel 3 except now, the man is closer in the panel.

MAN: You’ve been on my @$$ since North Ave! You’re lucky I’m not the type that blows people away for that s***!

PANEL 6- Extreme close up/profile shot of Nancy [from her nose down] smiling.

PAGE 21 (five panels)

PANEL 1- A fairly large panel of a dark hotel room. Nancy is sitting up in the bed, barely covered by a sheet. She looks as if she’s holding something in her hand. On the far right of the panel, the bathroom light is on and the shower curtain is slightly open too. The man from the road rage incident is taking a shower.

NANCY: See where your anger can take you sometimes?

PANEL 2- Close up of Nancy’s hands. She’s holding the man’s wallet. His driver’s license is exposed with a few dollar bills sticking out.

MAN (off panel): Yours too, obviously.

PANEL 3- Close up of the man.

MAN: Your husband sounds like an ass, though. Why’d he leave you?

PANEL 4- Medium close up of Nancy looking down.

NANCY: I don’t know. You got me, Mr. Jones.

PANEL 5- An opposite angle shot. Nancy is now on the far side of the room, looking towards the viewer (in the direction of the bathroom). The bathroom doorway is closer, on the right side of the panel.

MAN (tail leading towards the doorway): It wouldn’t have anything to do with you hooking up with strange men from road rage incidents, would it?

PAGE 22

PANEL 1- Medium shot of Nancy sticking money (from the man’s wallet) down her bra.

NANCY: Well, you needed something to calm you down. That, or I ram your car across the median. This way, no one gets hurt and everyone makes it home on time.

PANEL 2- This is a fairly large panel; not too big. Nancy is crawling on the bed, reaching towards hers and the man’s clothes, piled on top of the bed.

SFX: RIIIING, RIIIIING.

MAN (off panel/tail): Can you get that for me?

NANCY: Don’t worry, it’s mine anyway.

PANEL 3- Close up of Nancy’s hand, holding her cell phone.

SFX: RIIIIING, RIIIIING.

MAN (off panel/tail): Damn, answer it. Didn’t you say your kids call you non-stop after school?

PANEL 4- Medium close up shot of Nancy, staring down towards the phone. She has one hand up to her mouth, with a worried look on her face. She’s holding the phone with the other hand. The sheet is now around her waist.

NANCY: Oh, God.

PANEL 5- Medium shot of the man at the bathroom doorway with a towel rapped around his waist.

MAN: What the hell, woman?! You gonna answer it?!

PANEL 6- A man is standing in the middle of an airport, with five other men dressed in suits (they’re laughing and having a good time), hunched over some (trying to avoid the noise of his associates) holding his cell phone up to his ear. These are the same guys from the beginning of the story.

CELL PHONE: —can’t take your call right now. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message. Bye.

MAN: Hi, honey. Uhm, guess what? If you can hear me over the “Jerk Squad”, I’m on my way home. Yeah, I know it’s a couple of weeks early, but that shouldn’t matter. You’re probably even more eager to see me than I am you, if that’s possible. Don’t tell the kids, okay? I want it to be a surprise. Make reservations so we can catch up with what each other’s been up to. And knowing you, you’ve been up to all kind of things…

To be continued…

banshee
12-17-2003, 06:38 PM
Coool beans Meta :) Great to see more of 'The Girls'.

Will browse thru it shortly :D

banshee
12-17-2003, 06:47 PM
All I can say is: wow....
As always, Meta, your work REALLY impresses me.. Makes me really wanna see what's happening next. Great emotional quality to your work :D ;bat;

Only minor gripe I hv is Nancy and the secretary, found it a bit confusing (imagining) the situation they r in, as in physically. And the appearence of Mr. B It seemed a bit akward, that was my impression.

Sweet deal as always!!! :D

MetaMan
12-18-2003, 09:08 PM
Thanks for the c&c, banshee. I tried to play with the panels some, using a panoramic view of Mr. Bolante's office, a worm's eye view of the secretary, etc. Sorry if it was a bit confusing. Again, thanks for the crit!

banshee
12-19-2003, 05:54 AM
anytime Meta :) sweet stuff as always :)