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Eye of Rain
11-20-2003, 01:05 PM
Batman
By Jonathan Thompson

Page One

Panel One - Edward Nigma is with two of his thugs in a large truck full of newly stolen diamonds. Nigma has a lot of jewelry on and loving the fact that nothing has gotten in his way. Riddler is sitting in the middle of his two henchmen. One, the driver is very muscular and has a hard look on his face. The second thug is not as built and has smile on his face, feeling that they might get away. Both thugs have Riddler outfits on.

Caption - Look at him.

Panel Two - Bird’s eye veiw of The Riddler’s truck screeching down the streets of Gotham City. A shadow of a bat is seen across the car.

Caption - He thinks he’s gotten away.

SFX - SSCCRREECCHH!

Panel Three - We are back inside The Riddler’s truck and with a front shot of the men inside. The three men all have startled looks on their face, Riddler’s should be the most surprised.

Caption - He really should know better.

The Riddler - NO, NOT AGAIN!

Panel Four - Close up of a bat-rang flying through the air.

Caption - He’s never gotten away before.

Panel Five - Close up as the bat-rang hits one of the tires and pops it.

SFX - POP!

Caption - And tonight will be no different.

Page Two

Panel One - Wide angle, multi-image shot of the semi-truck toppling over after the tire is popped.
SFX - EEERRRRR!

Panel Two - Riddler and his thugs are halfway out of the truck and have their guns out. Behind them is the toppled over semi and before them stands the almighty Batman. Riddler has his arm extended and is pointing at Batman.

Riddler - Get the BATMAN!

Page Three

Panel One - Close up of the Riddler’s thugs firing their guns at Batman.

SFX - BAMN! BAMN! BAMN!

Panel Two - Batman has a couple gas pellets out and throws them at the thugs.

Caption - For some reason they think they can win.

Panel Three - Wide angle shot of the thugs looking aroun in confusion as gas surrounds them.

Caption - They must have forgotten that they are in Gotham City.

SFX - HHIISS!

Panel Four - Close up of Batman’s fist coming out of the smoke and nailing one of the thugs in the face.

SFX - WHP!

Caption - They must have forgotten that this is my city...

Panel Five - Close up of Batman kicking the other thug.

SFX - BAM!

Page Four

Panel One - The gas has settled now and Nigma stands alone infront of the bat. He has a gas pellet in his hands.

Riddler - You think you’re the only one who can do magic tricks BATMAN?

Caption - Nigma has one of my gas pellets. Must have took it off me.

Panel Two - Wide Angle filling 3/4 of the page Shot of the Riddler throwing down the gas pellet and some of the gas begins to surround him.

Riddler - Bye, bye BATS!

Page Five

Panel One - Large left-side shot of Batman punching Nigma through the gas.

Panel Two - Batman goes through the gas and throws Riddler to the ground.

Panel Three - Wide angle shot of Riddler on the ground and Batman getting in his face.

Batman - Don’t get cute with me Nigma.

Vendetta
11-20-2003, 02:01 PM
Not bad. Is this a practice thing or do you have something else in mind for it?

C&C? Technically well done. Not much to the story, after all it's just a five page Riddler getting caught again story - pretty straight forward. I kind of like Bat's voice in the captions. Definately got the sound of Bats in it. I'm only a little bit concerned that page three might be a little crowded. You might pull a panel from there and put it on the two panel page 4... but it might not be either. It's not overly obvious or anything... and since Riddler doesn't put up too much of a fight, it's kind of a waste dropping two pages to Bats easily taking him out.

One thing you might want to rethink... the semi truck... It probably has double axels and double deep on the wheels... blowing out one tire will not make it crash. It might ride a little rough but it wouldn't crash like that, even at freeway speeds.

Eye of Rain
11-20-2003, 02:44 PM
Thanks, its just a short story that im using to showcase my writing skills to show editors. Damn I said semi didn't I? I didn't mean that either. Gotta change.

banshee
11-20-2003, 06:44 PM
first up, welcome to the writers desk (TWD) and Penciljack forums, Rain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

have a slice of toast! :) (customary welcome gift u know).

here goes..

as Ven says, the story was pretty straightfwd but nice job all the same!!

You cld also join our story round (the next one) or any future exercises that are coming up soon, it's fun and helps "hone" your craft too! Feel free to browse around what story rounds we are doing/done etc!

Again, welcome!