NickRocks
10-23-2003, 11:10 AM
hey check out my new story! it took me 3 weeks to make.
MOO GOO PAI AND THE ARMY OF HORROR
BOOK ONE: SEND IN THE NINJAS
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
BY LUIS VALDEZ
Chapter 1: Ninjas
HI MY NAME IS LUIS. I AM A KUNG FU MASTER. THIS IS MY STORY.
YESTERDAY I WAS AT TOPS, BUYING SOME DONUTS, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A FRUIT ROLL-UP FLEW AT ME. AFTER I ATE IT, 30,000,000 NINJAS ATTACKED ME FROM BEHIND THE FRUIT STAND. I QUICKLY KILLED 10,000,000 OF THEM, BUT THEIR NUMBERS SOON OVERWHELMED ME. I WAS ALMOST BEATEN, BUT THEN I FOUND NUNCHUCKS. USING THE NUNCHUCKS, I KILLED 10,000,000 MORE NINJAS. THEN, OUT OF NOWHERE, VOLTRON SMASHED THROUGH THE WALL AND KICKED ME IN THE FACE. BUT I KNEW HE DIDN’T MEAN IT, SO I KILLED THE NAZI CONTROLLING HIM AND USED VOLTRON TO KILL 5,000,000 MORE NINJAS. THE 5,000,000 LEFT CALLED FOR BACKUP.
500,000,000 NINJAS CAME OUT THE FLOOR AND KNOCKED VOLTRON OVER. I WAS READY TO DEFEND VOLTRON, BUT HE TOLD ME TO GO ON MYSELF. SO I RAN INTO THE PARKING LOT, WHERE I FOUND A SHOPPING CART, I USED THE CART TO KILL 10,000,000 NINJAS. BUT THEN THEY ATE THE CART AND I WAS OUT OF A WEAPON.
NOW, BEING A KUNG FU MASTER, I COULD HAVE RUN LIKE NEO DID IN MATRIX RELOADED. BUT I DECIDED TO STICK IT OUT. THEN I SAW THE NINJAS HUGE LASER GUN AND I RAN.
CHAPTER 2:FIGHT AT HOME
I RAN HOME. I SAT ON THE COUCH AND ATE A PBJ SAMMICH. I WAS RELAXING, WHEN 490,000,000 NINJAS CRASHED THROUGH THE WINDOW FOLLOWED BY 20,000,000 NAZIS. BUT I WAS READY.
I PULLED OUT MY HUGE RAY GUN FROM UNDER MY COUCH AND FIRED. IT KILLED 100,000,000 NINJAS AND 10,000,000 NAZIS. THE BLAST ALSO DEMOLISHED MY HOUSE. I DROPPED THE SMOKING RAY GUN AND PULLED OUT MY NINJA SWORD. WITH THE SWORDS POWER, I KILLED 300,000,000 NINJAS AND THE REST OF THE NAZIS. THE NINJAS TRIED TO SHOOT ME WITH THE LASER GUN, BUT I BLOCKED IT WITH A PAPER PLATE. I KILLED THE REST OF THE NINJA EXCEPT FOR ONE. I ASKED WHO SENT HIM. HE SAID “GOD”.
SO I PUT ON MY SHAQ SNEAKERS AND JUMPED REAL HIGH INTO HEAVEN. I WALKED TO THE GATE.
THE ANGEL SAID, “WHY ARE YOU HERE? YOU ARENT DEAD.” I KILLED HIM.
I WALKED INSIDE, THEN I HEARD A VOICE. IT WAS JESUS.
JESUS SAID, “YOU DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT ME.”
I WAS LIKE, “FOOL! ILL CRUCIFY YOU…AGAIN!”
JESUS ATTACKED ME, BUT I KILLED HIM WITH MY NINJA SWORD. THEN I SAW GOD. GOD THREW A CLOUD AT ME. I LAUGHED AS IT BOUNCED OFF MY HEAD. I SLICED GOD, BUT HE BROKE MY SWORD.
“OH NOW YOU DONE DID IT!” I YELLED.
ME AND GOD FOUGHT KARATE FOR 500 HOURS. GOD STARTED GETTING TIRED, BUT I WAS FINE. I KICKED GOD IN THE HEAD WITH MY SHAQ SNEAKERS. GODS FACE FELL OFF. IT WAS A NINJA IN A GOD MASK!!!!
CHAPTER 3:ATTACK OF GHANDI
AFTER KILLING THE GOD IMPOSTOR, I WENT TO EARTH. I WENT TO MY BROTHERS HOUSE AND TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED. SINCE HE WAS A KUNG FU MASTER TOO (BUT NOT AS GOOD AS ME) WE JOINED FORCES. BUT WE WERENT PREPARED FOR WHAT WAS NEXT.
ZOMBIE GHANDI WAS STANDING THERE
AS I STARED, GHANDI KICKED ME IN THE BALLS. BUT I WAS WEARING A CUP, SO I SMASHED HIM IN THE FACE. MY BROTHER RIPPED GHANDIS ARM OFF AND BEAT HIM WITH IT.
BUT THEN GHANDI GOT STRONG AND KILLED MY BROTHER. IN MY RAGE, I THREW A HOUSE AT GHANDI. I THOUGHT IT KILLED HIM, BUT GHANDI STILL STOOD THERE.
I WAS LIKE, “WOW GHANDI, YOU ARE A TOUGH SON OF A BITCH.”
GHANDI SAID “I KNOW.” THEN HE SMACKED ME WITH A CAR. I GOT A PAPERCUT. I WAS SO MAD, I TURNED GREEN AND GOT REALLY BIG. I RIPPED GHANDIS HEAD OFF AND ATE HIS BODY FOR BRUNCH.
THEN A PLANE FLEW OVER ME AND DROPPED A NUKE ON ME. BUT IT BOUNCED OFF MY SHOULDER DUE TO THE FACT THAT ITS SO GREEN, AND LANDED IN A MCDONALDS. THE EXPLOSION FORCED ME TO NORMAL SIZE.
AS I SAT THERE, A NINJA WALKED UP TO ME AND KNOCKED ME UNCONCIOUS.
CHAPTER 4: IN THE LAIR OF LENO
WHEN I WOKE UP, I WAS TIED TO A CHAIR. THEN JAY LENO WALKED OUT OF THE SHADOWS AND YELLED AT ME FOR KILLING HIS NINJAS. I THOUGHT GHANDI WAS THE GRANDMASTER, BUT IT WAS REALLY LENO. JAY STARTED TO BEAT ME UP WITH HIS CHIN.
I WAS ALL BLOODY WHEN MY MOM FLEW THROUGH THE AIR AND KILLED LENO. BUT THEN SHE WAS KILLED TOO BY A NINJA.
WHILE THEY WERE DISTRACTED, I SNUCK AWAY. I HID IN A CAR, BUT I WAS FOUND BY CONAN OBRIEN. HE GAVE ME HIS LIGHTSABER, THEN FLEW AWAY. USING CONANS LIGHTSABER. I KILLED 20 NINJAS.
“FINALLY, IM DONE.” I SAID. I WENT HOME
LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT THE FIGHT HAD ONLY JUST BEGUN……..
TO BE CONTINUED IN MOO GOO PAI AND THE ARMY OF HORROR BOOK 2: SEND IN THE SKANKS
MOO GOO PAI AND THE ARMY OF HORROR
BOOK ONE: SEND IN THE NINJAS
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER. EVER.
BY LUIS VALDEZ
Chapter 1: Ninjas
HI MY NAME IS LUIS. I AM A KUNG FU MASTER. THIS IS MY STORY.
YESTERDAY I WAS AT TOPS, BUYING SOME DONUTS, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A FRUIT ROLL-UP FLEW AT ME. AFTER I ATE IT, 30,000,000 NINJAS ATTACKED ME FROM BEHIND THE FRUIT STAND. I QUICKLY KILLED 10,000,000 OF THEM, BUT THEIR NUMBERS SOON OVERWHELMED ME. I WAS ALMOST BEATEN, BUT THEN I FOUND NUNCHUCKS. USING THE NUNCHUCKS, I KILLED 10,000,000 MORE NINJAS. THEN, OUT OF NOWHERE, VOLTRON SMASHED THROUGH THE WALL AND KICKED ME IN THE FACE. BUT I KNEW HE DIDN’T MEAN IT, SO I KILLED THE NAZI CONTROLLING HIM AND USED VOLTRON TO KILL 5,000,000 MORE NINJAS. THE 5,000,000 LEFT CALLED FOR BACKUP.
500,000,000 NINJAS CAME OUT THE FLOOR AND KNOCKED VOLTRON OVER. I WAS READY TO DEFEND VOLTRON, BUT HE TOLD ME TO GO ON MYSELF. SO I RAN INTO THE PARKING LOT, WHERE I FOUND A SHOPPING CART, I USED THE CART TO KILL 10,000,000 NINJAS. BUT THEN THEY ATE THE CART AND I WAS OUT OF A WEAPON.
NOW, BEING A KUNG FU MASTER, I COULD HAVE RUN LIKE NEO DID IN MATRIX RELOADED. BUT I DECIDED TO STICK IT OUT. THEN I SAW THE NINJAS HUGE LASER GUN AND I RAN.
CHAPTER 2:FIGHT AT HOME
I RAN HOME. I SAT ON THE COUCH AND ATE A PBJ SAMMICH. I WAS RELAXING, WHEN 490,000,000 NINJAS CRASHED THROUGH THE WINDOW FOLLOWED BY 20,000,000 NAZIS. BUT I WAS READY.
I PULLED OUT MY HUGE RAY GUN FROM UNDER MY COUCH AND FIRED. IT KILLED 100,000,000 NINJAS AND 10,000,000 NAZIS. THE BLAST ALSO DEMOLISHED MY HOUSE. I DROPPED THE SMOKING RAY GUN AND PULLED OUT MY NINJA SWORD. WITH THE SWORDS POWER, I KILLED 300,000,000 NINJAS AND THE REST OF THE NAZIS. THE NINJAS TRIED TO SHOOT ME WITH THE LASER GUN, BUT I BLOCKED IT WITH A PAPER PLATE. I KILLED THE REST OF THE NINJA EXCEPT FOR ONE. I ASKED WHO SENT HIM. HE SAID “GOD”.
SO I PUT ON MY SHAQ SNEAKERS AND JUMPED REAL HIGH INTO HEAVEN. I WALKED TO THE GATE.
THE ANGEL SAID, “WHY ARE YOU HERE? YOU ARENT DEAD.” I KILLED HIM.
I WALKED INSIDE, THEN I HEARD A VOICE. IT WAS JESUS.
JESUS SAID, “YOU DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT ME.”
I WAS LIKE, “FOOL! ILL CRUCIFY YOU…AGAIN!”
JESUS ATTACKED ME, BUT I KILLED HIM WITH MY NINJA SWORD. THEN I SAW GOD. GOD THREW A CLOUD AT ME. I LAUGHED AS IT BOUNCED OFF MY HEAD. I SLICED GOD, BUT HE BROKE MY SWORD.
“OH NOW YOU DONE DID IT!” I YELLED.
ME AND GOD FOUGHT KARATE FOR 500 HOURS. GOD STARTED GETTING TIRED, BUT I WAS FINE. I KICKED GOD IN THE HEAD WITH MY SHAQ SNEAKERS. GODS FACE FELL OFF. IT WAS A NINJA IN A GOD MASK!!!!
CHAPTER 3:ATTACK OF GHANDI
AFTER KILLING THE GOD IMPOSTOR, I WENT TO EARTH. I WENT TO MY BROTHERS HOUSE AND TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED. SINCE HE WAS A KUNG FU MASTER TOO (BUT NOT AS GOOD AS ME) WE JOINED FORCES. BUT WE WERENT PREPARED FOR WHAT WAS NEXT.
ZOMBIE GHANDI WAS STANDING THERE
AS I STARED, GHANDI KICKED ME IN THE BALLS. BUT I WAS WEARING A CUP, SO I SMASHED HIM IN THE FACE. MY BROTHER RIPPED GHANDIS ARM OFF AND BEAT HIM WITH IT.
BUT THEN GHANDI GOT STRONG AND KILLED MY BROTHER. IN MY RAGE, I THREW A HOUSE AT GHANDI. I THOUGHT IT KILLED HIM, BUT GHANDI STILL STOOD THERE.
I WAS LIKE, “WOW GHANDI, YOU ARE A TOUGH SON OF A BITCH.”
GHANDI SAID “I KNOW.” THEN HE SMACKED ME WITH A CAR. I GOT A PAPERCUT. I WAS SO MAD, I TURNED GREEN AND GOT REALLY BIG. I RIPPED GHANDIS HEAD OFF AND ATE HIS BODY FOR BRUNCH.
THEN A PLANE FLEW OVER ME AND DROPPED A NUKE ON ME. BUT IT BOUNCED OFF MY SHOULDER DUE TO THE FACT THAT ITS SO GREEN, AND LANDED IN A MCDONALDS. THE EXPLOSION FORCED ME TO NORMAL SIZE.
AS I SAT THERE, A NINJA WALKED UP TO ME AND KNOCKED ME UNCONCIOUS.
CHAPTER 4: IN THE LAIR OF LENO
WHEN I WOKE UP, I WAS TIED TO A CHAIR. THEN JAY LENO WALKED OUT OF THE SHADOWS AND YELLED AT ME FOR KILLING HIS NINJAS. I THOUGHT GHANDI WAS THE GRANDMASTER, BUT IT WAS REALLY LENO. JAY STARTED TO BEAT ME UP WITH HIS CHIN.
I WAS ALL BLOODY WHEN MY MOM FLEW THROUGH THE AIR AND KILLED LENO. BUT THEN SHE WAS KILLED TOO BY A NINJA.
WHILE THEY WERE DISTRACTED, I SNUCK AWAY. I HID IN A CAR, BUT I WAS FOUND BY CONAN OBRIEN. HE GAVE ME HIS LIGHTSABER, THEN FLEW AWAY. USING CONANS LIGHTSABER. I KILLED 20 NINJAS.
“FINALLY, IM DONE.” I SAID. I WENT HOME
LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT THE FIGHT HAD ONLY JUST BEGUN……..
TO BE CONTINUED IN MOO GOO PAI AND THE ARMY OF HORROR BOOK 2: SEND IN THE SKANKS