CWmax
09-13-2003, 07:37 AM
Here are the first 7 pages of the 44 page ORIGIN script that I wrote as part of a larger WESTERN Saga I am working on, that spans from about 1845 till about 1880 ....
These pages span from about 1845 to 1863
Please let me know what you think...
Am I being descriptive enough?
Would an artist (Assuming he had Character Model sheets) have a good idea of whats going on?
Is the simple format alright?
Thanks,
CW
Page 1
Panel 1
The dusty street of the western town is ablaze with gunfire and smoke…
A gunslinger arches backward as his gun dangles off of his clutching finger by the trigger guard. Blood arcs in drips from his mouth and his bending torso. His head is thrown back. His hat falls off. His face is contorted in a grimace of pain.
The man across from him points his smoking guns. His feet are planted wide apart. His knees and elbows are bent. His long riding coat arches out behind him.
Narration Box: 1855
Narration Box: “A life of blood and dust and fury carved out of a lawless frontier.”
Panel 2
The killer Gunslinger is keeping pace with the Stagecoach on his horse. His pistol is out and he’s already plugged the guy who was riding shotgun.
Panel 3
The gunslinger is behind the bank teller’s counter. His gun is pointed at a tellers head as the teller frantically turns the combination of the safe. Papers litter the counter and floor. Drawers are open.
Panel 4
View from a hilltop with a “you are now leaving…” town sign on it: The gunslinger rides slowly towards us and out of the dark town. His horse is walking with its head down as the gunslinger rides erect, his eyes focused ahead. The weathered signpost shows the name of the ruined town but a large rag of burlap partially obscures it. A skull lies nearby as the gunslinger rides past.
Page 2
Panel 1
A romantic silhouette shot like in “Gone With the Wind”. We see the hilltop horizon of grass and the two lovers facing each other. The man is wearing an open collared shirt with rolled up sleeves and pistols strapped to his hips. The woman is wearing a southern belle dress. They are both silhouetted against the sunset.
Narration Box: 1858
Narration Box: “A life given pause by the soft caress of a woman’s hand.”
Panel 2
Their hands join.
Panel 3
The hands are joined again; except they now have wedding rings on and this time they are clasped over the open lid of a gun box used to store the man’s guns. The guns and bullets and powder are inside. The woman’s hand is over the man’s
Panel 4
Upshot from the closed box: The couple gazes at each other with a loving, yet solemn look. Their hands lay on the lid of the shut box.
Panel 5
In the foreground, the man stands, one foot up on the plow, in a small half-ploughed dirt field. The two-story farmhouse stands behind him with barns and fences behind it. The Father is glancing at his family who are standing on the wraparound porch. The Father is smiling at his wife and two daughters who are around 10-12 years of age His wife holds a baby bundled in a blanket.
Narration Box: “A life given new direction by the love of a family.”
Page 3
Panel 1
A long shot of the farmland winter horizon. Is it sunrise? Or sunset? There seems to be a glow on the horizon…
Narration Box: 1865
Panel 2
Another long shot but this time we zoom in over the barn and to the rear of the house. We can see it is on fire. With smoke billowing from the windows
Narration Box: “A life torn asunder by the flames of war.”
Panel 3-
Large panel of the front of the house as it burns. We see a Union soldier on horseback with his sword in the air. He is shouting orders over his shoulder as his horse’s eyes wildly roll at the sight and sounds of flame and commotion. A soldier is throwing another torch at the farmhouse. Smoke and flame pour out the front door. The posts of the porch burn. Other soldiers mill about shouting, laughing. Some chase down a pig while other soldiers take aim at the animal with their rifles. Another soldier is running off with a dead chicken in his grasp. It is a scene of chaos.
Page 4
Panel 1-
Inside the house the father raises his arm to shield his face as he makes his way to the top of the stairs. In the doorway on the 2nd floor, the mother is standing with the two girls in front of her. The walls are on fire.
Panel 2 -
The mother pushes the girls out of the doorway, toward the father. We see the mother glancing back into the room. The baby is in his cradle, crying.
Panel 3-
As the Father hurries the girls down the stairs he can only shield them and look back in horror as flaming timbers fall across the doorway, blocking the exit of his wife and son.
Panel 4-
Outside, in the back of the house: Flames leap from the windows and doors at the back of the house. The father is on his knees in the patchy snow, with his two girls - one in each arm. One girl looks back at the burning house with her hand covering her mouth and tears streaming down her face. The other girl is also crying she is looking at her father with one hand on his chest. The Father’s head is thrown back and he seems to be screaming at the sky. But what escapes his mouth is barely more than the steam of his breath and an anguished, choking hiss.
Page 5
Panel 1-
The girls run away from the house toward the dark barns on the far side of the farm. One daughter looks back at the Father. The Father’s arm is outstretched as he points towards the direction the girl’s are running. His eyes are focused straight ahead…
Panel 2-
As we look on from above and behind, the Father lurches towards a woodbin that lay not far from the back of the house.
Panel 3-
We are looking over his shoulder as the Father crouches down by the woodbin.
Panel 4-
Close-up of the Father’s hands holding the weathered gun box that was hidden there.
Panel 5-
The Father now holds the pistols in his hands and with a look of anticipated vengeance on his face as he turns towards the flames of his home.
Page 6
Panel 1-
The Father approaches the house. We see his back and his hands clutching the pistols at his sides. Two soldiers have rounded the corner of the house. Their mouths open in surprise and they fumble with their rifles. The rifles have bayonets attached.
Panel 2-
In the front of the house the Officer on horseback hears two shots from around the left corner of the house.
Panel 3-
As the Officer rides over to the corner of the house he puts his hand to his mouth and shouts,
Officer: “Did you find anyone, boys?”
Panel 4-
We view down from over the Officers shoulder: The Father rounds the corner.
Panel 5-
Close up of the Officer’s surprise as he pulls back on the horse’s reins.
Panel 6-
The Father shoots the officer…Dead.
Page 7
Panel 1-
The remaining soldiers react. Some are gathered over the dead pig.
Panel 2-
A close up of the Father looking as grim as possible: He is backlit by flames but his cold eyes are visible within the shadows of his face.
Father: “I didn’t reckon a cold shit neither way about the war… But that hard night… I laid low every damn Yankee Blue-Belly on my farm.”
Panel 3-
We zoom out as we see that the Father is walking away from his burning farm with a daughter and a pistol at each side. Their shadow stretches out before them
These pages span from about 1845 to 1863
Please let me know what you think...
Am I being descriptive enough?
Would an artist (Assuming he had Character Model sheets) have a good idea of whats going on?
Is the simple format alright?
Thanks,
CW
Page 1
Panel 1
The dusty street of the western town is ablaze with gunfire and smoke…
A gunslinger arches backward as his gun dangles off of his clutching finger by the trigger guard. Blood arcs in drips from his mouth and his bending torso. His head is thrown back. His hat falls off. His face is contorted in a grimace of pain.
The man across from him points his smoking guns. His feet are planted wide apart. His knees and elbows are bent. His long riding coat arches out behind him.
Narration Box: 1855
Narration Box: “A life of blood and dust and fury carved out of a lawless frontier.”
Panel 2
The killer Gunslinger is keeping pace with the Stagecoach on his horse. His pistol is out and he’s already plugged the guy who was riding shotgun.
Panel 3
The gunslinger is behind the bank teller’s counter. His gun is pointed at a tellers head as the teller frantically turns the combination of the safe. Papers litter the counter and floor. Drawers are open.
Panel 4
View from a hilltop with a “you are now leaving…” town sign on it: The gunslinger rides slowly towards us and out of the dark town. His horse is walking with its head down as the gunslinger rides erect, his eyes focused ahead. The weathered signpost shows the name of the ruined town but a large rag of burlap partially obscures it. A skull lies nearby as the gunslinger rides past.
Page 2
Panel 1
A romantic silhouette shot like in “Gone With the Wind”. We see the hilltop horizon of grass and the two lovers facing each other. The man is wearing an open collared shirt with rolled up sleeves and pistols strapped to his hips. The woman is wearing a southern belle dress. They are both silhouetted against the sunset.
Narration Box: 1858
Narration Box: “A life given pause by the soft caress of a woman’s hand.”
Panel 2
Their hands join.
Panel 3
The hands are joined again; except they now have wedding rings on and this time they are clasped over the open lid of a gun box used to store the man’s guns. The guns and bullets and powder are inside. The woman’s hand is over the man’s
Panel 4
Upshot from the closed box: The couple gazes at each other with a loving, yet solemn look. Their hands lay on the lid of the shut box.
Panel 5
In the foreground, the man stands, one foot up on the plow, in a small half-ploughed dirt field. The two-story farmhouse stands behind him with barns and fences behind it. The Father is glancing at his family who are standing on the wraparound porch. The Father is smiling at his wife and two daughters who are around 10-12 years of age His wife holds a baby bundled in a blanket.
Narration Box: “A life given new direction by the love of a family.”
Page 3
Panel 1
A long shot of the farmland winter horizon. Is it sunrise? Or sunset? There seems to be a glow on the horizon…
Narration Box: 1865
Panel 2
Another long shot but this time we zoom in over the barn and to the rear of the house. We can see it is on fire. With smoke billowing from the windows
Narration Box: “A life torn asunder by the flames of war.”
Panel 3-
Large panel of the front of the house as it burns. We see a Union soldier on horseback with his sword in the air. He is shouting orders over his shoulder as his horse’s eyes wildly roll at the sight and sounds of flame and commotion. A soldier is throwing another torch at the farmhouse. Smoke and flame pour out the front door. The posts of the porch burn. Other soldiers mill about shouting, laughing. Some chase down a pig while other soldiers take aim at the animal with their rifles. Another soldier is running off with a dead chicken in his grasp. It is a scene of chaos.
Page 4
Panel 1-
Inside the house the father raises his arm to shield his face as he makes his way to the top of the stairs. In the doorway on the 2nd floor, the mother is standing with the two girls in front of her. The walls are on fire.
Panel 2 -
The mother pushes the girls out of the doorway, toward the father. We see the mother glancing back into the room. The baby is in his cradle, crying.
Panel 3-
As the Father hurries the girls down the stairs he can only shield them and look back in horror as flaming timbers fall across the doorway, blocking the exit of his wife and son.
Panel 4-
Outside, in the back of the house: Flames leap from the windows and doors at the back of the house. The father is on his knees in the patchy snow, with his two girls - one in each arm. One girl looks back at the burning house with her hand covering her mouth and tears streaming down her face. The other girl is also crying she is looking at her father with one hand on his chest. The Father’s head is thrown back and he seems to be screaming at the sky. But what escapes his mouth is barely more than the steam of his breath and an anguished, choking hiss.
Page 5
Panel 1-
The girls run away from the house toward the dark barns on the far side of the farm. One daughter looks back at the Father. The Father’s arm is outstretched as he points towards the direction the girl’s are running. His eyes are focused straight ahead…
Panel 2-
As we look on from above and behind, the Father lurches towards a woodbin that lay not far from the back of the house.
Panel 3-
We are looking over his shoulder as the Father crouches down by the woodbin.
Panel 4-
Close-up of the Father’s hands holding the weathered gun box that was hidden there.
Panel 5-
The Father now holds the pistols in his hands and with a look of anticipated vengeance on his face as he turns towards the flames of his home.
Page 6
Panel 1-
The Father approaches the house. We see his back and his hands clutching the pistols at his sides. Two soldiers have rounded the corner of the house. Their mouths open in surprise and they fumble with their rifles. The rifles have bayonets attached.
Panel 2-
In the front of the house the Officer on horseback hears two shots from around the left corner of the house.
Panel 3-
As the Officer rides over to the corner of the house he puts his hand to his mouth and shouts,
Officer: “Did you find anyone, boys?”
Panel 4-
We view down from over the Officers shoulder: The Father rounds the corner.
Panel 5-
Close up of the Officer’s surprise as he pulls back on the horse’s reins.
Panel 6-
The Father shoots the officer…Dead.
Page 7
Panel 1-
The remaining soldiers react. Some are gathered over the dead pig.
Panel 2-
A close up of the Father looking as grim as possible: He is backlit by flames but his cold eyes are visible within the shadows of his face.
Father: “I didn’t reckon a cold shit neither way about the war… But that hard night… I laid low every damn Yankee Blue-Belly on my farm.”
Panel 3-
We zoom out as we see that the Father is walking away from his burning farm with a daughter and a pistol at each side. Their shadow stretches out before them