Tomb Raider/ Witchblade

[mrcynic1776]

This is from a sample script that ended up in Tomb Raider #25? I think. Please give me as brutal and honest feedback as possible. I will eventually have to face editors. Thanks in advance.:D
The first is a double page spread.
http://groups.msn.com/ComixMatrix/mrcynicsplayhouse.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=863
And here is page 3.
http://groups.msn.com/ComixMatrix/mrcynicsplayhouse.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=865

[CWmax]

These scans are light but you can see that the drawings are nice and clean....I have a hard time seing whats going on though....
Lara is in a graveyard and then they are in a forest and then ....ummm....something....happens and then they talk???
This is a sample script...and it called for a two page spread?



ok...without knowing the script....The panels seem disjointed....each panel seems to be a new scene...so...
I would work on keeping the backgrounds consistant. I.e.-If they are in a graveyard in your establishing shot (which could stand to be bigger), why are they in a forest with no tombstones in the second panel? If they walked out of the gate to the woods...you could show the cemetary in relation to the woods in the 2nd panel to make it more clear where they are.

Then suddenly ...lightnig strikes and a monster appears to some dude in the third panel....Is this Lara telling a story..Is this a flashback sequence...either way..you could try to make the borders on the panels different to indicate that this is a flashback or whatever...


Change up the angles more....the entire second page is shot basically from one angle...STRAIGHT ON....I know this is just a dialogue page and you dont have to go too crazy, but remember to try and keep it interesting. I once read on the back of a Hildebrandt "Marvel Masterpeice" card, that a slight tilt can give some energy to an otherwise static scene.

Last Thing....Lara's ear pn page 2 panel 4 looks messed up...

Good stuff....keep going.

CW