Ben Christensen
08-26-2003, 07:09 PM
I sent this in some time ago and got notice before the con that I hadn't made the cut. At the con though I found out that I managed to get past the first couple of levels, so that made me happier.
The reason being that these were the first finished works I've managed. Most of the time I rework and rework an idea to death. So I felt really good about these.
For those that don't know, they ask for three to four plots and one 5-page script. I gave them three plots and a script. I tried to make one feed into another, but I think it didn't work like I had hoped and probably didn't help me much.
I figured there was no reason to hide them, so here they are...
Part 4...
AGENTS
FINAL DRAFT
BY: Ben Christensen.
PAGE ONE
PANEL ONE
Our heroes stand in a circle, bullets flying at them from unseen enemies. The landscape is similar to that of a desert canyon, rock formations sprout up all over. The monstrous form of Barrett exposes his back and its natural armor plating towards the attack, bouncing five rounds off his body. Offset, an older man with short white hair, swings his broadsword to block against the ammunition. A bullet ricochets off his weapon, causing the blade to glow in a strange circuit board pattern around the impact. Chuck, a young man at eighteen years of age, huddles over his watch. He is protected by a magical wall made of transparent purple energy. Rova, a woman in her twenties wearing a wired jumpsuit, is there via a holographic projection of her body. Standing close to Barrett is a female civilian who is screaming at the top of her lungs.
WOMAN: AAAAAAHHHHH!
OFFSET: BARRETT, CAN YOU PLEASE KEEP YOU NEW GIRLFRIEND QUIET?!
ROVA: SHUT IT, OFFSET.
ROVA: KEEP YOUR MIND ON THE TASK AT HAND.
SWORD: RICOCHET ANGLE OF FORTY-ONE DEGREES BY FIFTY-THREE DEGREES.
OFFSET: SHUT IT?
OFFSET: ROVA, YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE!
ROVA: EXACTLY. I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN BE OBJECTIVE.
BARRETT: CHUCK, WHAT IS THE ESTIMATED TIME ON THAT SHELOB?
CHUCK: ALMOST LOADED. JUST HOLD THEM OFF A LITTLE LONGER.
PANEL TWO
A massive army is running towards the team. The enemy soldiers number in the thousands, each identical to the other. All carry a small weapon, most attempt to shoot as they run. Behind the soldiers, two figures can be seen fighting on a far distant rock formation.
BARRETT: THAT COULD BE DIFFICULT, OLD CHAP.
PANEL THREE
The distant battle is seen closer. A being of pure white light battles a dirtied elf shooting two pistols. Clinging around the elf’s body is a long yellow animal.
BARRETT: WE’LL BE SAFE IF ASDAR CAN TRIUMPH.
PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
The elf, Asdar, gracefully contorts his body to dodge energy blasts from his opponent, Shimmerus. The being of light shoots from the palms of his hands, burning holes in the limestone ground with every missed shot. The small yellow creature, called Dewt, uses its long tail to help wrap around Asdar as it holds a full clip to its master’s weapon.
ASDAR: I WILL NOT LOOSE, SHIMMERUS!
ASDAR: I WOULD NOT ACCEPT THE DISHONOR.
SHIMMERUS: PLEASE, ASDAR.
SHIMMERUS: SPARE ME YOUR WARRIOR BANTER.
PANEL TWO
Asdar points to the right, aiming at his off panel opponent. His weapons fire the next barrage, one of them is halfway through ejecting a spent clip.
ASDAR: I WOULDN’T EXPECT A COWARD LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND HONOR.
ASDAR: DEWT. CLIP.
PANEL THREE
The enemy masses continue their advancement towards the team. Almost endless numbers seem to make the march forward.
SHIMMERUS: ON THE CONTRARY, ELF. I DO UNDERSTAND HONOR.
SHIMMERUS: I TAKE GREAT HONOR IN KILLING YOUR TEAMMATES.
SHIMMERUS: NOW GIVEN, IT’S THE HORDES SPAWNED FROM MY BODY THAT WILL ACTUALLY KILL THEM.
PANEL FOUR
A mirror of Panel One. Shimmerus has his arms raised, aimed to the left, releasing more energy blasts. A dastardly smile lines his face.
SHIMMERUS: BUT SINCE THEY ARE A PART OF ME, I THINK IT STILL COUNTS.
PAGE THREE
PANEL ONE
Chuck looks at his now glowing watch with joy. A bullet is ricocheting off his shield. Barrett’s massive body blocks the landscape.
SOUND FX: BEEP
CHUCK: FINALLY!
PANEL TWO
Within the hordes of soldiers, a puff of yellow smoke and light breaks the advancing troops in two as they run past the anomaly.
CHUCK: ENTER ONE TRANSMAGIC SHELOB.
PANEL THREE
A circle of soldiers surrounds the fading yellow smoke. they stare down at a glowing spider while their brethren continue to advance.
SOUND FX: NNNMMMMEEEEE!!!
PANEL FOUR
The spider explodes, throwing the unsuspecting soldiers into the air. Unfortunately for the heroes, most of the massive enemy force seems not to even notice.
SOUND FX: !BOOM!
PAGE FOUR
PANEL ONE
Offset is cutting through a soldier. His sword glows in the same circuit board pattern as before along the striking edge. The majority of the enemy forces are mere steps from converging on the team.
OFFSET: WELL I’M GLAD TO SEE THAT HELPED.
SWORD: UNKNOWN ANIMATED FORM MADE OF POLYCARBONATE MOLECULES.
PANEL TWO
Chuck has his watch arm raised, a strange device of magical energy forms around the time piece. A single beam of heat is being fired from the device, punching a hole through an enemy soldier.
WATCH: POWER BLASTER VERSION 8. LOADING COMPLETE.
CHUCK: ASDAR HAD BETTER KILL THAT GUY SOON!
PANEL THREE
The enemy forces have surrounded the team. Everyone tries to block the growing number of attacks. So far their defenses seem to be holding.
PANEL FOUR
One of Shimmerus’ blasts barely misses Asdar and Dewt, forcing master and familiar to separate.
DEWT: MMEEP!
PANEL FIVE
Rova stands in front of Barrett and his female companion. Soldiers are all around the,, forcing Barrett to hold his new friend tightly against his armor plating to try and keep her safe. She is crying profusely as the possibility of death begins to sink in. Rova has opened a tiny portal in front of her hologram and releases a lightning bolt from it, catching a couple of nearby soldiers with the raw blast.
ROVA: THERE ARE TOO MANY!
WOMAN: MR. BARRETT... I’M SO SCARED.
BARRETT: IF OUR LIVES ARE TO END, MY DEAR...
PANEL SIX
Barrett and the young woman kiss. An explosion erupts behind them, throwing more soldiers in the air. Rova opens another portal, this time catching only one target. Chuck fires another attack from his watch.
BARRETT: ...THEN THEY WILL DO SO WITH A KISS.
CHUCK: GOOD GOD, YOU GUYS. NOT NOW.
PANEL SEVEN
Asdar is kneeling on the battle damaged ground looking up at Shimmerus’ deadly hands. One of Asdar’s pistols is missing from its master’s hand. Dewt is off to the side, making his way unnoticed behind Shimmerus.
SHIMMERUS: OUT OF AMMO, ASDAR?
SHIMMERUS: A PITY.
ASDAR: IF YOU UNDERSTAND HONOR, SHIMMERUS...
ASDAR: ... THEN GIVE ME THE HONOR OF SOME FINAL WORDS.
PAGE FIVE
PANEL ONE
Shimmerus smiles, but keeps his hands trained at Asdar. Shimmerus doesn’t see Dewt behind the villain's back, balancing on its tail while aiming Asdar’s missing pistol.
SHIMMERUS: FINAL WORDS?
SHIMMERUS: SUCH AS?
ASDAR: SOMETHING LIKE... DEWT.
PANEL TWO
Asdar’s face is illuminated as Dewt fires the weapon off panel. the elf’s expression is simple and collected as he witnesses the end of the villainous Shimmerus.
ASDAR: NOW.
SOUND FX: !BAM!
PANEL THREE
The enemy soldiers begin to instantly liquefy. The entire team is shocked, except for Barrett and his companion, who have yet to cease kissing each other.
OFFSET: HE DID IT!
PANEL FOUR
From above, it is clear that the soldiers are gone, a large stain on the limestone ground is the only clue they were once there. Chuck is walking towards Rova, while Offset is looking up at the embracing couple as they refuse to stop.
CHUCK: ROVA, PLEASE GET CLEARANCE FOR A RIDE OUT OF HERE.
ROVA: ON IT.
OFFSET: UM... BARRETT. YOU CAN STOP NOW.
OFFSET: BARRETT, WE WON. IT’S OVER.
PANEL FIVE
The scene raises to show the sky above the battleground. Two dragons fly past the sun to parts unknown. Only the rock formations on the ground can be seen.
OFFSET: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! FINE, BUT I’M NOT SITTING NEAR YOU TWO ON THE WAY BACK!
CAPTION: THE END.
-Ben;onei;
The reason being that these were the first finished works I've managed. Most of the time I rework and rework an idea to death. So I felt really good about these.
For those that don't know, they ask for three to four plots and one 5-page script. I gave them three plots and a script. I tried to make one feed into another, but I think it didn't work like I had hoped and probably didn't help me much.
I figured there was no reason to hide them, so here they are...
Part 4...
AGENTS
FINAL DRAFT
BY: Ben Christensen.
PAGE ONE
PANEL ONE
Our heroes stand in a circle, bullets flying at them from unseen enemies. The landscape is similar to that of a desert canyon, rock formations sprout up all over. The monstrous form of Barrett exposes his back and its natural armor plating towards the attack, bouncing five rounds off his body. Offset, an older man with short white hair, swings his broadsword to block against the ammunition. A bullet ricochets off his weapon, causing the blade to glow in a strange circuit board pattern around the impact. Chuck, a young man at eighteen years of age, huddles over his watch. He is protected by a magical wall made of transparent purple energy. Rova, a woman in her twenties wearing a wired jumpsuit, is there via a holographic projection of her body. Standing close to Barrett is a female civilian who is screaming at the top of her lungs.
WOMAN: AAAAAAHHHHH!
OFFSET: BARRETT, CAN YOU PLEASE KEEP YOU NEW GIRLFRIEND QUIET?!
ROVA: SHUT IT, OFFSET.
ROVA: KEEP YOUR MIND ON THE TASK AT HAND.
SWORD: RICOCHET ANGLE OF FORTY-ONE DEGREES BY FIFTY-THREE DEGREES.
OFFSET: SHUT IT?
OFFSET: ROVA, YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE!
ROVA: EXACTLY. I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN BE OBJECTIVE.
BARRETT: CHUCK, WHAT IS THE ESTIMATED TIME ON THAT SHELOB?
CHUCK: ALMOST LOADED. JUST HOLD THEM OFF A LITTLE LONGER.
PANEL TWO
A massive army is running towards the team. The enemy soldiers number in the thousands, each identical to the other. All carry a small weapon, most attempt to shoot as they run. Behind the soldiers, two figures can be seen fighting on a far distant rock formation.
BARRETT: THAT COULD BE DIFFICULT, OLD CHAP.
PANEL THREE
The distant battle is seen closer. A being of pure white light battles a dirtied elf shooting two pistols. Clinging around the elf’s body is a long yellow animal.
BARRETT: WE’LL BE SAFE IF ASDAR CAN TRIUMPH.
PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
The elf, Asdar, gracefully contorts his body to dodge energy blasts from his opponent, Shimmerus. The being of light shoots from the palms of his hands, burning holes in the limestone ground with every missed shot. The small yellow creature, called Dewt, uses its long tail to help wrap around Asdar as it holds a full clip to its master’s weapon.
ASDAR: I WILL NOT LOOSE, SHIMMERUS!
ASDAR: I WOULD NOT ACCEPT THE DISHONOR.
SHIMMERUS: PLEASE, ASDAR.
SHIMMERUS: SPARE ME YOUR WARRIOR BANTER.
PANEL TWO
Asdar points to the right, aiming at his off panel opponent. His weapons fire the next barrage, one of them is halfway through ejecting a spent clip.
ASDAR: I WOULDN’T EXPECT A COWARD LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND HONOR.
ASDAR: DEWT. CLIP.
PANEL THREE
The enemy masses continue their advancement towards the team. Almost endless numbers seem to make the march forward.
SHIMMERUS: ON THE CONTRARY, ELF. I DO UNDERSTAND HONOR.
SHIMMERUS: I TAKE GREAT HONOR IN KILLING YOUR TEAMMATES.
SHIMMERUS: NOW GIVEN, IT’S THE HORDES SPAWNED FROM MY BODY THAT WILL ACTUALLY KILL THEM.
PANEL FOUR
A mirror of Panel One. Shimmerus has his arms raised, aimed to the left, releasing more energy blasts. A dastardly smile lines his face.
SHIMMERUS: BUT SINCE THEY ARE A PART OF ME, I THINK IT STILL COUNTS.
PAGE THREE
PANEL ONE
Chuck looks at his now glowing watch with joy. A bullet is ricocheting off his shield. Barrett’s massive body blocks the landscape.
SOUND FX: BEEP
CHUCK: FINALLY!
PANEL TWO
Within the hordes of soldiers, a puff of yellow smoke and light breaks the advancing troops in two as they run past the anomaly.
CHUCK: ENTER ONE TRANSMAGIC SHELOB.
PANEL THREE
A circle of soldiers surrounds the fading yellow smoke. they stare down at a glowing spider while their brethren continue to advance.
SOUND FX: NNNMMMMEEEEE!!!
PANEL FOUR
The spider explodes, throwing the unsuspecting soldiers into the air. Unfortunately for the heroes, most of the massive enemy force seems not to even notice.
SOUND FX: !BOOM!
PAGE FOUR
PANEL ONE
Offset is cutting through a soldier. His sword glows in the same circuit board pattern as before along the striking edge. The majority of the enemy forces are mere steps from converging on the team.
OFFSET: WELL I’M GLAD TO SEE THAT HELPED.
SWORD: UNKNOWN ANIMATED FORM MADE OF POLYCARBONATE MOLECULES.
PANEL TWO
Chuck has his watch arm raised, a strange device of magical energy forms around the time piece. A single beam of heat is being fired from the device, punching a hole through an enemy soldier.
WATCH: POWER BLASTER VERSION 8. LOADING COMPLETE.
CHUCK: ASDAR HAD BETTER KILL THAT GUY SOON!
PANEL THREE
The enemy forces have surrounded the team. Everyone tries to block the growing number of attacks. So far their defenses seem to be holding.
PANEL FOUR
One of Shimmerus’ blasts barely misses Asdar and Dewt, forcing master and familiar to separate.
DEWT: MMEEP!
PANEL FIVE
Rova stands in front of Barrett and his female companion. Soldiers are all around the,, forcing Barrett to hold his new friend tightly against his armor plating to try and keep her safe. She is crying profusely as the possibility of death begins to sink in. Rova has opened a tiny portal in front of her hologram and releases a lightning bolt from it, catching a couple of nearby soldiers with the raw blast.
ROVA: THERE ARE TOO MANY!
WOMAN: MR. BARRETT... I’M SO SCARED.
BARRETT: IF OUR LIVES ARE TO END, MY DEAR...
PANEL SIX
Barrett and the young woman kiss. An explosion erupts behind them, throwing more soldiers in the air. Rova opens another portal, this time catching only one target. Chuck fires another attack from his watch.
BARRETT: ...THEN THEY WILL DO SO WITH A KISS.
CHUCK: GOOD GOD, YOU GUYS. NOT NOW.
PANEL SEVEN
Asdar is kneeling on the battle damaged ground looking up at Shimmerus’ deadly hands. One of Asdar’s pistols is missing from its master’s hand. Dewt is off to the side, making his way unnoticed behind Shimmerus.
SHIMMERUS: OUT OF AMMO, ASDAR?
SHIMMERUS: A PITY.
ASDAR: IF YOU UNDERSTAND HONOR, SHIMMERUS...
ASDAR: ... THEN GIVE ME THE HONOR OF SOME FINAL WORDS.
PAGE FIVE
PANEL ONE
Shimmerus smiles, but keeps his hands trained at Asdar. Shimmerus doesn’t see Dewt behind the villain's back, balancing on its tail while aiming Asdar’s missing pistol.
SHIMMERUS: FINAL WORDS?
SHIMMERUS: SUCH AS?
ASDAR: SOMETHING LIKE... DEWT.
PANEL TWO
Asdar’s face is illuminated as Dewt fires the weapon off panel. the elf’s expression is simple and collected as he witnesses the end of the villainous Shimmerus.
ASDAR: NOW.
SOUND FX: !BAM!
PANEL THREE
The enemy soldiers begin to instantly liquefy. The entire team is shocked, except for Barrett and his companion, who have yet to cease kissing each other.
OFFSET: HE DID IT!
PANEL FOUR
From above, it is clear that the soldiers are gone, a large stain on the limestone ground is the only clue they were once there. Chuck is walking towards Rova, while Offset is looking up at the embracing couple as they refuse to stop.
CHUCK: ROVA, PLEASE GET CLEARANCE FOR A RIDE OUT OF HERE.
ROVA: ON IT.
OFFSET: UM... BARRETT. YOU CAN STOP NOW.
OFFSET: BARRETT, WE WON. IT’S OVER.
PANEL FIVE
The scene raises to show the sky above the battleground. Two dragons fly past the sun to parts unknown. Only the rock formations on the ground can be seen.
OFFSET: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! FINE, BUT I’M NOT SITTING NEAR YOU TWO ON THE WAY BACK!
CAPTION: THE END.
-Ben;onei;