Ben Christensen
08-26-2003, 06:58 PM
I sent this in some time ago and got notice before the con that I hadn't made the cut. At the con though I found out that I managed to get past the first couple of levels, so that made me happier.
The reason being that these were the first finished works I've managed. Most of the time I rework and rework an idea to death. So I felt really good about these.
For those that don't know, they ask for three to four plots and one 5-page script. I gave them three plots and a script. I tried to make one feed into another, but I think it didn't work like I had hoped and probably didn't help me much.
I figured there was no reason to hide them, so here they are...
Part 1...
EARTHLING DAWN
FINAL DRAFT
BY: BEN CHRISTENSEN
As she stares at the blue-green planet, Dawn realizes how alien it loo to her human eyes. Before this moment, she was the only person alive who had never seen the Earth. What most people take for granted day in and day out, Dawn now saw as awe inspiring. She stands on the arrival deck of Orbital Station Gamma, a massive window allowing her the view of the new world below. Behind her, the other people that traveled with her from Mars stroll down the walkway. Of the dozen or so present, most are scientists returning from a short trip to the Red Planet. Dawn lived there for twenty-two years, her entire life. In the strange surroundings of the orbital station, she begins to miss it. She isn’t scared though, growing up amongst colonist has given her a curious mind and the idea of living on a new planet fascinates her.
Extremely shy and reserved, Dawn picks up a small piece of luggage and slowly follows the others down the walkway to the customs checkpoint. As she approaches, she watches the passengers blink from sight for a moment, only to return just as quickly and continue towards the lift at the end of the hall as if nothing had happened.
Dawn walks to the checkpoint and carefully steps onto the scanner. It activates, instantly engulfing her in darkness. Suddenly the void fills with holographic images of Dawn and her luggage. As she watches in awe, it scans her body and the articles of clothing in her bag, displaying them unfolded in a rotating picture. The system pauses as it reaches the necklace Dawn has around her neck. An image of the trans-gold jewelry is shown, intensive scans begin on the red martian soil inside. When the system seems convinced there are no pathogens or bacteria, it shuts down to the dark void. A blink of time later, Dawn is back on the walkway. She starts to recover from the experience by trying to dispel her confusion.
She continues, spotting a video-screen ahead of her that shows what it calls the “Present Condition” of Los Angeles, high tech recreation zones lining the coast as hundreds of people enjoy the sun. The ocean is full of surfers and extreme sportsmen jumping from waves o large hovering spherical pockets of water. Dawn’s heart starts to beat faster as she watches the images. She closes her eyes and tries to relax, these are places and activities that she is going to have to deal with. Just not too quickly, she hopes to herself. Trying hard not to look at the screen again, Dawn walks inside the nearby lift.
As the doors close and the trip to the main level begins, two men behind her start to discuss the struggle of the government to control the gene-freaks. People suffering incorrectly encoded splicing treatments and mutations. Dawn listens and imagines hideous creatures, animal hybrids, and beings no longer able to have a “human” classification. She knows those are only stereotypes. Having never seen a “gene-freak” she can’t really picture anything different. Dawn wonders how a society accepting of such prejudice would react to her should they realize she considers herself an alien to their culture. She unintentionally proves her status as she is the only one on the lift looking out the small window positioned towards the breathtaking scene of Earth.
The lift soon comes to a stop and the doors open. Dawn is taken aback by the over eighty people waiting to get on the lift. So many people. Her heart races unusually and uncontrollably, forcing her against the lift’s wall as the other occupants pass by her and exit. She doesn’t understand what’s happening, her body has never reacted in such a fearful manor before. An elderly woman waiting to get on the lift quietly asks Dawn if she’s alright. Dawn nods, crouching due to the truly uncomfortable feeling as she staggers out of the lift.
Around the corner, Dawn walks into a large multi-level opening holding the majority of the station’s public sector. She hears nothing but the white noise of a thousand citizens. So many people. Inching her way to the nearby railing, Dawn can see a number of levels below her. People migrate to and fro within the subdivided complex. Dawn’s heart races faster, there are too many people, she can’t take it. Living with only twenty-six colonists couldn’t prepare her for this, there must be thousands of people in front of her. Her vision starts to give way, the complex melts and distorts, the number of people seem to increase insanely.
Dawn screams out, attracting the attention from the level below. A young man looks up, wishing in a whisper that Dawn doesn’t fall. The inane chatter of the people begins to focus on her, getting louder and louder as if constantly trying to talk over itself.
The noise and the imagery overtake Dawn, she falls forward as she faints, pushing her body over the limited rail and into a free-fall.
“Crap” the young man exclaims as Dawn drops, her subconscious mind trying to wake herself up. Suddenly the young man jumps high into the air, ricocheting off a wall he flies towards Dawn and manages to catch her. Falling one more level down from where he started, Dawn’s savior lands his inhuman jump perfectly. The crowd around him gasps, most look shocked, while others just turn and run. They know what he is and they’ve been conditioned to fear for their lives when confronted by things like him.
“Thank you...” Dawn mumbles softly, looking around at the crowd. The mass of people causes her to faint again. The young man tries to wake her, but to no avail.
He jumps again, this time through the opening between the walkways, falling in a almost controlled manner further and further down the complex. Eventually, on a darkened level, he lands while still holding Dawn closely. He begins to tell her unheard that she is safe. The darkness has protected his kind for so long, he hopes that when Dawn wakes, she’ll find it as comforting as they do.
-THE END-
-Ben;onei;
The reason being that these were the first finished works I've managed. Most of the time I rework and rework an idea to death. So I felt really good about these.
For those that don't know, they ask for three to four plots and one 5-page script. I gave them three plots and a script. I tried to make one feed into another, but I think it didn't work like I had hoped and probably didn't help me much.
I figured there was no reason to hide them, so here they are...
Part 1...
EARTHLING DAWN
FINAL DRAFT
BY: BEN CHRISTENSEN
As she stares at the blue-green planet, Dawn realizes how alien it loo to her human eyes. Before this moment, she was the only person alive who had never seen the Earth. What most people take for granted day in and day out, Dawn now saw as awe inspiring. She stands on the arrival deck of Orbital Station Gamma, a massive window allowing her the view of the new world below. Behind her, the other people that traveled with her from Mars stroll down the walkway. Of the dozen or so present, most are scientists returning from a short trip to the Red Planet. Dawn lived there for twenty-two years, her entire life. In the strange surroundings of the orbital station, she begins to miss it. She isn’t scared though, growing up amongst colonist has given her a curious mind and the idea of living on a new planet fascinates her.
Extremely shy and reserved, Dawn picks up a small piece of luggage and slowly follows the others down the walkway to the customs checkpoint. As she approaches, she watches the passengers blink from sight for a moment, only to return just as quickly and continue towards the lift at the end of the hall as if nothing had happened.
Dawn walks to the checkpoint and carefully steps onto the scanner. It activates, instantly engulfing her in darkness. Suddenly the void fills with holographic images of Dawn and her luggage. As she watches in awe, it scans her body and the articles of clothing in her bag, displaying them unfolded in a rotating picture. The system pauses as it reaches the necklace Dawn has around her neck. An image of the trans-gold jewelry is shown, intensive scans begin on the red martian soil inside. When the system seems convinced there are no pathogens or bacteria, it shuts down to the dark void. A blink of time later, Dawn is back on the walkway. She starts to recover from the experience by trying to dispel her confusion.
She continues, spotting a video-screen ahead of her that shows what it calls the “Present Condition” of Los Angeles, high tech recreation zones lining the coast as hundreds of people enjoy the sun. The ocean is full of surfers and extreme sportsmen jumping from waves o large hovering spherical pockets of water. Dawn’s heart starts to beat faster as she watches the images. She closes her eyes and tries to relax, these are places and activities that she is going to have to deal with. Just not too quickly, she hopes to herself. Trying hard not to look at the screen again, Dawn walks inside the nearby lift.
As the doors close and the trip to the main level begins, two men behind her start to discuss the struggle of the government to control the gene-freaks. People suffering incorrectly encoded splicing treatments and mutations. Dawn listens and imagines hideous creatures, animal hybrids, and beings no longer able to have a “human” classification. She knows those are only stereotypes. Having never seen a “gene-freak” she can’t really picture anything different. Dawn wonders how a society accepting of such prejudice would react to her should they realize she considers herself an alien to their culture. She unintentionally proves her status as she is the only one on the lift looking out the small window positioned towards the breathtaking scene of Earth.
The lift soon comes to a stop and the doors open. Dawn is taken aback by the over eighty people waiting to get on the lift. So many people. Her heart races unusually and uncontrollably, forcing her against the lift’s wall as the other occupants pass by her and exit. She doesn’t understand what’s happening, her body has never reacted in such a fearful manor before. An elderly woman waiting to get on the lift quietly asks Dawn if she’s alright. Dawn nods, crouching due to the truly uncomfortable feeling as she staggers out of the lift.
Around the corner, Dawn walks into a large multi-level opening holding the majority of the station’s public sector. She hears nothing but the white noise of a thousand citizens. So many people. Inching her way to the nearby railing, Dawn can see a number of levels below her. People migrate to and fro within the subdivided complex. Dawn’s heart races faster, there are too many people, she can’t take it. Living with only twenty-six colonists couldn’t prepare her for this, there must be thousands of people in front of her. Her vision starts to give way, the complex melts and distorts, the number of people seem to increase insanely.
Dawn screams out, attracting the attention from the level below. A young man looks up, wishing in a whisper that Dawn doesn’t fall. The inane chatter of the people begins to focus on her, getting louder and louder as if constantly trying to talk over itself.
The noise and the imagery overtake Dawn, she falls forward as she faints, pushing her body over the limited rail and into a free-fall.
“Crap” the young man exclaims as Dawn drops, her subconscious mind trying to wake herself up. Suddenly the young man jumps high into the air, ricocheting off a wall he flies towards Dawn and manages to catch her. Falling one more level down from where he started, Dawn’s savior lands his inhuman jump perfectly. The crowd around him gasps, most look shocked, while others just turn and run. They know what he is and they’ve been conditioned to fear for their lives when confronted by things like him.
“Thank you...” Dawn mumbles softly, looking around at the crowd. The mass of people causes her to faint again. The young man tries to wake her, but to no avail.
He jumps again, this time through the opening between the walkways, falling in a almost controlled manner further and further down the complex. Eventually, on a darkened level, he lands while still holding Dawn closely. He begins to tell her unheard that she is safe. The darkness has protected his kind for so long, he hopes that when Dawn wakes, she’ll find it as comforting as they do.
-THE END-
-Ben;onei;