2 or so poems....

[banshee]

As I lie here


As I lie here
tears streaming down my face
remembering that moment I looked into your eyes
and saw the love in your eyes
I felt fear and panic rise in me.

Do I feel some semblance of what you so obviously do?
I don’t want to live a lie
if that is what I am doing
Sometimes you make me feel that little bit extra special
Sometimes I think that I can fall in love with you
if I haven’t already
But the seeds of doubts are always there.

Why do I put myself through this?
Why do I question everyone’s motives,
shying away from a man who cares
for fear of pain and rejection.

I want to be in control, to be strong
dominant yet supple
but does that mean that I could alienate the man who loves me?

I must realise that not every man is out for something
substituting words of love for reasons of lust.

As I lie here
feeling that fear, tears spring to my eyes
When am I going to stop feeling this fear?

Am I doing this for pure pleasure, lust and BattleTech?
Or am I just afraid of being alone
just to be content in some form of semi-security?

As I lie here
tears do not bring the answers
Emotional turmoil, wariness
bitter experiences swirl around
in my head and heart
longing to be shown the answer
Who knows what will come to me
as I lie here…..

Angelia Ong

[banshee]

How do I love you?

Borrowing a line from Shakespeare
I scribble this ode to you
How do I love you.

It’s the way you soothe and comfort my worries and fears
It’s how my heart gives a little thrill when you smile that loving smile at me.
I love your kind and generous heart
I love the way you seem to delight in my idiosyncrasies and quirks
I love you for the your forbearance and understanding of my faults and foibles.

It’s in the way you are courteous and polite and helpful, even in your grouchy days.
It’s in the way you delight in bringing a smile to my face
When I am in one of my “down” days.

I love the way you breathe life on to a page
Your happy absorption as you draw
I love your quiet faith in my abilities even though I may doubt.

I love the steady calm exterior you portray
Your diplomacy and tact are virtues indeed.

I love the way you smile when I surprise you with poem, card or a small gift.
I love the secret thrill you seem to get when I encourage you to try more adventure

It’s in the way you treasure your friendships, that merry Band of Four.
It’s in the way you uphold that strong sense of family so important to us.

It’s in the way you laugh at my silliness, even if I disbelieve your claims of “but you look so cute”.
It’s in your concern for my well being when you rush to my aid or sense that I need help.

There are so many ways that I could describe how I love you
But we have not the time nor paper nor phrases to suit all.
To paraphrase that sonnet from our Wedding,
“Happy am I who loves and is loved”
That is so apt for us, my loving husband.

Angelia Ong

[banshee]

In the pleasant breeze

As I sit here in the pleasant breeze,
Pondering what the future holds for me,
Full of thoughts and hopes
Surrounded by confusion
Swirling mists of despondency
Searching for guidance,
Where can I find the answer?


Do I follow my heart and dreams
into the land of poets and writers,
the land I crave to explore
but fear my own inadequacies.

Do I follow the path that leads to
material gains and fulfillment of filial duties,
no matter what misgivings I may feel?

So many conflicts within a tortured soul,
Stepping out into an uncertain world,
Where do I go?
Do I face my responsibilities with
the fortitude and determination of my forebears
Or do I brave the obstacles ahead
in pursuit of my hopes and dreams?

Too many choices
Too many reasons to consider
as I sit here in the pleasant breeze,
Searching for the answer,
the inspiration to carry on with a smile,
Where can it be?

Somewhere out there,
beyond the pleasant breeze.......


Angelia Ong

[Vendetta]

Niiiiice

In the first poem

remembering that moment I looked into your eyes
and saw the love in your eyes
Might I be so bold as to suggest that you phrase that second line so that the last three words are not the same as the line before (almost, into vs in your eyes) To me that shoulds awkward.


shying away from a man who cares
for fear of pain and rejection.
that line hits too close to home... uh... except for the "man" part :D

this poem reminds me of one I wrote...

THE PLEA

Rather than a part of the harmony,
Please may I be that melodious note
That sings out the beauty of a song.
Or, if nothing else,
May I at least be a doorway
Through which other men could pass.
Oh, how my heart does yearn
For the things I may never be,
My dreams not met.
Am I blind?
Does a hallway lie before me
And I just don’t see it?
Am I just a dreamer
Lost in his own fantasy?
Lost in reality?
Or both, but truly I am lost.

I feel like I’m sliding down an incline
Reaching out for help,
Nobody watches or cares.
Time pushes past me
As I withdraw into myself.
At times I think death
Would be better than this,
But hope, I think, keeps me alive.
My soul’s desire, it’s passion
For completeness keeps me from my freedom.
My soul wants to escape from my body.
It swells up and pulses on my shell.
What is my cure?
To gain my soul
Must I open up my heart
And let it go?
Where would it go?
And what would I be left with?
Nothing!

No, I can’t accept that.
For logic tells me that
One minus One equals zero.
But my soul tells me that
One minus One equals two zeros,
Or rather, two circles,
Connected, together,… forever.
Yet I cling to what I think I have,
Leading myself to wonder
If it is all worth the pain?
It makes no sense.

Now is when I am at my weakest.
I cry out on my knees
And the tears pour down my body
To the ground.
I am laying in the mud of my own making
With ashes covering all my body.
For days I cry, helpless,
Until I am worn and exhausted,
Drained of all that I have.
And, Like a fetus with my hands covering my eyes,
I finally sleep.
And when I awake
The sun rises before me.

[banshee]

ok, I just removed the 2nd "in your eyes" bit. It's no trouble, ven :) I just havent been back to read them for yonks!

wow, NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICe poem...

later days
lia etc