fantastic four...again

[tomek]

i had some free time so i was able to rework and continue my ff submission script again. comments are welcome!
http://www.droidtropolis.com/demo.jpg
larger page versions are here:
page 1 (http://www.droidtropolis.com/page1new.jpg)
page 2 (http://www.droidtropolis.com/page2new.jpg)
page 3 (http://www.droidtropolis.com/page3new.jpg)

[Ed]

im not a big fan of the skottie young gangsta street style but i will say that i think it great that you keep refining and improving this peice!

[Reilly]

Looks good man. Very dynamic. You might want to think about getting some more close-ups. Most of your shots are medium-far. Forinstance, I think the last panel on page three with the Thing would ba a good spot to zoom in.

--Reilly

[Johnny Blaque]

Your thing is weird looking.

That came out wrong, I mean in the last panel it seems like he has Mr.Fantastic powers of something with his long arms,

[tomek]

Originally posted by Loadasano
...im not a big fan of the skottie young gangsta street style...
thre's more manga in my style than graffitti. "gangsta street style"?... i prefer emo-core style. i'm totaly rock influenced, hip hop's absolutely not my taste...

thomas

[tomek]

Originally posted by Johnny Blaque
Your thing is weird looking.
i don't remember to post a picture of my thing in this forum, or do you read "playgirl"? ;) ;)

[EddieChingLives]

Your figure work is inconsistant. Try drawing character sheets.

Your storytelling is pretty clear until page 3. Ok, Torch flies over the car, distracts them. But panel 3, I can't tell what the car is doing. Did it hit a curb? Is Thing there? Did it stall? The next panel, the thing jumps, but you don't really show the height of his jump, you captured him barely jumping. Then the final panel, I don't know what the Thing is doing? He's just in a cilche pose.

Work on your clear storytelling and consistancy. Also, your shots are a little to bizy. Just looking at the pages, it gives me a headache. Some simple less detailed panels in between the detailed panels can make all the difference in the world. You gotta give the readers a chance to rest in between all the detail.

[tomek]

Originally posted by EddieChingLives
Your figure work is inconsistant. Try drawing character sheets.

Your storytelling is pretty clear until page 3. Ok, Torch flies over the car, distracts them. But panel 3, I can't tell what the car is doing. Did it hit a curb? Is Thing there? Did it stall? The next panel, the thing jumps, but you don't really show the height of his jump, you captured him barely jumping. Then the final panel, I don't know what the Thing is doing? He's just in a cilche pose.

Work on your clear storytelling and consistancy. Also, your shots are a little to bizy. Just looking at the pages, it gives me a headache. Some simple less detailed panels in between the detailed panels can make all the difference in the world. You gotta give the readers a chance to rest in between all the detail.
thanks for your comments!
maybe my storytelling is not clear enough, maybe my figures are not consistant enough, but too much backgrounds? backgrounds are one of the main things editors are looking for! i'm a bit confused... actually i thing too much details are better than too less, or what do you think?

thomas

[EddieChingLives]

Sorry for not being clearer. I think that just looking at the three pages, it's too bizy. They eye has to absorb so much detail and try to figure out whats going on. Throwing some close-ups without bizy backgrounds can be helpful so the eye can rest between. Mainly the example Im talking about is page one.

Panel 2-3, there's too much detail to absorb between the panels. Perhaps tightening up the shot would help with the transition.

And this is just my humble opinion. Personal preference if you will. My advice is like a buffet table. Take what looks good, and leave the rest.

[Reilly]

Tomek, you're right, too much background is better than not enough, and I think you did an excelent job of including as much background as you could, but I think that your biggest problem, composition-wise anyway, is that most of your shots are the same distance away from the focal point of the drawing-- all your figures are the same size.
This makes it hard to look at your pages, especially with so much action going on, because everything sort of blurs together.
Next time you draw some pages try to throw in some big panels with some nice close-ups. I think the variation in size would give you the breathing space that Eddie was talking about, and you wouldn't have to get rid of your backgrounds.

--Reilly

[Alex Williams]

I like your cartoonish style it brings an edge to the comic

good work

[Summerhavok]

Hey man, I tried e-mailing you before about working on a future project for OnyxCross. I really enjoy your magna influenced style, and while I have to agree with a few of the other comments here about choosing some close ups and perhaps working some more on character anatomy, I can reall see how dedicated you are your work. If you can, shoot me an e-mail over at Summerhavok@aol.com. Thanks for your time.

-Jeremy