08-17-2003, 08:04 AM
Finally got around to posting some sequentials. I did this about a year ago ( never got around to finishing these up) and just decided to do some more story telling. I want to get some more tips and see what I need to work on first though. So go ahead and rip me to peices.
You cant see it but Spider-man is supposed to be in a panel in that last shot. So is the grenade.
Sorry that they're not finished.
08-17-2003, 01:50 PM
I can't offer many crits but I can say one thing...Spidey is wwwwaaaay too big. He's about as big as Wolvie and Deadpool!
But these were done as you say a year ago so I guess thats alright since you've most likely gotten better since then. :)
08-17-2003, 10:31 PM
Let's split the crits into catagories, shall we?
Figurework- Not bad. But not consistant. Try drawing character sheets. Draw wolvie and spidey from the front and side, simotaniously. That way, you'll keep things consistant. Also, you need to work on your full figure work. The shots of the mid and closeups are good, but the far away shots, your figures are lanky and mis-praportioned. Also, where's Deadpools detail? You can't hardly tell the difference between him and spidy. In fact, I couldn't tell it whas him if you hadn't mentioned it in the title of this thread.
Backgrounds- Not effective enough. Think of the setting like watching a play. You have to build a set to convince the audience they are somewhere else. Your skyline is nice and everything. But there's nothing in the foreground.
I know it's page 5 and everything, but why not show page 1? Are you a George Lucas nut or something?
Plot- Um... unless your word balloons can save you, I can't tell what on earth is going on here. Work on your plotting. 3 pages with wolvie and spidy? Why not give the fans what they want. Let's see some action.
Page five, they're just standing around for no apparant reason. Spidy and Wolvie I guess just like hanging out in the open public all dressed up with nothing to do.
Page six, Wolvie has a great idea. A grenade appears out of nowhere and explodes as spidey leaps awkwardly out of the way, and wolvie takes a dump.
Page seven, Wolvie punches Deadpool as Spidy looks at a building.
You need to work on your plot and:
1)Nice two shot of spidy (left) and wolvie (right).
4) Close up of spidy. Not bad except for the blank panel, and maybe starting a page with a two shot.
5) Birds eye shot, NO DETAIL IN THE BACKGROUND. Come on!!! Put in sidewalk, a streetlight, a brick wall...something. And this is what I was talking about with the full shot figure work.
6)You cut back to that same two shot again. Work on your PANEL VARIETY. You have practically the same two shot 3 times in one page. Without dialogue, there isn't really much happening on this page.
Page 6-WHERE ARE THE PANEL BORDERS???
1)Another two shot of spidy on left, wolvie on right.
2)What's this??? You zoom out, and wolvie is now on the left, spidy is on the right. Avoid the JUMP CUTS.
3)Spidy is back on the left, and wolvie is back on the right. That two shot again.
4)Maybe there's more than 4 panels in this page, but I can't tell. This is the most confusing part of your pages. From what I can tell, Deadpool? throws a grenade, wolvie just stands there grunting and spidy either jumps or is blown away. It kind of looks like Deadpool was just standing there all along, wolvie and spidy were just too dumb to look over. We can't make classic superheroes look like simpletons!!! What is Deadpool standing on? There is absolutely no depth and no backgrounds to this shot either. It's also a jump cut, becuase once again, wolvie is now on the left, spidy is on the right.
Page 7-NO PANEL BORDERS!!! Pt 2.
With a few exceptions, every shot in this page is a MID SHOT. How about some shot variety. PLESE!!! The readers eyes cant stand to look at the same type of shot in a row.
1)2 shot of wolvie going after deadpool. The action is going towards the left, but most action in comics goes from left to right, the help the eye flow from one panel to the next. Any action from right to left should be for an end panel or a single panel in a row.
2)Wolvie's face is inconsistant in a rediculous pose.
3)Wolvie swings, misses.
4)He connects, but luckily for Deadpool, Logan decided to retract his claws. So deadpool gets clocked, but all of a sudden...
5)Deadpool somehow gets some weopans out of thin air and is ready for action. Where did these weopans come from?
6)Meanwhile, spidy is recovering from getting blown up. Spidy is looking towards the left...
7)But he notices a ladder to his right. Another JUMP CUT!!!
Ok. Let's summarize this mess of a post. Work on the jump cuts, establish the figures in the backgrounds, panel variety, making your action flow from left to right unless it's the far right panel or a row. Work on drawing a character sheet so you can keep your characters consistant. And work on your plotting.
I hope this helps and is not too tongue in cheek. If it is, my sincerest applogies. Good luck, and keep em comming with your gloves up.
08-18-2003, 12:44 PM
Very solid crit and I thank you for the help. Hmm well, okay there are no backgrounds on these pages because they were never finished and i didnt show page one because i wanted to just show most of the action in this story.
Spider-man and Deadpool were supposed to look similiar as well not too similiar but similiar. The name of this story was identity crisis ( in the next few pages a robot with its targeting system on the frits mistakes Spider-man for Deadpool.)
Also they are supposed to be on a roof that is why Spider-man is lookin up from the ground after being blasted by that grenade. I should have showed the previous page that would have cleared things up alot. Some of the panel lines didnt show up when i got them copied( page six ) sorry about that. Spider-man isnt leaping out of the way and Wolvie isnt taking a dump :rolleyes: Deadpool wants to get rid fo Spidey so that him and wolvie can have some "alone" time.
Sorry that alot of the details are vague I should have put more into this before I posted so that you guys could really tell what was going on. But you gave a really good crit considering the circumstances here Eddie and I do understand that I have many areas to work on . Thanks for the help.
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