6 Page TMNT Story

[Ian Miller]

These pages are from a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles story that was done by none other than myself and EddieChingLives. It was our first story we did together, so it's a few months old. Eddie's now doing letters and colors on it, so I'll post those up later. I'm gonna link the pages to here because they're pretty big. Enjoy!

Story and Layouts: EddieChingLives
Pencils and Inks: Me

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/imartups/TMNT_Page_1.jpg

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/imartups/TMNT_Page_2.jpg

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/imartups/TMNT_Page_3.jpg

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/imartups/TMNT_Page_4.jpg

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/imartups/TMNT_Page_5.jpg

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/imartups/TMNT_Page_6.jpg

As always, C&C is appreciated!

[EddieChingLives]

Here's the lettered versions:
http://aftershock.250free.com/TMNT_Page_1.gif
http://aftershock.250free.com/TMNT_Page_2.gif
http://aftershock.250free.com/TMNT_Page_3.gif
http://aftershock.250free.com/TMNT_Page_4.gif
http://aftershock.250free.com/TMNT_Page_5.gif
http://aftershock.250free.com/TMNT_Page_6.gif

I'm no Tomiko Saito, but I needed to sluff something out since I rarely get days off. Practice makes perfect. And I need alot more practice. It's frustrating trying to line up the elipse, so sometimes I just got frustrated and free-handed it. And it shows.

Is it me, or do you think the lack of replies is due to the fact that we put this up when that other kickass ninja turtle page is up.

[Darkchild]

The pacing is okay but moves a little too fast in some areas. My major problem with this is te turtles faces. They're too square. Round them out a bit.

[protagon]

Eddie, it looks like you only draw characters from the front or the side. Work on dramatic camera angles and drawing people and things from all sorts of points of view and you will be able to create a lot more drama.

[EddieChingLives]

Hey, hey, hay. I just wrote and lettered the thing. UniverseX259 (aka Ian) pencilled and inked it.

And if no one ripps this thing to shreds soon, I'll do the honors.

[EddieChingLives]

Ok, Ian. Ahem...I mean UniverseX259. I, uh, swere I don't know you.

Anyways, since the real grillers are bizy, I'll do you a favor and rip this thing to shreds. I'll try to have a neutral look at it, since I wrote the thing. I hope this is ethical. I don't want you to change anything, just points to learn from. Anyways, here goes nothing:

Page 1:
The transition between the first panel and second is a bit confusing. Im not sure if they are in the sewer or in the building. But alas, I did do the layouts, so maybe that's my fault. Uh oh. I mean, the transitions from panel 1 to 2 is perfectly fine. But seriously, watch for my mistakes like that. *blushes.
I'm not sure the chains as a panel border is really working either. Keep it simple. Editors don't like all that flashy stuff right off the bat. Also, for the longest time I thought that there were only three panels on this page. I couldn't tell that the panel with a door is separate from the turtles watching tv. When you go from the turtles watching tv, to the door that is on their left, perhaps you should have drew the door at a bit of an angle, maybe even have the turtles head or tv in the right of the panel even. And if the door is on the left, their right, the last panel, I think they should be looking more towards the door instead of towards the reader.
Page 2:
This page might have worked better as a splash, and just either have the turtles in the foreground, or cut to a close up of the turtles. My bad though, because once again, I did the layouts. Too bad I didn't think of that sooner.
Page 3:
Nothing jumps out at me at the moment.
Page 4:
Neither does this page. Moving on...
Page 5:
The first panel would work better if you didn't crop the left and right sides and didn't overlap the second panel. Keep the flashy stuff to a minimum.
Page 6:
Panel one would work better if it was a wide establishment shot.

That is all. I hope this helps, and I hope it's ethical. Anyways, I'll find the layouts and post them so people can see who is to blame for my nitpicks.

By the way, you got these done really quick, so I have to hand it to you for that. Good work, and it's allways a pleasure to work with you. Can't wait to see you're new stuff.

[Ian Miller]

Thanks for the crits, Eddie. Even though you worked on the comic with me, it's good that you can go back and rip the thing apart. It shows that your abilities as a storyteller have increased since doing the layouts. Looking back on it, I realize that a lot of the things you mentioned were true, such as having too many flashy panel arrangements or bad establishing shots which could be misleading. I should add that I recently found out that it's really okay to get a page done a day, since a whole comic is completed over several months, not just in one month and released a month later. I've done some pages for fun in the past few weeks, and I've taken my time and done a page a day just to see how it looks, and while frustrating, they're looking clearer and easier to understand. By the way, it stinks that I haven't talked to you recently. I hope to hear from you soon (That sounds kinda strange, considering we're working on stuff right now...).