Exile Seq.

[Darkchild]

Here's another one. This is a work in progress so let me know what you think so far. These sequentials are for the Exiles hunting Blade and it's 6 pgs. I plan on adding more backgrounds later. Also I'm looking for suggestions on foreshortening (pg4 panel 1). Thanks in advance.

http://www.artofficialstudios.com/ex01.html

[EddieChingLives]

The perspective on page 3 needs work.

I like how you draw your figures, but it could use some polishing in the consistancy dept.

By page 4, you've got bad cropping. Also, the panel to panel transition is confusing. You cut from her showing him the necklace, to a brifcase?, to him holding his steamy hand, and a watch and then back to the guy? You've got to many single shots. A nice two shot in between might help the reader know where everyone is.

And speaking of that watch panel, I don't know why you'd leave the space to the left or the right.

You might want to work on your story. This may be personal preference, but I prefer a faster paced story. It took 3 pages to get to the resteraunt, I'm on page 5 now, and still am having a hard time following the plot. Try to use suspense in your story, make the readers want to know what will happen next, and hook them.

Page 5, you have an estabishing shot. Nice. But then you cut to a guy that isn't in the establishing shot, then cut to a girl, talking to another guy that wasn't in the first shot. But then you cut to a clock, so that's good, because that was in the previous panel. But then you cut to a door. Is that suppose to be her leaving? Did they both leave?

Also, a note about doors. Try sketching them sometime. You will notice that most doors have frames. Draw them.

Page 6. I like the transition between the last two panels, but the first isn't working. You go from a mid side shot, to a front shot. That creates a jump cut. And the door in panel two is gone.

So let's summarize what I can tell from your work. Nice figure work. Your backgrounds need polishing. Sketch everywhere you go. Sketch especially doors, windows, and stairs. Most rooms have these. Work on your transitions from panel to panel. Avoid jump cuts, and use more wide shots to establish the space between the characters.

[MightyMatt]

page 1 and 2....you could probably do without page one, but that is my opinion.
page 3 is probably the nicest out of all of them, this is my favorite for placement/transition.
Page 4 looks hurried and the panel layout is odd. re-think it, maybe you'll come out with a better way to organize it.
Page 5 and 6 I have to agree with Eddie.

okay there are my thoughts....(sorry so short, I gave the drawn out thoughts to caanan)

matt

[Darkchild]

Thanks for the comments. I personally don't like page 4. The foreshortening totally ruined it for me. I'm going to redo it. Do any of you guys have any advice on foreshortening. (page 4, the girl with the cross)

[EddieChingLives]

I like to draw the hand, then the body, and connect the hand to the body.

Also, sketching a bunch of circles also helps me.

Those are the only tips I use.

[MightyMatt]

hmmm...for foreshortening I tend to use my digital camera and have someone pose for me. That seems to be the best technique.

matt