"Fist of WU" Comic Short--real SHOrT

[caanan02]

Hey. It's been a while, at least to me, since I've posted. Well I entering the arena of SEQUENTALS!! This one is Anime Style. Hey Mighty Matt, hope ya see this---stepin out man. Anyway fokes, let me know what you think.;cap;

Be Blessed
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http://images.deviantart.com/i/7/b/0/the_fist_of_WU.jpg

[caanan02]

This is somthing I did to break into the arena of sequental art. I guess you van say it's me first. Anyway, enjoy.

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here's the pic:
[edited out by moderator Cuddly (it's the same pic as above)]

[Ra Havok]

- Too many close-ups. I can hardly discern who hits who where and how... You need to establish the scene, and- more importantly- the characters.

+ Neatly drawn. Shadows stand out.

- The composition Doesn't work. (this is reinforced by the close-ups.)
This was the chronology in which I looked at the panels:
Panel 1
Panel 2
Panel 4 (when he hits his attacker)
Panel 3
Panel 5

If you'd move panel 3 to the right of panel 2 I wouldn't have been confused.

- Still, heed musculature. When in doubt, check muscle schemes. Or photos. Most notable anatomical flaw is in panel 4: the lower arm of the guy that gets punched. Very wonked. I know you went for foreshortening, but it really doesn't look good.



Good first try, Caanan!

[caanan02]

back to the drawing board, huh? I'm gonna try to do more of theses and try to post them every week, every 3 days, somthin. I got to master these. Thanks Ra Havok.

be blessed
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[Spidey]

Some of the panels are a lil hard to read, visdualy. Like 2 and 4. you can still tell whats going on but its not super clear. You just cropped off some of the panels a bit too much. Also the way the 3rd naration box ties into the 4th makes it confusing. I t make make readers think that the 2nd inset panel (half face close up) is panel 3. Or maybe the 2nd inset is the 3rd panel... see? Im confused. Great art though.

[Cuddly]

caanan02 - I really really like the art. The storytelling needs work. I have no idea what's happening in Panels 2 and 3. They're really nicely drawn, but I'm not sure what they are supposed to depict.

You might also want to reconsider the angle in the last panel. A close-up more akin to Panel 3 may suit the dialog better.

All in all, a great start. I also think your idea of doing these sequentials more regularly is a good one. I for one look forward to seeing them!

[Oniwaban]

The art is great, gimme more!:D

[Uzumaki Naruto]

The second and third panel boxes doesn't flow that right to me. The art is there ofcourse canaan and I like you in the anime roots, it fits you.

Great stuff!

[Virginie!]

anime looks nice and professional and nice jap

[Cuddly]

caanan02 - as you had two threads in S&SA with exactly the same sequential page posted, I've merged the two threads into this one.

[Bruce Lee]

Not too shabby, but panels two and three are confusing. You really need to pan back and show us exactly what's taking place. The close-ups make it extremely hard to figure out what's transpiring in those--I think he's blocking attacks, but it's not easy to tell for sure. It's important to tell a clear story above all else, so you might want to consider reworking those panels.

Why the different colored pencils, might I ask?

Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com

[Virginie!]

;onei; bruce might be so it is easier for us to view the panels Im most especially loving that action feel has been very captured where the other man is flying on the ground and Im loving the muscles and the hands I keep on saying that people in this forums draw lovably perfect hands they look more better than the real life hands :D

[Virginie!]

LOL! :cool: WHO'S YOUR MOMMY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MightyMatt]

I think Ra hit it on the nose (heh, and I am not trying to make a joke about it, since hitting in the nose is in your page) and really I don't need to give a lot.
I guess what I can say is personal opinions, since they are helpful at times. I am not a big fan of jagged borders....it disrupts the eye and breaks the pacing of the story.
The being all close-ups doesn't give you any place to focus on as to who is there, and where we are. This helps a page hold on its own. Now if this was accompanying a story and was the last page then it'd be fine. Except for the panel layout. As you can tell it doesn't exactly read in the correct order. I'm going to have to say for you to take a look at some of Carlos Pacheco's work (really beautiful stuff) and look how he lays out a page to aid the viewer's eye to run through it smoothly and cleanly. I am not sure that the last panel worked either, it looks like it might've been thrown in at the last moment.
My tip: rework this into let's say a three or four page story, and have what is going on prior as page 1 through about 2 or 3. Rework what you have for a smoother transition and possibly make the big hit a larger panel...think almost splash page, since this is the BIG hit. Make it an impact to the viewer, this will be done with an almost splash page. The last panel should probably be done worm's eye view so this gives the illusion of the winning fighter as being 'powerful' since it would appear that he is massive on the panel. (I hope that makes sense).

Hopefully my 10 cents helped you out.

matt

[caanan02]

And especially thanks Matt. Man your input is always welcome. I am gonna work this over, and I like the idea you gave,
My tip: rework this into let's say a three or four page story, and have what is going on prior as page 1 through about 2 or 3. Rework what you have for a smoother transition and possibly make the big hit a larger panel...think almost splash page, since this is the BIG hit. Make it an impact to the viewer, this will be done with an almost splash page. The last panel should probably be done worm's eye view so this gives the illusion of the winning fighter as being 'powerful' since it would appear that he is massive on the panel. (I hope that makes sense).. Just have to see if I have the time.

Again thanks all.

Be blessed
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[MightyMatt]

glad I could help...but don't come to me always like I am a publisher or something...just an artist full of ideas...that is all.

matt