Dream of a Wedding

[m0-nertia]

Here is a couple of pages I drew of a dream I had. There is still a lot of work I need to do on these, it is by no means finished so help me out with things I need to fix. Also please tell me what your reactions are to the content in general. Shocked? Unafected? Disgusted? Apathetic?

page 1
Here the lettering is too small in the second panel and I want to add a background to that panel as well. I also want to change the lettering in the title, any ideas for a font?
http://members.cruzio.com/~monertia/Wedding-1.gif

page 2
I like this page for the most part except I want to add the congregation to the two panels in the bottom right.
http://members.cruzio.com/~monertia/Wedding-2.gif

page 3
This one I need to add borders of some kind to the panels and a background of something gross looking behind the panels.
http://members.cruzio.com/~monertia/Wedding-3.gif

[m0-nertia]

*linked by co-mod EddieChingLives due to graphic content and to save loading time. Warning, may be pretty gross, kids. Sorry for any inconvenience.

(more pages)

page 4
Here I want the puke to look like it's arcing more and fix the bride's hands and neck in the bottom panels.
http://members.cruzio.com/~monertia/Wedding-4.gif

page 5
This is the least finished of all the pages. I want to add backgrounds to the three panels of the bride falling and take the center panel and make it the background for the whole page.
http://members.cruzio.com/~monertia/Wedding-5.gif

[Siftland]

hehe....pretty damn funny. The humor's there, the art needs some polishing.

If I had to suggest something for you to work on with the art, I'd say you need to start incorporating bolder lines. Your strokes are very thin and indecisive. You need broad powerful strokes. They show confidence and make the work look more complete.

I think you could push the cartooniness. The full figures pretty much look like Mike Judge characters that think they are more realistic than they are (if that makes sense). Just with this sort of subject it strikes me that the style should be simpler, more iconic. But that could just be me.

My advice: start using a large brush and ink. Get and use lots more reference.

[Caimano]

Jeez is so creepy...it's funny you used the "word" dream instead of nightmare;dvl;

However I really enjoyed the transformation board

Pay attention to the last page, the way you compose the panels...the first 3 (where the bride die), my eyes after read the first one skip the others because jump automatically to the panel in the right...you know what I mean?:confused:

[Cuddly]

Hi m0-nertia,

funny in a weird, sick and disturbing kind of way... :D

Actually, I think the storytelling in all the pages is pretty good. As you've pointed out yourself, Page 5 still needs some work.

The symbolism and imagery you've used on Page 2 is a brilliant touch. The off-kilter, weirdly ominous angle in Panel 1 goes well with the quirky look of the characters. You're right about adding backgrounds to the last 2 panels.

I'm actually partial to leaving Page 3 as it is. You've done a good job on this page. If you plan on leaving this page in black and white, I reckon you can live without the panel borders.

Page 4 is just ....gross. But I reckon that's what you were going for, so good job. :)

Page 5 still needs work. Caimano's got a point about a reader maybe misreading the order of the panels here. For the last panel, may I suggest a bird's eye shot, pulled out a bit with the dead bride central in the shot and people standing in shock around her? The angle you have now is a complete reversal of the two preceding panels and is a bit jarring.

Nice work. Is all your stuff so ....disturbing? In any case, I look forward to seeing more.

[m0-nertia]

Originally posted by Caimano
Pay attention to the last page, the way you compose the panels...the first 3 (where the bride die), my eyes after read the first one skip the others because jump automatically to the panel in the right...you know what I mean?:confused:

Yeah, I totaly see and agree with what you're saying. In this last part of my dream it got kind of confusing so I wanted to try and make the layout of the page confusing as well. Maybe that's a bad idea and would be seen more as an error in composition than any kind of form of expression. I'll have to think about this one a bit.

And yes Cuddly, a lot of my stuff is disturbing. That seem to be the theme I've gone with lately. Although, I've been thinking I should try something more upbeat?

Thanks for the crits, they will definately have an effect on how I finish this!

[Virginie!]

strong stomach acids did kill her or what ?

[m0-nertia]

Well she is supposed to be choking. I thought that having her hands around her throat and chunks in her mouth would be enough to communicate that. Is this clear enough? Is there something else I can do to make it more clear?

[Virginie!]

:p I was just teasing you why would you dream something like this dont like the idea of getting married ?:rolleyes:

[ishmiel]

that poor poor guy^_^

[m0-nertia]

Originally posted by Virginie!
:p I was just teasing you why would you dream something like this dont like the idea of getting married ?:rolleyes:

I have no idea why I had this dream, it was more confusing to me than frightening. If it clarifies anything, I am the best man and my good friend of 20 years is the groom; the bride is nobody I have ever met before and there are various people in the audience including relatives, an ex-girlfriend, friends I haven't seen in years and lots of people I dont know. Any insight into this dream anybody?