View Full Version : werewolf Anthology!
08-05-2003, 04:24 PM
hello, i posted the last page to this story in the drawing board but i wanted to put the full five pages up to get some feedback and heare what Loston had to say.
this is afive page project for the anthology myths and monsters that should come out the begining of september.
so here goes its my first time posting sequentials ...i think
*order was edited by moderator EddieChingLives
thanks c&c welcomed and appreciated
08-06-2003, 04:13 AM
Very good work...In the first page according to me you should add more black spots. In page 3, panel 1, the car is a bit weird, I know what you're going to show, but I don't know...at the first sight it's a bit weird... add some lines in the last panel because it's not cleare the car is moving towards the tree.
Really good work the storytelling and the art is good:)
08-06-2003, 07:17 AM
really good stuff you got here, everything is pretty solid work..
i like the scene in the car and the carcrash.. nice clear lines
keep it up, you got the power :)
08-06-2003, 10:11 AM
Wow. Very good storytelling. Oh, and I forgot to mention...WOW!
08-06-2003, 12:21 PM
your first sequentials? You sure? This is some pretty solid work, man. Impressive stuff!
Crits-wise, here's what I've got:
Caimano's right. You might want to spot more blacks on this page. I'm digging the style, though. A couple of nitpicks:
Panel 2 - try and ground the figures and the office furniture with shadows of some sort. It's looking okay now, but I'm thinking the perspective on the cubicle's off a little. The guy leaning on the cubicle is either too tall or has his feet starting too low down in this shot, yet he looks smaller than the guy who's sitting at the computer.
Panel 3 - Is that a cubicle partition or a wall behind the guy who's sitting down? If it's a partition, it's a little high up. If it's a wall, the pillar and ceiling panels look a bit weird.
Panel 6 - Is that a sigil or tattoo of some kind on the guy's palm? If so, does it have any significance to your story? If it does, you might want to make it clearer in this picture. On the other hand, it could be my eyes playing tricks on me, in which case ignore me. :D
Panel 7: Gold! I love this shot!
Another really solid page. Nitpicks:
Panel 3 - Good body language (I'm reading an awkward "Um, sorry, I need this lift to myself" vibe). You may need to add shading to the inside of the elevator to make it more obvious he's in one. It may not be immediately apparent. Also, here again you may want to spot blacks a little to separate foreground from middle like you've got in the last three panels.
Panel 1 - good job spotting blacks here. The car's angle is a bit too extreme given the angle of the road. If you modified the angle of tha car and perhaps made it leave the road surface (i.e. catch it in mid-air), you'd be able to improve this shot.
Panel 2: You may want to add a roof line for the roof of the car. A nitpick, really.
Panel 4: I'm reading that the driver has some seizure and starts to lose control of the car? If this is right, you might want to make the reaction more extreme. Play up the attack and have him clutch his head or chest maybe.
Panel 5: Storytelling-wise, this is the weakest panel in all 5 pages, I think. It's not at all clear what's happening here. Looking at the first panel of the next page, I can see that the car's gone off the road and is about to collide into the tree. But looking at this panel by itself, this isn't apparent. You could add speed lines or dust/grass flying as he goes off-road. Also, the pose of the driver is a bit ambiguous.
No major crits here. That last panel rocks! The use of the spot blacks really helps emphasize what's happening and focuses the reader's eye nicely. Good job!
Very nice! The werewolf's head looks like Penciljack's avatar! :)
Panel 1 - My only gripe is with the way the werewolf's right ear (our left) overlaps the black leaves that are otherwise framing the shot very nicely. It's not immediately apparent whether the framing leaves are in the foreground or background. Hope I'm making sense here.
Panel 2 - My favourite panel in all five pages! This and the last panel from Page 1.
On the whole, I'd say you have very strong storytelling skills and clear sequentials. Very good work! Looking forward to seeing more stuff from you soon.
08-06-2003, 09:42 PM
Very nice work! The art is very clear, and the flow of the pages is excellent. In my opinion, I don't think there needs to be any word baloons here, since it's so easy to tell what's going on. The only problem I have is that in page 1, there aren't enough shadows, but you made up for it in the later pages, especially page 5. Keep up the awesome work!
08-10-2003, 03:58 AM
You've waited a while for my critique--sorry about that. I've been plenty busy lately, but it looks like you've been given some excellent advice already.:) For what it's worth, here's my 2 ¢:
Panel One: A decent establishing shot. The perspective is good here, but without some spotted black shadows, it looks a little flat. Black will add plenty of depth to a panel like this one, and you want as much dimension as you can achieve.
Panel Two: A couple things bug me about this particular panel. First of all, it's got a similar perspective to the first panel, which is a little distracting. Secondly, the perspective here is not nearly as sound as the perspective in the first panel. Objects aren't fitting into the perspective correctly. For instance, the guy at the computer desk on the far left looks HUGE compared to the guy he's talking to (leaning against his cubical wall). If he stands up, he's going to tower over everyone in the room! The rooms look too be too small, and the people are, in general, too large. Things are seriously out of whack here, I'm afraid.
Panel Three: This panel's better, but there's still some problems here. the guy sitting has some freaky, LARGE hands, but this panel is otherwise okay.
Panel Four: This panel is a dramatic camera change that I'm not sure works all that well, because it breaks up the flow of the page. If this guy were facing to the right, it'd be a smoother panel transition.
Panel Five: This works. Shouldn't we be able to see some letters and numbers on that keyboard, since we're zoomed in this close? I think we probably should.
Panel Six: This panel doesn't work as well as it should. The fingers are stiffly posed, and seem a little unnatural. We also need to be able to make out the symbol on the palm of his hand a little more clarity.
Panel Seven: I like this panel a lot, but I think you could raise his eyebrows even more to play up the shock.
To be continued.....
08-11-2003, 05:36 AM
Panel One: I think his expression here is a little ambiguous. Yeah, he's only looking around, but I think considering what's happening to him, he should probably appear a little more nervous or panic stricken.
Panel Two: Great panel! Be careful though--the guy in the middleground looks to be rather tall for his environment.
Panel Three: Who's that on the left? Is that an elevator attendant? Some guy getting on the elevator? Is the guy on the right just his own reflection in an elevator mirror? If so, they don't look quite the same, but they look similar enough to confuse me.
Panel Four and Five: I would reverse the camera angles in both shots. In panel four, I would have gone with a close-up of the guy making for the exit in the foreground with the secretary in the background, and in panel five, I would have followed that with the secretary in the foreground as she watches the guy leaving the building. That seems a more natural transition to me.
Panel Six: This panel's okay.
Panel One: I know what you're trying to do here, but it isn't quite working. To get the effect you really want to create here--the effect of immense speed--you need to show the entire car leaving the ground. Here, it just looks like the car is popping a wheelie, which is sort of odd...
Panel Two: Is he actually driving here?!? We should see a steering wheel and his other hand in this scene. As is, he looks too casual--which contradicts the previous panel, where the vehicle is travelling at a fast rate of speed. :eek:
Panel Three: Having the car going behind the tree like that adds depth, but it also slows the scene down. Right now in the story, portraying this guy's haste is more important than depth to the story.
Panel Four: I think this shot would be much more effective if we were able to see his face and expression better. We probably need to see him from the front.
Panel Five: You've lost all sense of speed here by cropping the car with the panel borders, thus "grounding" the shot. When you want to imply speed, don't have the speedy object touching the borders or allow it to be cropped, because that can sometimes kill the movement.
Panel One: The cropping works here, because the car has --well--STOPPED!;) The diagonal composition of the car helps sell the impact pretty well. Two words for you: more glass.
Panel Two: This panel's a little too abrupt. One second, CRASH, then the guy is out of his vehicle... What would would enhance the storytelling a lot more would be to show the car behind the guy (not in silhouette) with the door open. That would make the transition less jarring.
Panel Three: Dunno why we're seeing a close up of this guy's head here. If you wanted to focus in on the eyes here, then pull in on the eyes, and forget the overhead angle--it adds nothing in my opinion.
Panel Four: Not bad.
Panel Five: NICE PANEL!
Panel One: I would like to see more of the Werewolf's entire body in this shot. This isn't bad, but I'd have preferred to see more of him.
Panel Two: ok.
Well, there you go, rqatkins. I hope I've been of some help. Most of the panels were sharp, and a few were a little lacking. Watch your perspective, because it's giving you some trouble. If you haven't already, check out David Chelsea's book, PERSPECTIVE FOR COMIC BOOK ARTIST. It's awesome and quite useful.
Keep up the excellent work. You're a sequential artist in the making for sure.
08-12-2003, 08:59 PM
i like it
the backgrounds are awesome
100% good stuff
08-13-2003, 12:06 AM
this is all really nice and all the big guns here covered anything and everything so I shouldn't have anything to say, right>?
Well I just gotta say I love the sequentials here, and there are only minor little problems, otherwise these are really strong and you can only get better.
Good luck to you in the future, although you will not need it because storytelling-wise these are probably some of the strongest pages I have seen here (other than caimano (msp?)).
08-13-2003, 08:32 PM
really nice imho
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