Car Crash Sequentials

[ComicsInk]

okay this is mah frist time doing ne sequentials so i know i suck..but can ya give me some crits so i can be better..i would appreciate it alot :D

My Run In With A Cammaro (http://www.deviantart.com/view/2591660)

;thor;

[Agent Fire]

Good start for a first time... The first thing is camera angles, you need to vary you angles. And panel two I would have made that shot from outside of the car.

[Cuddly]

Hi ComicsInk,

Not too bad considering these are your first sequentials. My crits:

Panel 1 - so this guy's stitting in the driver's seat of a vehicle. Is it a car? Is it moving? It's not that clear at the moment. You need to strive for clarity in your panels. Spell everything out for the reader and take nothing for granted.

Panel 2 - who is this guy? The lack of a background makes it difficult for the reader to figure out what you're trying to say in this panel. This could just as easily be a photo of someone that the driver from Panel 1 is looking at. Again, clarity.

Panel 3 - Okay, again, it's not immediately clear what we're looking at here. If that's the guy from Panel 2 about to get hit by the car, then we need to KNOW it's him in the shot. The little silhouette isn't enough. Show the driver's hand on the steering wheel to emphasize that we're on the inside of the car looking out at someone about to be hit.

Panel 4 - A good reaction shot. Again, you need to find a way of showing that the car is in motion.

Panel 5 - What did the car hit? Or did the car not hit anything and has just exploded by itself? Spell it out in the art.

Panel 6 - So the car hit this big guy? How does the big guy relate to the guy in Panel 2? or is this the driver we're looking at (seeing as how he's bald and all)? You need a background too.

One other thing your page desperately needs right now is an establishing shot early on in the page. A good establishing shot would be able to tell us time of day, the type of vehicle, whether the vehicle is in motion, how fast it's going, where it is (dirt road, city, etc.) and so on.

A good first attempt. Now try improving it and let's see a second attempt!

[ComicsInk]

omg, that is the most help i could get thank u soooo much man. oh dude u do not know how much this is appreciated :D.