Kimo's Challengers of the Unknown PJ project #4 page 9

[K.E. Woolfork]

I was wanting a little feedback on the initial thumbnail for this page. I haven't done pages since 95 when I was too stupid to realise all the things I was doing wrong. Now, I KNOW all the things I am likely to jack up (for the most part) and it keeps me from drawing pages. What a catch 22 huh?

Here's Kimo's script for the page:


Page 9

1: Panel of Lantern's weapon shattering, exploding on
Zod.

2: Panel of Zod grabbing Lantern by the face.

3: Panel of Zod driving Lantern backwards into the
ground, like spiking a human football.

4: Panel of Zod standing, king of the hill, laughing.
The Challengers strewn around him.

Zod
HAHAHAHA

5: Panel of Lantern and Deathstroke transporting out.

Zod
Eh?

. . . and the link to my thumbnail for that page is
right here. (http://images.deviantart.com/large/indyart/indymisc/Challengers_thumb_draft_1.jpg)

The only change to the script I'm considering is panel four. The area they're fighting is would be pretty large to show all the heroes broken and battered. I wanted the character to be fully in that panel since he's cropped in all the other ones. Also, I intend to try to make it seem like Sinestro is beginning to teleport as a lead in to the next panel when he realises the Challengers are disappearing. Good idea or bad?

Any feedback you can muster will be appreciated. Ray? McSweeney? Caimano? Loston? Kimo even? More wishful thinking?

[Kimo]

Xadrian is the editorial mastermind around PJ Projects, so I basically cut the script and tried to stay out of the way.

Since you tapped me about it, here are my opinions. Repeat that-- opinions.

In your thumbnail, three out of five panels clip off the character's at waist level or higher. That's three very similar panels in one page. Check out the other two-- and you'll notice all of the panels on this page operate on a similar zoom focus. it gives the page a sameness. You might consider varying the shots

Perhaps the first panel as more of a distance shot establishing the character's spatical relationship to one another. Sinestro in the air, Zod on the ground. It would also magnify the power of Sinestro's attack on Zod, letting the reader see some of his ring's power, ineffective as it is. It would also give more tension to the next panel where Zod, unaffected, grabs Sinestro. The "he made it throught that?" effect.

The second panel you might want to consider moving the perspective a bit-- you see more of Sinestro's face, his reaction to being taken by the throat. Essentially you're rotating the panel so the reader can absorb that reaction. The reader's Zod, and we have Sinestro by the throat.

The majority of the fault with this panel is mine-- I should've built this panel better. You need to at least see Sinestro's eyes here-- "the oh S**T!" reaction shot.

The third panel is the money shot of the page, again I think you'd benefit from pulling back some-- showing the impact of the shot, giving it more context with the background.

Think of in terms of filming explosions-- you don't zoom in close, you pull back to show the whole building go up-- debris flying-- obligatory people leaping out of its way.

The fourth panel's works I think, as long as the focus is clear on Zod, his delight in being a bastard.

In the fifth panel, the attention needs to be equally split between the teleporting and Zod. Again, less of a close-up might pull that off better.

Also, even within a panel there's a flow to action that builds pacing, so, Zod and the teleporters should probably switch positions, because that follows a more linear line of action -- they disappear, he say's huh? Tiny yea, but you're trying to capitalize on how the eye reads the page.

One last thing, I think that figures breaking into other panels, and you seem to have two here, breaks the flow of the page--
I've heard the debate before, many disagree. I don't think the effect adds to the page-- and actually distracts from focus of the overlapped panels.


Damn, I think I ragged you out on every panel. Well, like I said it's only my opinion.

If it makes you feel better-- I loved your sketch and concept for the Nubia WonderWoman-- you took the classic "War of the Gods" armor and blended it with a nice twist.

kimo

[K.E. Woolfork]

Thanks big K.

Good points all. Only, I don't plan to overlap any panels or break any borders. I don't dig those nor odd panel shapes.

[Finnegan]

i IM'd my thoughts to ya. good stuff bro. i'm interested in how this'll turn out


=BoB

[K.E. Woolfork]

I got a bit of advice from another friend and with that and my own instincts this is looking like it will be okay.

Now I remember why I stopped drawing seqs in the first place. I'm might enter more jams, but right now a page is more than enough to worry about.

We'll see . . .