My first Seq Post!...

[ac_osorio]

Well here are some pages I worked last week, hope you like...
Page1
http://www.angelscross.com/penciljack/Page_1.jpg
Page 2
http://www.angelscross.com/penciljack/Page_2.jpg
Page 3
http://www.angelscross.com/penciljack/Page_3.jpg

Well guys tell me what you think...

[caanan02]

I like your style.

Umm...The perspective on the pannel reaching for the remote loos a little funny,
and the Iron man fully dressed lokks quarky in that his head looka a little long, his lower half dosn't fit with the size of his upperbody. one a positive not, the camera angle a steller!!!! Very well done over-all.

hollaaaa!;cap;

[chynco]

very nice pages,

storytelling is clear for the most part, composition is working for most of the pages.

things that bothered me:

i didnt think the man sitting in the chair and the main taking the drink was the same guy, becuase the first panel, he doesnt seem to have a mustach. i don't like how the table overlaps the 5th panel, it looks akward. and i agree that the perspective is a little off on the mentioned panel.

the second page, third panel isn't clear at all, the angle is a little too extreme, you lose information as to whats going. lower the angle a little bit.

those are the only thigns that really really get me, other than that ROCK ON!

whats this for? submission to marvel or something? or just practice?

[ac_osorio]

Thanks for the comments & Suggestions!

caanan02 - I'm really glad you dig my style!!

chynco - at first I was going to use them as submission material, but a friend convinced me that I could do better, you see the pages where drawn in about 5 to 6 hours (more or less).
He just give me a speech on how I should put more heart into it so now I'm concentrating on a page per day to really render some good stuff.

Let's see how it goes. Maybe I can do better with more time.

Once again thanks.

Peace!!

[Bruce Lee]

ac,

Welcome to the board!

Let me say that your pages are interesting, and the storytelling is fairly clear for the most part. However there's some problems in the panels that I'd like to comment on. Here's my crits:

PAGE ONE

Panel One: I always like the set-up of a big panel on the left, with the remaining panels inset within, but you can't have it both ways. The panels are either inset within the large, first panel, or they aren't. It's weird that the right most table overlaps panel five in such a way. Remember, Tony Stark is all that's really important here, despite this being an establishing shot. A little goes a long way. You'd be better served moving the whole composition over to the left a little more and just cropping both tables a little. As it is, it's distracting, and disruptive.

The weird shadows above the seated figure are odd also. At first glance, you'd think Tony is sitting inside the Batcave or something, as the shadows almost look like stalactites.:eek: Unless this scene IS set in a cave, then those are some very unnatural looking shadows.

Panel Two: Two things worth mentioning here. 1) It's strange that you show the drink lifted above his mouth level instead of just below, which would seem more natural. 2) You really don't need the basket-weave styled hatching on the side of his face, as it really doesn't help to give his face any sort of extra dimension, really, nor does it seem to work as shadowing.

I do like that you zoomed in close here though. That's effective storytelling on your part. :)

Panel Three: The idea of this panel is good, but the execution could be better. For instance, the fingers look a little ambiguous, so break out some reference material and make them look more realistic. Another thing that's a little off is the shape of the glass, which looks too flat. More ellipse shape is needed at the top and bottom of the glass to give it more of a round shape. Also his palm should probably be visible through the empty glass in order to sell to the reader that the glass is empty.

Panel Four: The facial proportions are off. His ear anatomy looks a little off, and the ear should be further back on the side of his head. Too much linework under his eyes can make him look old, so be careful.

Panel Five: You didn't quite pull off this trick shot. Judging from panel one, the lamp is much closer to Tony than you've indicated here. I think you were going for a dramatic break-thru shot, but it just isn't working, I'm afraid. The foreshortening isn't dramatic enough, and the table just looks 10 feet away. The overlap from panel one doesn't help this panel either, as it obscures the lamp shape enough to add to the confusion. Some reworking of things might well be in order here.

Panel Six: Not much to say here, but I think we should be seeing some of the right table in this shot.

PAGE TWO

Panel One: Fairly symmetrical, but okay.

Panel Two: Not sure why we see a close-up here, but this is okay.

Panel Three: I don't think this is an effective angle to show the doors open. From this POV, the action isn't clear enough. The idea of using an overhead shot isn't necessarily a bad notion, but this shot's too extreme to be effective. A much better idea might be to have the camera POV set from behind the opening doors, so we see Tony looking towards the openning doors (and the "camera"), reacting to whatever's inside. That way you still build up the drama of the next panel, have an interesting shot to entertain the reader, and get the message across with clarity, which is the most important thing.

Panel Four: Not bad, but I'd like to see more of the suit, and/or Tony's head in the shot to solidify the storytelling a little more.


PAGE THREE

Panel One: Good set-up, but the shot of the armor is perhaps a little too ambiguous. I think we're seeing the armor on the right from behind the arm, but I'm not positive of this. I should know without a shadow of a doubt though. It's important to keep things absolutely clear from panel to panel. Don't underestimate the reader's ability to get confused.

Panel Two-Four: I dig the way these panels are layed out, but the anatomy overall needs some work. Find some reference and work on improving in this area. I recommend figure drawing and finding some good anatomy books. The human figure is always a challenge, so as artists, we got'ta stay on top of things by studying anatomy.

Panel Five & Six: In the fifth panel you really don't need so much space to show Tony putting on the helmet. A small panel would have been a better choice, and then you would have had more room to show the last panel of Tony in the armor, which is your real "pay off" shot or anchor panel. Be careful not to crop figures at the knees like this. It's always good to avoid cropping figures at joints like wrists, ankles, knees, elbows, shoulders, and the the neck.

With some minor adjustment, and anatomic correction, these pages could be really nice. I can see that you have a decent head for storytelling too. I hope you'll consider what I've had to say, and that my comments prove helpful and constructive. I look forward to seeing more of your work posted on the board!

Take care,

Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com

[brendon]

I'm rather new at sequential art, so I can't see nearly as much to say as bruce lee, but I'll bet he's right about all that, because he also said the stuff that I wanted to say...

first off, I think the whole thing looks great! you have an enviable ability to draw comics... but I think you could use some c&c from the pros...

here are some things that stood out to a non-pro (me):

The table overlapping the panel on page one, very cool technique, but it distorted everything for me. I've heard it said from a pro that you shouldn't worry about the overall composition of a page (as tempting as it is) because it ruins the story.

You seemed to be struggling with Iron Man, in uniform, a bit. The drawings of Iron man seem to be just a little off in proportion at some times, and perhaps a little uneven at others. For example, the close up of Iron Mans head, if you were to finish drawing his jaw line as if nothing was in the way, you might find that it is uneven...and he looks a little awkward in the final drawing...

Anyway, I think the whole three pages look awesome, in fact. I think you draw really well, have a good eye for detail, and your style is articulate. But since you said you were thinking of submitting this, I had to give a little extra c&c then I normally would. You'll recieve a rejection letter from Marvel that says all of the things we say here. I sent a submission to Marvel before, knowing I had slim chances to begin with, and got a two page rejection letter which stated everyone of my flaws in detail...perspective's off, anatomy is wrong, shading is odd, etc...they care about everything...After reading their letter I thought it would be years before I even stood a chance, and to be honest with you as I look back on it, they were right!!!

good luck!!!

[ac_osorio]

Thanks people for the comments and suggetions. I guess I'm going back to the drawing, but you know, it is all good. Everything discussed here makes a lot of sense and I'm defently going to put it on practice.
Please don't be mad a me for inking this one, is just that some of the guys wanted to see how it could have looked.
So here it is page 1
http://www.angelscross.com/penciljack/inks_3.jpg
Man, I thought it was cool...

[brendon]

dude, I think think your going to be really good, just keep up the good work. How many pages have you drawn? they say that you have to draw a couple hundred pages before you start to flow...

[ac_osorio]

Thanks brendon!
The truth is that I lost count, you wouln't imagine how many submissions and free work I've done for writters and such. But, I say, out of the bat, that's more than 100.
The thing is you keep learning no matter how far you go, which is cool couse it makes your work a lot solid than it was.

be cool, be the best...
drawing rules!!!