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Elsevilla
06-24-2003, 02:59 PM
I learned a lot in the last pages ive been doing, i started to see comics and study them, im not a compulsive comic eater, but i like to collect them, so it was a long time i didnt seen a comic, so what do you think, for those who watched when i was begining this story what do you think? Any comment are welcome.
http://www.deviantart.com/view/2216738

http://www.deviantart.com/view/2240761

http://www.deviantart.com/view/2242810

Wishmaster
06-24-2003, 03:19 PM
wow.. these are great! clear storytelling, awesome art as allways!
Love the last 2 pages, awesome attention to detail in all three of them, second page is sweet! love how the panels flow over in each other.. got no crits, as far as i can see these are perfect!

Bruce Lee
06-24-2003, 03:48 PM
Elsevilla,

The artwork is great, and your style is interesting to behold. I must confess to really enjoying your drawing style. However, from a storytelling standpoint, there's a few things I feel I should comment on.

Page One: You cut the scene to a different locale just after panel one. I must admit that the transition confused me at first, and I found it odd that you cut after just one panel, but I'm assuming that this page is in the middle of the story someplace.

Page Two: Your panel layout is a little confusing here. The problem is that some people might not be able to figure out the order of the third and fourth panels. Most would be okay, but whenever you place long vertical panels on the right side of the page, you're almost certainly asking for layout confusion. I suggest trying to avoid long panels on the right when preceeded by small, shorter panels on the left. The art here is great, otherwise.:)

Page Three: This page is the best of the three and has only one flaw to it. The reader should see that the guy is holding the bottle in his hand in panel four in order to reinforce the storytelling. Sure, you've indicated the bottle in the guy's hand in panel two, but that's not quite enough of a reminder, since there's a panel between that shot. I suggest that you might want to reconstruct this panel and add in the bottle he's about to throw. Again, some reader's might get a little confused, and the redrawing will only enhance the storytelling. Reinforcing your storytelling is important as it helps to keep things clear to the audience, and that should always be your goal.

Good looking stuff, man!

Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com

Reilly
06-30-2003, 08:32 PM
Great pages man! I had some critiques, but looks like Bruce Lee beat me too them! So pretty much whatever he said, I second it!
One other thing though, on page three, then dude man throws the bottle at the statue, you may want to bits of the shattered bottle comeing from the statues face, rather than just the bottles contents (when I first sow the panel I thought the statue was hit by a tomato for some reason, and I was like "where'd that tomato come from?").

Anyway, great stuff man! Nice use of lights and darks, nice use of thick and thin lines, nice, dynamic composition, excelent character designs. . . You got it all figured out don't you?
Good job!

--Reilly