Jahannam Preview

[Wishmaster]

I proudly present you.. This new inked preview of Jahannam!
Amerkokh allowed me to post this, so here it is! Page 14 of Jahannam issue #1:

Pencils: Amer Kokh
Inks: Vincent Bisschop (Wishmaster)

http://members.lycos.nl/vincentbisschop/jahannam-preview-page.jpg

Tell us what you think!

[penciljack]

Not much to comment on storytelling-wise. Near as I can tell, nothing's happening on this page. I'd guess by the gore and the severed limb in the fourth panel that something might just have happened, but I can't see any indication of the action. It's a nice enough drawing, but I don't think I'd consider this a storytelling page. Seems to me to be more of a multi-paneled pinup.

[Wishmaster]

Thnx for the reply! your right, before this page there's a huge fight, this page introduces a new Char, Jankeez, so there's not much of storytelling going on indeed.. and as you said it's more like a pinup :) that's what makes this different from the other pages.

[Wishmaster]

:(

[amerkokh]

yeah as my brotha vince said..this page is just to show the first time showed character..jankeez in this scene has finished cutting zombies into many shreds...what is beautifull in here is the inks...it is sooo proooo..thnx vince for jahannam is proud to have u in it

[penciljack]

That's fine and all, but like I said, there's no indication of any sort of coherent action on this page at all. I've even wavered on whether or not this page belongs here in the Storytelling & Sequential art since Wishmaster basically declared it's really just a fancy pinup.

I'd highly recommend giving us (us readers, that is) a clearer idea of what's going on here. The use of the extreme closeups doesn't really sell the story and doesn't move it along.

I'd think you can improve the page with a few simple changes. The first being putting a background in the last panel. This guy looks cool and all, but all I can tell is he lives in a void that rains various and sundry body parts.

The second would be to actually show this guy slicing up a zombie or two. If you're concerned about not revealing his features yet, then do a silhouette, or just show his arm, etc. In either case, it'd be nice to be able to see who/what these viscera belong to.