WhoIsTheFox?

[riq]

Hey peoples,

I've been working on a project with a friend.. We put together a mini-comic( a very mini comic-I drew it, he wrote it), And I'm posting to get acidly honest feedback. So please have at me!

I'm still working out the designs of the characters, so if you see any inconsistencies, that 's the reason. I'm posting the first couple of pages and a link to the next two( I didn't want to overload anyone with a slow connection)

http://www.th-id.com/whoisthefox/foxweb/page1.gif




http://www.th-id.com/whoisthefox/foxweb/page2.gif

3rd and 4th pages (http://www.th-id.com/whoisthefox/foxweb/page3.html)

[xadrian]

Wow dude, that was really cool. Easy to follow, great twist at the end. Good art.

I really liked that. I'd buy that book.

[chynco]

very very nice!

i like how the narration plays a key part in the twist at the end.

i don't think theres any big problems here. the storytelling is clear, it flows smoothly.

there were a few little bumps that tripped me, but nothing major. i was confused in both panels when "the fox" punches someone, it took me a minute to figure out who was who. it's just a smal bump in the pacing.

i also thought the grey toning was a bit "flat"... i'm not sure, it's just something about the grey that blends everything together, or maybe it's just the quality of the image file, i dunno.

but all in all, these are really really good pages, keenerific.

[Folgore]

Niiiiiiiiiiice! Very nicely written, very nicely drawn.

Oh wait, you wanted feedback. I honestly dont see any distracting flaws in your style or anatomy, and you tell a story very cleanly. All I would honestly say is maybe use a different font than Comic Sans. I think a work as professional as this should use a slightly less over-used font.

[riq]

Thanks for the responses and comments..

chynco: I understand what you said about the punches. I'll find a way to make it more plainly understandable..

Folgore: You're right about comic sans.. Are there any other general fonts you reccommend.. Or is there a font I could buy that you know of.. Other than that I know about the font company specifically for comics.. I'll find it and go have a browse there.

The zip tones come out excellent when you print them out.. But they are a little muddy on screen. I'll probably go back and just tone them with shades for the web..

thanks a lot again..

if anyone else has any comment or good ideas I'd love to hear them.. Especially any comments about things you don't like..

later

riq.

[Cuddly]

Hi riq - haven't seen you on the boards in a while. This is some really nice work! It struck me as looking different from your usual style (or maybe I just haven't seen your inked work before).

As for the fonts, I'd highly recommend you check out http://www.blambot.com for some seriously cool FREE fonts.

[riq]

Well, Cuddly.. this is my first inked work.. So it's new to me too.

riq.

[Cuddly]

Originally posted by riq
Well, Cuddly.. this is my first inked work.. So it's new to me too.

riq.
Hey cool! What did you use to do the inking? Brush? Dip pen? Markers?

[riq]

I used Microns and two brushes.. I was well equiped, and I was in a rush. So I used one of my oil painting brushes( which did really well in fact) and I used my watercolor brush.. I was desperate to get a finer brush, so I cut most of the bristles off and it did fine.. Obviously I'm not a very practiced inker.

riq.

[Bruce Lee]

riq,

Pretty decent looking stuff! The pages read well, for the most part, but the zips are flattening out your work, and are making for some inconsistancy.

In panel four on page one, we see the guys as they hear the roar of the motorcycle. Their figures are without zip, but on the first panel of the next page, they suddenly have zip.:confused: I know why you wanted to use zip in panel one of page two--to add depth and pop out the cyclist--but, the inconsistancy is odd. The zip use emplies that the guys infront of the cyle are in shadow, right? Okay, but they haven't moved since the previous panel, where you depicted them without the zip/shadow. It an obvious gimmick device of convenience. This probably sounds like nitpickin', but I do find it rather bothersome. Btw, there's really no reason at all why some of the glass around the cycle should be zipped is there? Unless these piecers are tented glass (which seems highly unlikely. Bizarre.

Speaking of the zip in that panel, you might want to consider adding in some highlights on the figures, because the zip covering all of the figures makes for a lot of flatness in a panel that should be all about depth.

Page two, panel two: There's the inconsistancy again. The bike is now in shadow, while the guy isn't. In the next panel, you reverse things again. I'm sorry, but I do find all the zip/shadow switching to be a little strange.

Too much gray tone can kill an otherwise interesting panel, and it's best to use grays sparringly. For my taste, you've overdone things here. Your artwork and storytelling is otherwise good, riq, but you really have to be careful with the tones. They can throw a real wrench into the storytelling. Be careful.

Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com

[Jel]

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with Loston here: while the art and storytelling in itself are good, your shading is waaaaay too confusing and flat.

I'm not going into a panel by panel description, but I remember we already had a little chat ;) about foreground, middleground and background...And unfortunately, these pages have pretty much the same flaw. You tried to avoid shading both the Foreground (FG) and BG (good!;)), but instead you overused the zips which pretty much amount to the same final result:( For instance, in the panel where the fox arrives with his motorcycle, while the drawing in itself is perfect, it is far too dark! the characters, building and sky all mesh together! Though it might be clearer on a bigger scale, I still feel that your different planes don't separate enough, which is really a shame considering the quality of the art... I would say the problems pretty much start on the second page.

Voilà, hope I didn't come accross as too harsh, to sum it up your art is still top-notch, but you shouldn't be so heavy-handed on the shadows, it takes away alot of the clarity of the reading.

Cheers, and I hope this helped!

[benlw]

Hey this is great stuff. Rather than commenting though I wanted to ask a question - how exactly did you apply the grey tones, is that done with a computer?

[Caimano]

Hi Riq this mini comic is looking really intersting. As always I really enjoy your way to use camera angles and black spot area. I never used zip so I don't have tips for you, but the Loston ones sound great;).
Really like your work

[Spidey]

I think the zips are a bit too grainy or dark. Loving it already, cant wait for more.

[riq]

Thanks for the comments!

It good to hear what people think about the zips.

I get your points Loston and Jel.. Thanks for the tips.

I'm not defending any shortcomings of my zip applications, but I have to admit some of my ideas about coloring and tones have more to do with controlling the eye rather than creating depth. It's just my idea about coloring, if it's not working I'll have to rethink that approach..

Thanks again for the comments.. They help a lot.( I'm reworking things as I speak)

riq.

[Bruce Lee]

On many levels you were successful, but in some ways the gray tones you've used makes your efforts seem a little crude, as they fail to enhance the artwork, and almost take away from it in places. You can achieve your objective without sacrificing depth and consistancy.

You are indeed controling the viewer's eye with the gray tones, and that is indeed a good thing. However, it is possible to do this while keeping some consistancy in regards to lighting, etc. Remember that comic art is a language in and of itself, and you want to speak that language as clearly as possible so that you are completely understood. I'm of the mind that simple almost always works best. Graytones can be very effective, just make sure that your patterns aren't too dark , and don't flatten out your work. It is important to control the reader's eye by creating areas of high contrast (or [I]statement areas[/]), but it's also important to keep consistancy and to maintain depth of field. It's a mixed juggling act for sure.

Image Comics printed two volumes of Alex Toth's ZORRO a few years back. I think these volumes contain the very best use of gray tones that I've ever seen, and might be something you'd want to check out. If you ever have a chance to pick these books up, they're well worth the money. Toth truly is a master of the medium.

Btw, your artwork and composition is looking good. I failed to give you enough praise for that in my first post, so I'm rectifying that here.

Take care,

Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com

[riq]

Hey Loston,

It"s great to hear someone mention Toth.. I have his collected storyboards and character designs.. I don"t look at it as often I should lately, but his work for me is the bible of what you can acheive as an commercial artist( especially for comics and animation)

I'm glad you told me of these Zorro reprints.. I'll be looking for them..

It great to talk about this stuff with you guys also; it helps me refine some of the concepts I'm working with.

later,

riq.